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Conception

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Original poster

Husband wants to delay TTC to ensure we don't have a summer baby

100 replies

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 16:49

My husband has an issue with summer babies. So much so, he thinks we should wait to start TTC baby #1 until December/January at least, to ensure our child won't be born in the summer months.

He has read a lot of information on how the youngest in the school year suffer and are more likely to be lower achievers compared to their peers born earlier in the academic year. Apparently there is also a correlation with this and actual success later in adult life.

I personally think this is ridiculous. My birthday is August and I have done just fine in life. I will just be grateful to get pregnant and start our family :-)

Also, I am pretty frustrated that he thinks we will conceive easily and actually believes we can PICK when our child will be born. It really hasn't helped that so many of our friends conceived first try - it's really given him a skewed perception on getting pregnant as they all did it so easily.

I have tried to explain to him the odds of conceiving to manage his expectations but it doesn't seem to be working. I just have a feeling in my bones that I am going to struggle as I have mild PCOS and irregular cycles.

Has anyone else's husband been this opinionated about when the child should be born?! I have said to him we should just start trying and see what happens as we may not get pregnant for a long while.

OP posts:
orchiddaisy · 11/05/2018 16:56

I know it's unlikely to happy exactly when you plan, but I see lots of benefits to having a summer baby... it won't be as dark and depressing during the night feeds and early mornings. Brighter days will encourage you to go out with baby in the daytime too. X

Neato · 11/05/2018 16:57

You can hold your summer born baby back from starting reception if you feel they aren't ready for school when it's time.

Teenytinyvoice · 11/05/2018 16:59

I didn’t see any harm in waiting to start trying for my first to aim for a September baby, I was young and in no rush. I wouldn’t have stopped trying to avoid one if I’d not caught on quickly.

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:00

orchiddaisy Thank you :) I totally agree with you and said this to my husband. It's nice to know in the summer the evenings are lighter and the days a warmer which would get me out of the house! Must be pretty hard in the depths of January!

Neato Thanks, I didn't realise you could do this. Does this mean they would still start year 1 with everyone else though?

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pallisers · 11/05/2018 17:01

My august baby is the highest achiever of my 3 children. .

SprogletsMum · 11/05/2018 17:01

I've had babies in April, August and November. If I had a choice I'd pick November every time.
It's much easier to nap when it's cold and dark outside, there's no fretting about the baby being to hot when your bedroom is 28 degrees and they're super ready for school when they go.
Having said that, it really doesn't matter and I think your dh is being a bit daft.

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:02

Teenytinyvoice Thank you, I totally agree if I was young I would probably not see this is a big deal but I am 33 years old :(

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FellOutOfBed2wice · 11/05/2018 17:03

I think you have a much more realistic idea about ttc than your husband. We started trying for our eldest in January and I didn’t fall pregnant until October so our DD1 was born in July. Not ideal, but what can you? FWIW DD2s Birthday is September 2nd so she lucked out. IAnd we are both teachers, both September born so we were bothered by it before having DDs, but now are much more relaxed. DD1 starts school in September and she will be young but someone has to be the youngest!

Good luck ttc.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 11/05/2018 17:04

He is in for a shock if he thinks ttc /having your own dc is like anything he may read!!

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:06

it really doesn't matter and I think your dh is being a bit daft.
I couldn't agree with you more! Grin hehe.

Thanks for the advice I will bear it in mind! I'm not going to lie, I love the idea of a September - December baby but I'm not going to wait and pick the months I TTC in hope that I get pregnant then.

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accentadroitebitch · 11/05/2018 17:09

My son was born at the end of August and will start reception age 5, we have an agreement from the admissions authority in our area. Have a look at summerbornchildren.org or the ‘Flexible School Admissions for Summer Borns’ group on Facebook.

EssentialHummus · 11/05/2018 17:09

I delayed things (by all of two months) for the same reason, even though DH and I are both August-born. There is a difference in achievement at a statistical level; that was my reasoning. I think if we’d struggled to conceive or suffered losses I’d have quickly abandoned my approach.

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:12

FellOutOfBed2wice Thank you so much :)

I have done so much reading on it all as I have had a few issues since coming off the pill. So I know the ins and outs of when to TTC etc and what is happening in my cycle. I have tried to "educate" him as best I can without it feeling like it will be a chore when the time comes.

He's being so positive about it, which I love, but I would like him to be more realistic and not compare us to his very very lucky friends.

I also don't think he get's the whole age thing. Again, he's so positive and doesn't think we will have issues but I am aware of my age and time is ticking...

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Ylvamoon · 11/05/2018 17:13

Summer babies are gret! Especially when they get older...
Think about all the birthday party threads on here. Can't afford to pay for xyz.
I've organised some great parties for my summer babies: picnic, treasure hunt, nature walks with ranger ... all cheap and fun without breaking the bank!

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:17

He is in for a shock if he thinks ttc /having your own dc is like anything he may read!!

I couldn't agree more! Children are not textbook. Who knows what our potential child will be like! You just have to go with the flow!

accentadroitebitch Thanks for the information I will give this a read!

EssentialHummus I think I'd be more willing to delay it if it was for two months like you :) But it would be 8 or 9 months from now to get us to the perfect "TTC time". I'll be 34 by then. That's a long time to delay when we could at least be trying for that many cycles and see what happens!

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Pressuredrip · 11/05/2018 17:17

I kind of agree with him. I have a late August born and I desperately wish they arrived a couple of weeks late instead of early for school reasons. Join the flexible admissions for summer borns group though and look at the campaign website. Legally you can have your April-August born start reception at compulsory school age (5) now without any SEN need EXCEPT some councils automatically say yes and some you have to fight a bit and academies have their own policy; so if you do a bit of research locally you could present that option to your DH.

MaGratgarlik1983 · 11/05/2018 17:21

My DS is August born and the school thing does worry me a bit. But he's at preschool now, is the youngest, but is learning so much from the older kids. I worry that September born children woukd get bored and start acting out.
As far as achievement, it's pretty much down to the individual and the parental support I think. I'm a June born and I have two BAs and an MSc. My friend is a July born abd she's just qualified as a surgeon after training at Oxbridge. So I think they catch up at some point!! My friend had a good take on it - summer born children gain a year of being an awesome adult!

Dobbythesockelf · 11/05/2018 17:21

What will he propose if you don't get pregnant first time/in the first few months? Do you have then stop ttc certain months of the year? I think you are being realistic of the situation. I have mild pcos and irregular periods and with my first it took me over a year to get pregnant. This time it only took 5 months so you really can't predict these things. My dd was born in Feb and my current pregnancy is due at the end of June so I currently don't know which will be better for having a newborn.

Hengine · 11/05/2018 17:25

Also even if you don’t have a summer due date the baby could come early- it’s not something you get to plan!

SoyDora · 11/05/2018 17:27

I’ve got a November born who is due to start school in September and a July born who will start the following year. My 4 year old is bored of pre school, she can read and write and is bloody desperate to go to school. She’d have been fine starting last year!
However for non education reasons I preferred having a November baby to a July one. Having a baby attached to my breast while I was boiling hot and sweaty was awful. It was often 28 degrees in our bedroom at night and I couldn’t cool it down. And just as she was more interesting and ready to see the world, it was cold and wet!

TroubledLichen · 11/05/2018 17:27

As you’ve said you might not conceive quickly. If you were still trying after 6 months (only 50% of couples typically conceive within 6 months), would your DH want to stop trying and start again in another 6 months? If the answer is no then I don’t see the point in delaying.

And lots of advantages to summer babies; easier to get out & about, just sitting in the sun in the garden can do wonders for the post natal mood. They are cheaper too as they start school almost a year before their autumn classmates and you can do garden parties for birthdays!

GreenStars · 11/05/2018 17:33

And what if your perfectly planned September/October baby decides to turn up a month or two early? Will you send them back for a refund?
Just ridiculous.

liverpoolmiss · 11/05/2018 17:34

In a perfect world he would be correct, but as we all know we don’t live in a perfect world!

We started TTC DC1 expecting it would take ages (I was well over 33) and I got pregnant right off the bat. Our summer-born baby is one of the best readers in his class and does well in maths too (< preens >). DC2 was planned for May but had other ideas and was born in November.

In other words you just don’t know! Your partner needs to accept this.

BuntyII · 11/05/2018 17:38

Surely if you ttc now you'll have a winter baby though?

Original poster
ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:42

What will he propose if you don't get pregnant first time/in the first few months? Do you have then stop ttc certain months of the year?
Dobbythesockelf Thats a good point. I will say this to him. I feel I may be the same as you and take a little while to conceive so I just don't see the point in delaying it when it is so out of my control.

would your DH want to stop trying and start again in another 6 months? If the answer is no then I don’t see the point in delaying.
TroubledLichen Again - very good point. There is no way we would then stop for the next "magic window". That's just ridiculous! Also, from experience, there is nothing nicer than having garden parties or bbqs to celebrate a birthday - the perks of a summer birthday!!!

Pressuredrip Thank you I will do the research then. I think I just need to "make my case" to stop him from worrying and just get on with it.

MaGratgarlik1983 Yes I know so many summer born adults and we all succesful in our own ways.. and i couldn't agree more about gaining an adult year! I sometimes feel a little smug when my friends moan about getting a year older way before i do Grin

SoyDora I guess summer and winter babies have their pro's and con's - there is never really the perfect time!

Hengine I think you hit the nail on the head really - it just isn't really something you can plan. Obviously we can make some choices but actually conceiving and giving birth are certainly not in my control!!

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