Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

I hold out no hope this month, we only managed to dtd 5 times over the fertile period. I feel like just giving up on the idea to be honest at least then I won't have the gut wrenching disappointment . Sending strength to everyone.

5 times should be plenty if on the correct days!

5 times in the fertile window is pretty good @WatchingTheWheels85 , isn't the window 5 days?

I know what you mean @TheChineseChicken knowing it's coming doesn't stop the feelings when it's there in front of you. moan away!

I was asked 3 times last night when we're having another and it's time dd had a sibling. ended up telling one person 'actually we have been trying for a while now so can you tell my uterus that?'. The response was 'oh, my dh only has to look at me and I'm pregnant'... super helpful thanks for that.

@codenameduchess I can't believe she said that! Some people have no idea

I usually fit in a lot more (not that it has worked so far!).

@codenamedduchess that's awful I'm sorry but you handled it well.

It came from a good place and wasn't meant to be mean or insensitive. Still hurts, it not fair that it's so easy for some!
I'm consoling myself (and nursing the worst hangover) with tea, snacks and a movie.

@codenamedduchess I have a “friend” who I have thankfully mostly lost touch with who found every chance possible to work into every conversation that they fell pregnant with both children the first time and how she’s so incredibly fertile. 🙄 so sorry you had to sit through that. Usually when people ask me and I am not longer feeling in the laugh it off mood, I say “mom?” And look around the room. “Oh I thought my mother was here with questions like that.” It usually shuts them up. In fairness, my mom never asks as she also had trouble.
Today is peak. So 15 days until AF is due.
And my friend who I actually introduced to his wife messaged me to say they’re three months along. They married in July.
I may or may not have been a little teary eyed in the grocery store.

We all deserve some ice cream or something.

Just had some brown discharge. I NEVER have this. Trying not to get excited as we all know unexpected things can happen and not mean anything

@TheChineseChicken FX for you!!!

This is all so frustrating!

@TheChineseChicken I really hope this is your time

Thanks @WatchingTheWheels85 although I'm very aware that even if I do get a BFP it might not go the distance. Got a cold at the moment so can't detect if I have any symptoms

AF was late, had dry retching, sick stomach... But knew in my heart I wasn’t pg. It’s awful. And I’m too old now. And there isn’t enough sex...
I think I’m over the the whole thing!

Sorry to hear that @HelloDarlin. Nothing working with giving up if you think it's he right thing to do

Nothing wrong

How is everyone else getting on? I am 10dpo I think and BFN this morning, despite my best efforts of holding the stick at angles under different light sources

Sorry to those of you going through it right now. I have 3 Dc but remember that crushing disappointment each month so well. Just for reference it took 9, 5 and 11 months each time to conceive my DCc (felt like an eternity each time though).

I’d try to tell myself that each month was just a practice round for the actual conception. I used Sasmar pro conception lube too.

Good luck to everyone TTC.

@TheChineseChicken 10DPO is still early, don't count yourself out just yet.

I had 2 tiny bits of spotting yesterday and went down a rabbit hole of implantation bleeding research 🙈 temp dropped below coverline this morning so obviously I've spent a good 30 minutes checking example bbt charts online to see if it could be an implantation dip.... almost certainly not.

@codenameduchess are you also around 10dpo?

Unsure @TheChineseChicken I'm either 10/11 or 4 dpo (assuming I ovulated) as I had sort of positive OPKs then faded then got a clearer positive later. Both times had EWCM so I'm just assuming 4 dpo.

We actually managed a reasonable amount of bd around both possible O days, temps aren't looking great though

Oh yes, how confusing. Is it possible to O twice?!

More spotting today. I had a solid smiley on the 8th so can only be maximum 10dpo and AF isn't due until Sunday. I never have mid cycle spotting. It can't be early AF can it? Can your luteal phase suddenly be really short?! I don't understand

When I went down the rabbit hole last night about spotting, it's pretty common to spot in the luteal phase pregnant or not and there's little evidence implantation bleeding is real but lots of women claim to have had it and got a bfp 🤷🏼‍♀️ do you temp @TheChineseChicken ? That could be a clue?

It is possible to O twice in a cycle, and I'm taking meds to encourage O but it's also possible to get false surges with pcos. its a shit thing to have 🤬 I could have Od once, twice or not at all and this cycle could be 28 to 40 days.

Thanks @codenameduchess I have found very contradictory information about spotting and implantation bleeding. It's odd that I have never had this before (tell a lie, I did get some spotting with previous pregnancies) but nothing is impossible with our bodies. My head is so bunged up with cold I'm finding it hard to read my body and detect any other symptoms. I've got a bit of a dicky tummy and feel a bit queasy but both of those could be snot-induced!

Sound like PCOS is a real pain when TTC

Also, I don't temp. Having a toddler my waking time isn't very consistent

It's shit @TheChineseChicken TTC is so stressful because I never know for sure what's happening.

I'm pretty sure I have start of a sickness bug that everyone around me has had.... you have my full sympathy having a cold too! (And of course I'm at a conference this week which involves a 4am start and 5 hour drive 🤢)

I did see, for anyone interested, the London women's clinic offer a fertility MOT with a full work up for men, women or couples. The women's is £285 and gives you a full picture of your fertility.