Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Well think I'm out again. App says pms should start tomorrow and the next period will probably be around the 14th to 19th as last one was 19th, February was 21st, January was 26th. Boobs have started hurting today, classic PMT thing.

Also I am insanely clumsy today and very irritable. So looks like PMT starting, so no BFP for me this month

Sorry forgot to tag you in my last post @TomorrowSleep

Also, for the last few days, since I've been past my fertile window and finished ovulating, my IBS has been flaring up something chronic, omg the trapped wind (tmi) 😟 it's driving me mad. I doubt it's a v early sign though. Don't know why I do this every month, look for signs, wonder if anything and everything can be a symptom. I just set myself up for more disappointment when AF inevitably arrives.

Hope everything is going well with everyone

@LHMB sorry to hear you're not feeling great. Still a few days until AF is due though so you never know.

I'm really down about things at the moment. I think I've been a bit depressed since the CP. I can't see how I am going to snap out of this unless I get pregnant, which obviously might never happen. It consumes my thoughts 24 hours a day. I think I ovulated today so it's just the two week countdown to AF now. Ugh.

@codenameduchess @Ells0204 I hope you're both still doing ok.

Sorry you're still struggling @TheChineseChicken and sorry I have nothing useful to say to help.

How are you getting on with OPKs?

I'm good thank you, just wishing these next 7 weeks away, once we're passed 12 weeks I'll be able to relax a little l. I'm considering a 6 week viability scan but dh says it's a lot of money for a little bit of reassurance.

Thanks @codenameduchess. I'm so happy that things are progressing well so far for you. The wait for 12 weeks is agonising!

I confirmed the CB OPK with an IC stick later the same day (yesterday) so that's encouraging. I don't temp though so have no evidence that ovulation has actually occurred. We're following SMEP so DTD last night, tonight, tomorrow and Tuesday.

TheChineseChicken thank you. I'm getting a lot of watery discharge today as well, had to change my underwear and put a sanitary towel on, haven't had to do that for weeks. Also extremely moody and snappy, terrible trapped wind, more palpitations then I usually get and mild very slight period type aches in legs.

So sorry you're feeling down, it is very frustrating

Good luck @TheChineseChicken 🤞🤞 CB and IC positives is a good sign!

@LHMB my ibs is really affected by hormones, often flares up around af time and I've had 3 attacks in the last 2 weeks. It's unfair how our hormones mess with everything and have us analysing everything! How many dpo are you?

codenameduchess I think I'm about 4 or 5 DPO, not sure, tonight I'm getting cm that's so watery, just looks like water, and am very bloated and gassy, last few days have been the worst I've had for a long time IBS wise. Feel as if I'm about to start AF too but my last one was on March 19th so I've got at least a week yet, I usually get AF a few days earlier each month then the previous month

Well the bloating, gas and trapped wind is still persisting 😳 in fact it's gotten worse.
Also getting period type aches still, earlier I was sure AF had started even though not due for at least another 10 days. I could feel it coming out (sorry for TMI). Went to the toilet, it was more water type CM. When I wiped it looked like ewcm although I'm several DPO now. Is it possible I could have ovulated twice? I'm also very moody and the slightest thing has me raging, even wanted to leave DP! Have been getting dizzy spells too.

@LHMB if you didn't O the first time your body will try again, it's possibly a bit early for implantation at 4/5 dpo but I'd keep an eye on what's happening and maybe see your gp with it being unusual?

codenameduchess thanks, I was thinking I might make a dr's appointment tomorrow

@LHMB have you done an OPK?

TheChineseChicken no, I don't use them

@TheChineseChicken all good here thank you for checking in a sorry for the late response! I’ve not done myself any good stressing out for the last week or so, turns out after much number crunching and deliberation (especially taking into consideration my rainbow baby could be arriving in December) me and DP cannot get on the property ladder it’s just not the right time. Never mind.

Anyway sorry to digress.

@TomorrowSleep I have been reading through your comments...is spotting potentially a symptom of low progesterone? If you don’t feel quite ready to go with medical intervention just yet, have you tried raw Maca? I can see you’ve tried Vitex, it’s similar but it’s not a herb. Honestly read up on Maca and TTC. Maca is actually a superfood so perfectly safe, it is a staple food in the Peruvian diet and they are said to have pretty good fertility and very low miscarriage rates. Maca acts as an adaptogen which so it susses out which hormones you might be low on and brings them up to balance them out. Extremely interesting stuff.

The cycle I got my BFP I took a spoonful of raw maca powder in a smoothie every morning without fail. I was also taking COQ10 from Holland and Barrett which is a powerful antioxidant said to increase egg quality. For the first time in about a year I had EWCM (normally just creamy or watery for me!) and I did also use Conceive Plus lubricant.

I don’t want to be one of those annoying women that’s like hey this worked for me so it’ll work for everyone else. But Maca is really widely known for its hormone balancing properties and since it’s probably much safer to ingest than any herb or medication I don’t think you’ve got anything to lose by trying it and seeing if the spotting is reduced! X

I saw a heavily pregnant woman today and a tiny baby while walking around town. Clear Blue advert on TV. Why are these things everywhere when you're desperate to fall pregnant 😔

Ells Thank you, I'll try Maca, really appreciate all the support and advice on this thread. It's lovely to chat to people who understand and are so helpful

LHMB I know how hard it is, especially the sound of the wheels of pushchairs behind me, I feel like I'm being run over by the noise x

TomorrowSleep

@Ells0204 glad you're ok. Shame about the house but at least you have other things to be happy about now! House buying can wait until you're in a better position.

I'm 5dpo so can start testing soon. I'm not even going to speculate on whether I'll get a BFP.

Fingers crossed for this cycle chinesechicken

My best friend told me she's pregnant today after 1 month of trying, this will be her third child, I was trying to be positive and happy for her but my heart was sinking. I wish I could be sharing this with her and pregnant myself but I'm just feeling more than ever that it's not going to happen for me. Going to go get the HSG done after Easter, it's the final piece in the puzzle for the NHS fertility investigations. Need to feel like I'm doing something.

Hope everyone is doing okay xxxx

@TomorrowSleep that must have been hard for you. do you get results from gag there and then?

@chinesechicken fx your BFP

I'm cycle day 11 awaiting Ov and hoping it holds out til Dp is back from work abroad Monday. Taking evening primrose as it seemed to delay Ov for me before. I'm also giving up alcohol completely (begrudgingly) as I have the spotting issue and have read it effects hormones. N if I don't try I'll never know.

orangeloo I'm not sure how long the results take for HSG, I'm hoping it's there and then, I don't see any reason it wouldn't be as the dye will flow through (or not) and everything will be visible so it should be straight away. I'm also taking evening primrose oil for the spotting. Trying Vitex up till ovulation, not after as I read it's effects on a fetus are unknown and don't want to risk it...I'm also taking Maca in smoothies, it does make me feel proactive to do this so hopefully it will help not only physically but mentally, I'm on cycle 10, I've read Vitex and evening primrose can take a few months to work so I'm hoping it will be working it's magic if not this cycle then soon...I don't usually drink alcohol as I'm scared that it could affect a possible pregnancy but when I'm on my period I drink about three units a day...mainly because I feel there should be a silver lining to being on my period, maybe I should cut it out completely though...

I hope your ovulation day holds out for DP's return from work orangeloo

@TomorrowSleep thank you x yes periods should def have a silver lining and I really don't think drinking when period is here could have much effect if any on hormones or ttc as evidence isn't strong anyway. I'm just desperate to reduce my pre af spotting if possible so giving it a go. Need to look into Vitex again, there was a reason I can't take it I think, maybe thyroid. Please let us know how you can on with hsg and yes you think it would be instant results. X