Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

dotty it's hard to say, it might knock out your cycle, it might not. It's annoying not knowing, isn't it? If this cycle doesn't work out I am definitely going to track ovulation better next month.

Thanks Mummy hope your period stops soon

Anyone doing anything nice this evening? Night in front of the telly for me with a nice cold glass of wine and something yummy for dinner

@MummyBearBoo I hope it finishes soon, hope you're okay!

@dottyp0104 so sorry for your loss, be kind to yourself ❤️❤️

I have no idea what's going on with my cycle, after 3 days of cramping I thought AF had finally arrived earlier this afternoon because I had quite a bit of pink CM...but nothing since then even though I'm cramping!

I don't know what's going on I've never had this happen before

@TheChineseChicken thanks, some mild pre period symptoms but so sign as yet, annoying doesn't even cut it . Nothing exciting planned here... a 6 year old sat watching a film on her tablet whilst I am subjected to re runs of Benidorm. What a rock and roll life I have lol. Hope you all have a more exciting night planned x

Argh Pinkstar!

Dotty

Today has been so hard. I found out a friend is pregnant with her second and I know it's silly but feels so unfair as her first is younger than mine.
Then the lady I sit next to and supervise at work is deciding whether to have a baby now or wait and has asked me numerous questions about maternity leave/pay which has made me unreasonably sad with thoughts about how I 'should' be on maternity leave now.
Then at dinner tonight it really struck me how grown my DD is (3.5) and then she was talking about having a sister and it makes my heart hurt that she doesn't have a sibling yet. I feel like I'm letting her down.
I know I am lucky to have one DC and I count that blessing every day.

Currently on cd13 so dtd every other day and I'm just so fed up of having to try and forget that I'm ttc in order to make it 'fun' when all I'm thinking is 'what's the point'.

Sorry for being a negative ninny. Today has just been too much.

I'm now on CD41 and no sign of af 😩 still having cramps but not quite my usual pre af cramps... lots of cm still to- why couldn't it have been a bfp?!

Dh has a cold.... he's driving me nuts. I hate the sound of coughing, sneezing and snotting and hes taking the piss. I'm going to bed just to get away from the noise. Me and DD have had colds and managed to get on with life, he's lying on the sofa simpering (yes, actually whimpering!) so I'm taking DD out tomorrow for a fun day! I'm thinking farm to see all the baby animals 😁

I know how you feel @Jduh all my friends have now had or are having baby number 2 and their youngest are younger than my DD who is just 3 and my only currently childless friends are pregnant with twins - none of my other friends have only 1 child anymore! That includes NCT friends, longtime friends and other mummy friends! I also got pregnant with my second before all of them but had to have a TFMR - I got a new niece the day after what would have been my due date too as my SIL got pregnant the day after me! It is so hard the last cycle I had a CP so I'm hoping it works next month! I do feel blessed to have my DD tho! xx

@MummyBearBoo I'm sorry to hear of all your struggles. That must be very difficult with your niece as a reminder all the time.
Fingers crossed it will happen for you soon after the CP this month!xx

Thanks @Jduh - i actually find it easier now that she's had the baby than I did when she was pregnant more time has passed too tho xx

Just checking in, I’m still here! And unpregnant.

Did anyone get an email from Mumsnet about the data breach? I think my account was compromised as I was logged out and stopped getting any sort of notifications from here so I forgot about it!

9dpo today and of bloody course tested BF-stark white-N on an internet cheapie this morning.

I don’t know why I do this. Go round and round like this each cycle with the early tests, get my hopes up, get disappointed. Month after month goes by and it’s never me. AF isn’t due until the weekend but I already feel out. I’ve got cramps and my boobs are killing me already and that’s how I know she’s coming! Jeez, how can my body just decide a whole week before AF that I’m not pregnant. Now I have to just sit it out.

@codenameduchess
@otter88
@thechinesechicken
@dottyp0104

How are you all getting on? Sorry I haven’t had time to pick up where I left off and read everything...meant to be working at the moment! Hate this part of the TWW, the distractions!

Hello again @Ells0204 sorry you're back 😟

I'm on CD44, no sign of af and all of the BFNs (I did a frer yesterday and 100% negative). I did ugly cry over mamma Mia 2 last night so maybe af is creeping up on me 😂

I was reading about the SMEP the other day so might give that a go if this cycle ever ends....

@pinkstar01 any news?

@codenameduchess I guess there's always hope until AF shows!
My AF this cycle has been horrendous, really horrible cramping that ibuprofen barely touched bit bizarrely I've only bled for 1.5 days...I've had nothing for the last 24 hours almost which is also a bit odd. But it was definitely a period, the bleeding was quite heavy even though it was short. I'm just gearing up for the new cycle and really trying to eat better...

Hi @Ells0204 nothing exciting happening at my end. Day 27 amd no sign of AF. Usual cycle length is 23 days like clockwork. Thats assuming 1st day of MC bleed as day 1. Only bled max of 4 days..... did test, although knew the result bfn. Bloods back from doctors all normal. Just want AF here so I can get back on track. I returned to normal cycle with last MC straight away so
im a bit peeved. On the plus side at least I can have my covktails at my sisters hen night this week
Fingers crossed theres some good news for you ladies xx

@dottyp0104 Ahh sorry to hear that. I hope she turns up soon, i know the frustration of just waiting for AF to show up so you can get on with your cycles again! Post MC as well must be hard I had a 47 day cycle back in November. I don’t know if this was pure fluke but I read that iron can sometimes help bring AF along...so one morning I diluted that liquid iron in orange juice with my breakfast and what do you know...by 2pm she had come!

I’m pretty much just waiting until Saturday for mine to show now. --I will, of course, test every morning with an IC juuuuust to get it out my system though--

@Ells0204 I may habe spoke too soon, seems my old friend AF may be on route.... this may be the only time I am relieved to say this 😂

Ells0204 sorry you've had another cycle with a no show but keep at it!

Last day of AF today for me so back to DTD soon! I've absolutely promised myself that I'm not going to obsess this month. If there's anything the past few months has taught me, it's that there are no 2 months the same for period symptoms and when you are ttc your body and mind plays tricks on you. Sometimes there are no symptoms and you can be pregnant so looking out for all these signs and building hope is a waste of energy. I don't know how well I'm going to avoid obsessing etc but I'm going to give it my best shot as I can't put myself through that again and again. It's only going to make it harder. I'm going to learn some patience and focus on looking after myself and keeping my brain busy with other things. So much easier to say than do but saying it is a start at least! Haha

Ells great to hear from you. I was wondering if you were ok. I'm also due AF on Saturday assuming this cycle is on the usual schedule and I also had a BFN this morning. It's still early though so it's not necessarily game over. I've been having some twinges in my lower abdomen but I'm not naive enough to think that means anything.

code are your cycles usually that long or are they really variable? Before I had DD mom were all over the place and it was really hard to know when to DTD without just doing it all month!

dotty has AF started then? Sorry about that but at least your cycle wasn't messed up. as you say, at least you can properly enjoy the hen do - not so much fun when sober.

@TheChineseChicken they can be, before dd I never knew and could go up to 6 or 7 months but since she came along I've been pretty regular. I assume it's a combination of pcos and stress this cycle, doesn't make it any less annoying as I want to get back to ttc!!

@pinkstar01 how strange.

CD26 and BFN this morning. This is the same CD that I got a squinter last cycle so I'm not feeling too hopeful

Morning @TheChineseChicken - what tests are you using?
I tried an ic a few days ago, got all emotional about the BFN but a lot of ladies said could still be too soon as they didn’t get a positive until FDMP.
I’m due on tomorrow. Have resisted a test because we are away. How are you feeling?

I'm just using ICs, which I've actually run out of now so I'll have to wait for the next batch to arrive. I've been sleeping badly but other than that feel pretty normal but I haven't really had symptoms when I've been pregnant before.

Fingers crossed AF doesn't arrive for you tomorrow!

Ells any better news from you?

I hate that AF symptoms are the same as pregnancy - Mother Nature is a cruel mistress!
Fingers crossed for you too! xxx

@dottyp0104 celebrating your AF! Must be a relief now you can crack on and relax a bit!

@TheChineseChicken yep BFN on an IC for me this morning too although I have kind of accepted the fact I’m already out. Doesn’t stop me testing though haha, I do like the ICs just to feed that little obsession. I’m sorry about your BFN though
My boobs get sore about 5-7 days before AF and the one time I didn’t get sore boobs...I was pregnant! I also got sore boobs with my chemical, and a few days before I miscarried the other pregnancy my boobs got sore so for me sore boobs ALWAYS means not pregnant or it’s a very very bad sign if I am pregnant.
I know every pregnancy is different and so are symptoms yada yada but mines pretty consistent...I’ll be waiting for the cycle I don’t get sore boobs again

Wow...could I have possibly said BOOBS any more?! 😂