Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

@thechinesechicken sorry to hear about your BFN

I’ve woken up this morning and my boobs are ever so slightly tender so I’m out too.
Now just 5 days to pass the time until AF shows! Was secretly really hoping this would be my month, 1 year anniversary (if you could refer to it as that ) of my last pregnancy. Would have been kind of fitting. But no.

April 13th will be 1 year since the miscarriage and I won’t be pregnant by then either. All these milestones keep passing and I thought I’d be pregnant by all of them. The due date, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, me and OH’s anniversary, my birthday. Month after month they all roll past.

Fed up today.

@LHMB I follow a lot of home/interior accounts on Instagram that are run by young adults starting or expanding their families. They seem to be knocking out babies seems like everyone time I go on Mrs “insertgenericmygreyhomeatnumber23usernamehere” has posted a baby scan with an announcement! Perhaps I should set up my own...seems to work for everyone else!

Ells0204 I know what you mean, when you want a baby all you seem to see everywhere is babies and pregnant women 🙁

@Ells0204 big hugs

ChineseChicken I get brown/pink spotting every month about four or five days before period due, and terrible cramps, I really think it's what's stopping me getting pregnant, I've been trying Vitex this month as it's supposed to help prevent spotting, got no idea if it actually will.....
Ells I know exactly what you mean about milestones going by, we started trying when DD was 4 in May, my birthday is Feb, I keep thinking I could have given birth by now or at least be pregnant, but nothing, it's so depressing. And everywhere I see there are multiple babies in prams, it's exhausting xx

I think it's a sign of low progesterone, isn't it @TomorrowSleep? Have you had your 21 day bloods done?

@TomorrowSleep I also have up to a week of spotting sometimes before my period and have also started to expect there my be an issue. Low progesterone maybe, I did go to docs last year and have had scan they found no problem other than it's prob hormonal and 'just me'. I kind of gave up and didn't think it was an issue until now I'm ttc. My luteal phase on the whole seems ok but I've only been tracking a few months. So I'll be interested to hear from u if they help.

ChineseChicken Yes I've had 21 day bloods and they said it was normal

orangeloo exactly the same situation with me, they said it was normal and I gave up but it's the only thing that's noticeably different between conceiving this time round and with DD, I'm going to a private fertility clinic with DH next week for a fertility MOT and I'm going to ask then for possible causes and treatment, will let you know what they say...

@tomorrowsleep do let us know! We are going to try and book OH’s SA when we get back from travelling. I say “try” because they only release slots once a week online and every time we go on they seem to already be booked up?! It’s infuriating!

I’m (circa) 11dpo and in that phase where I’m trying not to get excited again after my melt down yesterday. Reality is my trusty boobs are probably not wrong. They haven’t gone full circle throbbing like they normally would but they are beginning to get just slightly more and more tender which is really disheartening. I’m stuck in the hotel until OH gets back from work and we leave for the airport, but I keep toying with the idea of going to the local super market and buying a test (I’ve already scouted them😂) but trying to hold off because I know it’ll be negative and I’ll just get depressed.

Fingers crossed for you Ells
I sometimes wonder if my diet may be affecting my fertility, I am very prone to anaemia and vitamin and mineral deficiencies, ever since I was a child

@TomorrowSleep ah okay, thank you. That would be great if you could let me know and I Hope everything goes well for you. I've made a docs ap next week to ask for 21 day bloods. X

Just seen a 2nd pregnant woman of the day IN my hotel. What are these women doing that I’m not?!

Ella I know, it's so hard to see :(

Ells I meant, sorry, stupid spell check!

@Ells0204 that sucks.... have a great trip though!

I'm 7dpo now, have DHs tummy bug and yesterday spent 8 1/2 hours in a car (interesting with a dodgy tummy 😖😂) so everything aches and still something in my mind keeps piping up with 'could be pregnant though, sick? Bad back? High temp?' Obviously none of it is anything to do with ttc 🤦‍♀️🙈 what is wrong with me 😂

@Ells0204 I'm really hoping for you x

Anyone know if supplements improve the chances? I've read that some can but not sure, and if so, which ones

@LHMB the cynic in me says no but I guess there is no harm in trying things. Being generally healthy is probably the best you can do.

AF arrived today, a day early! If I get spotting again this month I'll go to my GP. Seeing friends today, one of whom is a potential pregnancy bomb-dropper so feeling a bit nervous.

@Ells0204 have you held out on POAS?

Anyone else around testing time? I lose track of where we all are

TheChineseChicken thank you
Sorry about AF, good luck with friends

Sorry af showed up @TheChineseChicken 😔

Question for you OPK users- do you carry on testing after O? I'm 8 dpo and had some EWCM and mild cramping so thought I'd poas and see what happened just in case O was late, and it was dark! Not positive but not a million miles away.... temps are high and have an O dip 8 days ago. I know LH can increase before af, but 8 dpo seems a bit soon for af and way to soon for hcg to register on an opk (wishful thinking 😂😭). TTC with PCOS is the worst.
Any thoughts?

Popping on...I’m back from my travels and back to reality!

I’m really wary about posting this because I know we’ve all been struggling. But I got my BFP this morning.

I’m emotionless. I played this moment over over in my head for the last year. My heart thumping. The adrenaline. My happiness, possibly even tears of happiness. But I sort of feel nothing.

I’m more relieved I think if anything that one hurdle is finally done but I’m also just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think AF is due around Tuesday so we’ll just get there first.

Sorry to be a Debbie downer when I should be ecstatic - I’m gutted at the mindset this journey has given me. Basically just constantly expecting the worst.

I’m staying on here because if it doesn’t all go to plan then I would love to have the support from you, if that’s ok xx

@Ells0204 that's brilliant news take each day as it comes

@Ells0204 so, so chuffed for you but totally understand your reservations. I think once you're a couple more weeks in you'll relax a bit more. And you were convinced this month was out! I'm crossing everything hoping this all works out well for you. And please do hang around as I personally would like to hear updates from you

Ells0204 congratulations

@Ells0204 congratulations! Take each day as it comes. Wishing you all the best.