We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I think I see it, there's a very feint shadow of pink where the line should be. EEEEEK. Gx gx gx!

I think I can see it cats!! Gx for retesting in a couple of days.

Day 34 here. Cycle normally 28-32 days... I definitely ovulated later than usual this month so technically AF isn't due til tomorrow. Keeping my gingers crossed!!!

I doubt I'll be able to resist poas again tomorrow. I don't care if it's poafiver every day for a week. I just need to know.

Thanks viroids and gx Scottish for you.

Chat you are right as you often are. I must think of it as different if it is there. Big hugs to you

Welcome back fleur.
jelly! Hello!

Thanks all, I'm not that into wedding planning/weddings in general but my sister is a wedding planner so she's on it! I'm hoping to just turn up looking fabulous.

I have no af yet.....so either:
a) travelling is fucking with me.
b) I'm pregnant

Place your bets viroids! I'm 16dpo if positive opk on 4th is to be believed. I'm currently in rural Australia but heading to Sydney later so will pick up a test, that will make it start!

cats I don't know if I can see it but I believe you it's there in real life. GX for you X

Ooh Gx just and congrats on the engagement!!
Wedding planning sister sounds extremely useful

just eeeep! That would be amazing timing. A friend of mine once went away for some months and ended up engaged and pregnant....

Poas again this morning, I think I'm going mad, same again, slight shadow where the line should be. Will buy more frers and see what happens over the next few days. AF due tomorrow

Af started

Oh just

Sorry just

Gx cats

I am so impatient. I want AF gone. Right now.

I've just updated ovia and it appears that my fertile week coincides with MIL staying. Le grand sigh.

We're going to have to send her out for walks with DS to get any shagging done.... So not going to be our month.

AF here too. I was imagining things.

Fleur le sigh indeed. Maybe very long walks for MIL with DS should be a daily occurrence :)

Oops I meant 15 August does not feel too far away!!

Welcome back fleur!!

just you have the best plan - outsource the planning of the wedding

What a fcuker just and cats

I am on a day trip to Paris - sounds glamourous I know but have 3 meetings to get through in two different locations... No time for le shopping

I am having a fake tan done on say before bday so any body treatments out... Best I have come up with is having a splurge at Primark... But I am trying to downsize clothes situation... Maybe I will just go down the allotment...

Made the rookie error of using my super drug early test I've been saving, first thing. I was squinting away, trying to see if there definitely was a faint line (I'm sure there is...) while wiping ( sorry) and saw that AF has appeared.
Grrrrr. Waste of a test.

Kwick what about a head massage? Won't ruin the fake tan and it'd be a bit of a treat!

Sorry AF appeared cats we can be cycle buds.

Don that cape, Fleur!!

Scottish, Cats & Just sorry AF got you, she is such a bitch

Sorry about AF just and cats

We are yet to start the shagging this cycle, the horrible heat has meant we've had dd in our room with us all night as we have an air con unit and it's so much cooler I'd feel mean making her stay in her hot bedroom!

Oh I just realised I missed your message just and

scottish

Head massage is a great idea! Will investigate. Also remembered I want to do the open top bus tour - so may combine that with Primark splurge.

Hey Viroids,

I'm sorry I've been awol since mc. Thanks so much for your kind words and thanks to corgi for your message. xx

for just and cats and anyone else who needs them.

I'm 5 weeks post mc now and STILL waiting for af to rock up properly - the midwife said my next af 'would be a humdinger' but I've just had a couple of days of barely there when wiping - please can anyone tell me if I should be expecting something horrific to begin?! because I'm off camping at the weekend FFS and it wouldn't be ideal

kwick how long til your Birthday?

gundog I've just finished my first AF post mc. It started about 6 weeks after I miscarried and it was a relief tbh as I needed to know where I was and what was happening. It wasn't too bad, first couple of days were pretty heavy, but not too much more than normal. Hope yours is soon and not too bad.

hello viroids! gundog you're welcome :) hope you are doing OK. my post-MC AFs have taken 4-5 weeks normally but I think it just depends how fast your HCG drops. They were no different than usual and actually a bit of a relief after the horror show that was the MC itself...
Sorry for the witch's visit scottish, cats & just. that bitch. have some rhubarb gin - my new favourite tipple!
hello to fleur and la, and you too pud you loon!
kwick I hope you have a lovely birthday, definitely have a head massage! mmm
angel I hope your friend is OK :(

NFMV: in the TWOT at 5dpo and as usual symptom spotting like a crazy. off to belgium tomorrow though for a cheeky 5 day holiday, any recommendations chat???

I had to wait 8 weeks for my first AF post MC and then 5 for my second one. I have always had very heavy AF for first day or two - it has been just a little heavier. But such a relief to finally get.

Cats Just Scottish I'm angry at your periods. Go away AFs!

Welcome back veteran Viroids.

Dildo cam day for me today, no idea what to expect. Kinda hope they find something easily fixable.

I'm enjoying not charting, DH and I are dtd every other day and I reckon I get jizz about 60% of the time. It's not perfect but it will have to do.

Gundog, my post-MC AFs have been between 6-8w, and not really any heavier than normal. Massive headfuck waiting for them though, that's the worst.

Belgium recommendations...Corgi - I have a few! Depends where you're based, and what you're into, but:
Brussels - Grand Place (town hall museum), Cathedral, Atomium/Little Europe (these are out of the city), Parc Cinqenteniaire or Tervuren (a little way out of the city). Parliamentarium (EU museum - explains why they love it so much!). There are a couple of chocolate museums, a cartoon museum, Victor Hugo's letters and the gueuze brewery tour (nr Anderlecht, in quite a dodgy area).
Mechelen - little town, v pretty, has a nice wildlife park
Antwerp - the zoo and the train station are highlights
Plankendael - huge wildlife park/zoo
Leuven - very pretty for wandering, and there's a park just outside the city called Kessel-lo which is lovely on a sunny day
Ghent - just a stunning city, like Bruges but quieter. Belfry, cathedral (mystic lamb), canal boat ride and a castle.
Bruges - also a beautiful place. More canals, belfry, lovely park at Minnewater, Bruges Zot at the Halve Maan brewery tour. Chocolate museum and a museum of frites...
Waterloo/Braine L'alleud - Napolean stuff. Offers an interesting perspective, you may come out unsure who won!

Dinant - Leffe museum and a hilltop fortress, birthplace of Adolphe Sax
Namur - Castle and pretty town
Grottes de Han - impressive cave system
Oostende - beach and sand sculptures. Fab street seafood stalls.
If you're driving, be sure to know the name of the towns you are going to in both French and Dutch - they are dual signed in the BRX area only, once you're out of there, it's only in the language of the area you're in. Some are guessable, others are not!!

Sorry the witch rocked up, viroids.

Have a great bus tour Kwick