TTC after pregnancy loss. Thread 17. New Year, new hope for all!

[Primrose16]

Oops the other one got full before new one made. Kept the same name to make it easier to find.

Boboelephant your certainly not alone with any of those thoughts at all. Do try not to be so hard on yourself and it's not easy for all. My first pregnancy I conceived after 6 months of coming off the pill had no problems at all so I thought it would be that easy again. This time we got caught after 3 months of coming off the pill....even easier but now I'm on here talking to you lovely ladies after a mmc. I never in a million years thought it would happen to me and I never would have thought this journey would be so damn hard. I am very lucky I have my little girl. This journey has made me and my hubby stronger so I can only hope you are sharing your thoughts and feelings with your other half too. It will happen one day it's just when.

Xx

@hidcat: no, they’ve already said they won’t do it as there’s more risk for damaging the uterus.

@boboelephant: nope, nothing earlier possible as they’re so busy. I have the exact same feelings as you. I’m also way too hard on myself. Give yourself time and don’t feel bad for feeling what you do, at least you’re feeling something

@Boboelephant I feel all the things you do. And on top of that I set my self stupid targets. Like I HAVE to be pregnant by end of April because we're going on our 'baby moon' that was booked when we got our bfp. And worse than that I can't stand to look at my other half's son. He's 12 and every time I look at him it makes me resent him and my other half. Because he was a one night stand mistake. And he's actually quite a cool kid who I love. But every day that goes by I hate it more and more. And I am so scared that I'm going to ruin my amazing relationship because hubby doesn't have the same fears, and he's chilled and not fussed. And I become destructive every month just before AF and I say hurtful things and I beat myself up.
I'm so sorry that we're all having to go through this. It's honestly the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I struggle every day just to make it through the day. Life is definitely just passing me by because I've lost my love and my fire. And unless if it's fertile week and I want to have sex I hardly want to see anyone. Although strangely my best mate just had a baby and I love her two kids. And I love seeing them and holding them. But for a split second I pretend he's mine and when they leave I feel sad and lost again. Just waiting for my bfp.

This is one of the reasons I started the blog. So that i can put all my thoughts down on paper. And on the off chance that someone reads it, they can see that other people feel this was too.

Sending massive hugs @Boboelephant xx

Sorry. No idea why that's all in bold! 🙈

Good luck everyone. Has anyone tried concieve plus? Ttc after ectopic pregnancy last year. Used concieve plus for the first time when dtd nearly 3 weeks ago and now af is late but have cramps and negative test but don't know if it's too soon or just looking too much into this and it's going to end up being nothing

@Nightshifthell I used fertile check gel. Which is kinda the same and first time got my bfp. But this time I used last cycle and this cycle and no bfp yet.🤞

@cake laura good luck I hope you get bfp soon

@Boboelephant I'm also feeling very obsessive about getting oh again. I've been fortunate to not have had issues getting pg but after our mc last month I'm realising that time is not in our side and it's all I can think about. You are most definitely not alone and we all need an outlet for our feelings. We're here for you whenever you need us.

Oops sorry @cakelaur I got your name wrong

@Boboelephant I know exactly how you feel. We started ttc in May and was so lucky to get pregnant in three months then mc at three weeks in September. I've just finished cycle six since mc and I'm sick of getting my hopes up every month. His family asked him 'how're things on the baby front' I just thought it was a really insensitive question. I was hoping to be pregnant by April (it's DH and BIL 30th and also my birthday at the end) but I know I won't be then my original due date was May too. My doctor said to stop putting too much pressure on it. To stop poas and only dtd every 3-4 days. She did say she's confident of my age I'll get pregnant again soon but if I'm not she'll happy refer me to a fertility specialist in summer. I feel like giving up though honestly. I feel like I'm stuck in ground hog day with the same crappy ending each month.
Hugs for you, fx this journey for all of us has a happy ending soon

@cakelaur why given up? I have been drinking throughout the month 🙈 only stop if I get that positive. Not that it’s a lot! Going to have a little read of your blog 👍🏻

@DaisyMay25 I totally get the Groundhog Day effect. One of the posts I just did on the blog was called waiting. And it's the same bloody cycle!

@Primrose16 I just feel like AF Is coming and my temps are all over the place, which makes me feel like I didn't catch and it's also making me think progesterone is still an issue. There is of course still a chance, but bfn this morning again. 😞

3dpo here too weasledee i do love a cycle buddy. no symptoms yet...will keep you all posted. Going to do my best and hold off testing until af is officially late this month. i have no need to test early, there's no reason so will hold off until sunday 18th if i can!

pumpkin i can't believe you've not tested that's some pretty impressive will power!

daisy i had some pretty rogue cycles post mmc. but they seem to have sorted themselves out now. so hopefully it was a one off crap one for you.

@boboelephant, perfectly normal. And I think unless you have suffered a loss you just won’t get it. People can try to understand but will not. I fell pregnant quickly on my first think 2 months (mc), took 4 months to conceive the second (mmc) and then 8 months to conceive my daughter. I was a frantic mess. I went to the doctors and cried on him for the entire appointment for him to say that there was nothing he can do and come back in 5 months if nothing happened. I was angry that my losses had reset the 12 months trying before medical support. I hated friends announcing- I unfollowed many on fb- I wanted to punch a pregnant lady smoking outside mothercare! I was pure rage within those 8 months. Can totally understand. Then when I conceived my girl I was a frantic mess as I thought I was going to loose another. I had bleeding one evening when I was going out with a pregnant friend. I refused to leave my bed and husband brought me chips and curry sauce. Turned out okay but 9 months of worry. Now I’m back on- will I ever have a successful pregnancy again, why did I have my daughter but loose those 3 babies.
I hate that others feel like this- it’s not nice at all!

Big hugs to everyone in this group

@boboelephant you are 100% not alone! I actually had a minor breakdown last night and all of your worries you have highlighted were the worries I was upset about! Unfortunately, I don’t know how to shift these worries and to be honest I feel like I am putting so much off in my life because I am so consumed by trying for a baby.
I guess it’s good to get out and talk about it and see that you are not alone but I can’t see me personally shifting these worries until I have my own little babe! Did your therapist mention how you could manage/clear your worries?

Apologies if I direct my comments at the wrong people!!

@daisy my timings are only slightly before yours. So right there with you.

@Cake I have used Dr google for things to help increase my luteal phase, but certainly no official diagnosis. My GP said 10 days was fine. I also have the progesterone cream, but haven't been brave enough to use it.

@Nightshift I've been using conceive plus for the last 3 cycles with no bfp. We got our bfp last time without it. However my ovulation day has moved around so it's been difficult to make sure we're DTD enough. Now dh's exam is (about 45 mins from being) out the way we're going to up the ante.

Started testing on CB advanced yesterday morning. Does it need to track for a while before ovulation to pick up a surge? This is the first month I've used it. Had creamy cm for the last two days but not lots of clear stretchy cm so think ov is coming up. On cd21...

@bobo, meant to add, you're not alone. My dh says to me that you can't help how you feel and shouldn't feel bad. But you can change how you deal with it. I've started removing people on FB that are Pg or have new babies if they aren't close friends. That helps. I have a habit of checking how old someone is if they announce they are Pg. Like somehow if they are younger it's not fair!? Crazy lady.

@boboelephant I totally understand how you feel. After mc I started feeling desperate to have a baby and also worried it won't happen. I felt angry towards others who seemed to have it easier and got pregnant straight away or people moaning about small things. I'm trying to 'keep my eyes on my own paper' as I know we all struggle with different things in life but it's hard. I just want to send you and everyone else in a similar situation support. It helps me to know I'm not alone and this has happened to others.

@Daffodil77 omg i do this too check peoples age!! 🙈

@hopeful I'm so glad it's not just me!!

@keepinghopeful, @Kingy2910, @Hortonlovesahoo, @Cakelaur, @HidCat, @DaisyMay25, @Primrose16, @Claire138, @Daffodil77 and @Hope137 you have no idea how relieved you guys have all made me! Thankyou so much for all your posts!!! It's very hard to put yourself out there if you generally are a 'smile and get on with it' person. I was terrified really that no-one would reply! I'm so sorry you are feeling the same way and for those really struggling but it really does help to know we're not alone. Sending everyone massive hugs and crossed fingers for bfps soon!!!
My DH is very supportive thankfully but I too fell pregnant instantly with my DS and so this journey was never one I expected. I hope it's over soon with a happy ending!
@Claire138 how was acupuncture? Therapist said that it is basically going to be hard as the only thing that will make me stop worrying is to get pregnant and obviously that's so hard because it feels out of my control. So she said I should find ways to try and take back some control. So DH and I have started vitamins, am seed cycling, the acupuncture and booked an appointment with a gynae specialist. It helps to feel that at least I am doing everything I can and so in some way it proves this is not my fault. That and I'm trying not to Google every symptom!! 4dpo and haven't done it yet so that's progress! 🤣

@bobo and all others who have replied - all your worries and thoughts really resonate with me. I had a mini breakdown last night because my DH had been too tired to BD the night before and it was around my fertile week, it made me feel like he was taking away our opportunity to conceive this month (not much BDing as I've been on nights)! Crazy huh.

I also get particularly worried that it'll never happen, and maddeningly jealous of pregnant friends and colleagues etc. I'm really not a jealous person so just feeling jealous makes me feel guilty about being a sour cow which makes things even worse! For example find it really hard today when on a training day a colleague announced she was pregnant, edd the same time as mine for the pregnancy I miscarried.

I think TTC, especially having had a loss or losses, is such an emotional journey we can't be hard on ourselves about how we feel. That just makes things so much harder! Having places like this is such a godsend because I feel quite isolated in real life, talking about this feels so taboo and intimate. I'm sorry all you lovely ladies are going through this as well but it's also so reassuring to read you are all feeling the same and I'm not just going mad!

Ah @strawberrye I hear you! I was the same once when DH was too tired and I was like ' but we have to!! Agghh!!' Real turn on for them! 😣
I went to a party last weekend and 5 of my friends were pregnant- two due within days of what I would have been. Then another friend who was due around what my ectopic would have been is just going back to work after mat leave. And I'm still not pregnant. Massively shit!

I also worry about being a sour cow. And people being younger than me not being fair. And being angry. And all of it really. This thread really is so supportive xxx

@Boboelephant I'm glad you feel a bit better. I keep looking at nursery furniture, wishful thinking...
It's DH's nephews second birthday this week so going to mothercare was a hard trip for me. I'm not even sure it'll happen for me anytime soon. This is going to sound really bad but I've had a fair bit of unprotected sex in my life with a few different guys and never gotten pregnant (please don't judge) so I'm convinced the last one was a one off. From the age of 14 until about 21 I had an eating disorder and didn't have an AF so several months, doctors told me I'd never get pregnant and if I did I'd never carry to term. I'm unsure whether to just get some private tests done. I've got some scans on Monday to investigate pains so I'm gonna ask my doctor then about private knead

Hey strawberrye we might all be going a bit crackers but at least were doing it together 😚