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Conception

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Original poster

Husband wants to delay TTC to ensure we don't have a summer baby

100 replies

ToffeeApple99 · 11/05/2018 16:49

My husband has an issue with summer babies. So much so, he thinks we should wait to start TTC baby #1 until December/January at least, to ensure our child won't be born in the summer months.

He has read a lot of information on how the youngest in the school year suffer and are more likely to be lower achievers compared to their peers born earlier in the academic year. Apparently there is also a correlation with this and actual success later in adult life.

I personally think this is ridiculous. My birthday is August and I have done just fine in life. I will just be grateful to get pregnant and start our family :-)

Also, I am pretty frustrated that he thinks we will conceive easily and actually believes we can PICK when our child will be born. It really hasn't helped that so many of our friends conceived first try - it's really given him a skewed perception on getting pregnant as they all did it so easily.

I have tried to explain to him the odds of conceiving to manage his expectations but it doesn't seem to be working. I just have a feeling in my bones that I am going to struggle as I have mild PCOS and irregular cycles.

Has anyone else's husband been this opinionated about when the child should be born?! I have said to him we should just start trying and see what happens as we may not get pregnant for a long while.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 11/05/2018 18:21

I was 34 when we decided to TTC. It took 2 and a half years to fall pregnant with unexplained infertility.
If your DH thinks babies are created and born to order then he is some what deluded. It may work like that for some but definitely not all.
Does he also want to avoid a Christmas baby or one that might clash with any other dates?
Life often just isn't like that I'm afraid.

houseofrabbits · 11/05/2018 18:43

Just wanted to say that I think your husband is being a little ridiculous trying to plan so much, especially as you may have issues conceiving.

I was born on August 31st, 3 months premature (born at 29 weeks), struggled a little at school but aced my GCSE's and A Levels. I have a BSc, MSc and soon to have an MEd. I'm a teacher, there is definitely a difference between my summer borns and winter borns in my class (Year 1), but I think it all evens out a bit as they get older and I really wouldn't worry too much! There are lots of other things that have a much bigger impact on a child's educational achievement e.g. supporting their learning at home.

SoyDora · 11/05/2018 18:48

Just to add I considered skipping a month to avoid a Christmas baby (only because I didn’t think it would be much fun for what will be my then 5 and 3 year olds to have me potentially in labour on Christmas Day). Decided not to delay in the end and obviously that was the month I conceived Grin. Baby due 31st December.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 11/05/2018 19:00

Well I thought the same as your DH OP but after a miscarriage (of an early December due date baby) and 7 months of trying again I couldn't justify "missing" a month for any reason and I'd given up all hope so of course I conceived in December... Grin and my baby is due mid August. I do worry a bit about school (thanks for the link upthread btw) but am just so happy to finally have gotten pregnant again (took a year of ttc in total to get here) that it matters much less. It's so hard to time and I wouldn't bother worrying about that aspect. I'd just get on with it if I were you!

TheGrumpySquirrel · 11/05/2018 19:06

"A summer baby means you pay one less year of child care if you are working full time. The kids don t have to stay at private nursery until the next September"

Ooh yay! Good point! I feel richer already Grin

CPtart · 11/05/2018 19:12

I did this and was lucky enough to conceive very quickly resulting in non summer babies. Purely coincidental maybe, but my DC friends who 'struggled' more in school were born later in the school year. Now teens these are also the last to be able to work in certain areas, drink, drive etc etc. They seem to constantly be playing catch up. I'm with your DH in theory, but Mother Nature will have the last say.

elefunk · 11/05/2018 19:40

All the summer babies I know have done very well.

Cousin is top in her field. (Science related) June.

BIL is a renowned producer. August.

SIL writer. June.

I'm a winter baby. Career wise, not so great!

IntoTheDeep · 11/05/2018 20:10

There’s no guarantee that you’ll avoid a summer baby even if you delay TTC till Dec/Jan.

My August born DS1 was 6 weeks early. Incidentally he was conceived in our first month TTC. If he’d been born between 37-42 weeks, he’d have been a September or October baby.
There’s another kid at his school with a July birthday who was due in November, so born very prematurely.

DS1 is currently being educated in the year below his age group (so he’s the oldest in the year rather than the youngest), but he does have SEN, which is causing him to struggle more than an August baby without SEN would.

niknac1 · 11/05/2018 20:20

It took me nearly 2.5 years each time to conceive my children and never gave a thought to when any child would be born. They usually catch up and every child is different. I would just continue to try to conceive because as you get older it can be more difficult to conceive. But it’s your joint decision. Lots of August born children have no problem starting school, all the children in my children’s classes seemed to be find and I wouldn’t stop ttc.

tomhazard · 11/05/2018 20:40

From a personal point of view my post natal mental health was much better when I had DS in July. I had DD in November and I found the dark, cold sleeplessness very difficult to bear. Much easier in warmer weather. DS will be off to school in sept and is so ready; knows everything he needs to know and is articulate and toilet trained. I wouldn't be overthinking it

SarahSiddons · 11/05/2018 20:45

Personally I would disregard any attempt at that kind of planning. If we’d avoided August babies we’d never have had our children (2 years TTC in the first case and he was the first BFP). Bit different with our youngest as he was IVF but by then I didn’t care whether another baby was born in August, Christmas, or any ‘wrong’ time because I was just so grateful to have a chance of another baby.

JuliaRobbers · 12/05/2018 09:26

First is summer born (didn't think much) and struggled in the early years at school.

With second, skipped 3 summer months & tried for Autumn baby. Didn't want to go through that again, but then having conceived before I knew it's not a huge gamble.

I think you can keep the peace by starting now & if you are not yet there then skip just couple summer born months?

pigpoglet · 12/05/2018 09:56

Why not come off the pill now and use condoms for the interim . Then when you are ready you are more likely to get pregnant straight away .

user1471426142 · 12/05/2018 11:09

There is a financial advantage to a summer baby- less childcare. I was a bit worried about having a June baby because of the differences in outcomes but ive been consoling myself with the fact that if we’d had a September baby instead it would have cost us an extra £8k.

It does make me a bit worried about school when you see how much difference time makes at the pre-school age. But I was a summer baby that did fine so I’m trying to not let it worry me.

bengalcat · 12/05/2018 11:11

He's a dick as if timing conception can predict birth - baby might come early

bengalcat · 12/05/2018 11:13

BTW my end of June baby is at Cambridge so that debunks the achievement myth

catchingzzzeds · 12/05/2018 11:19

I’m with your husband on this. Both my boys are summer born, DS1 (unplanned) is a high achiever on paper but socially and emotionally even now, Yr7, is where you can tell he’s a July baby. It affects his confidence and friendships.
DS2 was planned and we did try to ensure he wouldn’t be a Summer born baby but he took 4 years to conceive so gave up on that! He is behind his peers in every area, despite having supportive parents and a fab teacher.
If I were you I would wait to TTC to give your DC the best start and then review if you’re not lucky enough to fall pregnant quickly.

Bubblegum89 · 12/05/2018 11:41

Personally I think it’s ridiculous to attempt such meticulous planning, conception doesn’t work that way. Also, my daughter is a July baby and is top of her class in pretty much every subject and has always been ahead of herself since she was tiny. I don’t believe this whole “summer babies are underachievers” thing at all. I know plenty of bright, intelligent summer born babies and I also know plenty of absolute morons who were born in the winter lol

Marmaladdin · 12/05/2018 11:47

We planned ours that way but we're obviously in the minority. We started trying in January both times to avoid a July-Sept birth (avoiding Sept in case they arrived earlier in Aug). We have an October baby and a November baby. Obviously we were lucky to conceive easily. Having a newborn over winter was shit though so that was a downside.

Lithops · 12/05/2018 14:18

I had both my babies at the worst possible time of year for me! I've been doing a distance learning course for some years now and the exams are in May every year. Two years (not consecutive!) I've missed because apparently that's when I have babies! I wouldn't change anything though. The second one took us some time to conceive and if that's when I was meant to have him, I'll stick with that.

Givemethebiggestslice · 12/05/2018 14:24

Took us 14 months TTC so you can’t plan when baby will be born.

Me and DH are both late spring/summer babies and both very high achievers - ie degrees from redbrick unis, post-grad qualifications and good jobs in the City.

My best friend is an August baby and a successful lawyer.

MyBreadIsEggy · 12/05/2018 14:24

Personally, I would rather not have a baby born in summer.

  1. I don’t do well in heat - I can’t imagine being heavily pregnant or giving birth at the height of summer.
  2. I think 4 is too young to start school for any child, let alone a child who has only just had their 4th birthday.
I’ve got an April born dc and an October born dc, and even being 6/7/8 months pregnant at the height of the 2016 heat wave was enough for me!!
SarahSiddons · 13/05/2018 10:16

Statistically summer born babies do worse at school, primary level at least. Of course there’ll be exceptions but that’s the truth. It’s why 11 plus exams correct for age. I speak as a summer born myself and the parent of two.

But I truly believe we probably wouldn’t have our eldest if we hadn’t ttc that particular month (2 years trying and conceived 2nd month after a laparoscopy). And we needed fertility treatment for our youngest so I wasn’t about to call a halt after all the rigmarole to get to that point. So I’ve no regrets.

lapenguin · 13/05/2018 10:41

My ds was due in September and was born in August so... If he really wants to avoid a baby being born then it's probably better to start now...you can't garuntee a baby will come on its due date! For what it's worth ds is pretty smart and active, I was worried about the fact he will be the youngest in the year but seeing him thrive, I have no concerns.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 13/05/2018 10:44

The only benefit to not having a summer baby is that if you give birth in hospital it will potentially be less crowded and less infernally hot than it is in the summer....
Id give it a go simply for that reason!
But your DH is being unreasonable because its not as easy to plan as that and his reasons for not wanting a summer baby are a little controlling tbh... kids dont really work like that, he will get a shock!