We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

kwick I am indeed still lurking keeping tabs on you all mwahahahahahahaha I'm doing well thanks, 21 weeks tomorrow (!!!!!! How the hell did that happen!!!) with a little boy. I have gone crazy with buying elephant themed sleepsuits!! The earlier part of the pregnancy was quite tricky for various reasons but things are much better now and I'm cautiously getting excited, and filled with renewed passion for how awesome the NHS can be! How are you doing? I'm so pleased youre going for another round of ivf, I honestly believe you will get there! I also had a good chuckle at the idea of your fanjo being so well trained it obediently performs for your smear!

Scottish I'm glad you're moving forwards with things and wishing you lots of luck for the fertility clinic, and corgi I am fantisising about a cabinet filled with gin!

just I hope you are having an awesome trip! and shagathon

Thanks lil, from my own research it seems to be over 30 here, although the acupuncturist had claimed this wasn't high enough to adequately sustain pg. I've had niggling doubts for a while that I might not be icing, so I think I'm more in line with the acupuncturist take on it. Tbh, my GP did seem a bit out of her depth when chatting about it, & seems to have no qualms in reducing my thyroxine, only to decide a month later than it shouldn't have been reduced at all , so she didn't exactly fill me with confidence. But the referral to fc is now in, gx I won't be waiting on appt too long & get their take on it. AF has showed up, a bit heavier than normal but no PMS at all, so I'll take that as a positive.

Canters glad to hear your kepeing well, can't believe it's 21 weeks already

Kwick any sign of AF???

Yay canters glad you are still around :) 21 weeks... Wow how did that happen??????!!!! And a boy!!! So amazing! Please explain pour quoi an elephant theme?!

angel what FC have you been referred to? Your GP sounds pants... Messing with thyroxine is dangerous!

No fricking AF which was due on friday... I have adopted white knicker approach and booked a holiday to Corfu - as now sure will not need to be at clinic when I have my holiday booked. Really looking forward to getting away for a week, then the other week will potter around alottment and may get fake tan pre-vacation the that gave me the make up tutorial also does fake tan which she says is amazeballs (2 years ago at my 40th I looked like an oompa loompa!).

CD1!
I'm taking this as a positive, obviously I'd rather be up the duff but at least it hopefully means everything has reset :)

Hello Viroids

Sorry for being absent so long, I have been occasionally lurking but needed a mental break from it all. Still not sure how I feel, I am still waiting for the results of the tests and the recurrent miscarriage clinic appointment. But we are back to JSing now the tests are done and enjoying it. Currently in the twot, so nothing to report other than worry about whatever happens next.

Zyla sorry you've had a tough time, glad to see you are being positive with your new cycle.

Name congratulations! That is great news

Stumbly! That is a busy few weeks, congratulations on the engagement and the work, massive positives out of a tricky time.

I have been thinking of you all a lot and will be lurking but maybe not very chatty for a bit.

Hi all, sending you lots of pma from beautiful Bali where I'm having a shagfest (with dp obviously!).

Currently twotting but the endless cocktails and amazing food are making it rather easier to not obsess that and I no longer believe it will happen naturally so I would prescribe a holiday for anyone fed up with ttc!

I'm trying to mentally prepare for my lap and dye when I return after another month away in Australia so I'm just focusing on that, trying not to believe it will magically cure all my infertility woes but equally will be happy if they manage to find something anything to explain my lack of baby. We have decided to have the pitiful one cycle of nhs Ivf on offer after the lap and then I think I'll have to leave it and look for other ways of getting my family. I need to draw a line under ttc, it's turning me into a person I don't like!

Really excited to read your news stumbly! How lovely!

Hugs to all that want them, this shit is tough, be kind to yourselves

kwick I just really, really like elephants am totally obsessed so it just seemed the obvious thing for a baby boy would have totally done the same if it had been a girl. Yay for booking a holiday, we went to Greece a couple of weeks ago and it really picked me up!

just I'll be keeping everything crossed that the lap & dye helps and that if not the ivf cycle is successful. I'm sorry its been such a difficult road, from what ive seen on here you've coped amazingly.

just sounds amazing!!! are there lots of coconutty cocktails?? hope you are having a lovely lovely time.
angel am not a fertility expert by any means but looking on GPnotebook (www.gpnotebook.co.uk/simplepage.cfm?ID=1765081143) seems to suggest >30 is OK? 20.6 is possibly a bit lowish, have you had it rechecked? because it could have just been at the wrong time. as long as it's 7 days before your period (i.e. day 21 of a 28 day cycle, but day 28 of a 35 day cycle - if that makes sense?) how long is your cycle normally?
good to see you canters! approve of the elephant theme, brilliant idea :D
no news from me viroids, just about to enter fertile window but barely have energy to shag... it's all getting to me too. so is the weather! where is my summer?? hmmmm
hope you are all bearing up OK.

Kwick Yay for holiday! Hope you have a lovely time

Zyla Glad AF has turned up and you can get shagging soon

Cats Good to hear from you, glad to hear the break has done some good and hope you get some answers from the test and clinic appointment.

just Shagging, drinking cocktails and eating amazing food in Bali sounds like absolute heaven!

corgi Just get your DH/DP to do all the work

I've got my Gx for you all!

Canters Have you got any outfits from JoJo Maman Bebe? They have some adorable elephant prints including this one and this one...

name I have both of those! agree they are gorgeous! Grats on your blueberry, btw- I thought it but don't think I posted it!

corgi I suggest a gin and second what name said!

Canters Ah you have excellent taste then! Thanks for the congrats - and I'm impressed that you know it's a blueberry! I'm 6+6 today so (according to Ovia) it will morph into a slightly bigger fruit tomorrow, I'm looking forward finding out which.

Thanks for that corgi it was done a few days out, but they aren't retesting, I've just been referred straight onto fc. Kwick I'm in N.I., so it's our regional fc in Belfast. I'm just glad that the referral's in now & the ball is rolling, although obvs I'd rather not need to see them at all. Was pretty peeved off with GP for fucking around with my thyroid

Just your travels sounds amazing, hope your enjoying yourself!

Cats good to hear from you, gx you get some answers soon x

Zyla yay for AF, now getting shagging!!

Well the witch has done one now - it was a bit heavier than normal, but I had no PMS, no bloating, very few cramps, no cravings & no spotty skin at all, totally amazeballs!!! I'm feeling generally much healthier & happier too, like I've got so much more energy. I've no idea whether it's the change in diet, acupuncture, supplements, or a combination of all 3, but whatever it is, it seems to be working for me atm. Even though it's early days, I'm hopeful (as is my acupuncturist) that my hormones are starting to sort themselves out, so gx it won't be too long before I start icing again.

Gx angel

just enjoy your shagfest

cats hang in there my lovely.

Oops just missed my bus stop! Will have to take the long way round to work!

corgi make mine a decaff!

angel gx for FC.

Still no AF this end... Nearly 1 week "late" - I guess my body is still trying to find a new normal after MC.

Where have all the viroids gone?

I have good news from my womble: AF finally in residence

Kwick gx they're all shagging Yay for AF!!!

Glad to hear about AF kwick!

I'm still here, in TWOT. Having low abdo cramps and have diagnosed myself with a uti :(

All normal TTC fun and games!

scottish sorry you are not feeling so good if it is any consolation, me niether. My AF pains are horrific at the best of times and even more so now I have ditched my usual pain relief as I found out that it can impact fertility.

Just in car on way back from spending lovely day in village where my grandparents lived. So nice to get out of London.

Hi viroids

I popped head in a while back when we started ttc and then life got hectic going back to work after maternity and I haven't been in since. How are you all?

pud! get your ass in here and shag woman, shag shag shag!

I got excited last month as I thought I might be upduffed first time of getting positive opk. No idea why I thought that, that was stupid! I obviously wasn't. No idea if I'm actually icing as last time I had af was before my first pregnancy (ended in mc in September 2014). I then went on to conceive and have DS. Think I will have to stop bf to get af to come back which makes me sad, but oh well.

hi!

scottish that sounds rubbish hope you're ok

Hi pud and la!
Yay for AF kwick!
AF has gone here now so soon to be donning the cape and crossing everything!

Hi Zyla, how are you doing?

Hey all, hope everyone is good.

Ouch Scottish utis suck

We got the news over the weekend that a friend's baby was born sleeping, kinda puts our worries into perspective.

Oh angel how sad, really does put it into perspective.
I'm feeling much better, taking antibiotics which I made sure were ok if I am upduffed this cycle. Had to ask my dad to pick up the prescription for me as I wouldn't have made it to the GP's in time. He's a doctor and commented on the strange choice of antibiotics... I think he now thinks I'm preggo! I'll make sure to have plenty of next time I see him to avoid an awkward conversation...