TTC after recurrent miscarriage - thread 3

[Miami81]

Hi all. Sorry I hadn't realised other thread was full.
Have tagged who I can remember.
Please add people in.
@AnneLovesGilbert @Labmum @Hopefulforourrainbow @zarala

Bean, so sorry you're going through this. I hope you get well looked after. Thinking of you as well

Hello again ladies,

I thought I'd write something about me instead of just popping up here and there with messages from someone you don't "know" yet

We've been TTC our first baby for over two years, started when I was just 35 (later than I would have wanted, but if we know anything, it's that life doesn't always go as you plan, does it?). The first pregnancy took almost a year, then we discovered I'd had a MMC just before the twelve week scan. Because of some unrelated medical tests I was having, we then couldn't TTC for about ten frustrating months, although I don't think I was really ready emotionally to try again for a lot of that time, anyway. I then conceived first month back in April this year but miscarried at six weeks, waited one month as advised at the epu then conceived again the next month and sadly miscarried the third time about two weeks ago, this time only about five weeks. The third time felt almost inevitable but also still horribly surprising somehow.

So, we're just trying to get out heads around the fact that this probably doesn't fall into the "just coincidence" and bad luck category any more, and the uncertainty of what testing might bring (or not bring). I felt sad but relatively pragmatic for the first week (I think a bit of relief at being home again as we were on a pretty remote holiday when it happened), and in a way glad we could at least now be referred to a RMC, but in the last few days I'm not doing so well with it all - lots of guilt and blaming myself in all the creative ways we find to do that... I know the up and down is all normal, but as I'm sure everyone else here finds, it can feel pretty lonely once you get to this stage, so the idea of linking up with some people who "get it" sounded good

Anyway, if we all have to be going through this, then it's nice to join you all here

Welcome @oddsbobbins and @Ruanna81. Sorry you're both here.
@Ruanna are you planning to speak to your GP soon for a referral to RMC?

I'm sat at work (luckily on my own) crying my eyes out as just so fed up. X

@ruanna81 your story sounds pretty similar to mine except I'm 33. I've had tests which have all come back normal so we have apparently had bad luck. I'm hoping AF will start soon and we'll start trying again next month after a 5 month break. I plan to use vitamin b6 and Agnus castus/chasteberry fruit to reduce the length of my long cycle. I can't seem to get past 5 1/2 weeks and though my first mc was missed and I found out at 13 weeks it had stopped growing at same stage. Good luck for trying again and I'm sorry you've found yourself here too. Do you plan on waiting til you've had some results?

It’s still there somehow with a heartbeat. No guarantees though.
Measures 6+4 vs the +6 I should be.
Small SCH but they aren’t sure why I bled so much.

Oh wow @bean! What a scary and horrible time. I'm so relieved for you. Are you able to stay at home and rest? Have they recommended anything?xx

I’m staying off until I see the mc consultant next weds.
Nothing we can do. It’ll either be ok or not.

Just catching up on the thread. Bean that’s great news- sometimes there can be huge amounts of bleeding and still the baby holds on. One of the ladies on the pregnancy thread had regular large bleeds in first and second trimester, completely unexplained and without any seeming damage to baby. Did they look at your cervix? When I had an ectropion with DD I bled very very heavily.

No they didn’t.

That's good news @bean

Good news for today, Bean. Will keep things very much crossed it continues that way for you.

Thanks, Munchies, and sorry you're feeling so shit today. I don't know about you, but I find it really swings between feeling more determined I can press on, and then the next minute / hour / day, really not so good. I hope you're feeling more up soon. We saw the GP last week and DH has had to skip off and do his thing with a plastic pot today before they can make a referral - he's never actually done the SA tests before as just as we got to that point I was pregnant the first time around. So we're assuming all will be well on that front, but still have to just tick that box.

Hopeful, yes, my MMC had stopped at a similar time to the other two MC, as well. I don't know if that all points to a certain thing or not... I've always had in the back of my mind (for a lot of years pre TTC even) that I might have issues with progesterone levels but my 21 day test always said that was fine - the GP we saw last week wasn't able to say, but was open to the idea that this still could be a problem in spite of tests being in the "normal" range. I'm finding it a bit confusing trying to work out which RMC we should ask to be referred to and whether one that's still open to trying progesterone would be a good thing or not... Does anyone have a better understanding of all of that or know which clinics have what stance on it?

We were really unsure about whether to keep trying or not before we see the RMC, but it's now crunch time for this month and we've decided to keep on. This time I don't like the idea of not doing something even if I'm not exactly optimistic about it. I felt differently last time, but I'm feeling pretty sensitive about my age and the constant reminders that time is an issue (not helped by recently being told this can happen when women "choose to wait" - not exactly how it went, but thanks for the judgement, that's helpful, Mr GP!)

Hi there. Hello @Ruanna81 and @oddsbobbins so sorry to see you here but welcome. @Ruanna81 my early losses were both at around 6/6.5 weeks. In my next pregnancy (after rmc tests that found nothing wrong) I self-prescribed 75mg of aspirin for myself and got to 27 weeks with my dd before unfortunately her placenta packed in and she died. We have spent most of the last year pursuing answers to what happened and fundamentally they don't know. They think it is an extremely high possibility that I have a clotting issue that is as yet untestable/ unidentifiable therefore they are now treating me as if I have a clotting problem. I must stress that the barage of tests that I have been submitted to since dd was stillborn have still not identified a problem. But quite a few people with earlier losses have ended up on the aspirin and have been successful.
In terms of trying while you wait, the rmc won't be able to test for some of the clotting related problems if you are or have recently been pregnant.
I hope that is in some way helpful. My cycles were very regular so no one has ever tested my hormones.

@beanhunter you poor thing. Holding onto hope for you.

@Miami81, thank you for the welcome, and thank you for sharing that. I'm so sorry to hear about your early losses and the loss of your DD.

I have to admit I had considered that some tests might not be possible if I were to be pregnant, but figured if I still were by the time our appointment came around then maybe things might be going a little better by some miracle. I hadn't thought about some tests not being possible if I'd had a recent pregnancy though, so thank you, that is helpful to know. Sorry for all the questions, but do you happen to know how long after a pregnancy that applies?

My hormones were tested when we hadn't conceived for ten months a couple of years ago and I was 35. Apparently all fine then, and when we moved recently my new GP repeated them and all in range again. With the MMC and the first six week miscarriage, I had some tests at the epu before we knew the outcomes and progesterone was very low when HCG was still very high both times - I've no idea, maybe that's always the case in miscarriage, though... I think I'm being every doctor's nightmare by trying to piece together things I don't know much about... It's hard not to try, though

@Ruanna81 I think it may be 3 months for some rmc's to say that you have been clear of pregnancy hormone for that long. I can't remember what ours said. I know it was definitely 12 weeks between test if the first test did show antibodies for clotting. They like to confirm it with a second one.
In terms of progesterone, I read Leslie Reagan's book on miscarriage and she strongly believes that supplementing with progesterone is pointless and that if a pregnancy is going to fail then it will happen. She says that low progesterone is a sign of impending miscarriage not a sign that hormone levels weren't high enough to sustain the pregnancy in the first place.
Of course you are wanting to put together the picture, it's what we all do. It is so incredibly frustrating that the answers don't seem to be easily available as to why some women miscarry frequently.

I was referred on 16th March and had appointment on 30th April. First bloods came back positive for lupus anticoagulant antibodies. Had repeat bloods on 23rd July which then cane back negative. Saw consultant in between times which was a complete waste of time. We decided to stop trying before 1st lot of bloods then try again though after being a few days late decided a break would do us good.

Thanks for the welcome everyone. Had a bit of a cry at my manager when she asked how I was doing, but hoping things turn around tomorrow. I'm with you ruanna and munchies on the fluctuating mood, I have days when I feel fine and then suddently I'm really down and there's not much I can do about it.

How scary for you beanhunter, I really hope things turn out ok and you're able to rest up a bit over the next few days.

Thanks again Miami and Hopeful for the info... It's all just so frustrating, isn't it? Waiting more months for tests that probably aren't going to tell us much feels like a kicker. It does sometimes feel like every choice you can make could be the wrong one but there's just no way of knowing.

I'm partly wondering whether if I "just do" miscarry frequently then perhaps the best chance of getting there, is simply to keep going...

That's what I've been told in the epu when it comes to progesterone, too, Miami. There's just a part of me that thinks while the research isn't conclusive yet, I like the idea of a clinic that's open to possible options... But then that obviously flies in the face of what I was just saying, so it's safe to say I haven't really got a clue what I make of all this!

Hopefully better days tomorrow, oddsbobbins

Yeah so frustrating. Hard to know what to do for the best. I personally would have the first lot of bloods at least. It could be something as simple as an issue with your thyroid. Though obvs totally up to you.
I feel horrendous today. Bleeding is still strange. More red but lighter than a normal period and this past week of spotting has really freaked me out. Got a horrible headache I can't seem up shift and have been sick today. I had a headache like this last month around af time too. I just want it to start properly! Tested again this morning, bfn and cd34 of 33-35 day cycle unless this is CD 1 or 2 as bleeding is more red. I can't even get excited about my holiday as I'm terrified I might be pregnant 😭

Do you normally have any spotting before AF, Hopeful? Mine has been different for the months after each miscarriage, too, so it can be hard to tell normal even is, can't it?

When are you due to go off on holiday? I'm sure there are loads of little things that could be going on, but would you go and get checked out before you travel to feel reassured if nothing changes?

Sorry it's so shit. The number of different ways this can mess with you is amazing.

I did for a few days before a bfp in Feb then continued to spot until proper bleeding started and I miscarried. Other than that it's just been a day or 2. If i had a bfp then I'd go and get hcg checked today and Friday. We go on Saturday for 2 weeks. This whole thing is messing with my head!

Aaargh I’m so annoyed with myself, 14dpo and spotting for 4 days. I’ve been sure for a couple of days that I’m pregnant but absolutely did not want to do a test, I’d rather put the spotting down to a strange start to my period and my coffee aversion down to a cold. But no, I just caved and got a bfp, not even a squinter,I’m so pissed off right now at me for testing and for my body which is very likely gearing up for yet another miscarriage, ffs!

Bloody hell missPMA, congratulations. Don’t be pissed off either at having tested or for what you’ve been through. I recognise the feeling about not being pregnant so at least you can’t be about to face the trauma of going through yet another loss and the slightly sick fearful feeling of getting back on the rollercoaster. It’s inevitable but of course it sucks. Sending you a hug x

What are your next steps?

Sending hugs and congratulations @misspma. I also get that feeling and just because you've been spotting it doesn't mean you're going to lose this baby too. Will keep everything crossed for you xx