TTC after stillbirth

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Just wondering if anyone else is ttc after a stillbirth and wanted to join me on this very daunting journey?

Oh @testar0essa that is pants! We had an error in our initial results which although was a small detail, was so important. You just want them to care enough to get it right. The geneticist was so apologetic (it was a collegue that had done the report and had misunderstood notes) but it does make you angry at a time when you are so vulnerable anyway. Hope they put it right. Did it tell you anything you didnt know? And did you have a lovely holiday? Did you go somewhere nice?

🤞 for the 2ww too. It is a drag but hopefully will result in happy news or a normal cycle from which to keep going 😊

@partyinthekitchen omg yes i have spent a small fortune! But it is the small things that keep you going. I dont really 'feel' pregnant yet. Last time i was so queasy from 3.5 weeks and was actually being sick from about 5 weeks. Little bit of nausea from time to time but generally have felt fine, just knackered!!!

@miami81 have you thought anymore about what you are going to do in Scotland for your little one or are you going to go with the flow once there?

We have our funeral tomorrow and we have stsrted looking at memorial stones too as hubs would like one. It isn't a nice thing to do but have found it bringing a sense of peace and comfort to be at this stage. Another big step in progress i guess. I also spoke to the hospital today and have our appt for our follow up with fetal care and also to book me in for an 8 week scan. The midwife greeted me like long lost family when i called and sounded so thrilled when i told her i was pregnant again!

Hope everyone has some lovely bank holiday plans x

Agree that the 2ww is a total head melter. I was lucky that this time my tww was whilst on holidays, I honestly had zero time to think about it. Fingers crossed for you x

@Suzy39 sending you masses of love and support for tomorrow. It's a tough day, no doubt about it, I only hope that you feel lighter in yourself afterwards knowing you've taken time to say goodbye. Thinking of you. Glad too that you're booked in with the hospital, you're v organised, nice one.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow @39Suzy

Take as long as you feel is right and do whatever the hell you want to do afterwards. I came home, drew the curtains and went to bed for several hours.

Xx

Thanks @partyinthekitchen and @testar0ssa it was a lovely service 😊

Been for a nice lunch and snoozed this afternoon as i hardly slept a wink last night.

Feeling really positive x

@39Suzy I was thinking of you yesterday and am glad that it went smoothly (if that's the right word) for you.

Thanks @miami81 x

Had a fab weekend with family. Lots of good food and long walks. Shame i had to go back to work 😣

I also told my mum and dad our news. I gave mum some wool (a keen knitter) and asked if i could put an order in. She leapt up in tears to give me a hug. She was so thrilled. Stepdad missed all this as was too busy gassing with my hubs but cottoned on a few minutes later. Over at dads we were talking about Christmas shopping for the grandkids and just casually mentioned that next Christmas they would have another one. 'Already?!' my dad said 'My money was on you telling us this next year'. Not sure who he was betting with or if their was a family sweepstake but they were all thrilled to bits. Early scan next week, really looking forward to it.

I havent mentioned it to my sister in law who we saw also (hubs brothers wife) as they have just had a second failed round of IVF after trying for 6 years. She is in such a bad place and as brother in law works away for weeks at a time, she has a lot of time to dwell. After seeing her we think we made the right decision to wait until brother in law is home in a few weeks so she has some moral support. She will be thrilled for us i know but i just know how much she wants children and how much she has struggled over the last few years.... life is so unfair sometimes ☹

Hope your 2ww are flying ladies! Any symptom spotting yet @partyinthekitchen ? The Facebook group is going well if anyone is tempted to join us over there? I do keep checking in here though to see if there is any news 😁

That's such a nice way of telling your mum @39Suzy

I'm out of the running this month. Had almost convinced myself after a wave of nausea and tiredness... but no.

In laws visiting in our optimum window next month. I feel like fate is conspiring against us at present.

Oh, and I finally went for some bereavement counselling. It was really helpful if only to give me some ideas how to explain to work when I really need to be somewhere else. Would recommend.

It's been 6 months. It sounds silly but I'm dreading 9 months rolling around and I'll be longer without him than I was with him, if that makes sense.

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

Oh that is a shame @testar0essa but dont let it put you off. Just have to be extra creative. I am really pleased you have found comfort in the counselling sessions. Being back at work has been tough but it is also good to have something else to think about. That said, there have been koments where i have just gone for a walk to the loo just to get away. Noone has questioned it but i get that sometimes it is all a bit much.

You dont sound silly at all, i think there is a lifetime of milestones ahead. A parallell universe, as someone described it to me, about which we will always wonder.

Fingers crossed for th

Whoops not sure what went wrong there....
Fingers crossed for that rainbow soon x

Ps this was a reading from last week's funeral. I think it is beautiful and wanted to share it with you all 😚

As I sit in heaven and watch you every day,

I try to let you know with signs I never went away.

I hear you when you're laughing, and watch you as you sleep.

I even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep.

I see you wish the days away, begging to have me home.

So I try to send you signs so you know you are not alone.

Don't feel guilty that you have a life that was denied to me,

Heaven is truly beautiful, just you wait and see.

So live your life, laugh again, enjoy yourself be free,

then I know with every breath you take,

you'll be taking one for me.

My son was stillborn in January 2018, we are on month 8 of TTC. Struggling a bit, started having doubts it will ever happen ☹️

Hi @flipside7 i am sorry for your loss. You have found the most incredible group of ladies here. We have had several BFPs so you have come to the right place 😊

@39Suzy I love that poem, I shared it with a friend who also had a stillbirth. Made me shed a tear at my desk here. Really lovely. Well done on telling your family. How many weeks are you now? I'm now nearly 6 weeks, DH put pressure on me to visit the Dr last week (he's a bit nervous) which I did and she was lovely and registered me etc all very efficiently. To be honest I'm trying to ignore the pregnancy until I know that all is well and there is a wee bean in there. I've been referred for an early scan in the next few weeks. Fingers crossed.

@Testar0ssa hope you're doing ok today. I know it's so hard but try not to be so hard on yourself, you've been through the mill. I'm sure it will happen, it did before and will again. Take care of you and hope you have a nice weekend planned.

@flipside7 welcome to you. Sorry to hear of your loss of your little boy. Here is a good thread as we've all been through a loss. I had a subsequent pregnancy which was successful, it was stressful but I'm proof you can get there and have a healthy live baby. Take care.

@partyinthekitchen glad you enjoyed it, i am not religious but definitely offers me some comfort 😊

I am about 7 weeks now. I had dropped off my forms at the doctors but nothing had been done with them much to my annoyance. I chased it yesterday as was concerned that my MW may need to see me / i may need my notes before my scan but turns out i dont so have my booking in appt on the 12th. Just as well i chased as my forms are nowhere to be found! And just to add to the stress, explained i was under fetal care awaiting a scan due to problems in a previous pregnancy hence the urgency then the first question was 'So is this your first pregnancy then?'. Erm no, you numbnut, otherwise we wouldnt be having this conversation would we! I politely suggested she read my notes..... seriously, if medical staff had beains! 😂 I guess they are just used to being on autopilot.

I know what you mean about not wanting to believe it. But hubs is definitely right in getting you registered to start you off right and good you have an early scan too.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend xx

Hey, @Flipside7

We all know what you're going through. Welcome ... and if you'd like to tell us about your son, we'd love to hear. If you'd rather not, that's ok too.

Although all our experience is different, we are banded together and will offer you support.

We've just watched a film, and one of the (minor) characters was a baby... and I reckon he'd be about the age our son would have been now. Decided not to mention that to DH. Even though I teared up ... there was an acceptance. I'll never know what my boy would have been like; what his smile would look like.

That ^^ all sounds quite dark but I feel ok at the moment. If we aren't lucky enough to try again, so be it.... isn't going to stop us trying though....!

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend x

Hi all. And welcome @Flipside7 I am so very sorry for the loss of your boy. As @Testar0ssa says we are all here and whilst all ours stories are different we all get it as fundamentally our stories all end the same way.
It must be so difficult for you feeling like ttc is becoming a hurdle for you. But remember the stats are that it can take up to a year for two perfectly healthy people to get pregnant. Did you fall quickly with your son? Have you spoken to GP at all? Given your loss I wonder if they would agree to do some simple blood tests for you just as reassurance that hormones etc are all as they should be. I quickly felt myself falling into the ttc rabbit hole as soon as we decided to try again and did some opk's and temped just to make sure I was ovulating.
@Testar0ssa that happens me out on the street with babies more then on film. I'm just walking along and then suddenly 'wham' that baby is around the age she should be. DH has mentioned a few times, he is very aware of where we should be as a colleague at work had a baby born the week after ours was due so all the milestones are noted and spoken about. Which just absolutely sucks for him, but in some ways he likes imagining the other reality.
Glad that you are doing ok and @PartyintheKitchen. I am wishing time moves quickly for you both. I still can't believe it and I am 11 weeks. Back to see consultant on Tuesday. Am very nervous, but still feel pregnant so have to try and trust my instincts a bit. I feel like this one is a boy although just had a very vivid dream about a girl.
How do you guys feel about gender? There is part of me that is terrified of another girl as I feel I would struggle to define this pregnant separately/ differently and then the other part of me is terrified that if it's a boy - what if we only have an only and then I never get to be a mom to a living girl. Sorry if that's all a bit much, but I figured you lovelies would maybe understand my anxieties better then most.

Hi @miami81 i have had the same words with myself. In one way i am convinced it is another boy, still have a few boys bits ready i didnt get rid of and would be happier with that as we had in our head we were going to be parents to a boy. That said, i am not sure i am 100% comfortable using the thimgs i bought for number 1 for number 2, but if number 1 were here, i would be as it is faily natural to hand down bits. I am going to see how i feel when i get around to unpacking. Some of it is knitted by my mum hence i have hung onto it with a bit more sentiment. It is tricky as i would be equally as happy with a girl, i know that having a healthy child is much more important than the gender and dont have a preference as such bit it is an irrational sway either way.... dont want a replacement as that is impossible but in another way you wish for what you had planned. Ultimately, i think we will be thrilled regardless with whichever it is 😊
Have you kept any bits from your little girl?

Hi @39Suzy I understand what you mean about hand me downs and really I think it's lovely to think of baby 1 and baby 2 as normal siblings who would of course have shared things.
Exactly that about having it in our heads about we were going to be parents to a girl. Anyway we shall see. Have to get through the next few terrifying weeks still of thinking that a miscarriage could happen any minute.
I had a very strange experience yesterday evening, started in with massive cervical cramps (can't think how else to describe), tummy was rock hard and I was convinced I was going to start bleeding any second and then they just went. Lasted for about an hour, it was very strange.
I had been making DH a birthday cake so he is convinced I had just been doing too much. Anyway have a lovely calm and gentle Sunday everybody.
We are in September now and it's DD's birthday this month. Starting to try and figure out what we want to do to celebrate. I've been thinking that something like a beach day or picnic or something that we can always do every year no matter where we are would be nice.

We are definitely thinking of it as two children but one just isnt with us. Hubs has his first tattoo design consultation in tomorrow and is minded that whatever he has for number 1, he will do a variation of for number 2. I definitely think it helps to think that way to get over the 'guilt' (if that is the right word) of the dreaded replacement baby feeling because we all know it isnt😊

I used this website last time which is massively reassuring on a daily basis datayze.com/miscarriage-chart.php

Yes we all know that someone is that miniscule % and we have been that % but i have found it comforting. I wouldnt worry too much about the odd cramping and pains as there is a lot of stretching and moving going on which can be painful. I think we are definitely more in tune with our bodies (and used to thinking the worst!). Take it easy today.

I bought a candle with his intial on it to keep for special ocassions. I think it is a great idea to have a day out, we did that for my due date and definitely felt like the right way to 'celebrate'. As it turns out we will end up with birthdays within days of each othet for #1 and #2 so will end up with a double celebration / day out.

Hope DH has a lovely birthday, have you got anything nice planned? Apart from a yummy homemade cake!

Ps @miami81 when is your next scan?

Tuesday. Should be 11+4 ish. Dating scan is the following Monday at 12+3.

👍 i have an 8 week scan on Wednesday. Cannot wait. Will be thinking of you Tuesday, let us know how you get on x

I've been following this post for a while and I just wanted to send you all huge hugs. My little daughter Beth was stillborn last year, @Miami81 in particular you helped me get through it. Anyway I'm now sat looking at my 2 week old daughter. Whilst the pain of losing Beth will be with me everyday, I also feel incredibly fortunate. I remember those days of feeling like it would never happen again for me, and the utter terror of pregnancy. Hugs to you all and I hope you get your babies soon x

Congratulations @iamloading ! I remember you posting earlier on in the thread. Thank you for your best wishes 😙x

Hi @miami81 how was your scan? I had mine yesterday all measuring fine and bang on 8 weeks. 😊

Hope all you other ladies are well? @partyinthekitchen are you close to testing?

@partyinthekitchen just realised it wasnt you who was in 2ww was it?!