We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread 11

[Lime19]

Not sure if I should start new thread for this? Is there one open already?

Oh Stepaway! I get how frustrating this is! I really think the NHS offers rubbish support for rmc (I am sure there are some positive stories!) I am supposidely waiting until sept to have my results (they expect me to happily wait from may to sept!!??). Crazy! I went privately before hand as couldn't cope with waiting the initial 4 months to see them-I also didn't think the NHS would find anything as so much is unknown with rmc and so little trials etc and I needed to feel I was trying something! It has cost a lot and we don't have a happy ending, but I feel like we are trying something and if this doesn't work will have done what we can.

Step away I think it depends what part of the UK you are in also!!

Where I am.. It's a 12 month wait even to be seen by rmc here..

Sorry people are having issues with NHS waiting. It's really really crap. The NHS can be brilliant at some things (our cancer care is world class) but miscarriage is treated terribly by the NHS. I guess it comes down to funding.

If I had an NHS wish-list it would be:
-a separate area for people with fertility issues and issues during pregnancy (not near the maternity ward)
-more scanners! I swear in my hospital you'd Think that there was only one machine
-open longer hours. Funny enough not all issues occur 9-5
-same day appointments (none of this "we can fit you in for a scan next week"
-more Drs: I only saw one at the hospital this whole time and she seemed rushed off her feet
-counsellors on the rota at every centre (not once have I been asked if I want to speak to someone)
-better trained gps (is it really so hard to say sorry for your loss)
-fast track to rmc... no wait times, a more streamlined approach. bloods and scans all in same day.

Reading through the last few messages and just wanted to share my experience. My miscarriage was handled beautifully by my hospital. I can't fault the care I had. I actually passed the baby at A&E after sitting in the waiting room in agony for 3 hours (Friday night joy) and was rushed straight back into the examination area, given a cup of tea and made to rest until I felt ok. It was a very weird sense of relief. Almost guilty sense of relief.

I had the remains cremated, and the ashes scattered on the rose garden with the other babies. I haven't been to the rose garden yet. But maybe I will go on my due date. It's fast approaching.

I want those that are going through this right now that it will batter you down for a little while and you'll feel ALL the emotions, but like a heavy black cloud, it passes and the sun shines again. Xxx

Hi all. I'm just going to dip my toe into this thread as we aren't ttc just yet, but hopefully will be within a few months.

I had my 2nd miscarriage 4 weeks ago at 18 weeks. I won't go in to too much depressing detail but it was (still is actually) heart breaking. I had spotting and thought it was just an infection or irritated cervix. The nurse couldn't find a heartbeat on the Doppler and an ultrasound confirmed it. I still can't put into words how that moment felt.
I also previously had a mmc in 2015 but conceived our DD off the back of that one. So lucky to have her.

Hospital have been fantastic and referred me for a blood test for clotting issues, as I also had spotting early on in my successful pregnancy.
I'm reluctant to start ttc until we have the results from that and also the post mortem/genetic testing we are having done on the baby we lost, just in case that throws something up that might affect any future pregnancies. But will be following this thread anyway.

Sorry that's a bit of a wall of text.

Clearly phone/app having some formatting issues!

Lime you have hit the nail on the head! They do always seem rushed, I was told partially what was going on while the nurse walked me down the corridor and that was it!

Mouse, as awful as your situation was I am glad you were looked after properly. I was told the baby's ashes were scattered on the rose garden but I don't even know which one and can't find anything online but don't want to bother the EPU again.

Summerfruit so sorry for your loss, glad you were looked after and hopefully the wait can go quickly for you [flowers{

Sorry I'm not waiting for the rmc I'm still waiting for them to see me as a follow up from an US ( when I went private they said it may be retained product but should be ok to TTC).

Lol sorry!

Oh my god summer, I can't imagine how tough it's been. I'm so sorry for your loss x

Really interesting on the progesterone info mulder. I really don't get on with it, I was on a pill high in it for a couple of months and felt like absolute shit. Had to leave work one day as I was so exhausted I couldn't keep my eyes open. I felt soooo depressed too. Came off it and the cloud lifted! So I don't feel amazing about being on it for 8 weeks (from bfp till 12 weeks) but if the doctor says to use it I'll feel really guilty if I don't and then something goes wrong

Good and bad news on your diagnosis starshine. Horrible they found NK cells but really positive too have a treatment plan for next time, is that sort of how it feels? What made you find out about them? When I panic that there's something wrong and this will keep happening because they haven't found it yet I worry about stuff like this, but my RMC don't test for them at all.

I started temping this morning! I'm going to bore all of you experts with daft newly questions now

Also downloaded Fertility Friend as I think Bertie said it was better than Ovia for charting. Going to carry on with Ovia as I'm so used to it now, and make sure I make time to fill them both in! I'm CD 4, AF completely gone. Am I likely to notice anything this cycle or will it need a couple of months to tell anything?

Thanks for sharing your experiences, ladies. Lime, I wholeheartedly agree with you about suggestions for the NHS. I'm really not trying to bash them, I know they do a great job in difficult circumstances. I just genuinely don't think many people understand how broken you are after miscarriage and how you just need some hope, kindness and support. I'll never forget seeing all the new mums pushing their babies about on the maternity ward after I'd just been told there was 'nothing left'. Surely there's no need to have them next to each other?! x

Hello all, so sorry for all new people here. And sorry to everyone AF got.

Had a bit of a rubbish weekend that's left me reeling, really. Had a big family party, which was always going to be difficult as we'd just been invited when we found out I was pregnant the first time - and my mum had said at the time don't promise you'll go, you'll be 8 months pregnant and might not feel comfortable travelling all that way. Then, when we found out we were expecting again after that mc, I couldn't help calculating that the family party would coincide just after 12 week scan... But of course that wasn't to be. Then just before we set off for the do, Dh and I are told his cousin is expecting no 2. I was fine until we got there, but hearing everyone congratulate them on their happy news, while I stood there nursing my wine was too much. DH's other cousin was also there with their newborn. Kept having to go and have a cry in the car. It was awful. I couldn't even bring myself to congratulate them or ask when it's due - the words just stuck in my throat.

Anyway, had a really low couple of days, and it's shocked me a bit as was feeling basically positive and 'let's get on with this' since the scary cyst turned out to be nothing. Prob doesn't help that am still waiting for af post mc.

Sorry for big ol' rant.

Oh Jen, that sounds exhausting, painful and shit. I'm so sorry. Sending you a big hug! Well done for going and for making it through as well as you did.

I've felt better with arrival of AF post mc each time, it's like things are getting back on track. It's such early days right now, you need to focus on looking after yourself. It's good you've felt so positive but it's going to come and go. Your hormones are going to be all over the shop for a while as you'll probably know from last time.

I had days when it was all definitely going to be fine, I was a survivor, loads to be grateful for etc, and others where my heart felt like a gaping bleeding hole in my chest that would never heal and my body felt useless and weak and I'd never trust it again, and then others where I felt nothing, just numb. I found watching very loud shooty action films helped on the numb days!

Rant away, it's healing and it's better out than in x

Lime I completely agree with you. Maybe it's just my local hospital is rubbish (it was rated pretty badly a few years back) but the my care was awful.

Jen that sounds like a really tough weekend. It's hard going to events that you'd thought about when pregnant and so soon after your mc makes it so much more difficult. I hope you are ok?

My experience at the EPU wasn't too bad-I was seen the day after I rang my GP in floods of tears as I had had some bleeding/spotting. The sonographer didn't have the best bedside manner, but was nice, then booked us in for another scan a week later. When we went back there had been no growth, but she didn't 100% confirm the MMC at that point, although we knew, and sent us home, with another appt to come back to discuss things.
I rang the following day to bring that forward (I just wanted to organise ERPC at this point-it was the week before Christmas) and the nurse I spoke to confirmed that the 2 scans with no growth confirmed MMC and that we didn't need another scan, but booked me an appt for a few days later to discuss options. She was lovely (although she obv hadn't read my notes when she walked in that day as she breezily asked how many weeks I was ) and we went through options, I said I wanted op, so had preop and discussion with consultant. They said I might not get the op before Christmas but they rang the next day to say I could have it the next day.

Everyone on the day of surgery was great, I just wanted to get home to bed, but I was once again, incredibly grateful to the wonderful NHS, and I wish they weren't so strained. I'm sorry to people who didn't get such great care.

It's just over 6 months since the op, my due date is in 4 weeks, and I have no idea if I am going to be OK with that, I keep getting pretty weepy. It doesn't help working with a couple of pregnant people, one of whom is about 6 weeks behind where I should have been. Pretty sure I just ovulated (temp jumped up 0.2C this am, EWCM sun/mon/tues) but we only managed to DTD once on monday, so I don't hold out much hope of a BFP before due date. However, if I DID just ovulate, that means I ov CD 12 as opposed to 14/15/16, so IF I can stick to a 25 day cycle then I'd almost have an acceptable LP We'll see though. It could be another 21 day cycle...

I'm feeling the stress of af being due. My first proper cycle post mc was 29 days, the cycle after ERPC was 32 days. Ovia thinks because I'm cd30 that af is due (and may well arrive, the day is not over!) I am not sure af should even be due today always, pre my mc my cycles were longer, between 30 and 35 days, 32 seems the most common number though.

I don't want to test and get another bfn, I'd rather wait for af to arrive, but the waiting is hard! I'm nervous! I don't know how long to leave it either before caving and testing. I got my peak fertility smiley face on cd18, is the time after you ovulate supposed to be the same each month? It was 13 days last time so that would make af due tomorrow or maybe the next day depending on when I ovulated m. I'm totally overthinking this aren't I!!

I can't help feeling the what if I am pregnant feelings. I don't want those feelings becuse it makes it so much more crushing when you're not. Boobs are sore, but they have been for the last few months too - just sign of af. Grrr this is stressful.

Hi hoping I can get some advice...
I've had miscarriage in may 2015 and then found out I have PCOS, I was then put on clomid in September 2016 and conceived in April 2017 however I found out on Monday that baby has stopped growing and I had a missed miscarriage so I've had to have medical intervention to help.

any advice on how long I should wait before trying to conceive again? I'm no longer going to take the clomid I've read that if can actually increase risk of miscarriage which has concerned me.

Thank you any advice would be appreciated.

Hi doublechocolate, my ovulation date usually changes just by a day or so sometimes it's day 18 or 19 sometimes it's 17, hope you get your bfp x

Jen that sounds like a really tough weekend! Hope things get a little easier.
I think I have good months and bad months.. From feeling weepy to fine to obsessing over becoming pregnant...
This is one of those months... It's the last week of the school term and I think I'm getting a bit of the cold of course as soon as schools out! This past week or so I've just felt really odd... I have been feeling nauseous randomly the past few days.. And tired The same way I felt in my first pregnancy after I got that positive test... And I'm not pregnant... Currently on cd13.. Yesterday I had some kinda stomach pain with the nausea - like motion sick feeling, today nausea has continued off and on throughout the day and a headache.. If it wasn't for the fact that I know I'm not pregnant I'd be swearing they were early pregnancy symptoms but I still have at least 2 weeks until af I can test is due

Hello all

Wondered if I could ask some advice. Found out today that I miscarried last Friday at 7+4, the scan today showed that everything had cleared naturally so no need for follow up intervention.

The midwife told me that I might be super fertile between now and my next bleed. She told me there's no harm in catching before hand but makes dating a little more tricky.

This was my first pregnancy which we tried for a year to get. DH and I are upset and will be for a while I imagine. It's a very shitty thing to go through.

My question is did anyone go for it straight away or is it best to wait a few cycles?

I know this decision should be personal but I'd like to hear how other coped. DH is keen to grab the opportunity but I'm on the fence.

Thanks in advance and so sorry to all who have lost a little one or more.

bliss I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks and then caught again straight away within a week or two after bleeding stopped before my af. We didn't mean to as such, but I was over the moon about it. Unfortunately that one ended in a mmc at 10 weeks but it wasn't related, just bad luck I think. No one seemed to mind about the dating, as long as you know you've had a negative pregnancy test before you start it's not a problem. It is a personal thing but I really wanted to be pregnant again so just went for it. This time after the mmc I've given my body a period to recover a bit to build up a good lining after the medical management. Good luck.

18months I guess it's up to you, I'm sorry you've had such a rough time. I had a mmc this time at 10 weeks and have allowed myself a period to check everything is ok because it followed on straight from another mc, but I'm desperate to be pregnant again so am going to start properly ttc this month now I hope my cycle is back to normal. I think so long as you've stopped bleeding and you've had a neg pregnancy test following the medical management then you can start as soon as you're ready.

Bliss - I tried again straight away but got AF exactly 30 days after MC completed. It was a weird AF though so I wonder if my lining was too thin for it to work. Trying again this month 🤞🏼

bliss sorry for your loss. For what it's worth we sort of tried after my miscarriage (at 9 weeks) but I didn't stop bleeding for a couple of weeks and there was only about 10 days between that and AF so I don't think I could have caught anyway as we didn't want to dtd while I was still bleeding. While I thought initially that I just wanted to be pregnant again straight away actually I was so terrified that I might be for the first two cycles that I don't think I was emotionally ready. We're now 3 cycles on, only 1 of which we've really tried for various reasons and I feel like I'd be excited to get a BFP again. Obviously incredibly anxious too, but not in the same way as I would have been. So, it's a personal decision, but I'd say that how you're feeling emotionally is just as important as how you're feeling physically.

Also, and I don't want to upset you, but I'm not sure there's much truth to the super fertile thing. I looked at the research a bit and my reading was that it used to be thought that it was dangerous to conceive in the 6 months after mc. Now it actually seems like it might be safer but I couldn't find anything to support the idea of increased fertility, probably because reasons for miscarriage are so variable and it's not really very well understood anyway. I also think it's quite an upsetting idea if you don't catch again straight away as it makes it more stressful and gives you yet another thing to worry about and that is the last thing you need right now.

Bliss- we fell straight away after my first miscarriage and have my wonderful DS because of that. Have since had more miscarriages and fallen straight away again, but miscarriage with that one.

I guess what I am probably saying is, if you're ready, go for it- what's meant to be is meant to be. But make sure emotionally you're back where you need to be. i don't think dating is such an issue these days as the 12 week scan is reasonably accurate for dating.

I completely agree lime with your nhs comments! Don't get me wrong either ladies- work in the NHS and think there are just areas that are really neglected.

Tiffin- my time post ovulation is always 12 days. It's so hard not knowing if you are pregnant or not each month- fx you are- those last few days of waiting are terrible and I am sure my mind plays tricks on me when I am there! Jen- that does sound like a very tough weekend! Others have no idea of the turmoil we have To go through! Hope you're ok.

I have to work once a week in an antenatal clinic - I am really finding it tough, seeing all women, every shape and size, just get pregnant. Today I tried to focus on ages and there are lots of ladies 35 plus in clinic, so I tried to find positivity in this! But I am not sure how much longer I can take women moaning about various pregnancy ailments, when I would give anything to be there.

Hope there are some BFPs this month for us ladies in this group