The Struggle Club

[LochNessMumster87]

Hello beautiful ladies. First of all, I have pcos....i was told I would have alot of trouble ttc... And boy were they right. Every month of a bfn rips another little piece of my heart out 😞 im desperate for another baby, and I constantly think about being pregnant and how exciting it will be and having a little baby in our lives. So I thought I would make a thread for all of us out there who feel this way and are struggling and just need some support and some friends. Let's support each other, because it's always nice to have other people in the same boat to talk to. So come join, and go on our difficult journeys together and hopefully this thread is going to be filled with the sweet sights of BIG FAT POSITIVES before too long 🤗😊♥️👶🎉

@Ifeelinclined so sorry your period arrived, CD1 is always the worst.

@Mseddy I always find that advice pretty ridiculous too. I know people are trying to be helpful but it's just not is it?

@LondonKez I've not heard it but will have to look it up, will be very interested in the PCOS one!

I had really bad cramping last night and fully expected to wake up to AF. Nothing yet but lots of cramps and back pain. I'm CD25 and my temps have been rising but no crosshairs from FF and I'm not sure I've ovulated. I had two temp rises in the last cycle that looked like ovulation but weren't so I don't even trust my temps at the moment!

@LondonKez I really like BFN podcast, listening to it was actually what inspired me to join mn! I had been struggling to talk to people in my life about ttc and finding it difficult because I found that generally people offered platitudes or didn't take me seriously as we haven't been trying for a year yet. It's really helped to hear from other women who understand how hard this process is.

@Noseringgirl How are things now? I've just started with temping this cycle and already quite confused!

I think I'm officially in tww as had temp rise just above cover line today. If correct, I would have ov'd cd15, slightly later than usual. Not feeling great as dp and I only managed to dtd five days and three days before ov so don't think we gave ourselves the best chance. We actually dtd every day from Monday to yesterday but dp only able to finish on one of those days- I think the pressure got to him as I was getting a bit over-enthusiastic sharing all this new data I was gathering on my cycle. We were both quite frustrated last night but talked about it and agreed to just go for a dtd every other day approach in fw next cycle if we are not pregnant to try to make things less stressful- I've agreed to not go on too much about temping/opk's (after all, I have you ladies on mn for that!). Anyway you live and learn- I know that we still have a shot this cycle so trying to hold onto the hope! Good luck to everyone this month!

@goldflakepaint which app are you using to put your temps in? I find fertility friend really good as it does a lot of the work for you. You can also do a charting tutorial on there that explains things really well. Ovulation tends to take place the day before the temp increase and sperm can survive up to 5 days so you may well be in with a chance! Good luck!

I got AF yesterday. It meant I had a normal cycle length so while I'm obviously gutted to not be pregnant, it's good progress. It's also been quite heavy which for me usually means I've ovulated. My anovulatory cycles always end in fairly light bleeding. So I've got things to be positive about!
We were considering taking a break from TTC to try and get my PCOS back under control, and also because we were nervous of having another autumn/winter baby (I had quite bad PND last time and the dark nights made it a lot harder). I'm not sure we will though, I'm not getting any younger or any more fertile and I really don't want to waste any time!

Morning ladies,
AF arrived this morning, 2 days early according to where natural cycles plotted ovulation but that aligns with when I thought I ovulated (NC has since adjusted O). Gutted but completely expected given how my temps have been gradually dropping over the last few days.

@goldflakepaint good luck! Fingers crossed this is your lucky cycle! x

@NoseringGirl that sounds promising that your flow is heavier. And excellent to be able to look at it positivily. Do what's best for you in terms of timing, but perhaps the experience of PND may allow you to mentally prepare for the 'what if' this time? Whatever you choose to do, it sounds like you've thought about it a lot x

So I've just opened up a little to a really close friend about how I'm feeling. And she totally threw me with a new phase I've not has before "don't get upset about it, it's just not your turn". Literally felt like a punch to the gut! I could see my husband in the reflection of the mirror I was doing my hair in flinch too. It's so bloody hard when the people closest to you just font get it. I feel alienated right now!! Doesn't help that the first thing she said to Me when I walked through her door with a bottle of prosecco was "ah your drinking, wasn't sure if you'd be pregnant by now" :(

@LondonKez sorry for AF! All the best for this new cycle!

@Mseddy sounds like your friend was trying to be comforting but ended up being insensitive! I've got an Ava bracelet and am in the Facebook group for it. There's a lot of Americans on there which seems to result in a lot of posts/comments about "God's plans" and "God's timing" and while I'm sure there are people who find comfort in that, and good for them, I find it quite difficult. The idea that there's some higher power deciding who gets babies and when that happens just makes me feel worse. I think what one person may think is a helpful perspective can just sound dreadful to someone else.

@Noseringgirl I brought a bluetooth thermometer called Femomometer which comes with its own app which uploads the temp. The app isn't great and weirdly did not change my ov date ater three days of high temps- it seems to just go on opk's which defeats the object a bit! But it does mean I can stay half asleep when taking my temps and don't get too disturbed on the weekends which is worth it for me. I do put all my temps onto Fertility Friend as well as that will do the crosshairs correctly but I do feel a bit app heavy at the minute as prior to all this I was using Ovia.

@Mseddy I agree that people will usually have really good intentions but often, what they say is not helpful. I have had that experience myself and wonder if part of it is that we just assume that people get pregnant really easily- I know I did before I started ttc!Last week I had someone randomly advise me not to leave it too late to get pregnant- really helpful advice obviously! It's good to know that you can always vent on here to people that get it.

How is everyone doing? I'm 6dpo, obviously not trying to symptom spot but noticing a lot of cm and also had really weird stabbing stomach pain yesterday when at the shops. Actually doubled over as it was quite intense but only lasted about 10 seconds. Had uncomfortable stomach for the rest of the day but not too bad now, just a bit bloated and headachy (which are common pms symptoms for me). Of course I hope it was implantation bleeding but may just be gas

I think that's why I find it so hard when people do pass flippant comments. I've always known we could face fertility issues due to chemo so I'd never pass a flippant comment to anyone else because you never know, but I forget that I'm the exception not the rule! So people don't have the same jaded view of TTC that I do.

I'm 9dpo, I feel like AF is coming although now due until Sunday. I'm working the weekend and petrified that I'll come on at work and not handle it very well. I've just had some awful news about my dad, so I'm 100% sure I'm not going to cope with AF this month, it'll be the last thing to tip me over the edge.

@goldflakepaint I used a femometer when we were TTC DS2. It was quite handy not to have to open my eyes to temp! I used to transfer everything over to FF as well too.
I've got 4 apps on the go at the moment. I really should drop a couple but just keeping going with it. Daft really!
Hope that stabbing pain was a good sign for you!

@Mseddy sorry about your Dad, I hope AF stays away for you so you get some good news!

CD6 here and period has ended. Got about a week before I start doing OPKs so in the boring part of my cycle!

I meant implantation cramping in last post, not experienced any bleeding. Checked Ovia and I had spotting at this point (CD22) in last two cycles (one of the reasons I was concerned about my luteal phase). But nothing yet. BUT I have a few cycles where I have had nothing until CD23 or CD24 so can't take it as too much of a sign yet. Not feeling great (bloated, tired, nauseous, slightly crampy) but again that is not unusual for me at this stage. I did plan to test with frer tomorrow as will be 3 days away from expected af at that point but feel a bit reluctant to do it now when I could wait a few days and feel more confident in getting a BFP. Original plan was to test so I could know if I could drink at work do but now I think that even if it is negative I would probably err on the side of caution and not drink anyway in case it is false negative. What would you guys do? I think there is a huge part of me that prefers the possibility to being pregnant to the disappointment of a BFN.

@Mseddy I'm sorry about your dad and really hope you get a BFP this cycle. Try to look after yourself and do whatever helps, reach out for support if you can or think it would be helpful. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

@Noseringgirl I do love being able to stay half conscious when temping! Temperatures have stayed high so far but still relatively early days. Even if I don't get a BFP this cycle, temping has given me some really helpful information i.e. confirming ovulation and I'll be able to figure out length of luteal phase. So really glad I made the effort to do it. Hope you've got some good things planned to take your mind off the boring part of cycle!

@Mseddy sorry to hear about your dad - and sounds like your friend was unintentionally super insensitive, I don't think people understand that it's not something you can be really blasé about and it's quite a sensitive subject when you're TTC x

@NoseringGirl I believe in god but jeesh the last place to plaster it is on forums like that 😂

@goldflakepaint I'd maybe not POAS if you won't drink either way - I've had a few drinks this month but I think it's personal preference really, whatever you're comfortable with. If you can hold out until you're back you'll get a stronger result too 😁 x

@cupcakesandglitter Yeah, I decided not to test today after speaking to dp last night. Checked Ovia and actually af due on Sunday so not long to wait, really. Had a tiny bit of pink spotting this afternoon but nothing since- I do usually get spotting before af though. After all of that, ended up not going to work do anyway as I am coming down with a cold. So spending tonight with curry and Netflix!

Thanks for all your well wishes guys. I've taken the weekend off work to spend some time with my family. Tbh the crap news about my dad has taken my mind off my impending AF a little. I'm sure it'll hurt just as much when it comes mind but it's not my only thought for once!

@goldflakepaint I get what you mean about the possibility of being pregnant over a BFN. The TWW is the only time of the month I experience any positivity!

Hello ladies I am also new here... I'm 31 and been TTC for 10 months... it's so upsetting to keep having BFNs. I have 2 older children from my first marriage but can't seem to get caught now. Starting to lose hope! X wishing you all luck

@Lexiboo02 Welcome! I'm getting close to 10 months too and it is hard to stay hopeful when ttc takes longer than you thought it would. It has helped me to be able to air my frustrations here with women who understand and are in the same boat. Hopefully we'll all be posting Bfp's soon!

@Mseddy It's good that you've taken some time off for yourself. Wishing you all the best

Double whammy here today- got a cold plus more spotting today so pretty sure I'm out this cycle. Also feeling very premenstual and bloated. So feeling pretty shitty and in low spirits- not at all in the mood for dp's family Christmas party tonight but will have to drag myself there. How's everyone else?

@Lexiboo02 welcome to the group!! I have been TTC for over a year, I have learnt to try to have distractions and live in the moment! It's so difficult but this month I have tried to enjoy Christmas (in a way without having a drink 😂😂😂) Just stay positive!!

@Mseddy so sorry to hear about your dad, just be kind to yourself!!

I'm day 3/4 DPO, my OH works shifts so it's really difficult to nail him down during ovulation, therefore I just dtd when he is around and not bother with ovulation dates. This month though we have managed to dtd more often including before and after predicted ovulation days. I'm trying so hard to be positive, like I said I'm just trying to enjoy the time of year and time with family and friends. I'm doing ok by not questioning every little feeling and accepting what will be will be. 🤞🤞 for a Christmas miracle, I'm due Christmas Day!!

Love and positive thoughts to all you lovely ladies xxx

Merry Christmas everyone.

I didn't get my Christmas miracle but hope some of you have had your bfp's!!

I will be spending the rest of my day drowning in champagne and wine with the people I love the most.

😘😘😘

Merry Christmas @sal1987! No BFP here either and I think it's another anovulatory cycle. Got to get my PCOS under control in the new year. All this Christmas food is probably the source of my lack of ovulation.

Hi all - how are you all doing?

I had a bfn today, af due tomorrow. Feel like my body playing tricks on me as my bbs are pulsating and so sore. I feel quite low but need to think positive!

Sorry for the bfn @Sshsecretenclosed did AF stay away?

I've been getting period pains for the last 3 days. I'm CD23 today and I don't think I've ovulated (my chart doesn't show clear ovulation anyway). I always seem to get more days of cramping before any bleeding with anovulatory cycles.
I'm trying to focus on eating better to improve my PCOS and then going from there. Spent the last few days with pregnant SIL who is due around the time I would have been from the chemical I had. That's been difficult.

@Sshsecretenclosed Sorry to hear about bfn, I know what you mean about body playing tricks. It seems like every cycle I've been ttc something weird has gone on which has got my hopes up. Hope you had a good Christmas, fingers crossed for Jan!

@Noseringgirl That does sound difficult, hope you're okay. Sound like you have a plan with diet, it should be easier to do once all the festivities are over! I don't have PCOS but really want to cut down my sugar consumption as it's gotten a bit out of control in the last month or so.

I am on CD11 and it appears that I will be ovulating early as got peak on cb digital today. My ovulation date does like to shift around. Dtd the deed yesterday and plan to go again tonight. Feeling weirdly demoralised like I am just waiting for the next few months when we'll be able to go to GP and get fertility tests. Trying to keep the faith but the length of time that all of this is taking is grinding me down. Not sure what to do with my feelings- it's not putting me off trying but I'm getting less hopeful each time.