TTC after tfmr- anyone in a similar situation?

[Angel2018]

Hey,
I had a tfmr in August and want to start trying after my next af. Is anyone in a similar situation? I’m full of mixed emotions but the desperation for a baby is taking over but I’m also worried of a similar occurrence and feeling guilty I’m moving on too soon from the loss of my angel.

Hi @angel2018 i am so sorry for your loss. I had a TFMR in April at 24w and it is truly shit.

I was devastated and felt everything from wanting another baby and not at all, a lot of guilt and hormones and grieving all at once. It is natural and there is no magic answer that will help.

I met a wonderful group of ladies on here who helped me smile again and embark on the terrifying journey that is TTC after a loss like this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3244374-TTC-after-stillbirth

I am now 14w newly pregnant and being well looked after. It isnt a magic fix and it is terrifying but taking each day as it comes. It feels like a lonely place but there are others out there (like me!) that can hold your hand.

What was your diagnosis? Have you had any follow up or future care plan?

HI @Angel2018 , I've been where you are and there is no right or wrong answer. We decided to try after out baby's due date had passed , if your personal preference is different that's fine too.

As a pp has said just make sure you have a care plan in place and know exactly what support/testing will be made available to you when you do go ahead.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Hi ladies, thanks for the reply’s.
@39Suzy sorry for your loss in April and also congratulations on the new pregnancy.
Thanks for the heads up on the ttc after stillbirth conversation I will keep an eye on that one. I didn’t think I’d be welcome as I had a tfmr and some people can be a bit funny about it.
My daughter had T21 and possible heart problems, yours?
Shall I contact my bereavement midwife to ask about a care plan as I haven’t had an appointment since it happened?
@KeysHairbandNotepad sorry for your loss. We were initially going to wait until the new year but with us both being the wrong side of 35 we decided to try from next month.
It’s very scary at the thought of trying again but we desperately what a baby to complete our little family. Our angel was so wanted and the initial guilt and grief was unbearable but 8 weeks on it’s gotten easier. We still miss her and visit her grave.

@angel2018 you will be more than welcome on that thread 😁

My little boy had a brain abnormality basically when j was 7 weeks i had bad flu, the oxygen and blood supply was interupted at a crucial stage and his brain never developed properly. The prognosis was so poor and we know now we probably would have lost him before term or during labour from a massive seizure. The PM process was long but a worthwhile process as it gave us the peace that we made the right decision. I think you fear that people will judge but we are all.human and no parents would want to put their little ones through unnecessary suffering and do the same thing.
Definitely speak to the Bereavement MW. Could be they do extra checks for you. Good luck with TTC, your rainbow is waiting 🌈

Aww I’m sorry to hear about your baby boy @39Suzy. Xx
Yes I think we all worry that people will judge us for the decision we made but I’ve always been totally honest with everyone about what’s happened and luckily everybody has been supportive, but this is not always the case for everyone.
Nobody wants to see their child suffer from the moment they are born I think it’s selfish and puts those dear babies in unnecessary suffering. Although the decision is hard and upsetting we made the choice so they didn’t suffer in life.
I will definitely speak to the bereavement midwife if I get my bfp.
Thank you fingers crossed.
Good luck to you too! Xxx

Thank you 😊