First time TTC - thread five!

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Yet again we've managed to exchange nearly 1000 posts swapping our tales of peeing on sticks, dancing for babies, trying to stop Auntie Flo's all too frequent visits, and sometimes, just sometimes, of Big Fat Positives! So let's begin thread five with some updated stats. Me first...

Age 29
Cycle #4
Cycle day 1

Link to thread four: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2756020-first-time-ttc-thread-four?pg=1

I don't know whether you saw but I posted supporting you on that thread pie - I know the poster didn't mean it nastily, but her post (and, if I'm completely fair, AF hormones) made me well up a bit, as did the person saying that getting pregnant in your first TTC cycle was 'inspirational'. It's blind luck, not an achievement (but even though I know that it made me feel like I'd failed)! I sort of hate all the 'think positive!' stuff, as I think it often makes it sound like people who don't get knocked up instantly are somehow thinking wrong.

Oh, and I also have a work dilemma that I'd appreciate some thoughts on! I've been asked to take on an extra responsibility to replace a person on leave next academic year (I work at a university). Extra money, good experience, and the person who's asked me to do it is someone I want to keep on side (and I would guess he thinks that he's done me a big favour to offer this work - plenty of the other fixed-term researchers would have wanted it). Bulk of the work has to be done October 2017- May 2018, and if one person didn't do that whole period it would be a logistical nightmare. What would you do? I think it'll be seen as really odd if I turn it down for no reason, and will potentially piss off this (v. useful) contact. BUT depending what happens with TTC it could be a bit of a disaster. It would be ok if I fell in the next couple of months, because that would give them time to sort it out, but if I conceived in, say, May (and told them at 12 weeks), it would leave everyone massively in the lurch, and I think that would be much worse for me in the long term than just saying no now. Sorry for the mega-post, but any advice anyone?!

I did, thank you Lisa I just didn't want to hijack her thread any more by getting more into it there I'd done enough already... Conceiving in 2 months isn't "inspirational" to anyone who takes longer than that and on a thread where there's been a MC and many months of TTC it seemed so ridiculously insensitive!! As you said it really annoys me, I spent the first 3 months of TTC scared of getting pregnant, surely the perfect mind frame to get pregnant if that's how it works?! Ha!

With the work thing the first thing I thought was that no one needs to know you were even trying? Anyone could fall pregnant at any time pretty much... It's not being done maliciously. Again, sods law says you accept and you'll get pregnant soon.. I'm trying hard not to let TTC run my life, though admittedly for me that doesn't involve paid work (and I did put off some training for a voluntary position as it requires a commitment I wouldn't be able to meet if I got pregnant!) it's really hard.

You do have (statistically) a good chance of getting pregnant in the next couple of months...

How is getting pregnant in 2 months inspirational?! It's completely beyond our control. I'm swiftly losing patience now - had the horrible realisation last night that I'm 37 next year (always think like when a new year rolls in), I'm three years older than my mum when she had me, I'm same age as when she had my younger brother, which makes me feel like we have next to no time to have the two children we want. Still freaking out a bit at how quickly time is passing.

Lisa - I would go for it anyway, sounds like a great opp, and they don't have to know you were ttc.

Sorry about the moan above!

Lisa I've had a similar worry recently - I work in a school and as of last week have just taken extra responsibility on as a pastoral role. I interviewed for this and got it over someone else. However, I am now worried if I get pregnant this month ( which would be lovely) I will have to tell my head and she will track it back and ask why I took a job if I knew it was on the cards. However, legally they aren't allowed to discriminate against you for being pregnant - I figure I'm filling a gap for at least the next 9 months and that actually you don't have to say you were ttc for all they know its a pleasant surprise and they should be pleased for you. Ultimately I'd say if you want to do the work because you will enjoy it (plus more savings for babies!) then do it like I did because I wanted the job for however long I could have it, if not just say you don't think you can commit to that right now, you shouldn't need to give more reasons but could say you want to focus on your work life balance or something and making the best of the work you currently have. Hope that helps :)

I often think that too, pyjamas, by the time my mum was 35, she'd had all 3 of us!

AF due any day now, trying to see the positives, namely my first month properly using the ovulation kits, hopefully having a better wild guess idea of my cycle etc.

Right with you Pyjamas, I'm 34 and my mum had had two kids by the time she was my age. Trying not to let it bother me but still...

Sticking my head in between my night shifts.

Hope all are well, sorry for AFs and bfns

Lisa and Eva I don't know if you remember that far back but about October last year I was thinking of applying for a new job but wasn't sure how well retraining would go if I got pregnant. Anyway I applied and got the job last year and had to give 15 weeks notice (convinced I'd conceive in this time) I now have 2 weeks left at my current job then a week annual leave. Then bang straight into my new job at the end of the month.
My point is, I'm pleased I went for the job and as I'm now convinced I'm barren it has been a little relief every time af shows up because I get a little longer in my new job.
I hope this has helped somewhat (and made sense, super tired)
I say go for it!!

My mum had all of her kids by the age I am now 29. I'm trying not to think too much into it.

On the job front. Ive stayed where i am currently working as I get an amazing maternity package. Ive always thought you might as well try as you never know.

Lisa, definitely take the job. Definitely. Congrats!

Pyjamas, totally felt the same way when I realized I was a year older than when my mom had me. Major feeling of unease. So curious (mild choice of word) to know if I'll be able to conceive.

Waiting for FW to start.......!

Oooo lisa that's really exciting, congrats! I'd go for it too, like blissful says we can't put our lives on hold. When you get pg you will be so happy that this will seem small, and everything will work itself out whatever happens. My friend TTC for 2 years and it didn't happen and then in the month she emigrated to NZ and was due to start her new job she found out she was pg. she told her new boss it was a complete surprise and everything worked out just fine
blissful that's fantastic and best of luck in your new job

I actually cancelled my job interview for this week - when I started doing the prep for the job I realised it's the job I want but not at the right place. Lesson learnt - do research before applying!! I'm still keeping an eye out the right job

pie and lisa I didn't see that thread but it sounds like that's a good thing how insensitive, it's a complete lottery

pjs when is AF due? Will you get the hsg app pretty quickly? I get the clock worry, but you're definitely doing your best to get there

I'm waiting for AF too, CD26. AF due Thurs/Fri

Cd 24 today, just got home think I'm 10dpo went for a wee did a ic and bfn then wiped (TMI) and have pink spotting, I have had af cramps all night and boobs have become less sore. Seriously pissed off. Again. When will this end?
Ps haven't had a wee since about 11pm last night, super busy shift.

And to add to the what age mum had kids mine took 3 years to have her first. She was 31.

Pyjamas my mum had my brothers when she was 24 & 26. Then i came along when she was 34 accidentally! She says now, she wishes she had started when she was 30 as she was so young when she had my brothers. (my mum does fully admit she did not want children, but did it under pressure from my dad & his family. Obviously she wouldn't change things for the world but she is a very honest hard working women & i applaud her honesty)

I hadn't realised this before, but I've just passed the point where whatever happens I'll be older than my mum was for her last when I have my first.

So sorry about BFN, blissful. 10 dpo is still early, though, so you're not necessarily out.

Another +1 for taking the job Lisa, congratulations!! I am the same as basset, staying in mine for the love of the maternity package / holidays rather than love of the job!!

CD29 for me, still no signs of anything happening, at all, on any front!

So sorry bliss

Just to tag on the end, my mum was 29 when she had me, 32 with my sibling! However DHs mum was 22 when she had him, so feel under pressure there, not from her, just playing on my own mind really, daft though, as I didn't meet DH till I was 23!!

Thanks everyone - it's comforting to know I'm not alone in my fears! I think I just always thought that I would be married by 30, then have kids early 30s - but spent 5 years with time-wasting ex BF meaning I was already 32 when I met my DH and we only got married last year. It is what it is, I don't have a time machine, and I know I'm doing whatever I can now to make it happen.

Yep - I'll get an appt for HSG quickly eva - it's private which does help, and they said I can call them on first day of cycle and they'll get the appointment in for that week. I've read in a lot of places that a lot of women get pregnant after having an HSG/HyCosy, so fingers crossed I'm one of them! Must be the flushing out of tubes!

Another newbie here
Ttc #1
Came off combined pill at end of packet 9th December. Withdrawal bleed following week. Didn't dtd over Christmas as I was working nights and waiting for dh to quit smoking but started new years day so may have missed FW 😣 Itching to take a test just in case but trying to hold out 1 more week although should be around 10-12 days po now according to ovia

Welcome dolwar!

I do know what you mean, pjs, but you're right: it is what it is. I quite often obsess a bit about what I'd do differently if I could go back in time, but try and focus instead on what I've gained doing it this way. If you'd married an earlier boyfriend then you'd have missed out on your DH.

Thanks for the career advice, all! I've said that I'm in principle interested - my boss would have to sign off on it anyway, so we'll see what he says. I know this sounds daft, but I had sort of forgotten that people wouldn't necessarily know we'd been trying; the more I learn about how hard it can be to get pregnant when you're doing everything you can, the more astonishing I find it that people get pregnant by accident!

Lisa - I couldn't agree with you more, the more I learn, the more I think the starts must really have aligned for those little beans!

Its amazing how any of us are here when you realise how complicated it really is.

Can I ask a bit of a silly question? Ive realised that I don't really have any friends. How would you go about making new friends as an adult?

Sorry posted too soon. Welcome dolwar

Ah basset - I'm the same re: friends! I have two/three close ones, the rest are friends from work and I only occasionally see a couple of people from uni. I may join a few meetups on Meetup.com this year to make some new ones! I'll need to make some mum friends as well if we do get lucky, even at nearly 36, barely anyone I know has kids!

You're right Lisa - I wouldn't have DH and that would be terrible! Hope the work situation turns out well 🙂

Welcome dolwar!

10dpo here and not a single symptom. Perhaps I've finally chilled the F out a bit! Me and DH are going hiking ending at a pub on Saturday if AF arrives. We've decided to book a distraction (or fuck it day as I call them) every month!

Pyjamas - your f** it day sounds fab! Here's hoping you have tempted fate & you have to take it easy & cant drink

Bassett - sorry if I missed earlier, but do you have any particular hobbies? Joining a group if you do could be a good idea? You'd already have things in common. If not, are you into exercise? Exercise or fitness classes are a good way to get to know people, when I was fitter (and more motivated!) I found seeing people once or twice a week in classes meant you got to know them quite easily just through talking about the classes, or your local parkrun? Sound like a fitness freak - I'm definitely not, I just know a lot who post their exploits on Facebook & make me feel bad about spending my evenings on my sofa watching telly!!

Hey everyone!
I have just joined today after a few weeks of lurking. Really finding all the comments and everyones personal stories on these threads really helpful and comforting that im not alone as it feels like everyone i know with a womb is getting pregnant right now. ( doesnt help that me and my partner are keeping this all a secret from everyone we know so theres no pressure.... ha!)

im 28 i was on the microgynan 30 pill for 12 years. Took my last pill in June. First real cycle was 42 days since then its steadily reduced to 31 days. Thought i was getting back to "Normal" but this cycle is day 39 and counting. took a test this morning to be sure and its a BFN!. Weird thing was on day 19 I had blood stained vaginal discharge which iv never had before and it lasted for a few days. I started to think it was maybe a very light AF and im now on another cycle but another member suggested it was ovulation bleeding.

I have never tracked before so bought clear blue ovulation sticks and plan to start them on the first day my period finishes.

Wishing i joined earlier as seeing how supportive you all are to each other is amazing!