TTC Our Rainbow

[MeghanV07]

Hi all 💞 I had a miscarriage on the 5th September, I was 7+2 😔. We already have a 10 month old so I feel very blessed to have him. But now in the 2ww and I’ve done about a million tests already and they’ve all been BFN. Some I’ve thought they may possibly be a very very very positive but I’m doubtful. Is anyone else trying to conceive their rainbow 💞

@Bentley88 it is absolutely deserved 😂. You feel so mean being evil but it makes you feel a thousand times better doesn't it 😂.

I mean I say I won't be testing, 6dpo I'll be twiddling my thumbs 😂. I've just felt so groggy the past couple of days that I'm glad it's here.

I think I've said it before in here, but I just try to remind myself, nothing worth doing is ever easy & you only get out of what you put it.... excuse the pun 😂. But they both give me peace.... sometimes... even if it be for 5 minutes, it's 5 minutes of hope I needed.

I really hope we all get our cycles back to normal soon & our BFP don't keep us waiting. I'm glad for support groups like this in times of need. It's bitter sweet, a bloody horrible situation to be in, but so comforting to know we're not alone xxx

Hi ladies.. I've been reading your thread and I just wanted yo jump in and tell yous not to give up on your beautiful babies..

I have pcos. Cycles were all over the place (I was lucky to have one period a yr) me and dh were trying for 8 yrs to have our little one. In that time of trying we had two losses. A mc at 7 weeks (which left us completely devastated) then two yrs after that I found out I was pregnant again but ended up having an ectopic pregnancy. Had to have emergency surgery as I was bleeding internally and they had to remove my right tube. I was told that because I lost a tube and suffered from pcos the chances of me conceiving naturally were 35%.

The ectopic pregnancy really took it's toll on me. I was severely depressed and suicidal for a long time afterwards. It felt as if I was being punished. Why were my babies being ripped away from me. All I wanted was to be a mother. I was then advised ivf was our best option. We had appointments for a yr a half until I was finally putting on the waiting list and was advised we would be called in 8 months time. During those 8 months me and dh decided to keep an active sex life but had obviously given up hope conceiving ourselves.

Then with two months left to go until I started my ivf treatment,bang, I was staring at two pink lines on a pregnancy test! I broke down and cried. Couldn't even enjoy the fact that I had a positive test because of my two losses. I was sure I was going to lose this one too. A few weeks later the early pregnancy clinic seen me to check that I had implanted in the right place which I had. For the first time on a scan I could see everything was there and in the place it was meant to be. Both me and dh broke down...

I'd be lying if I said I found the next 9 months easy... I was a total mess because I was afraid something was going to go wrong but at each scan my little one was growing strong. Then Nov last yr he came into this world. He's now 11 months old... and the best gift ever!
Four months after I had my gorgeous son me and dh decided to get intimate again and I found myself doing another pregnancy test 5 weeks later as I was late and got another positive test! We defeated all the odds!!! Im due Nov again so I've only another 6 weeks to go.

We are both very nervous about how we're going to manage with a 1yr old and a newborn but at the same time we know they are both massive blessings to us. Especially due to losing two and genuinely believing we were never going to become a mum and dad.

Never give up ladies! Miracles really do happen... sending you lots and lots of baby dust. It will happen when you least expect it xxxx

I too felt just like you around other pregnant women and parents out pushing their prams...
Dh comes from a large family and everyone kept falling pregnant so easily throughout the whole time we were trying and grieving for the babies we lost as I was due the same time as his sister and sister in law so when their babies were born it was especially difficult knowing I should be holding my baby too.

So I understand everything yous ate saying. Along with the amount of testing I done every month for 8 yrs... I too could see double lines that were never there.
Growing up you were made to believe it was so easy to fall pregnant (well I did anyway) at sex ed and by my mum and how important protection was etc etc... All bullsh*t!! I tried and tried and got nowhere with conceiving.

Omg @Littlesparrow0 I am in tears.

What a beautiful story. I am so sorry for your losses but so glad you have one healthy baby and one on the way.

I too have a boy who is 11months tomorrow! So I count my blessings everyday that we already have a very healthy, happy boy.

Your story has given me so much hope ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hi ladies can I join please? M/C at 5wks 4days on 23rd Sept. Thought about waiting a month but DH is keen to try straight away. I did a FRER on Sunday and it couldn’t have been more negative which will hopefully make tracking things easier straight away as it means there’s no confusion with any leftover hcg. Started OPKs yesterday and 2 days of low which is normal for me at this point in my cycle. Going to be tracking CM too just in case. DH has been great and took it as hard as me, if not harder as I was on hol when it happened with people and he was home alone 💔 this ttc business is so tough xx

Morning all, I hope you're all well.

Firstly, stop feeling guilty about being jealous, angry, or whatever about other pregnant women. It is 100% natural. In the 2 years following our MCs I was irrationally hateful towards the 'lucky ones' and felt terrible guilt for a lot of that time. But it made my depression, anxiety, and grief worse. All I could think was, why were my beautiful babies taken from me, for DP to then tell me we wouldn't be trying again, and sit back and watch all these women smugly walking the streets with their 'baby on board' badges. I hated them, I actually hated them. But feeling guilty about that was pointless.
Just own it. Of course you feel like this. Babyloss is a fucking shit place to be. It's dark and lonely, and you feel like you're drowning most of the time. You have to do what you can to get through each day.
Once DP changed his mind back in June I had a beautiful couple of months of hate free life. I started to feel warm when I saw a pregnant woman, knowing it would be me next.

But it wasn't, and more and more people I know are getting pregnant all the time and I am back to hatred and jealousy. But you know what? Who cares man. Allow yourself to feel it. It isn't fair, we've been dealt this awfully cruel hand, so sod it. Don't try to stop these perfectly reasonable and natural feelings.

I can tell you that I have two DC who are 9 and 13 (from a previous marriage) and I have obviously always had PCOS (you don't just suddenly get it), and had terrible cycles then and still conceived naturally - albeit a long and emotionally painful journey.

I vowed I'd never put myself through the hell of TTC again but here we are. I thought it would be easy after falling pregnant by surprise with our first little star baby, then falling pregnant so quickly again with our second little star baby. But it hasn't happened yet and I am back to that TTC hell - at least practising is fun eh? It's just all the emotions that go with it.

I'm on my third day of using OvuSense and I'm hoping it will help.

Anyway, I want to finish my loooong post by saying...
WE ALL DESERVE THIS JUST AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE

@Littlesparrow0 I’m so glad you had a happy ending 😍❤️ Well done for staying so strong xxx

@meganV07 thankyou hun... Just don't give up hoping! I was told time and time again it will happen when you least expect it blah blah... hated hearing people say that to me
But it was true! And we defeated our odds all by ourselves!
Like I said miracles really do happen. I'm definitely walking proof of that..

It's such a long and difficult process trying to conceive while for others it happens so quickly or "it's a little accident" etc you feel like screaming at them "you have no idea how lucky you really are" and then there's the people who you know just shouldn't be parents at all....
It's a very painful situation and you do end up hating other women it's only natural to feel that way, I certainly felt like that for a very long time.

But things can change! You just never know when x

I'm at work I'll reply on lunch breaks ❤️❤️❤️❤️

It's so hard isn't it. We had three family pregnancies announced only a couple of weeks after I lost mine. I was so devastated I couldn't face them for quite some time. Its taken me so long to move forwards and I think partly for me it's because mine was not only emotional but it was physically traumatic. A natural miscarriage sounded like it would be the best option but it really was horrific. I'm lucky my partner has always been very supportive about it but now I feel guilty that it contributed to him later being diagnosed with depression. Nobody ever thought to ask how he was, only me. We're in a good place now though and not feeling good so hoping we will have more luck next time. But I totally get the feelings towards other pregnant women. Sometimes life just seems so cruel. Fingers crossed we all have happy healthy babies soon! X

And are feeling good I meant to say

Lord. Above. I am PISSED OFF.

Excuse my French.

I posted on my Instagram story last night saying I was 1 in 4 and I had a message from a friend saying sorry & today she's announced she's pregnant with the same due date as me 🙃. I am so angry. 1 because she knew full well she was pregnant & messaged me (and she's not the nicest of people) and 2 why her & not me. I'm nicer than her!

I know that is so so mean but I just need to say it to get my anger out lol.

Lots to catch up on today..

Welcome @sbhf1987 I'm sorry you've found yourself here but glad we've got another member joining our little support group.

Thank you @Frazzlerock I feel like I needed that pep talk!

After I said AF had arrived, she stopped almost that instant. I havnt had as much as a leak since 8:30 this morning so I have no idea what that's about.

Xxx

I've missed so much. So I'm so sorry!

@Littlesparrow0 beautiful story. So so happy for you after your struggles!! Xxx

@sbhf1987 welcome honey so sorry you've had to join this group. I'm lucky I found it x x

@Frazzlerock love your message ❤️

@Naughtykitty half sucks when you know people who are about to give birth or have announced they're pregnant :( I had a lot of that.

@MeghanV07 I'd be pissed off too honey - sure know who's actually a friend or just being nosey!!

SOOOO stressed out. Day 4 of being late based off my period last time. Still peeing on pregnancy sticks ( digitals ) and still not pregnant. All I want to see is that positive again. Horrible having one and then going back to negatives :( xxxxx

WAHOOOO finally bleeding!

Hey

@Meghan07 I totally get what you mean, but don’t worry your not the only mean and evil one, I can’t bare to even talk to my friend atm, it’s really sad and I love her as a person, but the place I’m in atm I can’t talk to her.

@Sbhf1987 I’m sorry your finding yourself here, and I’m sorry for your loss. TTC business is awful, I started straight off with the CB ov sticks and am stupidly hopeful :(

@naughtkitty 3 announcements is awful :( , I lost my sh*t with one. Hope your doing ok, each day at a time and all that.

@delilah7 hopefully back to more normal cycle next time!! 🤞

Hope all you other ladies are all doing ok this evening!

Morning ladies 💞

I had an absolute meltdown last night. The type where you cry so bad, you can't breath. I was so furious at that girl announcing she was pregnant. My husband said I can't stop people announcing (which I know) & that it's always going to happen, but I said what hurts most is that it would be my 12 week scan Friday & from what it looks like, we'd be a week apart. I said I should be getting ready to announce our baby and I'm not, instead I'm sat here feeling effing miserable and that it should be us. He finally understood and said let's take the next 2 months easy, enjoy TTC with no pressure and in December we will properly try... I love him for trying to make me feel better but he should know me by now, I will be opk'n and temping like anything from now.

Sorry for the long post! I feel weird this morning. I'm still only spotting, only when I wipe & my boobs are so bloody sore. I had them done 8 years ago and they're still super numb so I can never feel anything so it's strange they're this sore. I've tested & it's a BFN so I can't be preggo?!

Yay @Delilah7 glad the witch has arrived!!! New month & new cycle for you 🤞🏼🌈.

I hope so @Naughtykitty I've been so lucky and caught 1st time TTC with both babies that I feel my luck it out now. Isn't it crazy what a mc can do to you.

Does anyone have anything nice planned for the weekend ahead? Xxxx

@MeghanV07 I'm sorry you're feeeling that way. Just know you're not a lot. We have all or are all feeling that way. ❤️❤️❤️

@Delilah7 thank you 💞

It's tough this baby making business isn't it! Just hoping I get a full flow soon so can forget about the last horrid month! Xx

@MeghanV07 massively! xxx

Morning all

@MeghanV07 I'm there with you on the meltdowns (I think we all are). Life's a big pile of steaming dogshit sometimes isn't it. Two fingers up to your friend, and don't apologise for being 'mean'. We're all in this together so if you can't get your frustration out on here, then where can you?
It feels like the more you want to be pregnant, the less likely it is to happen. But how do you stop yourself wanting it so much!?

@sbhf1987 hi there and sorry for your loss.

I'm now on my 4th day of temp tracking (and CD11) and it's going up slightly. Buggered if I know what that means but if my cycle is as short as last one (only 25 days..) then I might well be ovulating over the next few days. Or it could be another 50+ dayer. Wouldn't it be good if we had crystal balls....

Is anyone else tracking their temps?

I’m not tracking temps I’m using CB Adv OPK’s. CD11 for me, usually flashing smiley by now but I’m on empty circle for 3rd day in a row. No obvious EWCM yet so think I’ll either ovulate later this month or have less flashing smileys (usually have 3 - 5 days of flashing! Which drives me nuts!) Usually get EWCM on my 2nd day of flashing so will prob DTD from day2 of flashing. Bought some pre seed this month too as couldn’t feel less like DTD if I wanted to be don’t want to waste a month of TTC x

@sbhf1987 we are CD pals then! (I'm also CD11). I never ever get EWCM, not that I've noticed anyway. I can't use OPKs as they are highly unreliable with PCOS.
I've also got some Preseed. I don't know if it is worth using it on a whim or not. I don't want ot miss an opportunity, nor do I want to waste it all before I've even ovulated

@Frazzlerock my friend recommended Pre Seed she said her friend had been trying 8 months and used it on 9th and got a BFP. Obv it could be a coincidence but worth a shot! My cycles are usually like clockwork, ovulate between CD14-16 so struggling this month not knowing. I get loads of EWCM though, before TTC I thought there was something wrong with me lol xx

@Frazzlerock so true!

I'm so confused atm. My bleeding is still spotting, but it's a watery blood with some clots Soz tmi ladies, I had a pain in the tip of my shoulder this morning which I haven't had since & I've been having pains on my left ovary but also sometimes on my right.

Obviously google is telling me ectopic which I am now really panicking about, I'm getting negative tests still (although haven't tested this morning) if I get the pain again I may ring EPU? God my mind is going crazy. Or am I just spotting because AF is due tomorrow and I know I used to spot a day or two before she came & did my shoulder hurt because I was painting yesterday?!

Why can't we all have text book periods and text book pregnancies?! I know the world would be a boring place but we'd all be a lot happier and less crazy 😂.

11:11 make a wish ✨