Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

Ah @WatchingTheWheels85 it's shit isn't it, the best we can do is smile through it... tbh I usually end up just distancing myself when it gets a bit too much.

@Otter88 I like your willpower! Keep us updated though!

4dpo here... had a small cramp in the lady region today and instantly thought 'oh my god this is it!' and Googled cramps at 4 dpo 🤦‍♀️ of course it's absolutely nothing connected to ttc.... I'm so ready for the girls night out this weekend! I want to forget all about ttc, work and adulting 🍾🍹

BFN this morning so must just be late AF. I'm okay, I haven't given myself such a hard time as I did last month. Will just keep going!

Sorry to hear @otter88 I love that our cycles start messing with us when we’re TTC. Not.

I had a dream last night I delivered a beautiful baby boy. OH wasn’t there for some reason just my mum so had to WhatsApp him saying “you have a son!”

Woke up disappointed but also excited that I hopefully have that to come. One day.
That’ll teach me for watching Emma Willis Delivering Babies before I go to bed!

@Ells0204 what a wonderful dream to have!

I don't know if we are just more aware and take more notice when ttc. I always thought my cycles were on time and pretty consistent in terms of symptoms but maybe not. I'm obviously really disappointed and actually just want to break down and cry but I know I have to stay strong and remain optimistic for whenever nature decides. It's really hard not to think "what if we can't?" And trying to keep those voices away takes all my energy! I say I'm okay but really I want to scream but you all knew that anyway haha!

@Ells0204 that's a lovely dream 🥰

Sorry you got a bfn @Otter88 I think everyone has those voices, let yourself have a little moment, cry/shout/eat all the chocolate 🍫 ?

So, I reached for the tests today and then put the ICs back.... but did an opk just to scratch that itch and it was positive?! I know you can get false peaks with pcos but I've never had one before.

Sorry @Otter88  Hopefully AF will arrive tomorrow so you can put this cycle behind you. Hope you have some nice weekend plans to take your mind off it.

@Ells0204 I'm sure that will happen for you one day. It's weird when you have dreams like that, which seem so real. And disorientating when you wake up.

@codenameduchess weird about the ov test but probably best not to read anything into it.

Looks like another miserable wet weekend

I know @TheChineseChicken we'll bd anyway just in case... you never know 😂

There are worse things to do on a Friday evening

AF has made a little show so sure it will be in fill force tomorrow and we can move on. It's the best I can ask for after BFN, didn't want it to come too late. I had a bout of thrush so thinking that may have impacted AF arriving on time. I had a little cry and have moved on much quicker than last month so feel a bit more able to manage the emotions at least.

I hope someone gets some good news soon!

Can I please join?

I am exhausted by TTC, we are on cycle 9 and I'm experiencing four to five days of spotting every month before period starts and then period lasts 5 days, so 10 days total of bleeding. We got investigated for fertility issues, seems that the bleeding is caused by an ectropion which doesn't harm fertility, explains the bleeding after sex but not 5 days before period accompanied by cramps...so fed up with investigations and not knowing why we aren't getting pregnant or if there is something else wrong that has not been picked up.

We have a DD, conceived first cycle 5 years ago, we waited to buy a house and get into a good financial position before conceiving again and stupidly I thought we had all the time in the world as it was so easy with DD. Well now I wish we'd just started trying in our one bed flat years ago, as soon as DD was born. Full of regret. Plus DD has a doll she calls her sister that she takes everywhere and talks to all the time. Feel so damn guilty, she should have an actual sibling and we prevented it for so long, now I can't bloody conceive! :(

I'm 4 dpo and don't feel very optimistic this month - I've still not lost the lb I put on last week and have a terrible cough!! Fingers crossed for all still on the 2ww! Xx

Hi @TomorrowSleep and welcome to our thread! I know exactly how you feel about feeling guilty - DD is always asking about her sister and if I have a baby in my tummy There's no way of predicting how long it will take though so don't feel bad.

7dpo here. Feeling very grouchy and snappy, which could be a good sign. When I got my CP I was pretty mental in the days before my BFP. On the other hand I could just be grouchy and snappy...

@thechinesechicken halfway through your TWW! 🤞🏻

@MapleAndCats shall we take bets on how long I hold out before POAS?!

Thank you thechinesechicken Fingers crossed for you this time, I know how exhausting the 2WW can be, if only we could go on holiday for two weeks every month and be so distracted by all the fun that we didn't think about it! Might go get that lottery ticket..

@thechinesechicken I believe in you! Wait until the day AF is due! I will do the same. And I am actually hopeful this month as I had my HSG and DH seems super on board this month. (We are both just exhausted from so many life changes in the past while. We have moved countries 4 times in 2 years!)

@MapleAndCats -that's crazy! I thought we were bad moved from Sheffield to Leicester to Leeds all while I was pregnant with DD within 6 months (had to get booked in 3 times!) but this was all in the same country! Xx

@mummybearboo it’s still super stressful and being rebooked and waiting either way!!!

@TomorrowSleep I have a 6 year old daughter who has asked Santa for a baby sister for the last two years, and it is on her birthday list for next month, I had 2 mc in the last year. 1st would have got her her Christmas wish and the 2nd she would have been able to see at a scan on her birthday, I totally know how you feel. We too waited a while for no2.... with no luck

I'm so sorry dottyp, it's heartbreaking not only for us but also for a child who so desperately wants a sibling, the only thing that makes me feel positive is remembering it took 3 years to sell our flat and buy a house, there were times we never thought we could do it, it felt like we were trying to catch a speeding train; I remember thinking at the time I wish I could see into the future and see how it all panned out, the not knowing if we would ever get what we want was exhausting but it did happen eventually..I really hope that it will happen eventually for all of us too, and we will look back on this and remember it as a really tough chapter in our lives, but one that's over....xxxx

Feeling terrible today about this cycle. Can't bear the thought of another BFN yet can't bring myself to wait until AF is due as I just need to know if it's not going to happen. We tired so hard this cycle and if it handy worked I don't know what else we can try! I'm getting bored of consoling myself with drinking wine that I would be allowed if I was pregnant

Sorry for mean but just feeling it today

Sorry for the moan, that should say

@TheChineseChicken I'm feeling it today too! had a short cry which I haven't done up until now but I knew it would come. It's so frustrating and unfair and even stopping me watching certain things on telly that I used to enjoy. Just feel like everyone has or is having a baby but me atm.

I hear you @orangeloo