TTC after recurrent miscarriage - thread 3

[Miami81]

Hi all. Sorry I hadn't realised other thread was full.
Have tagged who I can remember.
Please add people in.
@AnneLovesGilbert @Labmum @Hopefulforourrainbow @zarala

Oh hun it's so shit and cruel. I'm sorry x

No need to be sorry, if I can take any comfort from this shite situation it's that this is literally 'one of those things' decided for the most part at conception and not caused or affected by anything anyone did. Makes me feel much better in a morbid sort of way, that not much, if anything could have been done to avoid this outcome.

I know and I totally get that as all of my previous miscarriages are believed to have been chromosomal so nothing I can do to change that apart from trying IVF with PGD. It's just the constant emotional pain from it all and the heartache we experience x

I agree it is awful... I felt even worse earlier when being told by someone we know(who has been told she and her partner are both infertile) that maybe I should be glad I can get pregnant.

Call me insensitive but I felt like screaming 'what good is getting pregnant if you don't have a baby at the end of it?' But then maybe I should be thankful that I have different worries to her.

FuckMyUterus it's not insensitive. It's different, and yes it's good news that it's possible get pregnant, but pregnancy is a huge ordeal to go through if you don't get to take your baby home at the end. It's awful that you're stuck in such a terrible situation, the uncertainty is so hard.

I'm so sorry you've started bleeding Muchies89, I hope you're having lots of cuddles with your dog and that things are easing off today. My parents bring their dog to see me whenever I'm miscarrying, she is so cute and affectionate and it really helps. Did you get a scan booked in?

I've started bleeding but it's no worse than a period, it sounds terrible to say but compared to my other miscarriages this one has been pretty straightforward. I hardly knew about the pregnancy before it started to go wrong, I didn't even look up the due date. I've been to the GP this morning and they've referred me on to St Mary's RMC, and I self-referred for counselling through the EPU, so at least it feels like there's a plan moving into place. I'm going to sulk for a few more days, and then start to plan a proper holday for December on the assumption that I'll still be waiting for appointments/test results so I definitely won't be pregnant.

Its not insensitive FMU. I nearly punched the doctor who when I had my 12 week mc said wasn’t it good that this was a natural conception after my failed Ivf. I had to point out there was nothing good about the situation.

I just don't get why people think that this is an appropriate situation to play a game of one-upmanship. Yes, I'm sure that infertility is 100x worse than miscarrying a few times, however how does it help me to point that out?! Aaaaargh

Having played both games I’m not sure which was worse. Actually having the miscarriage was bloody hard as I had some hope and then the disappointment was crushing. However if you’d said that to me when I had never had a positive pregnancy test I would have thought you were barking. It’s all different shit but it’s all still shit.

@FMU I think that was a really insensitive thing of your friend to say. She's obviously struggling with her own issues so perhaps she's not going to be the best source of support for you at the moment. Its a shame but try not to take her comments to heart, its all about how she's feeling, not you. Your feelings and frustrations are just as valid. You need friends who will drop off a load of chocolate/big stodgy dish of lasagne, make you a brew and say "its shit! If you want to talk about it you can, if not lets watch a crappy movie and pig out".

With my friends who have been through miscarriages I've just done what they've wanted, one wanted to be alone so I dropped off some chocolate and a bunch of flowers on their doorstep just so they knew I was thinking of them. Another wanted to talk through the whole miscarriage, I think it helped her to get it off her chest. I took cake and we sat on the sofa with a cuppa. Another friend lived far away so we just chatted on the phone and I sent her a spa voucher to treat herself, when I went through mine she sent me cosy slipper socks, a disney DVD and some chocolates. My point is we need to stick together in the shittiness not try and compete in the my life's more shit than yours competition. Take care lovely, try do something nice over the next couple of weeks to pass the time. Thinking of you.

Hi girl's, I've woken up to the news that my friend has had her third baby (she was one of my brother's first girlfriends) we have been speaking over Facebook and she came to visit when I had my son two years ago after I lost my brother in march 2014, she was of some support when I had the first miscarriage and this most recent one because it has happened to her. I am so very thankful and blessed that I have my son, I just keep thinking on each Saturday I should be this many weeks pregnant, feeling down, exhausted and uninterested in doing things lately, don't know what's going on with my af either, had about 2 days off brown, one day of red then nothing until this morning gone to brown again and my boobs are sore again, pregnancy test last night was negative. Just needed to get it down. X

@FMU I agree it's a heartbreaking comment to be told that....there's nothing positive about having to go through a miscarriage time and time again.

@Oddsbobbins I haven't phoned them for another scan, I'll just go to the one I have booked on Tuesday. I started cramping last night and bleeding again. The cramping didn't last long and there hasn't been much blood but I've had a little fresh blood ever since. I'm glad you have counselling booked and referral to RMC. What are your ideas for holidays in December?
We were thinking about 1 last big holiday in January for my 30th but we're given some positive news yesterday that once this is all confirmed as another miscarriage I can get onto the list to be seen for IVF in November. Obviously it'll be an initial appointment and I don't have a clue about timescales from there but I'm holding onto that for now to keep me going....x

@laura I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a crap time, it’s conpletely natural to mark off the weeks as what should have been, and hearing of your friend’s New arrival must be bittersweet. I’m also sorry to hear that you lost your brother.
Sounds like you’ve been feeling rubbish, have you had your iron levels tested? I was completely exhausted after mc1 and at my checks the midwife at epu kept fobbing me off saying it was my hormones or I was depressed when actually my iron levels were very low, which should have been obvious seeing as I had been hospitalised because of heavy blood loss but there you go. so it may be something that may be worth checking out. Also, have you considered counselling to help you through this tough time?
Your af sounds strange, have you done a test first thing in the morning?
@munchies I’m glad you had positive news about the ivf and that you have November to focus on, I hope all the timings work out perfectly so you get to squeeze in an awesome holiday too

@MissPMA thank you, has been bitter sweet seeing the announcement this morning did have a little cry and then sorted myself out when my little boy was saying ok mummy? I've supposed to have made an appointment at my doctor's for a b12 injection which I have every 3 months so it could be down to that as to why I feel so tired. Good job you listened to your instincts and weren't fobbed off by the midwife! Yep I've had some counseling which did help a little bit. Haven't done a test first thing in the morning which I know is better, it's being of an evening when I've done the test. X

Hi Ladies,
Sorry I've been MIA. We were on vacation and prior to that I was laid up with a stomach flu.
Welcome to the newcomers, though sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.
@miami and @anne congrats on your recent good scans!
I should be 9 weeks today. Our next appt with the midwife isn't until Sept. 18th and I've convinced myself the baby isn't viable because I had a fever when I had the stomach flu. I spoke with the midwives while I was sick and they had me take fever reducers as soon as I realized I had one. They didn't seem overly concerned, but I'm not really having pregnancy symptoms so I've convinced myself we'll have another mmc. They said I could go for a scan prior to the appointment but I've been holding out to make sure they'd be able to see something. I may try to go next week though for my sanity.

Hi ladies, it's FMU here, changed my username.
Time seems to be dragging til my rescan next Monday, genuinely don't know what to do with myself :( how is everybody else doing?

Hi fmu. I can't imagine all the waiting and rescanning etc, it's just unimaginably cruel that they can't just be more definite with you.
We had our dating scan today, all went well. I can't believe it, we've been dated a whole week ahead - which for me means one less week of pregnancy to worry about so I am delighted. 13+3. Still feels totally surreal and I think the baby looks really like their big sister at the same stage, which is heartwarming and really sad all at the same time.
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here, I'm not sure if you realise what a huge emotional support you have all been. I am going to keep checking in on you guys and hope to see you all over on the pregnancy after loss support page in the next weeks and months. I probably won't post much here, but if anyone has any specific questions just tag me or pm me and I can pop back over.

That's lovely news @Miami81 great that they've put you a week ahead too which must have put your mind at ease. I'm off to my doctor's this afternoon, been on my mind alot how my af has been since the miscarriage, been googling the reasons what could be causing them to be the way they are and I know things can take time to settle back down, I did go in July and say cant do anything and basically she said nothing will be done unless you've had 3 losses, but even if some checks could be looked at such as how my fertility is just to put my mind at rest a little. X

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly it must be so unimaginably hard for you to have to wait. I know it won't be of much comfort to you but wanted you to know you're in my thoughts. Xx

Hey I keep checking in even though I'm still away. That's fantastic news @miami. So happy for you. I hope all you pregnant ladies stick around here. You've been such a great support and it's so nice to hear things are going well.
Fmu I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling. Sending virtual hugs xx

And now I've just had the biggest bust up imaginable with my OH cos I haven't done any housework in about a week and he's sick of the shouse being a shithole :(
Sometimes I just feel like not being here anymore, I really don't see the point.

@Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly some of our biggest snipey type arguments have been over silly things like this around the time of losing dd and also the mc's. The stress just all gets too much sometimes. Just try to breath. We are here to hold your hand.

@irony it'll just be the stress of the situation coming out. But I 100% think that you shouldn't have to do housework if you don't feel like it at the moment. Perhaps you could pay a cleaner to come in for a few weeks until you feel more up to it to save any further arguments?

Thank miami81 and labmum

I know its his baby too, and I know he's going through it as much as I am, but the things he said to me last night are awful. He never shouts at me or verbally abuses me, ever, however I was subjected to over an hour of him belittling my parenting, screaming at me, calling me a lazy fat cunt etc. I am literally >< this close to packing his stuff whilst he's at work and locking the house down. At a point where I don't even want him here now. How could he treat me this way whilst we're going through this shit?!

Not going anywhere Hopefulforourrainbow x

How's the holiday?! Send me some sunshine if you can, it's very grey here today.

Oh my god Ironytheoppositeofwrinkly that is so so awful, you must be feeling completely battered. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that by anyone, least of all your partner who is meant to support and care for you. Sending you such a big gentle hug.

Did you speak this morning?

Hi anne hope you're well. No, he attempted to speak to me, I ignored him completely. He also made me toast and a cup of coffee which promptly got thrown in the bin/down the sink. I am so, so angry. I can be a bitch at times, I'm definitely the sharper tongued of the two of us, but I would never speak to another person the way he spoke to me last night. He's said sorry a million times already today but I just don't even want to forgive him. I hate him.

Oh @irony I'm so so sorry. There's no excuse for him to take his frustration at the situation out on you and it sounds like he just lost it. Can you access any counselling through the maternity unit. Both as a couple and individually. You need to be able to vent in a safe space on your own and then come together to discuss how to move forwards together as a team. Take care lovely.