Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

@codenameduchess yes I hear ya, really don't think I'd fancy a baby shower at the mo or until I succeed. Totally right you gotta focus on the positives as much as poss and carry on enjoy life.

It's a bit much isn't it @orangeloo ?

Had my first acupuncture session today! It was actually really relaxing, don't know what I expected but I enjoyed it and am there again in 3 weeks 🤞😀

@codenameduchess I've heard a lot of ppl try acupuncture and love it. Be interested to see how u get on. Glad u found it relaxing

@codenameduchess I want to try it or reflexology, but going to wait for SA results first as no point spending a load of money on it if it’s not me that needs helps, IYSWIM!

@thechinesechicken all appointments are booked for this week and the hospital don’t release slots until Friday...problem is now he’s overseas for work for 2 weeks! So this is just going to get delayed and delayed. I hate the not knowing. Plus side is, he doesn’t have to abstain now so we can BD all we want until Sunday night before he goes, still in with a shot I guess!

@Ells0204 how frustrating having to wait!

I don't know what success rates actually are with acupuncture but I've read some really positive studies about it helping with ttc and pcos so why not try it... plus I can claim back up to 6 sessions through a healthcare plan!

Lady at work today who is about 7 1/2 months with her second child was complaining non stop. Oh my back oh my heartburn oh my toddler was a nightmare this morning god aren’t children so annoying.

If you’re too fed up with your pregnancy love feel free to pass some of your super fertility on to me.

I couldn’t stop staring at her bump. I’ve been on the pregnancy boards and a lot of ladies who are expecting complain about this. “Omg it’s like I’m alien or something, have they never seen a pregnant woman before?” But honestly couldn’t stop staring. It’s almost like...if I stared at it enough then it might happen to me. Poor woman probably thought I was nuts. Oh wait, I am nuts.

You're right, the not knowing is the worst bit.
I think we humans can deal with anything once we know what it is. Uncertainly is so difficult emotionally.
We had a v similar experience with ttc our dd - nothing for 10 months, then miscarried at 6 weeks, then conceived 2 months later.
We will be ttc number 2 later this year and I am dreading this feeling of not knowing how it will all turn out. We are not spring chickens either.
Really hope next month is a bfp for you xxx

Hi ladies @codenameduchess @Ells0204
I feel your pain! A girl I supervise in work hasjust gone for her scan today, I am having daily updates of 'what could be'if hadn't miscarried as her dates are more or less same as mine . (She doesnt know about my situation) no idea how Im going to last another 6 months 😂 maybe ask for temporary transfer. She was swifty told to stop complaining of nausea as thats what comes with it.... I know... im terrible.... but some folk have no idea what is going on with people around.

@dottyp0104 I'd be the same! My friend is about 20 weeks and has been complaining since week 7 about how hard it is to move, she can't put her shoes on, can't possibly carry a bottle of milk in the supermarket and how she's waddling.... she's had a pretty blunt 'get a grip' from me 🤦‍♀️ you know what's coming, how will she cope later on if she doesn't get off the couch now!

OPKs are getting darker 😀😀 today's was only a few shades from positive so dh has been sent to shower for sexy time 😂

@codenameduchess Im like you, have no sympathy... 😂
Im now on the tww, 9 days to go. Trying not to think of the mild cramping and increasingly sensitive boobs. (Luckily being distracted by the sore throat my OH and daughter have shared.)
Not holding out much hope... but have started taking some baby asprin this month.
Figured I have nothing to lose, my mc seem to be at the same point and through some online reseach theres some evidence for taking it at early stages (obviously plenty saying otherwise). Worth a try so will see how it goes.

Hi everyone, just catching up.

@codenameduchess I also have a baby shower coming up on April. When I was invited months ago I assumed it would be fine as I would be pregnant by then. Now I'm not so sure! Hope the acupuncture works out for you. You do hear about it working but who knows? Great that you can claim it back on insurance.

@Ells0204 glad your DH doesn't have to abstain but annoying about the wait for the appointment. The result should be quick at least once the sample is provided. When are you due to ovulate?

@dottyp0104 fingers crossed for your TWW!

I don't have any pregnant people around me but there are a couple of people who are ticking time bombs and could tell me they are pregnant any day. Feels like I am against the clock. Flashing smiley the last two days so peak fertility should be any day now. I'm away on Saturday night, Sod's law.

@dottyp0104 Ahh that’s so crap about that woman at work. Not sure if I’ve ever posted this on here (sorry if I’m repeating myself!) but when I miscarried around this time last year a lady in my office also was exactly the same weeks along and ended up giving birth on my due date so we were literally bang on day for day. I told her about my miscarriage too and then a week or so later she started displaying tell tale signs of pregnancy (anti-sickness bands, stopped coming out for after work beers!) luckily I got a new job but the week I handed my notice in her pregnancy got announced in the end of week meeting and I had to literally grin and clap with everyone else (yes they CLAPPED her) she barely looked me in the eye up until I left as well and didn’t say goodbye on my last day. All very strange, and something I’d rather forget! I found out about the due date thing because I’m still good friends with people in that job. I really feel for you because if I hadn’t left I honestly don’t know how I would have coped.

TTC is fucking shite and so are MCs

@thechinesechicken going by previous cycles CD16 which I think is Tuesday. I’m not really tracking this cycle and not doing OPKs - because OH is going away there’s kind of no point? Like I may as well do what I can do and then it’s out of my hands. Will be nice to just have a break though and not pee on OPKs every day for the next 5 days haha.

My TFMR was hard coz my SIL was literally due a day after me so we were at the same stage but I had to have TFMR at 12 weeks coz my baby boy was too poorly - she went on to have a baby girl two days after my due date - I love my niece but it sucks!!! Xx

Hey everyone,
I have been creeping boards like this since my TTC journey began 15 cycles ago and I started googling every pregnancy symptom under the sun hoping I had conceived. At first I was very hopeful and not really affected by BFNs and AF showing up but it's been slowly but surely wearing me down.
This month has seemed to have been the straw and I am the camel. When AF arrived I was crushed - I felt so desperately sad I even debated just hurting myself. I wasn't serious about it, just so upset, and sad, and frustrated.
I found this board because I just wanted to know if other people feel like me, this feeling of: It's just not possible, it's just never going to happen, I'm never going to see a positive.
Anyways... Long story short, I just needed to finally find some sort of community support. I am so humiliated by our fertility issues that I can't bring myself to talk about it with anyone IRL. Any time someone brings it up I laugh it off and make some excuse, "Oh you know some day but...(insert some excuse here). Heh, heh, heh!"
We have both been to the doctor, DH seems to be all good, and I was told my TSH is a bit high and my ovaries present as polycystic as well as my hormone panels. But since I started thyroid meds my hormone levels have been normal. I just had another scan to check for a variety of things and see how many follicles I have. The doctors do not think I have PCOS anymore. One doctor made fun of me and told me the reason I can't get pregnant is because I'm too high strung and know too much about my cycles... I have an HSG/HCG scan on Tuesday. After that we have to wait until the end of April to get in with the doctor again to hear about our results.
I do know I am ovulating every month as we've been tracking with the CBFM since February (a year ago). But I'm so sick of BD. We basically only do it during the fertile window because it just feels like such a chore.
Anywho, I am feeling extremely depressed about it and yesterday DH just told me he will be travelling for work during my fertile window and said the words, "Does it matter? It's not like it's going to happen this month anyways." I had the same thought almost every cycle but for him to say it out loud seemed so much worse.
I am sorry for all of your struggles as well, sorry for unloading so much here. Thanks for listening (well reading).

Maple

Morning Maple, sorry to hear about your struggles. It's so tough and we all understand. Sometimes there are no answers. I know that 15 months is a long time but it's not over for you yet. I took a year to get pregnant with DD and I k ow of other people who have taken at least as long. One friend took 2 years for no reason with her first then fell pregnant almost straight away with her second! So try to stay positive if you can

@MummyBearBoo that’s so sad

@MapleAndCats welcome and sorry to find you here sounds like you’ve had a stressful time and doesn’t help with what DH said. It’s different for men I think isn’t it. We must be on a similar time frame as I think this cycle is also my 15th! You’re in the right place when you need to vent. I think everyone on this board has seen me in an array of moods - from optimistic to absolutely on the brink of giving up! Good luck with you’re HSG - I’ve heard a lot of people had success after them as it helps to clear the way so to speak!

Welcome @MapleAndCats sorry you're joining us but this is a good place to be. Cry, rage, vent... whatever you need.

@detoke how are you doing?

Hi @codenameduchess I did a scan and that same day AF came! it was so confusing. On Clomid now BUT FORGOT TO USE MY LAST DOSAGE YESTERDAY and I am at work so cant use it. ah well! waiting for April cycle now I guess haha!

Hi @MapleAndCats ahh I know the feeling! I have a DD already who is 3 and we planned that after she's 2, we woul d start trying. It's been a year now and DH says things like "well if it's only one we have then that's fine"... NOT FOR ME! I WANT 4 BABIES! LOL. Been recently placed on clomid. you will be fine! :D it'sa good place to rant :). We are all here for u xx

Hi @MapleAndCats so sorry your feeling down. I'm nowhere year your 15 cycle so I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel but I had a tough day yesterday where I felt like I could just cry any minute. Hopefully now your thyroid and hormones are better it will make a difference. It's completely understandable how you feel. All I can say is don't give up and when you can try distract yourself from ttc and still live your life as best you can. 💐 sending hugs.

How are you finding the clomid @detoke ? I want to ask about trying it as the metformin doesn't seem to be working this time.

Hi everyone,

Hope you don’t mind me joining. I’m a serial lurker on these threads and you all sound so much like me.

Been TTC for 18 months and myself and DP are both 27. I have really irregular periods, like I’ve had 6 over the past 18 months so trying to track my fertile week is nearly impossible. I’ve been checked for PCOS and although I have irregular periods and cysts on my ovaries the Dr was reluctant to diagnose me?!

Long story short I had a HSG about 4 weeks ago now and have just started taking norethisterone to bring on my period so I can start clomid.

I was coping pretty well with it all and remaining positive until a girl who sits behind me in work announced she was pregnant. She’s openly said how unexpected it was and laughed about how drunk she was over Christmas when she was early days. She also admitted that she was so shocked when she got her BFP that she had a glass of wine to calm her down. Literally the worst. Coming home that day was the first time I’ve cried about this in 18 months.

So sorry for the rant I just really needed to get that off my chest!

Thanks everyone for your kind words of understanding.

codenameduchess I use it just before bed so it doesn't seem to have so much of an effect but I had 5 doses and forgot the last one AND I was told to not use any more once I skip a dose

@MaybeBaby91 hi, that really sucks, don't blame you for crying. Hopefully you can start your clomid soon and it will help you. X