The Good, The Bad and The Yams!

[LookingAtTheStars89]

CALLING ALL YAMMER'S!

Yammer rules:

A safe place for those of you who have been trying to conceive for 6+ months and even yams aren’t helping. Come and have a good ol’ bitch and a moan without judgement. Please read the rules before posting!

The Yam Commandments are as follows;

• Thou shalt not arrive one day and post BFP next day

• Thou shalt not give advice to others when TTC for one month only

• Thou shalt not participate in one-up-manship and realise TTC is shit for everyone in different ways

• Thou shall allow posters to be fucked off with the world and everything in it at regular points in the month

• Thou shalt not be offended by strong language

• Thou shalt not tell everyone to eat yams

• Thou shall accept being called a muppet for testing at 7dpo at 9pm at night

And most importantly...

• Thou shalt not symptom spot during the two week wait and must be prepared for a telling off if you do so.

NEW RULE ALERT!

-Thou shalt not post pictures of positive pregnancy tests. We will be delighted to hear about it but no photos, please and thank you

I will not fill myself with hope for the next 2 weeks.
I will not fill myself with hope for the next 2 weeks.
I will not fill myself with hope for the next 2 weeks.

@maddiie 93 days of every other day! wow that's some stamina from both of you!!! i feel tired just thinking about it!

Right with you @LexieJean. I had a progesterone test this morning, the nurse rang and said my specialist is happy that that's a surge, so on to a pregnancy test next Friday morning. Suspect I will be doing a lot of baking to distract myself in the evenings next week. Someone please talk me out of POAS between now and then, I'm sure there must be a reason my specialist is waiting until next week to do it by blood test...

So.. Looks like i'm going to have to get the money together and go for IVF. not 1 but 2 clinics have now told me that due to my low AMH level for my age group.. I shouldn't be waiting around any longer if I want better success rates for the IVF to work. I'm really struggling with how I should feel right now.

Sept is normally pretty stressful with my job so we are ruling out next cycle.. with the hope to start maybe in October cycle. I'm getting us booked in for the pre-tests and consultations etc for Sept. Now time to worry about how Im going to get to do this without pissing off work too much and not telling them whats going on... and obviously how Im going to cope if it doesnt work.

This whole thing is just bleurgh.

Ah @Pinkemi you are in a v similar situ to us. Though I'm older (34) I think than you. In May (after ~ a yr) I was told to give it 6 more months but if no luck then move quickly to ivf. I've read loads on low amh and everything says that age is by far the best predictor of success so try not to worry. Amh is an indicator but often a crude one at that. And it has no bearing on being able to conceive naturally.

@BGDino eek good luck and go get your baking groove on. My friend doing OI was told the meds she was on/trigger can give a false positive on hpts in the 2ww so probs best wait if you can.

@maddiie OMFG - every other day for 3 months?! I bow down to your shagging prowess lady. Opks work for me as my cycle is 23-28 days so i know I tend to ov around days 12-16. Not that they've done me a blind bit of good in terms of bfp though.

@Booksandbaths1 yeah your a year older. Back in Jan of this year we were told exactly the same as you... I just thought it was that specific clinic trying to force me into it.

My DH keeps telling me that I need to think more about the end result and less about how we got there. IVF is just a helping hand.. and loads of people do it. If it gives us the baby at the end of it.. then so what how we got there.. you know? I'm trying my hardest to get my head round it.

@maddiie OPKS also work for me because i have a 29-35 day cycle. I wouldnt say they stop me from de-stressing about everything though! Ive been ovulating for the past few months on day 12 of my cycle.. but this month im on day 12 now and dont seem to have ovulated yet. still only getting the high reading. Not sure I could have carried on like you have for 90 odd days.. I find it hard enough in a 35 day cycle!

@BGDino @Booksandbaths1 @Pinkemi I know!! I didn't mind at first but it's been 7 months of this. He's loving life. I'm just so irregular I never come on the same date and skip months completely more often than I don't. Makes everything so much more difficult because I don't know when I'm doing the tww. I don't know when (or if) I'm ovulating. Also the first symptom that makes people test is a missed period.. without this I just have no clue so I'm constantly testing. It's making me a deranged mess If you've all had good experiences with OPKS I may try them again, keeping my fingers and toes crossed for us all xx

When will it end.. Just had another pregnancy announcement! I feel angry and sad all in one go!! and they were lucky apparently.. they thought it would take a lot longer then i did.

Excuse me whilst I throw a cushion or something at the wall.

@Pinkemi I feel your pain. Our time will come

Oh @pink that’s totally crap. Sounds like your dh has a really positive attitude towards the ivf. Mine does too- I think it’s great and helpful but also that he doesn’t quite understand what a hormonal fuck it can be. But he does have a point about the end result and does it matter. We are in no way inferior just because we can’t get pregnant just by smelling sperm! (Even if we sometimes feel inferior that’s just TTC mindfuck talking).

@maddiie I don’t know where you’d even start with opks. Get lots of internet cheapies and use them every day for weeks? 🤷‍♀️

Good luck with your sexy time @dino

@maddiie I’ve a bunch that I’d happily mail you, seeing as the fertility clinic is now doing all the monitoring for me!

Awww ladies just been catching up and seeing you all in the same boat as me has reassured me I'm not alone

I've been such a moody mare this week. I'm on holiday but I just can't relax I feel sad and hormonal and snap at dp at the smallest thing. Af due at weekend and I know it's coming but I have a sense of no way forward at the moment, we can't afford private ivf yet and dp won't entertain the conversation anyway about him getting tested I'm really fed up tbh! He'll talk about it but then the conversation doesn't go any further. I've got some plans for this week to keep me busy during af so that's one good thing!

Onto cycle 21!

@owlpatrol don't be too harsh on yourself hun, you're allowed to be hacked off. Forcing yourself to feel cheery because you feel you should certainly won't help. Distractions sound excellent. So are you aiming for private ivf if no bfp in the meantime?

@maddiie the opks might be worth another go. DH might be upset though 😂 Personally if I was having 90 day cycles I'd be straight off to my GP demanding tests (but that's just me, I'd want to get info). Have you been?

@pinkemi ugh gawd no more baby bombs pls! The podcasts I like are IVFML, the fertility podcast and Matt and Dorees eggcelent adventure. Would you qualify for nhs ivf?

(Sorry about the lack of spacing, I put it in but seems to go once posted) x

Ooh yus the spacing worked this time 💪

@BGDino Thank you that's very kind but I already have about 200 internet cheapies, I just gave up cause my cycles made it too exhausting haha

@Booksandbaths1 I have been to my GP several times. They keep refusing to do tests saying it's due to me coming off the pill (despite the fact that was more than a year ago) and that I'm young and to just relax and give it time

@maddiie - sorry if you've already looked into this, but have you considered PCOS? I think it's the most common cause of wonky cycles. Until your gp gets their finger out and refers you for tests, you could read up on myo inisitol supplements and maybe try that? Really helped me and from all my internet researching before taking it there don't seem to be adverse effects (apart from cost!) so seems pretty safe x

@Booksandbaths1 yeah we will need to take a reality check at some point and start saving I guess hehe. Thank you though it means a lot, I'm actually in a good mood now. Must have required coffee!!

@LexieJean Exactly.... He understands that its going to be a hormonal head screw.. but hes like I'll be here to support you through it. I dunno.. I'm just scared.. I think thats the biggest issue. Plus i dunno how ill cope if it doesnt work. (Not sure how I will cope if it DOES work either.) haha

@Owlpatrol I'm sorry your feeling so down. Ive just been to see a counsellor because basically everything got a bit much. I feel a bit better for getting a lot of my worries off my chest though I must admit. I'm so glad I have you guys to vent and moan too.. who understand what I'm going through and dont judge! Thats the important aspect.. the no judgy-ness of you all.

@Booksandbaths1 thanks! Ill take a look at those podcasts.. just listening to people going through the IVF process might help. (or make it worse.. i dunno. lol)

We don't qualify for NHS IVF sadly as I'm too fat. Id need to lose about 2 stone to be able to qualify and I've been trying to do that now for about 4 months... very unsuccessfully.

@maddiie ah thats frustrating.. i understand that GP's have a certain criteria that they have to stick to but it makes it so difficult for the rest of us who really want the help. (hugs) Id keep pushing. lol

@Pinkemi It's so frustrating, it's now been over a year and a half since I came off the pill, surely I'd of been more regular than this by now! I will keep trying. Trying to not let myself test in the middle of the day today.. I've never had spots in my life, but I'm suddenly covered, especially on my forehead and back of neck. I know it'll be due to me being a miserable frump these last few weeks and comforting eating loads of processed and sugary foods but my brain just plants these little seeds. I'm getting through a test a day lately, I am deranged

Gah.. And so the lies start!

I have just booked myself in for a consultation at the IVF clinic.. to see what treatment they would recommend we have. I told my managers manager (as mine is off at the moment) that I wanted the day off because I was going to hospital for "women's issues" and didn't know how long the tests etc would take. She said to me.. you shouldn't be taking holiday for hospital appointments.. take it as a "sick day." She is now going to speak to my manager about it when back from holiday. Should have just kept my mouth shut and taken the day off! lol I wanted to keep the whole day free in case they decided to do tests then and there.. and didnt want to run the risk of it over running the hour. you know?

If we do go ahead with it.. then i'm hoping the scans can be done in the morning before work.. so all the time off ill need is egg retrieval day and maybe for the implanting day.. and for the day we get results (in case it's negative.) so 3 days holiday or sick i guess.

My DH thinks i should just tell my manager.. but Im not sure how she would take it. Plus.. our relationship is not that great. I think i'd stress more about her knowing.

urgh i just dont know anymore!

@Pinkemi I know how you feel, my boss happened to get it out of me when I first went for tests. She's nosy and although she didn't ask directly she has a way of getting information out of people! Needless to say I actually felt a lot better telling her and she's been quite supportive but overall I would not recommend telling your boss. I do feel she has "pigeon holed" me since, and I think that's because she's not a child person. It's a hard fact of life women are judged for having or not even having and just being child baring age! I have reminded her a few times I'm not actually pregnant yet

Ok @Lexiejean and everyone else I've got to self focus and remember, other ppl getting pregnant does not make me getting pregnant any more unlikely!! As I've just found out my long time ttc IRL good friend is pregnant. I'm thrilled for her but she is my only friend who truly got what I've been going through and was my go to when I felt awful as she was in the same position. And now she's not. Feel like bursting into tears but trying to not be so self absorbed and jealous. Tips for keeping it under control please!

@Owlpatrol im sorry to hear that.. thats gotta be hard.

I just don't want to give her the satisfaction of thinking that ive "failed" at something else.. you know? Sounds awful when i put it like that.. coz actually you never know if she had problems conceiving her own child or whatever.. She could be really understanding.. But she COULD be not understanding at all. Im not sure I want to run that risk.

if it doesnt work I guess ill have to tell her.. but i dont want to think like that.

gah i dunno. whole thing is a mind screw.

@owl and @pink I don’t think I’d tell my boss. When it comes to that I’m thinking vague women’s issues. Although all my bosses are female so I need to be careful what I say as they might know procedures etc! Also, I’ve heard the GP can sign you off as that was a concern with the private clinic- pretty bloody obvious what’s going on if my letter is from abc ivf!! And @pink that’s the time off I’d calculated as well.

@books I hope your irl TTC buddy is doing well. I’m sure she was nervous telling you as she knows what you’re going through and I bet you’re all mixed up dealing with the news. We’re here for you! I’ve never had anyone irl so I’m a bit jealous you’ve had that at all. I hope you can still talk to her but you might have to see how it goes. I’ve tested myself telling a work colleague my bro in law is pg- how excited I am to be an auntie. Managed it without tears and with genuine enthusiasm. Not sure how. Hope I’ll be ok when I actually see them but I’m dreading watching her tummy get big.

@Lexiejean thank you for your wise words and support. Yammers rock, this group has saved my sanity on many an occasion. Well done for biting the bullet and talking about your bro in law, must be such bitter sweet. I agree that seeing the swollen bellies is the hardest. I took myself off to a yoga class this eve to find my inner calm. Turned up and the yoga teacher is like 7 months pregnant, ha. So I dug deep and counted my breaths.