35+ TTC#1 Thread 3

[Blondcat]

We seem to have filled up our last thread so here is a new one.

A wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the ttc journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Goodluck to all ladies we can do it

Been reading some of the previous posts on this thread and it got me thinking about how to manage things with DP.
So he knows we are now trying and is up for it. He knows the chances will be getting lower at our age (36) and so it may not be super easy. And he is in agreement with me that this is a good time and a long wait would be a pain in the arse career and circumstance wise.
BUT.
I haven't told him about the ttc logistics. I don't want to put any pressure on. I was planning on not telling him anything about it and just springing him at the right time...
DOUBLE BUT.
I have serious issues with ddt. It's painful, and somewhat upsetting for me. It's a bit of an uncomfortable show. We've ddt about 4 times in the last 2 years. I'm motivated to just do it, so we can have kids. He's very patient with me, bless his heart, but I know it makes him sad deep down.
He is going to enjoy the extra attention but he's going to realise why I'm suddenly pouncing on him. This leads to a major embarrassment factor for me. I'm so worried about flaking out and giving up.

So I can't decide. Do I tell him the plan, the dates we need to ddt so he is on board and can take pressure off ME? And risk performance anxiety on his part or freaking him out a bit with how scientific it all gets?
Or do I keep it to myself and tell him, yes it's all part of ttc and he's a lucky boy that he gets it a few nights in a row and leave it at that?!
We are thick as thieves. I'm not trying to hide anything important from him. I just wonder if the latter approach might make it easier, more fun, or I dunno.

Hi @Beeseeinya and welcome to our thread. Although my DH is aware that we are ttc I decided to keep all the biological information to myself. Of course he knows there is a special time of the month where is more fun than others but he doesn't seem to mind, as long as there is sexy lingerie involved, he won't complain 🙈😂😉

@Beeseeinya
Hi lovely, welcome to the best group on Mumsnet. These ladies are awesome

Despite recent IVF-gate (not very interesting story - 'he' has done a u turn on having IVF, the rascal) i have kept it quite low key on the 'today's the day, get your pants off' routine. Turns out that men do freak out about this and the longer trying goes on even the most self-assured 'strong swimmer' (my OH has two kids - so it wasn't a problem with him - said he) starts to doubt themselves!

Have the conversation about there being a few really good days a month, I think some men are oblivious to the small window. Then just do what you are ok with.

do you know why dtd is hurty? X

@Kescilly, I'm definitely heading for a two week wine tour of Chile if we're still childless by the end of next year 🍾🥂😂

@Beeseeinya, that does indeed sound like a big double but. I don't want to pry about your circumstances and mine certainly maybe different to yours, but I've started to suffer from vaginal dryness over the last couple of years (sorry for the TMI!), which really can make sex painful. I didn't realise the reason for the pain for a looongg time- I've always been really prone to thrush, so thought it was possibly something to do with that. Had a mega course of yeast infection treatment, was definitely thrush free, was really looking forward to pain free sex and then BAM - no such luck and the penny dropped 🙄 Back to the point; I've started using a fertility lube that you literally syringe inside yourself before sex to A) hopefully help DP's swimmers get to where they need to be and B) make sex waaay more comfortable for me. Maybe worth a try?

As for how much you do or don't tell him about fertile weeks and what not, maybe give him the choice? Mine really wanted to know and still had one episode of performance anxiety last cycle, but no such problem this cycle 👍🏻 He was really pleased with himself for being able to 'deliver the goods' 4 times in a week 😂

@Kescilly @BambiOnIce80

Despite feeling like tiny ninjas are kicking the hell out of my uterus - no AF yet.

We have swept IVF-gate under the carpet. To be continued.... I'm being a massive wimp. X

I've messaged you, @Beeseeingya.

@TheNewbieStep I hope AF stays away! I don't think you're a wimp; it's okay to take a little space before returning to the conversation.

That sounds like a great plan, @BambiOnIce80!

You're not a massive wimp @TheNewbieStep! I bloody hate confrontation and IVF-gate is definitely a sensitive subject. Probably best to play the long game on this one 👍🏻 On the matter of DP and kids from previous relationships, my friend I mentioned earlier today who was my confidant in the previous TTC head-wreck was in a similar situation. Her DP was obviously completely self assured their infertility was nothing to do with him because he had kids from 2 previous relationships. He was quite happy to go for SA based on this and then found out the majority of his swimmers were malformed with 2 heads and 3 tails and what not, which needless to say really shook him. Apparently the older guys get, the worse quality their sperm gets (which I didn't know). They got their happy ending naturally though, so obviously some of the swimmers were still in good shape 💪🏻😉

@Kescilly, my boobs aren't as tender as they were yesterday (I'm sure you were totally desperate to know that 😂), which makes me think my progesterone levels are crashing because there's no bun to keep in the oven. Think I'll be joining you in AF soon, but at least there will be care-free wine! 🍾🥂

@BambiOnIce80 I poked mine today to see if they were still sore! 😂

I might start a new thread #winetour2019

@Kescilly @BambiOnIce80

OMG @Kescilly, I'm having to sit on my hands to stop myself randomly copping a feel to assess which direction tenderness is going in! 😂 I'm absolutely going to get caught at it at work at some point!

Sign me up @TheNewbieStep 😉🥂 Talking about tempting pregnancy fate by arranging non-pregnancy friendly things, I've just taken delivery of 12 bottles of white, 12 bottles of red and 2 bottles of port🍷Surely that's just upped my chances of a BFP this week significantly, right?!

Hi ladies, long time no read... Little blueberry (conceived last August via IVF for those of you new to this thread) is now 4 months old & getting his first tooth. I wondered what was going on when he woke from a nap & wouldn't stop screaming even after I changed & fed him . Am now armed with teething powders & liquid paracetamol....

Just read some of the recent posts & they brought back memories. My DP was reluctant to do SA as he'd had no trouble fathering a child 18 years (!!) previously & it was a palaver to get it done as he didn't want to do it in the clinic, but doing it at home meant transporting it to the clinic within an hour! He took ages to agree to do IVF, which put lots of stress on our relationship, but we did go ahead & now he's really pleased with our son (who looks just like his Dad ).

Wishing baby dust to all

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I had a chat with him this evening asking him how much he wanted to know. He said everything (of course, he is a scientist). I told him generally how it works, and that there will be a window of opportunity that I will let him know about, and that it's ok if things don't happen because of pressure etc.

His response? "Pfft, I doubt I will have a problem with that!" 🙄

I think he's just happy that he's about to get more action than he has in several years. Haha

I do have some of the conceive plus lube, which I had read helps the sperm make their way to the egg more easily but am starting to realise it will have a ton more benefits as well! !

My issues are a mix of body (vaginismus?) and mind (hate the way I look), enough to just end all desire in myself, which it turns out I need in order to actually dtd comfotably. I've no problem with desire in the other direction. Maybe after all this ttc I will get over some of my headmush on this topic.

@TheNewbieStep IVF-gate does not sound fun. I hope you manage to work it out together. I have no idea what will happen if we end up going down that route. I feel like neither of us really wants kids enough to bother, though I worry that will change for me when I inevitably get ttc-obsessed, and not for him. So I could see how being on the same journey doesn't necessarily lead you down the same mental path......

@Beeseeinya glad you've had a good chat and got yourself and DP on the same page ☺️ Neither me nor my DP thought we were bothered about kids enough to entertain the idea of IVF... & then 6 BFN cycles on we have reassessed 😏 We think we'd like to go down the NHS investigations route and we might be entitled to one cycle of IVF, then at least we won't ever be looking back thinking "what if we'd have tried IVF" 🙄 We'll be perfectly happy, with or without kids 🙂

Anyway, good luck with the conceive plus 🍀 I've used that one and it definitely helped me - hope it does for you too 🤞🏻

Sorry for the late reply girls. Had a bit of a manic and stressful day in work.

So Yoga is definitely the way forward by the sounds. I really want to find a class that isn’t in my Lesuire centre, but any exercise class is appealing to me at the moment, it would be nice to just do something to take my mind of things. I just wish I had the go and confidence to go it alone.

It’s been nice to read everyone’s stories. And as ever I am sending everyone lots of ttc luck. Patiently waiting for some good news off everyone.

I’m living the wine and Vegas chats..... so far I’m in!!

So my ovulation sticks are still showing the faintest second line for almost a week now. Does anyone know what this means? X

Loving *

Hi @Beeseeinya We use the lubricant preseed which was an absolute godsend when I just wasn’t feeling it on one of the days we dtd during fw. My DH has a science background too. He actually knew my cycles better than I did, before ttc anyway.

@Carley32 have you tried Pilates? I go to a class at my local leisure centre which is fab!

I’m about 3dpo and keep prodding my boobs too lol I’m sure they’re more sore than normal, but I say this every month

Good to hear from you @Blueberry1 Poor little Blueberry teething - I can’t believe he’s 4 months already!

Well done to all you ladies who have persuaded you DHs to do an SA. Mine has agreed reluctantly to do it in Jan if nothing has happened by then, though he won’t be going anywhere near the clinic. I’ve got to help him and drop it off for him apparently as he’ll be too embarrassed!

Good morning ladies ☀

@Carley32, I think it's pretty normal to have a faint line present because you've always got a small amount of LH floating around. It's quite frustrating waiting for the peak, isn't it?! It's quite easy to miss it too because it might only be present for a few hours. I've usually managed to catch it on its way up or down and counted that as my BFP.

@PixieN, that's good that DP has set himself a date for SA 👍🏻 Mine was much happier with the idea of using the 'production room' outside the lab than having the stress of getting it there within an hour from home - it's funny how different all there preferences are! So. Although my DP was quite happy to go and get the SA out of the way, getting him to ring up for his results is proving more tricky 😕 I've been gently reminding him since Thursday, but no joy yet 🙄 I'm trying to work out if he's just doing the useless male thing or if he's worried about ringing... whilst trying not to bully him into getting on with it 😬

@BambiOnIce80 good morning 😊.
Oh really so I won’t see a clear bold line for all the days that I’m ovulating then?
I’m new to all this and have only had 1 AF in 4 months so a little worried that I’m ovulating at all!

@PixiN no I haven’t but would like too. Do you go alone or is it better with a friend? A little nervous going by myself and my friends are not to into the whole exercise thing lol. Xx

@Carley32, in my experience I get the peak one day and then it's gone the next. I think some people get it for a couple of days in a row, but it's basically a surge in LH that triggers ovulation. When you get the surge you should ovulate somewhere between 12 and 36 hours later (so they still don't exactly pinpoint it per se - just narrows it down a bit).

@blueberry1 great to hear from you glad all is well though sorry little blueberry is teething (our friends 5 month old was when we went to meet him last month and they were struggling with anything to sooth it for him) hope you have more luck.

@carley32 I also do zumba which is great fun if you want a class which makes you laugh too (hard to start with as everyone seems to know the moves and you are left behind but soon catch up). This one you can go to with a friend as you can laugh together or as with me I have met some great people who I see every week and now have a laugh with.

My OH was more than happy to pop out a SA I just struggle to get him interested in sex! I think he has absolutely no desire or it's just really repressed. He's very introverted and it's hard to get anything out of him. I would love us to have a normal sex life. But at the same time I definitely get bored of relationship sex too. I do miss my whoring days of my 20's! I'm still trying to persuade him to supplement our very targeted sex with the turkey baster method, but he thinks it's too clinical. I'm a scientist, so clinical sounds good to me. Anything to maximise our chances.

I'm off for my second AMH test this morning. I think the results came through the next day last time so should have a good idea of how quickly my ovarian reserve is diminishing tomorrow, fingers crossed!

Anyone else get really bad dizziness in their luteal phase? That's something that has also come on in the last few years.

Glad to hear all is well with you @Blueberry1 !

Good morning all! So many of you seem to have the OH doing an SA. Is this part of infertility investigations or are you just having a general check?

@79andnotout good luck with the test, hopefully you'll get the results that you want.

I like to picture little Blueberry as round and plump as an actual blueberry. Less blue, though. It's good to hear all is well!

@Carley32 sorry I can't be of any help with the OPKs. I got the monitor because I didn't trust myself to figure out the strips. I think if you were getting stark white before and now you're seeing a hint of a line, that might be a sign that things are returning to normal? Possibly a very slow return though.

No AF here yet, but I'm expecting it anytime from now until the end of the week. I'm happy for every day it stays away because I've been worried about my cycles getting shorter. I'm also hoping it stays away longer so we don't have to dtd while staying with relatives.

Does anyone have advice on dealing with travel and time zones? I think I'll need to bring my monitor and test, so maybe I should reset the time zone on it?

Ladies.....

My cycle is anywhere between 25 and 29 days....Today is day 27 I have First Response in my handbag..... do it at work or wait til tonight (we have the kids tonight - so it will be late....) x

Eeeeeeek!

Oooh how many DPO are you? I'd do it whenever you can do a hold for the best result.