TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 18: Christmas cake for Christmas babies

[Daffodil77]

Here you go

Morning @ek78 it's got a touch heavier the past day or so, but still (sorry if TMI) not much on the pad. It has turned red and there was a small amount of tissue last night. Still not at period levels yet.

Basically it seems to go I get cramps in the afternoon into early eve like period pains, I bleed a little more, and guiltily hope, then when I go to bed it seems to stop things in their tracks. Tempted to try and stay up tonight as that's happened three days in a row now.

Emotionally I'm all over the place. I know bean is gone and this needs to happen so I can move on and try again but I feel so ashamed and guilty for hoping every time I go to the loo that this is it. I found out on the 17th bean wasn't the right size-2 weeks behind so it feels like it's taking my body forever. Another thing I've failed at doing.

Had a call out of the blue from my GP-shed had a letter from the EPAU and called to see how I was. She's very kind, and has been brilliant about my medical phobia. She's prescribed me higher dose folic acid on the basis I may not need it but it won't harm me. Been desperately searching for anything I can do to try and stop this happening again.

How are you doing? When do you have to go back to EPAU? My appointment is weds at 9.30am and I'm petrified. I know they'll want to scan me but no idea about bloods etc (I don't know my blood type so rhesus status is worrying) and I need to prepare myself if anything else is involved otherwise I'll meltdown.

Thankyou so much for asking-honestly these boards have been a lifesaver and a huge comfort. Xxx

@laney79 my miscarriage was abit like urs. Bleeding started a lil bit but only when wiped, it started to get heavier like a period but not loads, but never onto the pad always only when I wiped. I had a few clots passed on the toilet the 3rd day of bleeding then had scan the next day & it had all passed naturally. So u never no this could be it for you not all miscarriages are as heavy & painful as others. Good luck for wednesday. 🤞

@Laney79 Please know that you have no reason to feel guilty for wanting this to be over. It's so hard to come to terms with but there is nothing you can do now for the pregnancy and the sooner it is over the sooner your body can recover and you can regroup. This is a cruel, cruel thing to happen but you haven't failed and it is not your fault.

I have to go back to the EPAU on Friday. I'm not expecting them to do bloods (although others who have gone back for a second scan might know better). I think it will be an appointment with nurse and then a scan, followed by a chat about options, if the miscarriage hasn't completed naturally. It sounds like your GP is being helpful. Maybe it would be worth asking them about counselling post-mc? I regret not taking this route last time and am going to look into it once this is over.

@Beck1988 is right though, all mcs are different and so maybe this is it for you? Based on my previous experience I am expecting something heavier but again, maybe it will be different for me this time. Sending lots of love and keep us posted on here about how you are doing. I'm so looking forward to being on the other side of this - and entering back into the ttc chat with the others!

@Laney79 please try not to feel that you've failed. I had a very light miscarriage and genuinely there was nothing left despite the small amounts of blood being passed. The docs said I reabsorbed everything.

One poster on here put it really well a few weeks ago in that if your body is holding on to your pregnancy it hasn't failed, it's doing everything it can to help the baby live. Early miscarriage is usually down to a chromosomal abnormality not caused by anything we have done or not done.

It sounds like you have a lovely GP. Maybe ask for some progesterone cream? Progesterone is the hormone that helps baby stick and folic acid helps development (I think).

Looking forward to seeing your POAS pics ladies! I did a FRER for peace of mind that this period has cleared everything out but guess what - still positive! Going to get some more to retest on Tuesday but looks like it more blood tests for me (hopefully back in the blood clinic so I don't get the monster bruising this time lol)

@Laney79 sorry to hear you're going through all of this. It's so good to write about it and share, I found it massively helpful and still do.
It's not at all a bad thing to want this to be over. I felt exactly the same and just wanted it to be over so I could draw a line under it. It seems so unfair that we know it's going to happen yet we have to wait for things to happen so slowly. I did wonder if the length of time being in limbo was, for me, actually quite good in retrospect because it gave me a good couple of weeks to accept what was happening and to be kind to myself. I spent a lot of it at home, staying quiet and going through all the emotions - anger, frustration etc.
I do hope it all happens for you soon so you can get back on track xx

Thanks ladies. Just so very hard.

I really thought it was starting properly last night-but this morning it seems to have stopped completely again

I really want to move on and join you on the TTC bus. Xxx

Hope POAS Friday is going well for all 😂 AF is just about gone so I’ll be joining next Friday.

Sorry @laney79 you’re in a tough place at the mo. I had that feeling of just wanting it to be over, which is part of the reason why I opted for ERPC, so don’t feel guilty...I think it’s only natural. It’s not that you don’t care about that little bean, but it’s more about the grieving process and being able to think into the future. It really is one of the worst things to have to go through! But take your time and be kind to yourself ❤️

@hidcat sorry you’re still getting positive tests...but could it be a new pregnancy??

I’m in a bit of a pickle as to what to do in a couple of weeks. A lot of our friends from home all moved away and we are all meeting up in a few weeks (a bit of a reunion) they are good friends but not super close as most of them don’t know about the miscarriage. Problem is I know I will get asked about “when are we having a baby” and I’m wondering how you girls all deal with this question? Part of me wants to say about the miscarriage but then another part of me is thinking just to smile and fob it off. Interested to hear anyone’s thoughts?

@Claire138 Me and my DP had a mmc in August last year. When people ask ‘when are you going to have one of your own?’ I tell them fairy kindly that we lost a baby but we are having a great time trying again. If we are successful this month it should be a Christmas Day baby! 😍 I hope this helps? X

Thanks @babybeany. I don’t know why miscarriage has such a ‘hush hush’ reputation...going by the statistics it’s very common! I know some people would rather not mention their loss because it brings up a lot of emotion, but it hurts no matter what response you give back! Then maybe with an honest answer those people may think twice about asking that question so frivolously! Aw wouldn’t that be lovely! A Christmas Day baby! I have my fingers and toes crossed for a Christmas baby too 🤞❤️

BFN here today, at least next cycle I can use OPKs again!

@Claire138 it’s so tough not to get cross with people asking isn’t it? I think that’s why I choose the slightly blunt/humerus response. 😉 Baby dust to us all! Happy Easter baby making! 💖

@DaisyMay25 sorry about your bfn, opks are great although I'm a liiittttttle bit obsessed with them! 🤞for this cycle for you

@Babybeany I know what you mean it's really hard to know how to respond. With those fairly close to me I've been saying that sadly we had a miscarriage last month so we're taking itone day at a time. I then usually say that there's no right or wrong response so that they don't get embarrassed or feel awkward.
So many people just don't think there could be a problem that they just ask v flippantly but I think it's always good to get the truth out there as it will start educating people not to ask such blunt questions! Also I firmly believe it needs to be talked about more as I felt so shocked when it happened as hadn't really heard of anyone going through it but since I've talked about it, lots of people have come forward with similar stories. Ultimately do what you feel comfortable doing! 😀

Sorry got confused, message below 👇 was responding to @Claire138 not @Babybeany ! xx

@babynameedie I agree. For me, I find it helps to talk about it. I too, didn’t know of anyone who had suffered a miscarriage so it was also a big shock for me when I went for my scan and there was no heartbeat. I think I will be honest and like you and @babybeany try to lighten the mood straight after so it’s not uncomfortable but also at the same time they will know not to ask again!

@daisymay25 sorry for BFN, but I always feel relieved to come out of TWW, obvs would rather have a BFP but limbo is awful!

Does anyone know if they do blood tests if you choose to take the pills for missed miscarriage?

@Claire138 it's possible but given my hcg levels last week I think unlikely. Will just have to do tests every so often to keep an eye on things lol

If people ask me outright and I feel comfortable with them then I'll be honest. If they're people I don't know very well I just go with the old not yet type routine or tell them we're not planning anymore. I think the business of not telling people if often more about keeping it quiet that you're trying. It is for us anyway.

Luckily for us people have stopped asking as I think they think at 41 we don't want anymore children. However my 10 year old is constantly asking for a brother or a sister so I just say well you can't just go to tescos and buy one. So now he says we should adopt which I then had to explain that isn't that easy either. 😬

Ok- I have to do something more positive, I'm driving myself insane waiting for my MC to complete.

So -can anyone offer advice/experience. How long was it before you started POAS after MC and how long does it take to get your negative? I've bought some cheap pink dye tests (20ml hcg sensitivity) but wondering if I should get some internet early response ones at the 10ml hcg sensitivity? I'm bleeding on and off (still think there's much more to come as its not even been as heavy as a normal period, so expect a test would still show BFP) so I assume I wait until that has stopped then test?

And how long was it before your first AF? We are off on holiday 31st may (should've been 20 weeks) and I'm desperately hoping we'll be able to use that time to try again, but worried that it could end up being the first AF after I lost our bean.

Prior to becoming pregnant I'd been on the pill for 20 years, last pill in sept, 35 day cycle in October then three cycles of 24 days, 28 days and 21 days...so not exactly regular.

@laney79 it depends on everyone I done a test when I was bleeding still an it said pos but then had a few clots later that day, went for scan the next day & they done a test & it was negative! ( prob because I had just downed a bottle of water! Wee looked like water so was prob too diluted! ) but I then done a test bout a week later after bleeding stopped & was negative. Cycle was 29days post miscarriage before it was usually 26-27 days.
So after ovulation pics on Thursday was positive done one yesterday & this morning & have faded loads so thinking I ovulated Thursday night! Officially 2dpo & in the longest 2ww! X

Morning ladies... I'm 5dpo and dying already!!! Haha!!! 5 more days til test day!! Anyone in the TWW???

@Laney79 sorry you're still testing +. I can't offer much advice as I had Erpc. But for what it's worth after the op it took two full weeks to get negative and then I ovulated exactly one week later. Fingers crossed it all ends soon for you.

@Laney79 I had a D&C and finally got a negative test 17 days afterwards. I'm now on day 22 and have just got a static smiley on the CB digital OPK.

I think it varies from person to person. I would hold out for as long as I can if I were you - I started testing early and nearly drove myself insane with it. It's horribly frustrating - I really feel for you.

So hubby has been away for work, left yesterday and wont be back till late on monday so obvs just got a peak on cbfm!!!

So I'm putting all my faith in a 🌈 I saw with my husband on thursday night pre bding!

Funkyemzie totally normal. 3 months on I still get it. I was in so much shock when it first happened.

Cakelaur I hope this is your month! Please post a pic of your puppy, it always cheers me up.

Boboelephant thank you for always welcoming me back! I hope you're enjoying your hols with lots of bding

Hi all hope I can join. MC in January and if this cycle doesn't work it's onto month 6 for me :( positive opk yesterday on cd21 which is early for me we dtd yesterday but hubby is away now until Monday night so not looking good :( trying to stay optimistic. Goodluck all and hope you're all ok xx

Laney79 I think take your time, I wasn't on an even keel till my first AF post mc. I'm so sorry you're gking through this.