Thread 31, TTC1 | Jam and her dodgers still riding the bonking bus for that elusive BFP

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Hi everyone can I join? Been TTC #1 FOR 3 1/2 years! Tried for 3 years on my own before getting help as I felt I had plenty of time. Since visiting my gp having numerous appointments and scans I was diagnosed with PCOS and also found I do not ovulate so any way I am currently on cycle 2 of Clomid and it's the first time iv ovulated this cycle of of course I'm really excited! I am 9dpo today and had a pinchy feeling in my left side today a bit like the feeling I had during ovulation. wondering if it could possibly be implantation

Welcome holzy. Sorry you've had such a long journey. Fingers crossed this is the cycle for you.

Smitten sorry to hear that. I too have had a couple of early misscariages. I didn't stop trying though although I didn't bounce back very quickly.

Got odd tightening on left side. In 3/4 days late but don't want to test yet. Am so scared and am trying hard not to get hopes up.

Alps sounds lovely flash. Spent a lot of time in France as a child and can't wait to go back next year after 10 years!

Hm you made me think there chlo! I was never really upset about moving onto IVF - a lot of people say they had to 'mourn' when they let go of the idea of conceiving naturally, but that didn't really happen to me. I haven't said this to anyone in real life as it sounds a bit bat shit, but I've always known that it would be difficult for me to conceive. I have no obvious physical reasons, I've just always had this feeling, so IVF wasn't a surprise and was a natural next step. I hope that makes sense!

And I haven't been on the rest of the conception board for ages! Can't handle it!

Hi holzy and fingers crossed for you!

Good luck to you too Babi - I so would've tested!!

Flash I don't read conception anymore. This thread aside I usually just go on infertility or the new posts tab for any ridiculous reads across the other boards.

Wondering if we ought to move across to infertility really - anyone feel strongly about that?

I feel a bit sad about letting go of conceiving naturally. I always thought i would - and even now whilst I'm getting my head around starting IVF there's still a part of me that thinks we will get that natural BFP - when in reality that's not going to happen. Sounds silly but in my head I'm still not "someone who had IVF". I never thought it would be my journey. Every now and then it's like a shock that it now is.

Welcome holzy

Pyjamas, totally doesn't sound batshit to me. I feel totally the same way re IVF and just knowing that we wouldn't be able to conceive naturally, even if there isn't really a reason for it. I've always just felt that it wouldn't happen, really from as soon as we started trying I guess.

Another one who doesn't really see the point in the conception board either - I'm relaxed as to where this thread lives as I tend to just click on it and then read a lot of ridiculous threads on AIBU :)

I can totally understand your fear babi, keeping everything crossed for you.

Welcome holzy, I hope the clomid does the trick for you!

Welcome Blooming too!

Think AF will arrive tomorrow, not entirely sure when it's due and have been having to take painkillers for the last couple of weeks which I think are masking my pre-AF cramps. Not holding out any hope though.

Totally with you jamon, I don't feel like 'someone who had IVF' even though I don't know what that 'someone' should be like in my head or what preconceptions I have, just didn't envisage it to be my story. I still sometimes feel shocked when I realise it's been nearly 2 years and that yes, we are in this situation. I've always wanted a big family as I come from a family of 4 and I just always thought I'd have the same kind of family set up so I also find that hard to get my head around.

That's good in a sense though pyjamas as you say, you haven't had to mourn the idea of not conceiving naturally which I think a lot of people do and I guess it validates your gut feeling. I think there's so much to be said for gut feeling and I don't think you're bat shit crazy at all ha ha.

babi I've had a tightening too, is that something that people look out for? Not heard of that one.

I've been a bit mean tonight to DH. He called me on way home from work as he bumped into one of our friends and I said she keeps asking to meet up with me, she's just had IVF and I'm pretty certain it's worked. He then asked how I'm feeling and I said obviously really pleased for them but I'm feeling a bit shit as every friend and person I know who was struggling is now pregnant so I feel like I haven't got anyone else in my position in RL to talk to and just like we're the last ones standing, as such. He then starts babbling on as per usual how he feels it too and how he thinks things feel different now and we just need to focus on us. I know all of that is true but I really don't think he does feel it how I do. I work from home now so I have a lot more time on my hands and all my mates are either preggers or have babies so unless I stop communicating with them and don't go out, I can't avoid it. We have made a lot of progress but we're still not there yet so I just find it frustrating when he keeps saying that. It's probably just resentment and sadness and frustration at our situation all vented on him and I know I'm being a bit of a cow but I also sometimes wish he'd just validate how I feel rather than spurt out the usual clap trap. rant over.

I also feel now that the conception board is torture! Don't go there anymore, just follow this thread- feel you're "my people"

Am wishing you so much luck pyjamas!

I've been baby bombed twice in the last 24hours, and had a little breakdown at the FC today 😞 Doctor was lovely, but I am feeling very low right now. It's that whole happy for them but sad for me situation, then the guilt for not feeling over the moon for them. Consultant is going to refer me to counselling through the clinic though and I'm going to hermit myself this weekend and give me some TLC time away from people to try and sort myself out.

TTC sucks!

Well af here am gutted.Dr appointment next week.

Oh balls babi I'm so sorry - really hope you get some answers at GP.

chlo sorry you're having a hard time - totally get where you're coming from. Have you tried telling DH again how it makes you feel?

flash as an asthmatic, I say go ahead - not the end of the world, and never stopped me visiting friends :)

Thanks kwick and PJs feel like a tit for having a bit of a sob in the work loo this morning - just feels like we did everything we could.

I find some of the conception board stuff fucking annoying (mainly the 'is this a line' on clear lines and 'might I be pregnant' in idiotic circumstances)

babi so sorry about af. It's cd1 for me too although I feel ok. I hope you can take some time this evening to look after yourself.

I wouldnt mind if we moved over to infertility. We're not really a mixed bunch anymore so it's a bit more applicable even though it feels sad to accept that.

Thanks quiet. MIL can be a bit self involved so wanted to make sure I wasn't the one being insensitive.

Mouse - the clots aren't painful at all actually, it's just unpleasant feeling them come out of you. And I know what you mean regarding reading other threads. I'm always surprised how many get pregnant on the pill too though I always assume they must be taking them incorrectly. Getting pregnant on the implant is pretty impressive however...

Baguette - I think if I was as wise as I am now at my initial fertility appointment, I might have made a point of collecting a squashed creme egg sample but all I remember is getting bulldozered by the doctor when I mentioned how heavy and painful my periods were. She seemed to think there was no connection and just wanted me to do all the preliminary tests. I have my preliminary IVF appointment at the clinic in 2 weeks, I might try and bring it up again but even my gynaecologist seemed uninterested in it when I mentioned it to her. That's the only problem with the NHS vs. private (apart from the waiting lists ofc) - as nice and hard working as the staff are, you're just another number to get through the system.

Pyjamas - I hope you are feeling better after your bloated stomach the other evening. Perhaps 7 follicles isn't as many as you would of hoped, but you only need one for your little miracle. Good luck for egg collection, keep us updated.

Harriet - thanks for the info regarding the baby aspirin, this really is a hot topic for debate right now. I'm going to keep taking it, as you say - the low dose can't do any harm. I might even stop taking after ovulation just to be doublely safe. Hope you are doing well?

Flash - I don't think anyone has to feel the need to "bring anything helpful", your company here is always welcome regardless. And yes, I've been scanned for fibroids twice. I really feel like you might benefit from clomid, I'm really sorry - can you remind me if you've taken this before or not? It delays ovulation (surprisingly) and will really plump your eggs up, short follicular phase or not. Sorry about AF too but glad it didn't hit you too hard. Also, I'm allergic to pets but we have a cat. The way we get around it is to just vacuum clean the house twice a week with a Vax pet hair cleaner and we also change the sheets once a week, but you can limit the impact zone by shutting rooms you don't want it to go in.

Babi - I'm so impressed you do restbite care, that's incredible. And sorry to hear the witch got you.

Kwick - Yes we do a lot of core practice but I will check out this yin yoga on youtube so that I can do it from home, that's an awesome shout thanks.

Smitten - I'm so sorry Smitten, i'm glad your DH has been taking care of you. Feel free to return whenever you feel ready and we'll be here ready to support you.

Blooming - Welcome, yes that HSG was an absolute bitch wasn't it!

Quiet - any news on AF yet? Still have my fx for you.

Holzyb - welcome, sorry to find you here at this stage on your journey but you couldn't be with a more supportive bunch of ladies.

Jam - everything you just said there resonates with me 100%, every cycle I'm still hopeful of seeing that second line. I haven't even put much thought into IVF because I don't really feel like its for me.

Binky - sorry for the baby bomb hon. I had an anti-baby bomb today, met two children for the first time (one of them only a year old) and they were the most horrendously misbehaving and spoilt children I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I know my kids wouldn't be like that anyway (I wouldn't allow it) but it was unusual for me to be around young ones and not feel broody.

Sorry to anyone I've missed, you guys have been busy! I've just finished my second session of self-fertility massage and castor oil treatment. I quite like it because once the pack is in place, I can lie on the bed and watch YouTube videos on my phone whilst it soaks in. I like to think I'm making some kind of positive impact on my lining but who knows...

skipper no I haven't taken it. Sounds like it might be my next port of call though. I have begun to wonder whether I am actually ovulating the last few cycles. My cycle was only 22 days this month. Spotting started a week ago, five days after what I thought was OV/when my boobs started to hurt.

Chlo very similar to me - I'm one of 4 and always wanted a big family too. My parents conceived so easily, they have no idea what trying even is.

Oh binky what a day hope you're okay xx

Quiet it always breaks my heart seeing others say they cry in the loo at work. I've been here a few times, it's just horrible

Sorry about Day 1 for a few of you lovely girls xx we will get there eventually I'm sure xx

Skipper epic update and excellent work on your castor packs 👍🏼

I know I'm hormonal today but for some reason it all just feels too much and I keep feeling like I need to blurt it all out and cry to someone but every person I think of I think no, I can't bother them or they're useless or just don't feel I can. Having a proper proper cry and feel quite alone

Every now and then it just feels unbearable.

Flash - are you able to get a blood test done to confirm ovulation if you are worried?

Jam - oh sorry you're feeling this way, what CD are you? As easy as it is to turn to comforting foods, some fresh fruit/veg and lots of water might help reenergise you. Don't know what else to say though, I know how hard it is to escape a slump like that.

So an interesting development for me this morning. My period finished 2 days ago but this morning I had brown spotting. I never have brown spotting after my period. Maybe the castor oil is working?

Morning ladies.

Pyjamas everything but my legs crossed for you. Remember it only takes one! X

Jam sending massive hugs. Sorry you had a bad day yesterday, remember today is one day closer to holding your baby. Xxx

Sk1p still it sounds really horrible for you to experience. TMI but a solid cream egg is how I would describe my mmc. 😪

Good news that something different is happening this cycle. I think if your body is brown spotting now it might be getting rid of everything!! Xxx

Flash I agree with the clomid comments. Might be worth asking about with your GP? Sorry about af to you and Babi 🍷🍫🍩*

Binky* sorry for the baby bombs, sending hugs for strength. Xxx

It's CD9 here for me and guess what, got a flashing smilie!!!!!! I don't know what that means if I think I ovulated on CD 15/16 last cycle. Maybe the vit c has made a difference. I'm hopeful. Also morning sex is great hahahahahaha.

Hugs Jam. I hope you got some sleep and things are looking a bit brighter today.

Skipper I'm so intrigued by this castor oil treatment. Hoping it works for you.

The two GPs I've seen have told me how young I am, that I don't need to worry, that if my periods are regular, that's the only indicator they need that I'm ovulating. That's crap in my opinion. My cycles are now 22 days long with 11 days of bleeding/spotting!

Sorry posted too soon. I thought about trying Soy Isoflavones (spelling?) as I read on the infertility boards that it works like natures clomid.

Mouse yay for a flashing smiley! Get on it LSFX for you.

Quiet- I find the conception board very odd stupid in lots of occasions.

Jamon - I know that feeling too. TTC is horrible.

Sk1p- restbite care is absolutely the best thing I do.

Flash- I would want to go back to the GP again. That sounds like BS to me.

Hope you are feeling better today Jam - there is nothing that any of us can say to make you feel better - but you know that you are not alone either.
Flash - that is nonsense from your GP - my periods are regular too and I've still had 21 day bloods done - that have come back inconclusive so there is certainly no sure fire way in knowing that you ovulate. And you are definitely meant to see a GP if you have irregular bleeding - TTC or not.
I'm still actually feeling quite positive about things, which is weird because AF is due this weekend. Think I'm maybe putting far too much focus on the FC appointment but maybe I'm not - maybe I've acknowledged that progress will be slow but I'm not in limbo anymore. Or I'm on track for a mighty fall.
Fingers crossed all goes well PJs - am stalking you for updates yet again. Glad you are enjoying your sessions with Emma Cannon - I've bought her book but its quite overwhelming, does it seem less so when you meet her in person?
Interesting question about sadness in moving to IVF - without trying to be a total hopeful Hilda I guess that you don't know what is going to happen in the future and yes - it is looking like I'm going to need treatment for now - maybe another child might be a very happy natural surprise? I think it helps to address it as a medical condition that we are getting treatment for - not any sort of failure. Something along the lines of you wouldn't feel like a failure if you had to take pills for high blood pressure or whatever, its just a part of you and you take them to treat it? Maybe I am oversimplifying things but that's how I am trying to think.
Only thing I do want to mention is that every second week of the TWW I get cramps on my left hand side and quite low - they can be pretty gnarly at times and just a dull ache at others - is this anything to worry about or am I just hyper sensitive to any feelings in that area?

Stalk away flora, I don't mind, I only hope my IVF ramblings are useful! Definitely less overwhelming in person with Emma and I know what you mean about the book - the only way I could do those meals is if I give up my job as I just can't spend all that time on breakfast and am not at home to cook those lunches! So I just adapted it - I buy a healthy porridge from EAT in the morning during the week and when I make dinner, I make sure there's enough left over for lunch the next day so I just have to heat it up in the work microwave. Perfection is exhausting and counterproductive as it just causes more stress, as long as I'm eating healthily most of the time, I'm happy with that :)

Yay for flashing smiley mouse! Hope you get that static soon :)

Sorry to see AF is in town for some

I am so bloated at the moment it's unreal - I look pregnant already, the cruelty! Hoping for some good news at second monitoring scan tomorrow. I'm finding the second go harder to be honest - last time I felt excitement, but all I feel at the moment is angsty, agitated and fat :( I was lucky last time, felt totally fine (almost happy!), right up until it failed! Just goes to show how unpredictable it all is - no two IVF cycles are the same.

Hope you're doing ok pyjamas. Do you have any more counselling/support sessions coming up? Hope you get some good news at the scan tomorrow, which might help you to feel a bit more positive but can totally understand that you feel different.

Like your way of thinking flora that it's not something to feel a failure about and if it was any other medical problem, you'd happily take the treatment without any question and without feeling bad about yourself so IVF shouldn't be any different. I think it's something that us women do feel though and I don't really know why. Perhaps it's part of our make up that we just feel it's something that we should be able to do, I don't really know.

With you all on the conception boards. I don't even bother to look anymore as just find it very annoying when you read people panicking who have only been trying for a month. Sorry but get a grip people!!

I'm a morning sex convert mouse and apparently the sperm is in better condition then and testosterone levels are higher so it's a win win ha ha.

Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy jam.. I'm with you and can't seem to shake it off. I don't know whether it's because we're coming up to 2 years next month and also what would have been due date. I just feel completely and utterly fed up of the whole thing and pretty effed off that this is my life now. Before I thought well maybe we needed to change things in our lives and perhaps we weren't truly ready and could see the positives of it taking longer but I've got to the stage now where I can't.

I'm off into London tonight for dinner with DH and in-laws so hopefully that'll cheer me up. Sending lots of love to everyone.

I don't actually chlo - but think I'll book one soon! Hope you enjoy dinner!

Also hope you're feeling better jam - those low times are horrible 😞