TTC After MC 12: Hopeful Twats and Emotional Wrecks welcome!

[BertieBotts]

Come one, come all, new and old, no-one wants to be here, but at least we're glad we've got each other :)

Hope your stay here is short.

Now, some BFPs if you please and BFNs for those who are waiting for them too!

Oh no Lime, thinking of you & hope everything's ok

Having a shit day. I feel like I'm slipping into a black hole. Normally I'm so positive but I feel so crap it's unreal today.

I was expecting to start spotting last night as I did last cycle but when it came, so did the tears. My chest feels like it's about to explode. I sobbed into DH as he tried to calm me down. I've spotted all day today (CD25) and AF will come tomorrow and then just to rub salt in the wounds, my next af is September 4th, my due date.

It's going to break me, I know it. How do I cope? All I want is to be a mum. Why am I so broken? A year of this shit and I still don't know a damn thing about how my body works. 😢

Gosh mouse I'm so sorry, I hope next month gives you a BFP not AF! Or at least you get a bit of a longer cycle, and it doesn't come on the 4th. Can you plan something for the due date, to help you cope?

Lime thinking of you , hope the pain is nothing sinister. I don't see how those darkening FRERs we you posted could be retained product.

Emvy feeling positive for you! I'm also crampy and sore boobed today but could also be imagining it I guess.

Rachel it's so hard feeling this out of control of the process. I know exactly what you mean x

Nocats I am also wondering whether I need better nutrition, sleep etc to conceive now I'm older. Or at least feel like I'm doing SOMETHING rather than just drinking my sorrows away. Egg book sounds a bit preachy though

Oh mouse - it's rubbish isn't it? Have a good cry and a rage. You don't need to be positive all the time. It's good to be generally positive but when you feel bad acknowledge it.

I second the mumsnet-prescribed hug, Rachel x

Rachel I totally understand ...my DH is so positive about it all, and although I am thankful that at least one of us is, it gets on my tits sometimes!! (pardon my french).

Mouse I'm so so sorry.
It's my due date next month too and I've recently been having flash backs of my MC, which is something that hasn't happened for a while. We're going to be on holiday during the due date which is something we planned purposefully. Maybe you could do something to commemorate or plan something to look forward to? Hope you feel better soon. Sending love x

Oh, Mouse, I'm so sorry you are having such a horrendous time. You sound really down. As the others have said, is there any way you could plan a holiday to make the anniversary slightly more bearable? I'm keeping everything crossed that next month is a BFP x

So sorry you're struggling as well Mouse. As others have said, you are completely allowed to feel down. As I said earlier, it's bloody shit and we are always expected to get over these things, stick a brave face on if and get on with making new babies when actually, sometimes, all we want is to shout and scream at the unfairness of it all. And it IS unfair. You shouldn't be dreading the arrival of af on your due date. The world is a cruel, cruel place. As others have suggested, maybe a day trip/activity close to home or a little break away if funds allow. I'd probably plan something like surfing or white water rafting - things where I'd be so focused on what I was doing that I wouldn't think about things and also not able to do when pregnant.

em, great news on the job front - very proactive and exciting. Any excuse for shopping as well, I say!

Grumpy, fingers crossed your symptoms are a good sign! What cd are you?

I am CD21, 6dpo with a 13 day LP. I am certain about the LP so that means this should be a 28 day cycle although last cycle was 32 days because I ovulated later. Normally they are around 30 days. Trying not to test again till 12DPO but it's so hard. Just had dinner and got a headache.

I'm having a burger and wine tonight to invoke Sod's law lol

I have totally been doing the same all month grumpy! I've been having the odd drink when the occasion presents itself, the odd coffee if I fancy it also. I decided that doing the right thing every time I've been pregnant hasn't worked before, so until I'm sure whether I'm pregnant again or not, I'll take a bit of Sod's law to help me on my way! Funnily enough, every time I've tried to drink a glass of wine, my UTI has ended up in full agony mode... I'm trying to ignore the little voice telling me that my body is giving me a sign to avoid the drink! 🙈

Fingers crossed we can keep busy until testing day arrives!

Thanks for your kind words. Doesn't look to be anything too bad. I have to go to epu this week to rule out anything bad.

Had bloods done and another urine test. All positive still but there does seem to be an element of doubt by nurses and Drs. Maybe because it's so close to mc. People are not willing to tell me I'm even pregnant let alone if it's in the right place.

More wait and see.

I'm sorry to see others are having a shit time. I hope things improve very soon.

Oh lime I'm sorry they couldn't give you anymore of a definitive result. If i'm honest, and I don't want to raise false hope but those tests you posted were so clearly positive and you did have a negative test after your mc didn't you?

They must be pretty sure it's not ectopic otherwise they'd be straight in there to check as well. I'm feeling optimistic for you and have everything crossed.

When is your appointment with the epu?

Lime thinking of you. Hopefully the doubt is more because they don't want to get your hopes up. My doctors were also umming and ahhing over retained MC (although in a nice way not the horrendous way you've been treated) but I think it was because they'd rather be proved wrong and be able to tell me that I was pregnant instead of leading me to believe I was pregnant then crushing that IYSWIM. Hopefully your shoulder pain is one of those weird things rather than anything more sinister, but much better to get it all checked out just in case, to put your mind at ease.

I hope it is ok but good to be cautious. My hospital is 45 mins away and I just can't get there easily tomorrow.

I'm hoping they can see me Thursday afternoon so I can get a lift and get someone to mind my son.

Of course if symptoms get worse I'll find a way to go in. Looking out for bleeding, tummy pains and increased shoulder pains.

I feel a bit funny now. They gave me an internal exam and I'm stupid and worrying it might have dislodged something... I'm so silly, I know deep down they are harmless but even so I still worry.

Lime keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you ladies. I think I just need to feel sorry for myself for a few days. I've had a hot chocolate and a good cry. I'm home alone tonight so just having quiet time. I have the day off work on the due date and DH wants us to do something, not sure what, any suggestions in the north west? There's still a small tiny glimmer of hope we will have positive news but I doubt it with my short luteal phase and cycles. I think we're going to need help sadly.

We have a trip planned later in sept to Madrid so I'm going to focus on planning that now, churros and tapas at the ready, that trip falls just after our 1 yr TTC mark. Depressing or what!! 😐

Thinking of you lime, hope you're ok.

I'm so sorry mouse, your feelings are so very justified and don't feel bad for feeling them. Can you mark that say in any way? Plant a tree or do something in memory? Lots of hugs from here.

Hugs for you too Rachel - how old are you? I've only looked into these things as time isn't on my side at 40, ubiquinol is supposed to help but ideally after 3 months. I got ISWTE before my first bfp this ttc time but didn't follow it and got pregnant. I decided I'd try it if the pregnancy failed which it did. So in theory I shouldn't bother as I did get pregnant without. I've always been on the dry side so the eve primrose is helpful to me as much as ttc. And my gps keep saying there's no hard evidence regarding the aspirin preventing mc, only for low birthweight, which we will have to do if we are successful but usually later on. (I'm being so contradictory!) I got pregnant on pregnacare only, with ds at age 36.

Maybe don't do anything for a while and see what happens?

Mouse I've definitely been where you are, I feel at the moment I have more good days than bad but still the odd horrendous day.
With my first mc we planted a tree, with my second the hospital gave us a beautiful tea light from a local miscarriage support group. Both of these things give me a little bit of comfort.

Lime so pleased that it sounds a little more positive than last night. Maybe like Boat said, they err on the side of caution hoping to be wrong.

I was really buoyed up by a darkening OPK but the next day straight back to faint lines. We dtd just in case! Now I'll be torturing myself symptom-spotting from a non-existent ovulation. I've never wanted AF so badly!

Morning all. Thanks for your messages- feeling a bit better today and less like moaning at you all! Haha.

@Lime, hope everything's alright?

@Ekphrasis, I'm 35, so not feeling like I've run out of time, but also not feeling like time is on my side. I think one of the hardest things is just that I absolutely did not think we'd have any trouble. I had been pregnant in my 20s, a conception that was totally unplanned and occurred through a contraceptive pill. That happened at the worst possible time in my life, and ended up meaning the end of my former career and driving me into a dreadful marriage to a horrible man. So I figured now that things are good, I'd have an even easier time conceiving and no problems thereafter. Very wrong. Just seems so horribly unjust.

@MouseLove - sending you lots of e-hugs and hoping for a better day for you today than yesterday. I think it's better to let it out than keep it in when it comes to how you're feeling about all of this...whether that means having a big sobbing fit, or having a bit rant to us! xx

Thank you ladies. AF came full flow so cycle 11 is a go. I'm thinking of getting a clearblue ovulation kit, but I'm not sure which one, any help on that would be great. Am I being completely silly still hoping with a potential 8 day luteal phase? Should I seek alternative help? I'm really stuck as to what the next step should be. Thank you. Xxx

Rachel, glad you're feeling more positive today.

Lime, how are you doing?

Mouse, I'm right in thinking you have a short luteul phase every month? I don't really know anything about it I'm afraid but is it worth speaking to the gp about it? I'm not sure about this so sorry if I'm getting it totally wrong!!

Yellow, hoping for arrival of af for you!

And so it begins. The dreaded after sex spotting that has happened in each and every one of my (ok 2, but all) pregnancies. In my first, I told the gp and he wasn't bothered but told me to keep an eye and worry if anything changed. I then had a big bleed after sex which was when I was alerted to the mmc. The bleeding is pink, all mixed in with other things (sorry tmi) and always stops, usually immediately after, sometimes there's a little by morning. Second pregnancy, the same thing happened. I got freaked out so we stopped having sex. I then miscarried naturally. This time, and I know I'm again making an assumption I'm pregnant but I'm now 99% sure, it's happening again. I was tricked into thinking it wasn't going to because this hasn't happened so far but now it's here and I'm freaking out that means another miscarriage is going to happen and I've not even taken a test yet! Is it time to test? Do I do it in case I miscarry naturally and need it to be referred to the rmc or leave it because it's just going to make me worry more?

I'm so sorry for a huge, rambling post. I guess I want to know what your experiences are with spotting after sex?

mouse and rachel your messages sound like me last night. DH came home and I cried and cried about how it was my due date next month and no nearer to being pregnant. It's a tough one for us, it's our third and of course I'm wildly grateful for our first two ds but I really want a third. DH on the other hand although is happy for a third is not desperate like me and so we're not on the same page. He sees what the mc's have done to me having a horrible time every time af shows up and worries a third mc will just make things worse.
I know the only way to fix how I'm feeling will be getting pregnant, but he's not willing to step it up a gear ttc. He's happy to dtd but wants nothing to become scientific in its process. He also suggested I maybe talk to someone professional about how I'm feeling post mc in case that helps me.
To be honest I respect what he's saying, I know financially it'll be a push with a third and life is wonderful with the two boys we already have but that feeling is impossible to get rid of and now I've been so close to having a third I cannot shake it off...
Anyway I've decided it's fine if DH doesn't want to know the ins and outs of it all, I'm taking charge of my side and will read ISWTE with a pinch of salt but up my vits to things suggested in there and evening primrose oil. DH has a good diet, doesn't drink much and is generally healthy so I'm not worried about him. And then I'm going to try and bloody relax! Ha I said it. Yes pretend like I don't really care and trick my body into pregnancy. Oh really who am I bloody kidding!!!

emvy I'm so sorry you're worried. I have no experience of spotting after sex I'm afraid, but I do think you ought to test so you know one way or another. Also if it is another mc you will be referred if you know for sure which is maybe the up side to this crappy situation?

Emvy in the nicest possible way, I think you need to test. Even if it does end in MC you are better off having it recorded. Hugs