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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Husband wants to delay TTC to ensure we don't have a summer baby

100 replies

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 16:49

My husband has an issue with summer babies. So much so, he thinks we should wait to start TTC baby #1 until December/January at least, to ensure our child won't be born in the summer months.

He has read a lot of information on how the youngest in the school year suffer and are more likely to be lower achievers compared to their peers born earlier in the academic year. Apparently there is also a correlation with this and actual success later in adult life.

I personally think this is ridiculous. My birthday is August and I have done just fine in life. I will just be grateful to get pregnant and start our family :-)

Also, I am pretty frustrated that he thinks we will conceive easily and actually believes we can PICK when our child will be born. It really hasn't helped that so many of our friends conceived first try - it's really given him a skewed perception on getting pregnant as they all did it so easily.

I have tried to explain to him the odds of conceiving to manage his expectations but it doesn't seem to be working. I just have a feeling in my bones that I am going to struggle as I have mild PCOS and irregular cycles.

Has anyone else's husband been this opinionated about when the child should be born?! I have said to him we should just start trying and see what happens as we may not get pregnant for a long while.

OP posts:

lapenguin · 13/05/2018 10:45

Also just to add, I have one year less of childcare to pay for than my family and friends whose children were born in the November and December of the same year, as my ds will start school the month after he turns four, where as their children will start the following year... Just another little pro to throw out there!

Freetodowhatiwant · 13/05/2018 10:47

I’ve got a summer born and a winter born and I am a summer born myself - was the youngest in the year. I think for the first couple of years I didn’t feel like I was top of the class - more somewhere in the middle - but after a couple of years it all evened out. I’ve got two degrees and speak three languages so it didn’t hold me back either! Ds1 is July and I would say he isnt as good at reading and writing as some of his peers - year 1 - but is certainly not struggling and has a grea vocabulary so I’m not panicking about him either. I hated have ds2 in the winter. I couldn’t go out easily with the baby and it was dark and cold and miserable.

Guacamoledip · 13/05/2018 10:57

If you can plan that you’re very lucky. TTC can take months or years for people, what’s he going to do if you don’t fall pregnant at the desired time? Wait until next year to come around again.
I had a baby due end of May, he came at the beginning of February. Extreme case but trying to say babies do not follow plans.
I’m almost certain by the time you’re pregnant and awaiting birth, then up doing night feeds with a newborn, birth month preferences will have disappeared from his mind.

stellarfox · 13/05/2018 11:00

Very interesting thread! This had never crossed my mind. Both my partner and I are July and August babies but we both have good jobs. However, I didn't do particularly well in school but I did very well at university. I wonder if there is anything in that about me being a July baby if it took me all those years to catch up. I can definitely see how you are at a disadvantage at school being a summer baby. However, as ClosetFashionista said, I am sure with the right support by parents at home that the disadvantages of being younger can be counteracted.

I would show your husband this forum and show him some of the threads about how long it takes people to conceive. You might be lucky and it happen quickly for you, but if it takes longer than you think say 1 or 2 years do you really want to delay trying? I personally wouldn't want to. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Bear2014 · 13/05/2018 11:02

If it means that much to him, you are 33 not 36 so you are probably OK to hold off a few months. That said, I personally don't think it's a big deal. As pp have said, you can defer summer borns if you don't think they are ready. Each child is so different. I know a little girl born 31/8 who was SO ready for school, she was so confident and could virtually read and write and would have been devastated to have to wait another year.

I had my first child at 33, a January baby and 3.5 years later an August baby. I preferred being pregnant in the winter FWIW and having an older baby in the summer. Our summer born is still little so who knows what's in store, but he almost wasn't here at all (IVF) so it was the least of our worries at the time.

TheNoseyProject · 13/05/2018 11:03

I’m a summer born and I always felt it was shit socially: last to get into films, can’t drink on a-level results day, etc etc and despite all the anecdotes on this thread the research is strong.

I intentionally delays started ttc and kids have nov and dec birthdays. No harm in lining up ttc dates and if it takes longer then heyho you won’t can about the birthdate.

On mn people who struggle to conceive are disproportionately represented because they need support. Many people conceive in the first or second cycle. And you’re not that old!

Bear2014 · 13/05/2018 11:03

Oh and myself and my sister are both summer borns, got the top exam results in our years and went to top universities.

BakedBeans47 · 13/05/2018 11:04

I've had babies in April, August and November. If I had a choice I'd pick November every time.

Mine are April and November. I loved having an April baby! Perfect time of year IMO. Weather is getting better and lighter so good for getting out and as we are in scotland my April baby is one of the oldest in his year as opposed to the November baby who is one of the youngest.

I wouldn’t let it put me off trying. Stats don’t mean anything in relation to your individual child.

Wildlingofthewest · 13/05/2018 11:05

He is being utterly ridiculous and doesn’t have a bloody clue how long it may take you to fall pregnant

Tell him to grow up and read some books on fertility, conception and the issues that you both may have to face in even trying for a baby before he starts carrying on about the date a child goes to school! Is he for real?!!

Honestly......

Ariela · 13/05/2018 11:15

My daughter was born in June, but throughout primary was the second tallest in her year so was treated as though she was older, she coped well, and exceeeded educational expectations.
I have 2 friends with daughters born on the same day in late September. They're both 15, and don't know each other. One girl is doing exceptionally well educationally, is bright, chatty and encouraged to be very independent. Consequently despite her diminutive stature (she's barely 5ft 2) everyone thinks she is 3 or so years older than she actually is (gets asked if she is driving yet etc) will do well in life, the other has, frankly, been mollycoddled and not allowed to even catch a (very safe) bus into town on her own, behaves like she is 3 years younger but unfortunately is very tall for her age, and people really struggle with this childish 15 year old who has none of her own opinions and behaves as though she is 10.
So nuture also has a big part to play

liquidrevolution · 13/05/2018 11:49

I have 5 friends with PhDs. 4 of them have August or July birthdays.

My DD is a July baby. The thing I made sure was that she was in an excellent preschool nursery setting 4 says a week she's doing as well as those who are Sept born and will be starting school with her in Sept.

Chattycat78 · 13/05/2018 13:16

Agree with everyone else. Sadly you can’t just say which month you’d like to get pregnant. My first took over a year and was an ivf baby in the end. Second took one month- natural conception. There’s no logic.

I also preferred the early days with the Second who was a summer baby as getting up in the night/early morning wasn’t as painful.

However the key overall issue is that he needs to realise that you don’t get to decide.

TheNoseyProject · 13/05/2018 13:31

It’s really not that weird an idea. Lots of couples do this. The national stats show that “8 of the top 10 dates of birth were towards the end of September – with the other 2 being early October. Part of the reason for this increase in births could be due to couples planning to have children at the start of the school year. 1”

There’s a lot of vitriol on this thread for a perfectly normal suggestion.

TheNoseyProject · 13/05/2018 13:31

If you were having conception issues it’d be a bad idea. But you’re not.

Wildlingofthewest · 13/05/2018 14:12

@thenoseyproject

How do you know?!

The OP has stated that she’s in her mid 30s and has PCOS so the odds are it will likely take a while for her to fall pregnant. They haven’t started even trying yet so they may both/either of them have as yet unknown fertility issues.

It could take then years to conceive
The baby may end up premature or overdue

TheGrumpySquirrel · 13/05/2018 15:33

Vitriol?!! not seen any of that.
I'd call it sensible advice. If I was OP's age I'd not miss a month. I'm several years younger (started trying at 30) and it took a year & 1MC to get a successful pregnancy- and that is without any fertility issues (had everything tested).

DoveGreylove · 06/08/2018 09:08

OH and I have been having this conversation over the weekend. He has a very strong opinion about summer babies. He has been reading a book called 'Outliers" by Malcom Gladwell and is now convinced our child will be unsuccessful if born in July/August.

After a lot of deliberation we have agreed to NOT try in December (maybe November) this year to avoid an August baby.

Is that ridiculous?

Htaylor182 · 06/08/2018 09:26

Yes that is ridiculous.
Everythings changing now, you can hold a summer born back a year so they start in reception the following year so will be the oldest in the class.

userabcname · 06/08/2018 09:38

As a teacher, I feel this is putting way too much emphasis on birthdays. Academic success is the result of lots of different factors. In the school I teach, there are a range of birthdays in the top and bottom sets. The most intelligent and highly qualified person I know was born in July. Not to mention the lack of control over when baby is conceived and when the baby is born. I know someone who was due early September and ended up having their baby early at the end of July. Tellingly, a lot of my friends are teachers yet we almost all have at least one summer baby (myself included). It's honestly not a big deal. Personally I wouldn't put off ttc and am currently trying for our second so if that is successful in the next couple of months we will have another summer baby ourselves. I'm honestly not bothered by it - there are many things to worry about during pregnancy, birth and parenting. This isn't one of them.

DoveGreylove · 06/08/2018 09:47

Does anyone have any links to websites or books that I can get? I'd like to show my OH that he shouldn't be so focussed on birth date.

One of his concerns was if we had a boy, he would be the youngest in the year and subsequently be less "mature" than the other boys, perhaps struggle with sports and hit puberty later etc...

NoNoCharlieRascal · 06/08/2018 09:50

I honestly think this is one of those daft ideas many people have before ttc, and then when they get pregnant all the priorities dramatically change.

I'm sure I came out with some clangers when I was ttc #1

BestBeforeYesterday · 06/08/2018 09:59

His attitude would be fair enough if you had already conceived one child easily. But seeing as it's your first, he is being U and also very, very naive.

DoloresTheNewt · 06/08/2018 10:03

Crikey. Can you persuade your DH to read a little less around the subject of Sep-Dec babies, and a little more about how well children thrive when they are supported and encouraged unconditionally? I'm sorry, I know that your DH is probably a lovely guy who's got a bit over obsessed with one idea, but he needs to focus on things where he actually can affect the outcome in a positive way, rather than something on which he has so little control.

DoveGreylove · 06/08/2018 10:10

NoNoCharlieRascal
Absolutely - A lot of daft ideas!! Why can men be so ignorant? I am giving him a biology lesson tonight to understand fertility and chances of conceiving.

@DoloresTheNewt Great advice :)
OP, we should focus our OH's on how well children thrive when they are supported and encouraged unconditionally
I hope this helps you too!

Roomba · 06/08/2018 15:29

Even if you try, you really can't plan or predict these things perfectly.

My cousin's baby was due in October. He was born very prematurely, in July, so ended up being a good 18m behind some of his classmates developmentally. He caught up and did really well by Y6 recently.

My youngest was born end of July - he's 'exceeding' in all areas at school according to his latest report. Plus I saved a year's expensive nursery fees when he was more than ready for school. If he hadn't been ready I would have considered delaying a year.

I also had a winter baby and found it very depressing being stuck indoors with a small baby. It seemed constantly cold, dark, wet and gloomy and I hated it.

My niece, born 2nd September, is struggling in primary school and has extra help.

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