TTC after pregnancy loss. Thread 17. New Year, new hope for all!

[Primrose16]

Oops the other one got full before new one made. Kept the same name to make it easier to find.

Definitely swear away @Eastend2015. It is fucking terrible!! I hope you have told DH to take care of DS and have been able to get away. If family didn't know about pregnancy tell them you feel unwell and go and take a bath and have some you time.

So sorry Eastend, thinking of you x

@Eastend2015 I'm so so sorry. Like everyone else has said. Swear away. My heart goes out to you. No words right now. Just sending a massive hug! Xx

Thanks all, I don’t really know what to do now tbh. We have a follow up appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic in may which we can bring forward but I don’t have a great deal of confidence in the hospital. It’s been 2 weeks and they haven’t even bothered to get back in touch with some blood test results. I think we’ll self refer back to st Thomas’ but in the mean time get some tests done privately. Ttc again doesn’t seem like the right thing to do if it isn’t going to stick. I spoke to my mum about it and she said she thinks i’m too stressed to hold onto a pregnancy. One of my best friends told me that it’s natures way of weeding out the weaklings and after all, it’s just like a bad period. Honestly, some people should think before they deliver their worldly wisdom

@Eastend2015 omg its obvious she hasnt been here - lucky her!! If you could get your app brought forward would be good. How old is your DS? I feel so sorry for you right now in the shitness you are goin through ... i know exactly the range of emotions only too well unfortunately

@Eastend2015 so so sorry to hear about your loss. That really sucks. The things people come out with in response to miscarriage can be really hurtful and ignorant, but I think sometimes they just have no idea what to say, especially if they have never experienced pregnancy loss. Sending hugs x

DS is 20 months now. I had an EP and MMC before him, an MC in December and now this. My friend had a TFMR in January so should know better really!!

A bad period! WHAT!!! People need to keep their mouths firmly shut! Xxxx

@Eastend2015 I’m so sorry to hear that. People can be so insensitive!

Another BFN today for me and still no sign of AF. Some symptoms this last week but starting to wonder now if they’re all in my head! Starting to really mess with my head that my period hasn’t returned. I know it can take 4-6 weeks and I’m not there yet but it’s way outside my normal cycles!

@dulwichdays do you mind if I ask how long it's been since your BFN? I'm 5.5 weeks past MC and still getting decent positives though they're getting lighter (last hcg test was 199 Tuesday just gone). I'm just trying to work out when to expect AF once I do get to BFN so we can get on with TTC.

@Hidcat I got my first BFN 2 weeks after my D&C and retested today because it’s now almost 5 weeks since Missed miscarriage was found and I’d had some symptoms and haven’t had AF. When did they say to expect your AF, they said to me btw 4-6 weeks x

@dulwichdays they haven't given me a timeframe. Just said if I don't have a BFN by 6th March to go back. HCG was high to start with (MC was around 10/11 was) so the lengthy return to zero is regarded as normal and it has dropped steadily, just about halved each week so far.

@dulwichdays how long ago was your actual D&C? I hope it comes for you soon. The waiting is really hard.

@HidCat hope you get your bfn soon so you can crack on.

@boboelephant my D&C was 24th January so 4 weeks and 4 days. Tested negative within 2 weeks and now just waiting. Starting to resent my body for not doing what it should!

So here it is ladies. Inside the mind of a girl who miscarried!!
I'm calling it 'not forgotten'
A bit behind it...
If you look closely there are hidden things...
5 feathers - each month we were actively ttc
8 colours - each week we were pregnant
Top corner has the two lines of a pregnancy test that represents the loss of the pregnancy and the a crying eye
The bottom corner with the heart is crossed out or coloured in... however you wanna look at it.
Rainbow colours - hoping for my rainbow baby.
And the splats are the explosive emotions

I hope you all like it. For me it was the perfect outlet for my emotions. And now I have a piece of art (that may not be everyone's cup of tea) on my wall as a memory forever.

Cakelaur This is beautiful! Such a lovely idea. It reminds me of a Jackson Pollack- who I love the work of😊

I love this @cakelaur what a great way to express your emotions.

Beautiful cakelaur! I did something a bit similar after the birth of my son a few years ago when I was doing a textiles course- the blue is Lino printed positive and negatives to represent pregnancy tests and the hope/ heart aches that there had been, as well as cutting/ ripping a linea nigra and re-stitching it to represent childbirth

@Eastend that is so utterly shit. How are you doing today?

@cakelaur that's so good! I love that to the unknowing eye it would just look like nice artwork but to you is actually very significant and meaningful.

Thanks daffodil yep doing ok. I think on the physical side the worst is over but we’ll go to the scan on weds and get the all clear. There’ll be no harm getting the all clear and getting this pregnancy medically documented. Then I think we’ll take a break to get some tests done properly, book a holiday, that sort of thing. I have to choose to be positive and keep going. I’m determined our losses aren’t going to define our lives!! (She says while trying not to cry- FFS!!)

@Eastend2015 - Some people really have no tact. I'm so sorry for your loss

@Cakelaur - WOW. That is a really stunning piece of art. I wish I had that sort of talent!

Love it @cakelaur! As daffodil said I love how subtle it is on show but so significant to you guys.

@eastend2015 hope you’re feeling better today. Sounds like a good idea to maybe get some tests and a holiday is always a good idea!

@cakelaur that is so meaningful- it’s wonderful

@Eastend a holiday sounds like a good idea. You're right about choosing to be positive. It is a choice, albeit very very difficult at times. My MC happened when I was going a very close bereavement. I think I could've got away with curling up in a ball and crying for weeks on end. But somehow life keeps going and so do we as that's the only way to get what we all so desperately want. As Unicorn said a few months ago, the prize is too great to give up. I hope the tests give you some useful info, even if it's simply knowing that there's nothing physically causing this. Take care of yourself xxx