Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

@detoke good luck!!! Crossing fingers and toes for you.

Glad you have cleared the air with DH @codenameduchess. Your weekend sounds fab! Love nights away like that.

@Ells0204 fingers crossed some of those sperm hang around for a bit. Do you usually ovulate CD16? That's only a couple of days so definitely not impossible!

@detoke have fun in the lead up to ovulation. The wait always seems so slow...

I'm just past ovulation so in the TWW. I'll be able to test mid next week. Which obviously feels like forever away.

@TheChineseChicken I think I'm right there with you! Looks like I ovulated yesterday but I'm not testing until af is late (until maybe next Thursday when I'll start testing daily 😂)

@codenameduchess fingers crossed! Your weekend away sounds lovely, nice chance to unwind and spend some quality time together!

@thechinesechicken to be honest I’m not totally sure, I haven’t used OPKs this cycle but I had EWCM on Saturday and watery yesterday and for the last couple of months it’s been CD16 so it’s just an educated guess!

I’m actually off on Saturday to join OH at work (get to stay in his hotel for free - wooop!) for 6 days so that’ll keep me nice and occupied in the TWW. I’m not going to pack any tests...if I don’t have them I can’t use them! Best way to resist temptation haha.

Lol @detoke that’s a good approach, I think sometimes it’s better if they are just nonethewiser but then if they’re not in the mood it’s a tricky one!

Have been lurking on this thread during my 2ww... AF due today, no sign so far and a negative on an internet cheapie.
Think I’m out though as my heart rate has dropped today according to my Fitbit :(

Was pregnant in 2017 and 2016 but neither were successful and was really hoping this would be our year - the first two times happened straight away, didn’t realise how lucky that was at the time 🙈

Good luck to anyone testing today.

Hi ladies, 4 days until AF and I have the worst back pains ever, just know it's going to be a rough AF. Decided to do a wee test today at work as things just were odd (random smells that nobody else could smell and.coupled with the the lower back pain and random sore throat). I got a definate line but then disappeared just at the end of the read timeframe. Know it must be an error as frer was negative yesterday afternoon 😂 but seriously I need help with my pos addiction 😣

@dottyp0104 you must test again! Yesterday would have been 9dpo? So perfectly possible that you wouldn't have had a BFP with afternoon wee?

@TheChineseChicken your meant to help stop my pos addiction 😉

@dottyp0104 nah, I'm loving vicariously through you

Living, that is!

Haha... @TheChineseChicken have to try and refrain from testing. Think that's my problem, just jinx things. But cannot help myself.😂

@Aberforthsgoat sorry to hear they didn’t work out and you’re struggling this time around! This thread is a great place to come and have a moan as you’ve probably gatherered...lots of support though!
My two MCs were conceived first time (had a 1 month break in between as I was actually to scared to BD) so here’s me thinking it would happened again quickly. Well here I am a year later 🤷🏼‍♀️

@dottyp0104 did you use a FRER today too?

Hi All! Sorry I've been a bit awol the last 2 week's. I decided to have a break from the forum as last months AF really hit me hard and although coming on and having a rant to you guys helped, I just needed some time not even thinking or talking about it.

AF due on Wednesday and i have had no symptoms of anything at all. Usually get sore boobs and back before AF. So that feels odd! I've learned my body is just playing tricks by changing things up all the time. Calm, collective and rational is my approach this month, well on the outside at least. Inside I'm a crazy mess!

I've read through the last couple of pages of posts and can't reply to everyone individually but glad to see we are using each other for support and keeping the spirits up! There will be positive (excuse the pun) news soon, I can feel it! Xxxx

@dottyp0104 it's an addiction! And too easy to just keep doing it... just in case🙈

Looks like O was yesterday, temps and OPKs seem to support that so it's a plus that the meds are probably working 🙏🤞 even if there's no bfp this month at least if I'm ovulating there's a chance right.

Good to hear from you @Otter88 !

Hi everyone,

I had exactly the same thing and several mmcs before much wanted 2nd baby finally (at 42).

Just wanted to share what really worked for me recommended by wonderful Portland Hospital doctor. He said that he recommends the supplement/vitamin DHEA to anyone trying to conceive and he had incredible results. Even some 46/47 year olds ( naturally not IVF).

I had to get it online or in the US -only about £10 but it really seemed to work for me.

Hope that help even one person conceive and save you the expensive doctor fees!!

Good luck everyone!! (Ps I don't hold the patent or work for DHEA company sadly!!)

@Otter88 it’s good to have balance! I usually spend the week ranting on here 😂 then switch off at the weekends and have a break from BFP AF sand CDwhatnot talk.

Well, today, as per my mother’s advice I have officially deleted my Fertility Friend app along with all the data I never thought about doing it until she mentioned it. I was a little apprehensive but I just bit the bullet and did it and I must say I feel a little relieved. Having an app is great if you use it for 3-4 months and get pregnant. But I’ve been using the damn thing for a year. Month and month has gone by and nothing new has happened. So what if I don’t log that I had watery CM on this day and stabbing pains on that day? Or I didn’t track how long my period was and whether it was light or heavy. It’s not going to change the outcome. At the end of the day (or...month so to speak!) I’m either to be pregnant or not pregnant.

Aaaaand relax

@Ells0204 no no frer yesterday just a cassette one I got from work 🙈. Trying to refrain from buying any further tests I know it is never going to happen so need give up getting hopes up. Time is marching on lol.
My back pain has more or less gone. I feel nothing now (probably to do with the sore throat, can't focus on anything else😣)
I'm fairly sure I have more chance of winning saturdays lottery than missing a period! 🙄

@dottyp0104 i know it’s so easy to slip into that mindset. I entered a competition last week on the radio to win £30k because I was like, if I’ve beat the odds of having 2 MCs in a row and taking over a year to get pregnant again, surely I can win the money?!

I didn’t win.

Worth a try @Ells0204, and well done deleting the app! It's too easy to obsess over it all.

Weight loss isn't going well ladies.... I've been to the gym 4 of the last 7 days and GAINED 5LBS!! what is that about??! I turned down pizza and gained 😭😭

Welcome back @Otter88. Sorry you have been feeling bad. Some cycles are worse than others. How are you feeling today?

Good on you @Ells0204! Much better to be relaxed about it (not that I am of course).

Thanks @codenameduchess!

@Ells0204 yeah it's good to know we have this to come to as and when we need it and to be support to others but knowing when to take a break is also good. Well done you for deleting the app. All these things just feed the obsession and give us a false sense of control I think but I guess they their place.

@TheChineseChicken I feel okay today but AF is due anytime and i just know when it comes, I'm really gonna have to work hard not to let it affect me the way it did last month. I have been practising the disappointment in my head to try and lessen the blow when it comes. How sad! Lol. How have you been?

Sending you strength and resilience @Otter88

I'm not too bad, should be 3dpo and as usual have convinced myself it must have worked this time, when it probably hasn't

I'm with you @TheChineseChicken it's hard to get the balance between staying positive and not getting your hopes up too much that if AF comes, it's too hard hitting.

I've been trying to practice being more in the moment and take each day as it comes and it works for about a millisecond! Lol.

Don't be too hard on yourself though, you really just never know!

So... I had my HSG today. My tubes are open. And all my ultrasound and blood work have come back normal. And my DHs swimmers are normal.
Wtf?!?!?! Why haven’t we conceived yet?!
Also should be ovulating in about 5 days. Any cycle twins?

@MapleAndCats ahh so pleased to hear that!! What a relief but also feeds the frustration that nothing is wrong so why hasn’t it happened yet? I actually don’t know what I would rather. Something wrong so we know how to fix it or nothing wrong and just bad luck. I think @detoke is similar cycle...to you!

@Otter88 how are you getting on today, any sign of AF?

I’ve woken up with horrendous neck and back pain oh my god. Sitting here with a think scarf tied round my neck like a neck brace, got deep heat on and taken painkillers. Overthinking Ells has come to the conclusion I won’t get pregnant this month because my body is now precoccupied with bad back pain and won’t allow me to get pregnant as my body isn’t in a fit state.

Aaggghhhhhh.