Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Oh Flora hope your body plays ball now, I suppose if AF doesn't show test again in a few days.

Skip happy belated birthday, it sounds like you had an amazing time.

PJs all my fingers are crossed for you. Loving the 💅, very chic.

Kwick I do like your strong colours for the garden furniture, I have got a little side table to do up and it's going to be as pink as your bench.
Going to steal your eating plan for DH.

Mouse so glad you enjoyed the concert. I hope you did ovulate but maybe within the next few cycles get your progesterone checked on your equivalent of day 21 (day 18?). I had static smiley every month for 6 months, EWCM, but the blood tests were equivocal. I've since been prescribed Clomid, consultant thought I had variable ovulation. I'm going to request blood tests again this month to see if it's making any difference.

Jamon going to look into those books. Hope the spare room is looking good.

Sending a hug Babi. That must have been tough for your DH, maybe he has never processed it.

Quiet can you just do the room as you'd like it? Though exercise bike is good if you're dedicated. I've done our spare room with a beach theme. I sleep there if DH snores.

I can't go back a page on my phone so sorry if I've missed anyone.

Just had an emotional few days, maybe it's the Clomid but I have been a wreck crying at everything. Also heard of 2 pregnancies this week including a honeymoon conception! That did not help! I know we are getting closer to IVF and maybe a baby but it's hard to keep upbeat all the time. However just had an extra day off work so that is something to be glad for.

Ok, sorry, I tend to panic about these things now! If the bleeding continues, and the dull ache doesn't go/gets worse, you need to see a doctor. I'm sure you know all this but it's so important not to ignore any symptoms.

Lemony I hadn't seen your posts. Sorry about the BFN. Hope things get cleared up.

Hi everyone, haven't caught up yet but am doing a lot better. Have got my head in a better place.

Have had first scan letter through due to a possible kidney issue that the dr wants me to have scan on. Dr referred me on Wednesday and I had the letter on Saturday for appointment next Monday. Am impressed with that.

jene I am honoured just to point out I am trying currently to work out how I can incorporate fertility boosting foods in as generally things like 🥑 and 🥜 count as syns. Sweet potato and spinach and eggs do not - thank God!
WTF? A honeymoon conception- I thought those only happened in Mills & Boon novels!

lemon how are you feeling?

Morning girls hope you enjoyed the bank holiday

Pyjamas I love your approach, you're right there's nothing more you can do right now so you may as well enjoy being pupo. Lovely nails!

Babi goodness me your poor DH, it must make TTC have an extra fear element for him.

Kwick I'm pretty sure the date that worked for everyone was 17 September - I'll double check later today. Would anyone else like to join?

I don't have before pics but here is an after. There are still a few bits to do - shelves up, get chest of drawers etc. The cat likes it and seems to have declared it his.

Sounds like a great weekend mouse, hoping you did ovulate.

Flora a week late? You must be going insane. Have you tested again? Fx for you. In terms of cycles for me, I can try in September (ovulate on Monday) then again in October we can try. Then when AF comes in October I call the nurses and then wait 21 days 😩 before starting tablets to down regulate. Then into injections then egg collection transfer and TWW. It'll be December by then. It feels fucking ages. My best friend is also due her baby in December. And it's my birthday.

Jene I was batshit crazy on clomid, please go easy on yourself. I had some terrible dark thoughts and cried a LOT. I found the second cycle a bit easier

Lemon could it be your period hadnt quite finished? I would speak to the GP about that. How far into TTC are you?

Skipper hope you enjoyed your birthday celebrations

Flash how are you?

jam I'm good thanks. Actually feeling really positive this cycle. I didn't take agnus castus this month as it was making me ovulate by day 10 and with no fertile CM. But this month I've had fertile CM since CD 9 and it's CD 14 today and it's almost gone so think today is ovulation day. We HS cd9, 11, and 13 and will give it another go tonight just in case. Tried HS in the morning as I read (I think on the thread) that sperm is more lively in the morning. Just googled, like a Hilda Hopeful, and my due date would be DHs birthday if we got lucky this cycle!

Loving the pics of your room jam. I'm a bit of an interior design freak, it would be my dream job!

I wish I could make it, but will be celebrating my birthday that weekend. Hopefully we can do another one at some point.

Jam - what blue have you used for your walls? It's lovely!

Some great home improvements - love the spare room Jam - that light is lovely, where is it from? Kwick your terrace looks so lovely and sunny too - hope you’ve got some good Vitamin D!

Love the nails Pyjamas - sounds like you’ve had a lovely weekend, hope you’re managing to stay nice and chilled! Your attitude is great, I’m sure it’s doing you the world of good.

Sk1p and Quiet I found OPKs really stressed me out - mainly having to hold my wee for hours though! We now just do every other day during the fertile window - my CM changes quite a lot after I’ve ovulated and gets quite thick…so then we can have a bit of a break!!

Lemon definitely sounds like it’s worth checking out with your doctors - could just be a bit of leftover blood from your period, but worth just making sure!

Glad you’re feeling a bit better Babi

We’ve had a lovely weekend, overindulged in lots of ways but managed to make it to the gym twice and did quite a bit of walking. Back on the healthy bandwagon again today!

I also had a weird dream that we were having IVF and hubby’s sperm quality had declined a lot…I was so annoyed in my dream, I actually woke up still quite annoyed with him!!

I’m CD26 today and driving myself mad even though I said I wasn’t bothered this cycle as we’re off to America in a couple of weeks…I also get so anxious the last few days before my period. Fingers crossed it stays away….

Loving the room jam! That wall colour is so calming. And your terrace is looking great too kwick!

Was also baby central when we went quiet - didn't bother me as much as it usually does, probably because I was still in the mega positive phase!

Still pretty chilled and positive over here - although the fear is starting to creep in with just over a week to go until test day... DH left for Tenerife for the week yesterday and while normally I'm fine when he's away and relish the channel surfing freedom, I felt quite weepy yesterday! Damn hormones. Also means I'm having to be a bloody contortionist as I have to do progesterone injections which are intramuscular and administered to the bum - great! Managed it last night, but DH can definitely take back that job when he's back! Back to work today and am struggling to concentrate. Have to really work at not letting annoying people stress me out. Working from home tomorrow, then have next week off which I think is wise given what happened last time.

I'm on my way to my follow up appointment to Clomid at the clinic and I've realised that I'm terrified of IVF, absolutely terrified. I'm not sure I can do it. I just keep thinking of how to persuade my gynaecologist to put me on another 3 months of Clomid to put it off a little bit longer. Not sure what the waiting list is like but they haven't mentioned a waiting list at all in my many previous appointments so I'm inclined to believe there isn't one. Really wish DH was with me right now...

Hugs skip. Whatever happens next, you can always decide it's not for you. If you're fully informed, you might feel less scared of it? Good luck at the appointment. Here if you need to chat.

It is daunting at first skipper, what specifically are you worried about? Feel free to DM me if there's anything you need help with xx

Thanks Pyjamas and Flash xx

I've always not been keen about hospitals and procedures but since my HSG my fear has become even more irrational. Im worried about the pressure it will put on my body, the physical side effects and the emotional ones. I'm certainly worried I'll go through it all and have nothing to show for it at the end. I'm also worried that DH won't be able to attend as many of the appointments as I would like, he hasn't been able to come this time and he couldn't come for my follicle scan last time. I just feel miserable sitting in fertility clinics on my own surrounded by pregnant women. I feel like a complete baby right now. Currently sat out on the hospital green waiting for 2 o'clock because I can't face sitting in the waiting room.

Sk1p there is no pressure to move straight onto IVF if you don't feel it's right at this moment - and I don't think the clinic will pressure you at all as it's such a personal decision. You're still young and have plenty of time ahead of you so take some time to think about it.

But if I say I don't want it yet, will I fall out of the chain? It's taken me a year to have all these tests and trials completed. (I can ask all these questions today ofc, I just don't want to seem ungrateful).

Those are all totally valid and normal worries skipper so don't feel bad about having them. I had all of those before I started and DH was only able to come to egg collection day appointment and the transfer appointment (most women in the waiting room were there on their own anyway!). Personally, I surprised myself with how much strength I had once I got going. The anticipation and fear of the unknown was definitely worse than the reality (in terms of the treatment itself). I'm not going to lie, the emotional toll it takes can feel huge and the impact of a BFN is horrible, but I did feel able to bounce back. The physical side while not totally unnoticable, really wasn't as bad as I'd feared. Everyone is different though and you totally have to do what feels right for you. And if not going through with it is the best choice, then so be it.

If there's a waiting list, perhaps could be worth getting on it and get counselling to deal with these worries in the meantime? xxx

I don't think you'll be put to the back of the queue - when we had our consultation appointment he said 'let's get your started in November so we can get a round in before Christmas' - I really wasn't expecting it to happen so soon so asked whether we could put back until the New Year, and he was absolutely fine with that. Perhaps say you'll need a few months to get your head around it, make plans with work - you could have a holiday you couldn't move for example..or other stuff going on in your life. You could then review in a couple of months.

Although you will be absolutely fine, and are definitely strong enough to cope, it's not something you want to do if you're not feeling ready.

Hope the appointment goes well, keep us posted xx

Pyjamas - that helps thank you, you have been incredibly strong through everything. If I can muster up just a fraction of your strength I know it will be fine. Would you say you would of liked DH to be there for anything other than collection or transfer?

Struggle - okay that's awesome thanks, I will see how the conversation goes. I'm guessing that they are more than happy for people to wait a bit longer for IVF anyway as I've heard the treatment costs the NHS an absolute bomb.

Thanks so much xx I really don't know what I'd do without this thread sometimes

skip - Sometimes we have no choice but to be strong, and for me, this is one of those situations. Parts of it have been horrible, but it's also shown me how much strength I have - which can only be a good thing. There will be times when I fall down again and it'll feel like I'll never get up (like with the BFN), but I know I'll get through it. And I know you'll get through it too.

To be honest, I preferred DH not being at every appointment - I liked knowing that I could do it alone and the appointments are so routine that there's no real need for him to be there. Normally it's just a scan, blood test and see nurse to confirm medication until next appointment.

If it comes to it, and you decide it's the right path for you, I don't doubt you will be able to handle anything that's thrown at you skipper. If you decide to go down the IVF route, maybe you could set some clear guidelines for support from your DH if you feel you need it, for example, if he can't come to an appointment, can he set aside 20 mins for a telephone call afterwards, so you can talk it all through with him, share any info before you forget etc etc.

And don't forget, if someone had told you you'd be here now when you first started TTC, you probably would have said 'There's no way I could cope with 2 years of trying, and all that comes with that' but you have, and coped amazingly.

So there is no waiting list and I think because I sat there in sullen silence after she told me that, she asked me what was troubling me. So I just was very honest and said I didn't think I was ready for this next step...that I will be, just not right now. To be fair to the nurse, she was really really sympathetic and understanding. She said that there is no pressure to go straight into IVF and asked me what I wanted. So I just said I needed a few months before reviewing again and she asked if I'd like to be on Clomid again for those 3 months which I've accepted, despite how sick it makes me. I feel a lot better now, I'm sorry for being such a wimp!! I think I needed your reassurance just to get myself into that meeting.

Not a wimp at all skipper! If you were ready, you would know, and this is something you need to be ready for and comfortable with. Well done for listening to how you feel and making the right decision for now.