Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Husband wants to delay TTC to ensure we don't have a summer baby

100 replies

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 16:49

My husband has an issue with summer babies. So much so, he thinks we should wait to start TTC baby #1 until December/January at least, to ensure our child won't be born in the summer months.

He has read a lot of information on how the youngest in the school year suffer and are more likely to be lower achievers compared to their peers born earlier in the academic year. Apparently there is also a correlation with this and actual success later in adult life.

I personally think this is ridiculous. My birthday is August and I have done just fine in life. I will just be grateful to get pregnant and start our family :-)

Also, I am pretty frustrated that he thinks we will conceive easily and actually believes we can PICK when our child will be born. It really hasn't helped that so many of our friends conceived first try - it's really given him a skewed perception on getting pregnant as they all did it so easily.

I have tried to explain to him the odds of conceiving to manage his expectations but it doesn't seem to be working. I just have a feeling in my bones that I am going to struggle as I have mild PCOS and irregular cycles.

Has anyone else's husband been this opinionated about when the child should be born?! I have said to him we should just start trying and see what happens as we may not get pregnant for a long while.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 11/05/2018 17:43

Yeah, if you TTC now it’ll be Jan/Feb won’t it? I’m 6-7 weeks pregnant with a due date of 31st December.

raisinsraisins · 11/05/2018 17:44

You might not be able to plan it as well your DH thinks, but I do sort of agree with him. My summer born DS is sporty and used to always have to play against children who were up to 11 months older than him. He is looking for work experience at the moment and the age requirements for some of the placements mean that he can't apply for them but older children in his school year can. However, it has not affected him academically.

Original poster

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:46

BuntyII
I know, you're right. We haven't "started" yet. If we could have started TTC this month I would have gone for it for sure! Unfortunately we need to wait a couple more months before we can (just for personal reasons). Hence why the "delay" chat has now come up and hubbie is suggesting we now wait until the new year instead of August/September.
:)

OP posts:

AsAProfessionalFekko · 11/05/2018 17:48

Ds is always the youngest in his year and won the end of year academic award 3 times and a few maths medals. He was offered an academic scholarship as well. I was very young when I started school too (birthday a week before cut off and I started yesterday early anyway).

The only issue for both of us was being one of the shorter ones in the class.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 11/05/2018 17:49

'Started a year early...' Autocorrect!!

Original poster

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 17:50

SoyDora Aww congratulations, how exciting!!

Yes, as I said to Bunty we have only just agreed to start TTC :-) so it's very exciting but we just need to wait a a few months before we can. Unfortunately and frustratingly this takes me out of the game for a winter baby

OP posts:

3boys3dogshelp · 11/05/2018 17:51

I have one summer, one spring and one autumn born. None chosen for time of year, that’s just how it happened.
Summer born seemed very very young for starting school, has coped okay academically (but he is v bright which helped). Has struggled a little socially and in sports as he is a year younger than a lot of his friends. The difference is still noticeable now (Y5).
Spring born has best of both worlds.
Autumn born is so bored at preschool and is desperate to get to school. If I could have sent him last year I honestly would have considered it. I’m not sure how much he will learn in reception tbh as he’s taught himself most of it already! I’m also not convinced this is as much of an advantage as it first seems. I suspect he will carry on being bored in reception.
If I could choose I would choose Spring every time. Sorry that’s probably the last thing you wanted to hear, maybe don’t show my post to your OH!

StableGenius · 11/05/2018 17:52

Dd1 is an October baby, dd2 is July. Both high achievers, dd1 in specific subjects, dd2 more of an all rounder.

Having said that, I wonder if the fact that she's a second-born was a factor, as she was always desperate to catch up with dd1. Hmm.

Sorry, that doesn't help you, does it? .

However, among dd2's friends are 3 August borns, all onlies, all doing very well academically.

SoyDora · 11/05/2018 17:54

I’m not sure how much he will learn in reception tbh as he’s taught himself most of it already! I’m also not convinced this is as much of an advantage as it first seems. I suspect he will carry on being bored in reception

Exactly the same for my Nov born DD. I’m worried she’s going to be bored and disillusioned.

shartsi · 11/05/2018 17:55

A summer baby means you pay one less year of child care if you are working full time. The kids don t have to stay at private nursery until the next September

Passthecake30 · 11/05/2018 17:55

The only girl to go to Oxford from my year was a straight A student whose bday was 31st August

Middleoftheroad · 11/05/2018 17:58

I wouldn't put your chances of conceiving over the chance that you may have a summer baby!

I had twin summer born boys. If you looked at the stats for that then you'd scare yourself. Both were top set kids with top SATs and now flourishing in y7.

My brother was a summer born and extremely gifted yet my friend is a Sept born and struggled.

You can't predict their developmental/academic potential due to so many different factors but you could delay being a mother because of an assumption your child may be disadvantaged being a summer born.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 11/05/2018 17:59

My friend did this, waited until December. Conceived straight away, baby due late September. Smug friend very happy. Baby born 3 weeks early in August.
Smug friend couldn't care less, just pleased baby was healthy and happy.
I have an autumn born and a summer born. If I was trying again I would try to avoid June, July or August born but I'd be happy with April or May.

Original poster

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 18:00

3boys3dogshelp Wow you have three in all different school terms! What you have said makes perfect sense and unfortunately that is why husband has the opinion he has. I do agree that the younger children in the school year may be a little less fortunate in some cases and it also has a lot to do with their level of maturity and academics. At the end of the day you just don't really know until the time comes :) Every child is different.

Unfortunately this is why we are in a (light hearted) stale mate with each other. I think husband just has to be more realistic about the actual biology behind TTC and get cracking when we can!

OP posts:

3stonedown · 11/05/2018 18:03

I wouldn't delay TTC to wait for the perfect month. I'm a July baby and was a high achiever at school. Like it's been pointed out what if it doesn't happen straight away? What if (and I hope it wouldn't) you fell pregnant straight away and the baby was prem? It's not something you have that much control over.

I know a couple where the husband was the same as yours, he wanted a boy born in Sept. After 5 rounds of IVF he was delighted with his July born girl

Belliniteeny · 11/05/2018 18:04

I'm an end of June baby and have done well, if I say so myself! About to have a mid June baby. It took us six months to conceive. I don't think you can plan. What if you wait and don't conceive within your desired window? Wait another year?

123bananas · 11/05/2018 18:06

Another factor to consider here is that winter born babies are more at risk from respiratory infections which can be more dangerous in younger babies.

My summer born child had a much easier first 6 months than the 2 winter born ones who struggled with bronchiolitis and chest infections. Being summer born has never held her back academically.

DespiteBeingSummerBorn · 11/05/2018 18:07

OP, your DH is talking codswallop.

I am an end-August b'day. I managed 3 As at A level, Oxbridge, First Class degree and a doctorate despite this terrible start in life. I didn't even work very hard for any of it. Shock, horror. My DC are May/July/August, too. They seem to be following a similar trajectory. If I could have planned my pregnancies, I'd always have chosen to have summer babies, just because it's nicer to be up early when it's light, and you can stick the babies' prams in the garden.

cestlavielife · 11/05/2018 18:08

But if you count from January you could end up.with early born premature summer baby. Best start now
For potential Feb baby.

Tiredmum100 · 11/05/2018 18:10

I get where he's coming from but for me personally I wouldn't want to wait just for that reason alone. I was a summer baby, I still achieved 10 GCSES, 3 A levels and a degree, so my summer birthday didn't hold me back in any way. You never know when you will get pregnant (hopefully you won't be trying for a long time, but you just never know).

ClaryFray · 11/05/2018 18:10

I have a December baby who is two years below his peers at school. It can happen at any point. Seems an odd reason If you ask me.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 11/05/2018 18:13

I'll be honest I would have missed a couple of months of TTC had I known the stats about summer babies and achievers, and that's coming from someone who took 3 years to conceive!

RiddleyW · 11/05/2018 18:18

I delayed trying by one month to avoid an August baby and I was 34. I wouldn’t have waited 6 months though. I got pregnant right away so have a DS with an October birthday.

He’s 3 now and I am glad he’s not starting school this September but on the other hand a while more year of nursery is a lot of money!

Almostthere15 · 11/05/2018 18:19

I agree that you just don't know how long it will take to conceive so a delay isn't really sensible (plus the gp will only help if you have been trying a year). Our second is due in August, we have given it some thought but after trying for a long time and having pcos I'm just grateful to have one on the way.
The general stats are in your husbands favour but that general pattern hides a lot of individual diversity. I wouldn't hold off (particularly at your age, not to be cruel at all just that time isn't on your side)

ClosetFashionista · 11/05/2018 18:19

I am a primary teacher and understand your husbands concerns to a certain extent. However, from my experience the most significant factor for a child’s success at school is parental support, and that is going to be the same whatever time of year your baby is born. I.e. If parents read with their child daily, talk to them, support them (and I don’t mean you have to be a genius or another teacher at home), they are far more likely to do well, whatever their age.
Regarding holding children back from starting school in Reception; I feel this is a very bad idea. You can, I believe, legally hold a child back until the start of the term in which they turn five, however, they would start Year 1 at the same time as all of the other children in their year. This is very unusual (I have never actually seen it happen where I teach) and I think the negatives outweigh the positives. Namely, a child starting year 1 with only a terms-worth of learning behind them, rather than a whole school year. I’m TTC and, while I’d prefer an Autumn baby if I could have the luxury of choosing, I’m not letting that stop me, because I’d rather just have a baby!
Hope that helps!

Flip

1 2 3 4