Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Is it okay if I join? I just got my period this morning, this is month 4. I'm convinced I'm infertile, plus I just turned 38 last month so time is not on my side. Very low about it. Also this month my PMT was horrendous, I was angry and couldn't stop crying, even suicidal, so am worried that maybe I'm starting menopause.

Hi ladies just checking in quickly.
I’m in Germany having a lovely break so not been on here much. 8dpo (roughly lol) and no symptoms apart from my boobs aren’t sore! So I’m holding out some hope haha. For the last couple of days so I’ve been feeling like I’m getting a inkling of thrush which I do get sometimes before AF hoping my sore boobs stay away but I’ve also been taking a lot of raw maca in my every day diet which is pretty well known for alleviating pms so not reading too much into it. Nevertheless it’s lovely to not have throbbing boobs for a week!

Hope you’re all doing ok.
@codenameduchess
@thechinesechicken
Spotting sounds promising certainly if it’s unusual for you...keeping my fingers crossed this thread has some BFPs and sticky babies coming! Xx

Hello @LHMB sorry you're here but welcome!
Your pms sounds extreme, have you seen your gp about it?
38 isn't old but you can always go and speak to your gp for a chat and ask for some tests. Generally it's if you've been trying for a year but over 35 the advice is to see them after around 6 months (or sooner if you're concerned).

@Ells0204 enjoy your break and non-achey boobs! 😀 fingers crossed for you

Hi ladies, my fertile window is coming up, this will be cycle 9, I've mentioned it before to DH and he completely loses interest during the fertile times, he says he feels like a 'function', I was thinking not to mention it this cycle but we have a fertility appointment in two weeks time and I asked him to schedule the test next week and he said why not this week so I said my fertile window is coming up, I saw his heart sink...it's not that he doesn't want a baby I know he'd love one, but he hates having to 'perform' on set days and also he doesn't have a particularly high sex drive, twice a week or every other day max, he hates it when I suggest we do it on consecutive days but then I feel really angry, that he isn't making any effort, and I am aware that being angry isn't sexy!

@TomorrowSleep I totally get it. my OH sex drive is not that high. When we started ttc I thought I wouldn't tell him fw to avoid the 'functionality'but I feel I have to tell him as otherwise he wastes time when we are together and leaves no time for BD-ing he doesn't moan but I've had a few eye rolls and even found myself apologising that we need to do it again haha but we're getting by okay atm needs must and all that. X

orangeloo It helps to know I'm not the only one, but wish it wasn't so..I guess TTC sex isn't the same, he loves to at other times in the month just not when the pressure is on....starting to feel nervous about doing our best and then getting to the TWW and it not being successful, I'm not even excited to be in the FW soon, I'm just scared it's going to be another month that doesn't work...
thechinesechicken I had spotting with DD which was implantation bleeding, had never had it before so it was a completely new symptom for me then. I really hope it is a sign for you. xxxx

@TomorrowSleep yes I totally get that too, I don't get excited for fertile week or the tww. it's like job I have to do for the hope of it paying off. FX it happens for you soon. X

Thanks codenameduchess my PMT only seemed to start being this bad last month, after I had a colposcopy and biopsy. I spoke to the Dr, she said it's just my cervix healing and affecting my hormones, I have another appointment next week

Oh goodness @LHMB that sounds awful, I hope it heals quickly and your back to normal!

Ladies, what are your thoughts on this. I'm in a group chat with 2 friends who happen to be pregnant and it's nonstop with every little detail and is really making me feel down. Now 1 of these friends did take a year to conceive and thought they'd need ivf/iui but it happened naturally in the end. I had full sympathy for her in that year and understood when she didn't want to hear about my DD (well she's never been interested tbf but I actively avoided mentioning DD then). Would it be completely shitty of me to say 'I'm really so happy for you, but do you think you could leave me out of that chat? I'm ttc again and not in a good place, I know you have been here too and hope you understand'.

I've now spent almost 5 years of my life ttc and honestly can't handle the complaining about how hard it is to be pregnant.

codenameduchess thank you. I'm feeling quite frustrated today, even though I've been told 4 months is not that long.

I completely understand why that would be upsetting. This morning after AF started, I went onto Instagram and the first thing that came up was a photo of a heavily pregnant Jessica Simpson, full bare bump out. I thought talk about rub in in universe!

*rub it in, not in in

@codenameduchess could you just mute the chat? That way it saves your feelings and convo and u can just duck in if you feel strong enough. Or maybe put it in a jokey way and say okay I'm gonna leave you two to talk about your pregnancies and leave the group. Bit insensitive I think actually if there's only 3 of you in it and two of them are PG and that's mostly what they are talking about - could just message each other directly ?...

FX for you too orangeloo and all of you ladies..
code I wouldn't like that either, how close are you to these friends, if close I would go with what you suggested and say you are not in a good place, if you are not that close I'd keep it light like orangeloo suggested, maybe say 'not feeling I have much to contribute to this chat ladies! So think I'll drop off, but have fun discussing the details :)'

Oh yeah and mention the bit about being happy for them, I forget about that bit!

@codenameduchess I know it's hard to be faced with pregnancy chat when you're trying but I think it's best not to make a thing of it. Maybe just mute the notifications and take a step back

I could do with your thoughts, ladies. Brown discharge all day yesterday (weird in itself) but then had red when I wiped after the loo before bed. I assumed it was an abnormal early period. No more bleeding overnight, not just a little bit of brown again. And there were no cramps, which I always get with a period. But I took a FRER at 10-11 dpo this morning and it was BFN. WTF is my body doing?!?!

@TheChineseChicken that's odd... I've had a google and there are so many causes of spotting/brown discharge from implantation and pregnancy, old blood leaving the body, vigorous sex to low progesterone levels.
Hope this is a good sign for you! 🤞10/11 dpo is still fairly early, how long are your cycles?

No vigorous sex here so we can rule that out Cycles are usually 29 days, occasionally 30. I'm not completely out but not feeling too hopefully, that's for sure.

How are you today?

You're not out til af shows 😜

no more spotting but still only 5 dpo, fee early starts this week so temps are pointless... it's a waiting game but I'm not hopeful.

Hi ladies, think I have to join here. I am only on cycle 2, but feeling very hopeless as I had a mmc last year and nothing since. I know it's only cycle 2 but this cycle I am terrified that we won't have a healthy pregnancy,maybe ever. I have endometriosis as well. Has anyone found any good ways to cope with ttc? Last cycle I took tests daily convinced there would be a second line and this month I am just sad and have almost lost hope. i have tried distracting myself with projects but as soon as I have just a free minute my mind drifts to ttc. Looking for any advice on bow to cheer up.

Hello @Mum637k welcome! And sorry you're joining us. No advice from me, I just try not to think about it... or obsessively POAS. Do you have supper IRL?

@codenameduchess thank you!! I try not to think about it but hasn't worked so far 😂 i am not sur ewhat you mean by supper?

Welcome @Mum637k. No advice on how to stay sane here, I'm afraid!

BFN again on an FRER this morning so I am officially out this cycle. Bastard uterus doing weird things. Onto the next cycle for a Christmas baby!

Hope we get some good news here soon.

@TheChineseChicken thank you! I also took a frer this morning and bfn 🙈 AF due in 4 days but I can feel I am out this cycle. I just know it. What cycle are you all on? I am on cycle 2 but hd a mc last year so it feels like it's been forever.

@Mum637k I meant support... 🤦‍♀️ I've been on the road since 5am and I think I'm delirious now 😂😂

@TheChineseChicken why do our bodies do this?! It's so cruel 🤬