Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

January my cycle was 28 days, last 2 have been 27.

It does @LHMB. Honestly when I was squinting and holding the test at multiple angles this morning I felt like a loon.

Smoking won't be helping with your DP's sperm but that still doesn't mean there is a problem. If I were you I would try again next cycle then make a GP appointment after that if not successful

Hi all, thought i'd jump on or back on actually as I think i've been on this thread before!

Been ttc over a year for my first and i'm at the stage where i'm just annoyed and frustrated now. Every month i'm in tears, it doesn't get any easier :( I have tried EVERYTHING. I've even paid privately for all the tests as I didn't want to wait a year for NHS to start. Everything seems fine. OH will not 'force' anything right now and said it will happen when the time is right but did agree to look into fertility treatment next year so i've got another 6-7 more months of this.

Anyway, right now I'm on CD28. BFN's yesterday. AF is anything from 28-31 days so will be on in the next few days. Went back to the good old symptom spotting this month, put my stiff neck down to possible pregnancy symptom along with the one new spot on my face lol boobs have been sore too but going from the past 12 cycles it probably means AF will be here really soon.

TheChineseChicken one of my friends was exactly the same when she was trying for her DS, she said she'd state for ages willing a second line to appear.

Thank you

Hi liveinhope100 I completely understand how you feel. It really doesn't get any easier, every month that AF shows up it crushes you.

We're in the same boat at the moment, I'm on CD29 which is the longest I've had for a while. AF making her appearance any day now unfortunately.

*stare, not state

Early spotting again this month. FML

Hi @LHMB it's just so hard at times isn't it. I feel so emotional today... had a dream i was pregnant last night did another test this morning and negative. Just so upsetting :(

Hi liveinhope100 it really is. I have so many dreams that I'm pregnant or I've got a baby. I'm on CD30 now, this is the longest cycle I've had for a long time but I know AF is coming today
Sending I'm so sorry, I'm emotional too, very tearful, and having to hear everyone talking about the baby on the way in the family is just unbearable for me, which makes me feel totally selfish.

TheChineseChicken

@LHMB The dreams are the worst because it's just such a kick in the teeth when you wake up and realise none of it is real :( And I know exactly what your going through...having a longer cycles than normal really messes with your head because you always have that slight hope for a BFP but we know deep down AF is coming. I'm on CD29 so one day behind you and will probably be on in next few days.

And hearing people talking about their babies on the way must be so hard. Luckily I don't know anyone in that situation but I can't tell you how many pregnant women I see on my way to work these days.

Big hugs, atleast we can speak in this forum to other women that understand - it does help in a small way.

liveinhope100 it really is, you just wish the dream was real. It really does, every day that you don't get AF you hope a little bit more but I'm always setting myself up for crushing disappointment, I know AF will be here any day

There are 2 people I know who just had babies, and 2 in the family who have just announced their pregnancy, it's so hard. Yes me too, seem to see pregnant women and tiny babies everywhere I go. Even when I turn on the TV or go online.

Thank you, big hugs to you too, it does help speaking to others in the same situation

Hi everyone - Vit C and Zinc are supposed to improve sperm quality - since my CP my cycle is now 41 days so frustrating I have to wait 28 days til I ovulate then 2 weeks til AF!! If I'm not pregnant by June I won't ovulate at all that month!! Ovulation is due on Sunday/Monday I'm on cycle 5 for DC2 and I was on another TTC thread where pretty much everyone except me is now pregnant! They had all being trying a bit longer although one started at the same time but has had more cycles due to her normal cycle length I am really happy for them but feeling frustrated for myself too! I'm bored of waiting ages til my FW I hope it happens soon!!

Hi MummyBearBoo
Thank you.
Oh no that must be frustrating having such a long cycle and having to wait so long for FW. I totally understand the feeling pleased for people but frustrated for yourself, it's hard
I'm now on CD31, very unusual for my cycle to go this long, I can't remember the last time it did. I was sure AF was coming yesterday but now I think it'll be today as woken up early with cramps, feeling nauseous too. My boobs are definitely a lot more tender this month then usual and my IBS has been pretty much full on for the last 3 weeks, it's horrible, so bloated and gassy 😳
Last night had a cup of tea and immediately after felt very sick and hot.
Been getting those period leg cramps on and off for over a week now too. And so emotional. These are all PMS/period things though so I know I'm not pregnant. Actually wondering if it's early menopause as I never get to 31 days. Really hope it's not that

@LHMB Sounds like you have promising symptoms, have you done a test? I think it might be worth doing one!

I'm CD30 today, another BFN today just waiting for AF but no sign yet. Latest I usually come on is CD31 so probably will arrive tomorrow but am still holding out hope for a miracle x

Hi liveinhope100 my DP thinks I may be but I'm trying not to allow myself to hope. It is unusual for me to go this long though, my last 2 cycles were 27 days and the one before that was 28. I haven't got to 30 days since I was a teenager. I'm so convinced another baby will never happen for me which is why menopause is a worry. I've also been taking magnesium and evening primrose oil supplements to try and relieve PMT so am wondering if somehow they could have extended my cycle.
I would be absolutely over the moon if I am pregnant but I don't think I'm that lucky.
My last period was March 19th. For years I've always come on at least 3 days before the previous date each month.
Convinced AF will show up today.

So sorry you're still getting BFN fingers crossed AF stays away for both of us! x

@LHMB I won't ask how old you are but hopefully it's not the menopause! Also, I have read that evening primrose oil should only be taken from start of AF until ovulation as apparently it can cause uterine contractions which could affect implantation or something. I may be wrong but definitely read that a lot of people stop taking around ovulation worth checking up just incase :)

Good luck, keep us posted!

liveinhope100 oh I didn't know that at all, thank you for letting me know. I'm 38 so I'm really worried about menopause, it's really worrying me.
I really wish I was pregnant but I'm pretty certain I'm not.
Even if AF doesn't appear in the next few days, I'm going to be too afraid to do a test in case of a BFN which would confirm to me, in my mind anyway, that I'm going through an early menopause

Thank you, good luck to you too

@LHMB Try not to worry, it would be really early to have the menopause right?! I thought it usually starts anywhere from around 45-55 years old but I may be wrong.

If you are really worried maybe get a test done to you can check your egg reserve or maybe get some eggs frozen if you are really worried but I definitely think you got a good 10 years before you have to worried about that.

Same with me, can't stop obsessing over it today. Even with all the BFNs i've been getting i'm still holding out hope. Just want that BFP so so bad

liveinhope100 thank you. I think it's the epo that has lengthened my cycle this month and I'm not pregnant 😪
I'm going to stop taking it.
It is unusual to start menopause in your 30's but can happen, I've been told you usually get it around the same age as your mother, so I'm really hoping I'm not getting it for a fair few years yet, as my grandmother was 50, my aunt 57, and my mum 59 when they had theirs.

I've been thinking about making an appointment.

I know how you feel, me too, I'd give anything for a BFP

Hey ladies,
Sorry to hear things are still difficult for everyone here. I’ve been avoiding these forums for the most part as they seem to make my depression surrounding my infertility worse. But here I am anyways to torture myself. I must be a self-sadist, if that’s a thing.
Anyways. Nothing new on my end either, I ovulated early and AF is now due on the same date as our next infertility appointment. I feel like it’s just the universe throwing it in my face once more.

I feel everyone on seeing pregnant women everywhere and every sally, Jane, and Mary announcing their pregnancies.

Sigh.

Hang in there everyone.

Maple

Hi everyone. I really don't want to upset anyone who is still trying, but I got a BFP this morning. Still in shock. Feel like I'm dreaming. I'm thinking is it a faulty test and a false positive. As still getting some period type aches in legs as if I'm going to come on at any time.

@LHMB omg. What test was it? Can you do some more to confirm?? I really REALLY hope it is xx

Ells0204 it was clear blue.
I want to buy another just to check but DP says we can't be wasting money now

Image is not as clear but the blue cross is very clear and dark, it's showing lighter in pic

No questions about that @LHMB!! Definitely positive, congrats!

I've been quiet but still following the thread, how's everyone else doing today?

I really am normally totally laid back so didn't think I would be the one to over analyse the slightest stomach cramp or mood change 🤷🏻‍♀️

TTC#1

CD15 for me and the 3rd day of EWCM with blood.. not bright just dull and not very much either. My research tells me it could just be ovulation bleeding which is normal but it's really getting me down, we had DTD every day except yesterday as I felt so tired and not sure I love the idea of doing it where there is blood involved even if it is normal 🤷🏻‍♀️ ovulation due to happen in two days according to glow and a fairly faint but still visible line on a cheap OPK this morning so maybe not lost the opportunity just yet! Anyone got any advice for me?

Period isn't due until 5th May so quite sure it isn't that.

Sigh.. why do you see so many pregnant people when you are trying

Good luck to you all this Easter weekend whatever stage you are at!