Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Popping on for an anxious hand hold because my morning sickness has completely disappeared! As this is my first time I have no idea how these things go. It started on Saturday but got particularly bad on Monday. Yesterday it tapered off and today I’ve woken up feeling almost normal! To be honest I am surprised I’ve made it this far but for some reason I’m kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

We are putting off an early scan until next Friday (Good Friday, so we are both off work) I feel like if we go before then it’ll be too early to see anything anyway thus potentially adding more stress.

I hope I’m not upsetting anyone by posting on here still. I’ve reluctantly joined a thread on the pregnancy board but I’m pretty sure no one in there has had MCs or particularly struggled. There’s a LOT of “it happened first try so this is all really unexpected!” they all seem to be quite excitable. Plus I feel like I know you all better.

@TomorrowSleep it's so hard when you want to be happy for people but just feel disappointed for yourself (and then feel guilty)

@Ells0204 try not to panic. I didn't really have morning sickness as such with DD and certainly not that early. It's was a bit later that I basically felt like shot every time I ate because of indigestion. Not everyone has morning sickness xxx

TomorrowSleep I know what you mean, I just heard someone in my extended family (I don't see or speak to them), has just had their second baby. It just makes you think, why can't it happen for me.

Ells0204 sending

@Ells0204 hope everything's okay. I've never been pregnant so can't advise but I will say that everyone's different like @chinesechicken says so try not to panic

Feeling so low and tearful. I always get like that when AF is due so I'm out again. Have DTD loads on my fertile days. It's just not happening 😪

Sorry for being selfish by feeling sorry for myself, I know you're all going through stuff too

@LHMB don't feel bad about having a moan, that's what we're all here for. What day are you expecting AF?

TheChineseChicken thank you. Well I think it will be anytime between Sunday and next Friday but it's most likely to be Tuesday or Wednesday. My last one was March 19th. They always come earlier every month

I'm on CD 25

@LHMB sorry you're feeling down. Don't be sorry for having a moan.

I've got a family wedding today can't be arsed and can't be arsed to deal with the 'so when are you having kids' question ugh! Wish me luck. Have a good Saturday ladies x

Good luck orangeloo
It's okay LHMB we all feel the same so totally get it xxx

Also orangeloo maybe pretend to be deaf when asked when you're having children or answer randomly 'yes the weather is lovely today'

orangeloo thank you. Good luck and hope you're having a good weekend so far.

TomorrowSleep thank you

Hope the wedding is better than you anticipated @orangeloo!

We've had a nice day so far of doing jobs and I'm not making a lasagne while DH entertains DD. I hate make lasagne

Thanks ladies. That is funny @tommorowsleep
Wedding was better and expected. Only My SIL asked me if we were trying which I'm not bothered about. I said we were as didn't feel the need for secrecy my mum and sis know so thought it's no problem if my bro and SIL know really. She told me they'd thought about it and her mum had bought her OPK's. I'd love another baby in the fam and would be over the moon for them I just hope it's me first or with them. Fingers crossed.

CD14 hope Ov is not today, don't think it is. DP home tomorrow so we can BD yaaayyy

Going back to morning sickness thing try not to worry @Ells0204 I didn't have any with my DD felt a bit sick once at about 11 weeks when I had a croissant but if I stuck to fruit never even felt sick I didn't know I was pregnant at all until 6 weeks- with my second pregnancy I felt sick all the time but again that didn't start until about week 5-6! Xx

@MummyBearBoo thank you! Just have to keep remembering that just because loads of people are on here with one symptom doesn’t mean everyone gets it. It started off worse in the morning then levelled out in the day but now I actually feel ok in the morning, bit queasy if anything but hits me in the afternoon!

7 weeks since lmp today so another small milestone reached. Going for early scan on Friday, DP is excited and I’m absolutely terrified. I’ll be a bag of nerves by the time Friday morning comes.

Good luck Ells0204

I think AF is coming today. Out again. This is month 5. Plus just found out yesterday that someone in the family is pregnant, just this minute found out my brother and his wife (who I'm NC with) are having their second. Two others I know have just had babies. I'm just so low over it all

@Ells0204 7 weeks is great. I really, really hope all is well at the scan on Friday. Are you now feeling sick in the afternoons, then?

9dpo here. Been testing with ICs although I know it's way too early. Convinced myself there was a shadow on one today but it's probably nothing! Had quite a lot of CM but I'm so crap at remembering what happens in other cycles that I'm not sure if that is unusual. I just want someone to make me pregnant!!

How is everyone doing?

Does anybody know if there are supplements or anything that can improve sperm quality/count? I'm just feeling like DP might have some fertility problems :(

LHMB DH is taking proxeed plus on advice of doctor to improve morphology, you can get it from Amazon but it is very expensive x

Hey @LHMB not too bad. Thought I got another super faint line this morning but DH liked at me like I had lost the plot Let's see what tomorrow's testing brings.

I think you need to relax a bit. It's easy for me to say with hindsight but 5 months really is very normal and I don't think you need to worry yet. How old are you? If you're over 35 I think you can consult your GP after 6 months so maybe see how it goes next cycle?

Thanks TomorrowSleep

Hi TheChineseChicken it really takes over your life doesn't it?
Thank you. I'm recently 38. I'm on CD29, last month my cycle was 27 days. AF will be here any day and it's really getting me down to ridiculous lengths, plus finding out about 2 people being pregnant two days in a row has hit me really hard.
DP wouldn't go for tests which also frustrates me and he doesn't seem to want to try anything to quit smoking either.