Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @Ells0204 !!!! 🍰🎉 🎁

Happy birthday Ells0204

@Ells0204 happy birthday!! Hope you have a lovely day. How do you feel about the pregnancy? When I was pregnant with DD after my miscarriage it felt 'different'. I really, really hope things work out for you. Keeping everything crossed for Thursday and beyond.

I'm 5 days late, I've been pretty strong willed until today, I read if you have consistently negative tests when your late the chances of being pregnant are 1-2%

I had one positive last night, all negative today. Just poured myself a gin and tonic and DP asked why I'm drinking when "you could be pregnant" explained the odds to him, plus the fact we didn't have sex during my fertile days this month, and he just said "well you have had a period so you still could be so put the drink down, I'll believe it when you come on"

Although his words of encouragement mean alot, I know that I'm not pregnant, I dont feel pregnant, i have no symptoms, the odds are extremely low. I'm not one of those people miracles happen to.

He just got in the shower which was a good chance for me to shed a few tears. Got to stop now so my eyes aren't red when he gets out. I hate getting upset over it. There are people who cant have children for medical reasons, people who have had miscarriages and stillborns, people paying thousands for treatment and getting nothing and having to start the entire process again. I've been trying a mere 7 months, it feels like forever. I dont know why I feel so hard done by when there are people in situations much more worthy of tears than mine.

Pleass just give me a line or a period. I'm so frustrated.

Aww thanks all 😌 I do love a bday message!
I’m honestly not sure @thechinesechicken some days I feel really positive. Then the next it’ll all come crashing down and I start of begin to feel not worthy again and remind myself it went wrong last time and it may do again so don’t get too excited.

@shortandsweet96 sorry to hear your frustrations, you’re in the right place for a moan and a vent!

Ells0204 hope you had a good birthday

Shortandsweet96 sending

I am in a low head space tonight, had a couple of drinks, I know I shouldn't, especially as last couple of days have been my fertile days and have been DTD several times. I always tell myself not to think of it but every single month I find myself looking for little signs and symptoms, ridiculous to do that now when I'm only on CD15 and only just ovulated (according to app and the ewcm I had for a few days)

Feeling really down today, started to get cramps. I'm 11 DPO. This is the usual time I get them, spotting also. I'm out AGAIN, month 9. Feel so crap, last mine I felt really down through my whole period. Just hate this...

@Shortandsweet96 have you tested again? Any updates?

@LHMB @TomorrowSleep sorry you're feeling crap. I hope you manage to feel better this evening / tomorrow. It's hard to take your mind off things.

Still no AF, still no symptoms. 3 cerys faint lines on Lloyd's own brand tests. Negative on all other tests.

If AF arrives I've kept photos of my Lloyd's test compared with other brands to complain. It's not even grey or colourless, it's a pink faint line that came up straight away and within the 3 minutes and stays there.

So fed up!

Thanks TheChineseChicken
Been getting period type aches, last AF was the 19th March though so have no idea what's going on. I'm on CD16 and only just ovulated.

TomorrowSleep
I know how upsetting and frustrating it is 😔

@Shortandsweet96 which other brands have you tried?

@codenameduchess frer and clear blue early detection. Both negative:(

WTF is going on with my cycles? Last month weird early bleeding. This month it's CD12 and I've still got a low fertility circle on my OPK. Should have a flashing smiley by now and a solid one on Saturday

Thanks for support ladies.
Chinesechicken Apparently its normal for ovulation day to vary by two or three days but I can understand as it's never happened before it must be confusing and frustrating.
So we had our fertility consultation last night. I thought I'd share it in case anyone else plans on having one. It was a couples MOT. DH's sperm test results were completely normal. My AMH results were in the lower 25th centile but still normal (egg reserve), my follicular count in the scan was normal. He said since everything seems normal, we might never find the reason for the subfertility, he said he recommends monitoring my cycle with scans to determine exactly when I ovulate and doing a trigger shot of HCG. Apparently HCG both triggers ovulation and supports progesterone so could stop the spotting. One theory is the spotting is the lining shedding early and as its shedding implantation can't occur so this could solve that.

Now I'm a bit nervous as I read up on a study on HCG and apparently it can cause hyperstimulation of the ovaries that can be serious, also in this study there was a substantial increase in multiple births. Is it bad to admit I'm terrified of multiple births? Here is the info in case it's of interest:

www.emdserono.com/content/dam/web/corporate/non-images/country-specifics/us/pi/ovidrel-prefilled-syringe-pi.pdf?Version=

I'm not sure I'm ready for this, it's been 9 months, I have a friend who eventually got pregnant after three years naturally, I'm starting to think should I just wait like she did? Or will I waste my time and wait till it's too late? I'm so confused...

@TomorrowSleep remind me of your issues - you've been trying for 9 months and get early spotting, is that right? Normally I don't think 9 months would be anything to worry about but the spotting could well be hampering things. Is there anything less drastic you can try first? Was this a private consultation?

My cycles are always the same length and I would have thought that would vary if the timing of ovulation varied since the luteal phase would stay the same? Not sure. Anyway, it might be a blip.

Thanks for fast response Chinesechicken Yes it was a private clinic, I get early spotting about five days before period then a full on period for five days.

Maybe your cycle will be longer this month? Might well be a blip, hope you get your high fertility sign soon x

Other things I could try are more natural but I wonder if they are placebos, like Vitex, acupuncture etc. Tried vitex last month and it had no effect but will try again this month...

@TomorrowSleep sorry about your results, fwiw I had acupuncture leading up to my bfp. I was on metformin as well to encourage ovulation but in 3 months it hadn't really done anything so adding in acupuncture may have helped (obviously can't say for sure it did anything but timing is convenient).

I'd recommend acupuncture for relaxation too if you're feeling stressed/down with ttc, I feel amazing after and it lasts a good week or so.

Thanks code, I might give acupuncture a chance, I guess I've got nothing to lose x

@TheChineseChicken my cycle got longer after CP - which I had cycle 3 - last cycle (cycle 4) my AF started with pink spotting a day early hormone test shows it was another CP but ended before mr AF started wouldn't have know but went to my GP as AF was so different and lasted longer than normal!!! Fingers crossed it's 3rd time lucky and I get a sticky healthy one!!! Xx

@MummyBearBoo that's interesting. Had you not tested with a HPT before AF arrived? Sorry to hear you had another CP.

This morning I have gone straight from low to peak fertility (a day earlier than expected). I'm not sure if I trust the OPK TBH but we'll DTD the next three days anyway! Feel like I am going a bit mad with it all.

@TomorrowSleep are they going to do 21 day bloods for you? Or have you had this before? Maybe you could could just try progesterone before going down trigger shot route.

orangeloo I've had 21 day bloods before that were normal but he said they test at the peak and my issue is further on in the leutal phase so it may not be picking up the drop in progesterone. I would prefer progesterone supplements first but DH read up they have a much shorter half-life whereas HCG lasts 7 days, that's why DH thinks they suggested HCG but I forgot to ask, wish I'd written things down before I went in as it was a very expensive appointment!

Ah I see. Yes definitely write things down for future appointments and try some natural options first. Fingers crossed you find something to help natural or prescribed or even better get your BFP regardless. keep us posted. X

No I didn't test coz I won't test until my AF is a week late as my first CP after my AF was a day late I got my BFP only to start bleeding 4 days later so I'd rather not know if it happened again but my period was a day early lasted 2 days longer and was unusual so I went to GP to check it out is out bearing in mind all the problems I had last year!!