We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Alice good luck for today.

Corgi enjoy your break.

Kwick happy birthday it is today, right? Hope you've a lovely day planned.

NFMV: still have tons of cm on cd15, still not quite ewcm. I think my body's trying to ice, not quite sure if it's managed it this cycle though.

Sorry I need to read back through the whole Fred but in the meantime-

Good luck alice

Happy birthday kwick

Have a great trip corgi who knew Belgium could be so interesting!

It never ceases to amaze me how many women have suffered a mc

Just found out my cousin is pg & saw her scan photo. Don't think it was planned, but they're over the moon obvs. I'm fed up feeling jealous & bitter, I just want baby already

It was OK, bit sore when she was looking at my ovaries. I have a fibroid that isn't impacting on my uterus lining, a big cyst on my ovary which is apparently about to sort itself out and nothing else. So, pleased that there is nothing wrong, just still don't know why I'm bleeding in between. She said to make an appt with gp in ten days, so I guess I'll know more then. NB: did very much look like a dildo!

This is an SOS call to the viroid clan.

Not been round these parts for a longtime. Had bowed out of ttc. Apologies to those that don't remember me for butting in. But what the holy fuck is that?

Is it a squinter? I can see something - i've never been able to see a thing on a test before. Its a FRER taken apart (and maybe wept on a little bit). Does anyone see it?

Looks like a line think, but I will say if it's from a frer you've taken apart I got a Line like that before my post mc AF, in 2 of them but wasn't upduffed...so be wary.

Ah, ok, will try again tomorrow. I've never seen such a thing from my own piss before. I'm in complete shock i think. Must not get ahead of oneself.

TINK! Holy badgers nadgers. I can definitely see something but not 100% sure of where i should be looking with it being taken apart - draw an arrow to where that pink line is where you think we should be looking.

Sorry, don't know how to do that. I've zoomed in a bit instead, you still can't see it very well on the pic but in real life it faint and pink at the top fading to grey.

No idea when last af was but was vaguely sure she was due this week. Then felt faint and nauseous the last 2 mornings and thought I'd poas. Best guess is I'm on cd28.

Fucking hell Tink! You can't just stroll back in here and stick a squinter on the Fred - where's my snog???

You know the drill, pee on the unicorn first thing tomorrow and report back!

Do you see it chat?

snogs hard

Just read back a few pages and thrilled to see some old usernames.

Waves at lil chat pud la just and everyone else

Tink I can definitely see the squinter. Shit the bed Cautious optimism a good approach from here I think. Do you have another FRER for the morning? Piss on everything! How are you feeling?

It's gone reet retro in here! Hope you are feeling too invaded newer Viroids, I shall introduce oneself properly when I get chance to type!

Sorry! 'NOT feeling too invaded' that should say!

Right then. The small one is currently having a party in her cot so I can focus on the important stuff - like Mumsnet.

I recognise lots of names on here which in a way is lovely , but in another way I wish that you all had the magic pink line and a chance to move on to the Grads. Massive, massive bunches of and all of the and to those of you who have suffered losses, and those of you preparing for and battling fertility treatment.

Gx (and everything crossed) for Tink, and I hope that brings all the luck to the Viroids.

For those of you who don't know moi:

Name: Pud
Age: 30
DC: DD, 6 months
Pets: DH, two cats and whatever they have dragged in to die on my living room floor that day.

I am still BFing DD so no sign of AF yet but we will just DTD and see what happens.

Definitely something there, Tink. Will restrain crazy talk until it becomes clearer.

Fcking hell tink* I think I see it too.... Gingers firmly crossed for you!

I shall also do the introductions:

Name: Fleur
Age: 36 (how did this happen to meee?!? )
DC: DS 1
Pets: none. DH allergic to pretty much everything

I can see summit too Tink and I hardly ever can! Gx for fmu!

Thank you for being so supportive. I knew, even after all this time, I could rely on you lot.

It's another really faint shadow today. Can't see it without angling the test into the light. So going to leave it a couple of days and try again. I would have expecting darker with fmu if it were the real thing tbh.

Thanks again though. Good luck to everyone and I'll report back whichever way it goes.

Oh holy fuck tink, I can see it, I can see it!

I'm keeping everything crossed for you! Squeeeeeeee!

Welcome back properly pud! Missed you!

Ah thanks Just Did you ever find out what was going in with your multiple bfp lines? Were they false positives?

I'm keeping everything crossed Tink.

delurks again

Gx tink!!!!!!!!

goes back to lurking

Tink I think I can see something & I'm normally woeful at seeing lines gx!!

Vidroids, I think I've just had my first proper ewcm, & felt what I think were very strong ice pains last night & this morning. Keep everything crossed for me that I'm actually icing!!