Crushing disappointment of TTC

[TheChineseChicken]

TTC number 2 and struggling with the miserable disappointment every month. DD took quite a long time to conceive. Tried for a year, fell pregnant then miscarried at 9 weeks then pregnant again 3 months later. Been trying for number 2 since August and stupidly convinced myself it would be quicker this time due to friends' experiences. But here we are on cycle 5. The not knowing is the worst bit - it could happen this month, it might never happen.

I know that no-one can give me any reassurances but I just wanted to have a moan!

I fished this morning's test out of the bin for some inexplicable reason and saw a faint second line, which is clearly an evaporation line. Just did another test to confirm and it's negative

They normally get darker the closer you to ov but I had that problem with strips where they never got as dark as the control line so I started using the clear blue ones with the smiley face

@TheChineseChicken no idea! I just want af to come already!!
Re the OPKs, mine tend to be all over the place until before ov then get darker until O day before fading again. do you know when you'd expect to ov?

Going by normal cycles I should have ovulated Friday / Saturday so the lines getting lighter would coincide with that. But I'm not sure I can really read anything into the lines. Anyway, I guess I need to just keep DTD regularly until I either get AF or a BFP

@MummyBearBoo sorry to hear you got a bfn but you never know, until AF comes it could still be possible if something messed up the last test.

@codenameduchess how bloody annoying, our bodies are really messing with us. Grrr!

My AF due on Thursday. My boobs have been sore since last Tuesday and never normally that early on or as sore. Also seeing a lot more CM but I know these are both signs of AF coming so not gonna think anything of it, although we all know deep down I'm hoping it's something else. Time has significantly slowed down! Lol.

Not bleeding yet now AF 5 days late and still not here - have similar symptoms to when I had my DD- more cm, tender boobs, headache, cramps ( but not as bad as period pain), extreme tiredness and back ache! So thinking I may still be Pregnant but we'll see just keeping my fingers crossed this wasn't a CP! Xx

Let us know what your test says this morning, Mummy

@MummyBearBoo really keeping my fingers crossed for you, no AF is a good sign ❤️

@codenameduchess I really hope no AF is a good sign for you too! Keep us posted!

So I woke to this morning at 12dpo and was expecting my temp to drop a bit by now, but instead it's gone up! It's the highest it's been all cycle and I'm 2/3 days from AF! I have no idea what it means...

Ladies- had a bit of bleeding this morning pretty sure it means AF is on the way 5 days late - It quite bright red (soz tmi) which I've read means i probably was pregnant as the lining had fresh blood going to it for a bit - think i'll start bleeding heavily soon and this was a CP! Pretty gutted! Xx

Eek Pinkstar!

Mummy I'm gutted for you, that's so shit. Sending you strength for today x

Thanks @TheChineseChicken -it's disappointing but I feel ok I was only 2 weeks gone! So onto Cycle 4 then - try and do the same again but i won't test until my period has totally missed in future (so a week after AF due) I'd rather not know if I have another CP - it's frustrating coz I have a 40 day cycle so don't ovulate til 25/26 days so I don't ovulate every month!! Xx

@MummyBearBoo sorry to hear your news, that's really shit. How are you doing today?

@pinkstar01 has your temp risen again?

@MummyBearBoo I'm glad you are staying positive and focusing on the next cycle. Definitely agree with you on not wanting to know if a CP has happened. Just makes the whole thing 100 tonnes harder. Onwards and upwards and a new cycle to start ago fresh on.

AF turned up today and i got myself really upset cause I did what I said I wouldn't in symptom spotting and convincing myself this month would be the one. So frustrated with myself but I don't know how to not do that!

I am grateful that my cycle is back to normal after being 4 days late last month so means it probably was because I was ill. Need to find that silver lining somewhere otherwise I'll go stir crazy!

@pinkstar01 and @codenameduchess I'm hoping for some good news for you guys! Xx

@Otter88 I'm sure I'm out this month, 17DPO (if I even ovulated!) and BFNs so far but no sign of af. Due a medication review soon so I'll ask about upping the dose or trying something else to stimulate ovulation 🤞

@codenameduchess aww man, periods suck!

I've just fallen out with my husband cause he told me to stop being so upset and cause I'm emotional anyway cause of period, it just all blew up :( so not a good day.i haven't slept well for a few nights so everything is just weighing down on me.

That's rubbish @Otter88! Take some time out for yourself today, it's absolutely ok to be upset. My dh doesn't understand it either and doesn't get why I track or check or get upset when af shows and it's frustrating when you just want your dh to see it like you do.

Self care is still so important for all of us

Thanks @codenameduchess you are so right. I decided to call in sick at work, bad I know but I just feel broken today and need to sort my head out. We all just deal with stuff differently and i am very emotional anyway and my husband is very inward with his thoughts and emotions so I know he is feeling disappointed but he just deals with it differently but when you are in that state, being told not to be upset is not the most helpful. It's all a learning curve I guess.

I'm not even excited about the house going up for sale at the moment. I'm sure I'll get myself out if it with some kindness and care for myself.

Really gonna work hard this cycle to keep my cool and not get too worked up about symptoms etc. Need to go with the flow somehow.

Oh and my friend just announced she's pregnant with her 2nd so don't think that helped either! She's part of my group of pals I met at uni and they all have babies now so feeling left out!

@Otter88 so sorry you're having a rough day, be kind to yourself 💗 it's such a hard thing to go through honestly

@codenameduchess thanks for thinking of me! So my temp was 37.4 this morning, yesterday it was 37.6 so not a huge drop but I don't really have any symptoms today at all. I didn't test either, tomorrow I'll be 14dpo so I might do it then..but really not feeling anything so I think I'm out 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Otter88 it's tough when a friend announces, it's hard not feel sad for yourself.

@pinkstar01 I didn't have any symptoms at all when I had dd until about 6 weeks. Let us know how the test goes 🤞🤞🤞

@codenameduchess I did an FRER just now...after 4/5 hour hold and it was BFN so I'm definitely out :( 14 dpo and I was hoping to give my husband a wonderful vday surprise but looks like we're onto another cycle now 😢

I feel ok today this month was the month where we managed to DTD day before and day of ov and though it didn't last it worked so if we do it right it seems to work so will try to do same again! I just don't know when I'm due to ov so don't always manage to do it day before and that seems to be critical time coz then sperm are already there waiting for an egg! Xx

Sounds like a crappy month all round! and for everyone

I second @TheChineseChicken !

@pinkstar01 so sorry, so disappointing