We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I'm off to Japan and Australia, feeling very nervous now.

ain feel your pain, I have the skin of a teenager too. So annoying! I had an almighty row with dp last week, he was just being annoying too!

Wedding was amazing, sobbed a lot!

just all the best for your trip. Are you in hotels whilst away? They say a change is as good as a rest. Hope this trip gives you some relief and you report bfp after your dh's visit to you

Have any if you viroids read about the dangers of BPA? How on earth am I going to avoid it especially as I am a receipt hoarder, eat loads of takeaways and to get a healthy lunch when I am in London take soup in a tupper to work

I really have not been good for anything today - still lurgyfied - but did manage to water my plants which feels like a major achievement.

Hey just great to hear from you hope you have a lovely trip! Spent the weekend directing working in the garden from the patio set with large iced drink of juice! I actually almost have a garden again now just needs finishing off on Saturday when I shall be supervising from the back of my eyelids due to overtime nights!

I'm feeling a real mix of emotion tonight. Still spotty. Sore nipples. Something hormonal is going on there...

Any ideas?

I'm currently on cd44. My last cycle was 83 days. The one before was 56, and the one before was 107... no pattern, rhyme or reason..

Keep flipping between thinking 'it will happen one day' to 'its never going to happen' and trying not to cry.

ain I am not sure how to help but I am right there with you. This journey is SO hard sometimes but I am not yet ready to give up my dream.

Ain Hang on in there x

I know it's a minor annoyance in the scheme of things but the spots suck don't they?! I have loads more since coming off the pill... Two outbreaks per cycle, one to coincide with my period and one to coincide with my fertile window. (Doesn't help me to feel attractive for seducing DH!)

Ain I wonder if you're spotty because you're icing??

But really I have no idea, bodies are a mystery aren't they

Thank you Kwick and name , I appreciate the kind words (and think I need them). Still feeling negative this morning but your posts made me smile (and tear up a little, got to be something hormonal going on right?)

Ain sorry your feeling so down, def sounds like something hormonal going on

Another one here for spotty skin, it's worse than when I was a teenager The joys of hormones, heh? Off now to get day 21 bloods done. I hate needles, so dreading it.

Meant to say, enjoy the trip just

I WANT the hormones!!! Give me PMT!!! Give me a crying jag!! Give me irrational emotional behaviour!! BUT ABOVE ALL GIVE ME MY FRICKIN AF!!
I feel barren

Okay time for some PMA:
I am a wonderful, lucious, fertile woman
I am in perfect time to have a baby
I am going to get my period any second now so I can restart IVF

Sorry kwick it really is so shit I'll try some pma with you if it'll help.

Who in the past mentioned fanny daggers??? I wasn't very familiar with these delights before, but we're becoming more & more acquainted now

Ain Glad we made you smile! Hope you're feeling a bit better tonight. Can you treat yourself - a warm bath, a good book or magazine, a tasty treat.. something that will cheer you up?

angel Fanny daggers?! I think that discussion was before my time. But the phrase is pretty evocative, I can identify!
How were your blood tests today, did you survive the needles?

kwick Sorry your bastard AF still hasn't turned up. Hope it turns up soon. Maybe wearing white knickers and trousers/skirt/dress will help?! Anyway I love your PMAs

Hi all. Just wanted to let those of you who know me from my jsing days know that I had my little science experiment arrive yesterday. Full story on grads thread for those who want to read it. Those of you on the road I've travelled, keep strong, miracles do happen.

Lil massive congratulations!! Hope your enjoying your wee bundle.

Name they are the most painful little buggers ever. Between those, massive bloating & spotty skin I'm just a bundle of laughs this evening. Bloods were ok, I think it's the idea of the needle piercing the skin that's worst for me. But I might need to get it checked again next cycle - the GP miscalculated when she was booking me in for it, & I'm actually cd23, so may need to get it done cd20/21 next cycle Got TFT done as well & have to leave in fmu sample for chlamydia check. Results should be back end this week/start next week. It's a relief that the ball's rolling, but really scary at the same time ...

Huge congratsLil so pleased for you 😀

lildottie thank you so much for letting us know & WELL DONE!!!!

TMI ALERT!!!! This is more embarassing than TMI, I guess... I watch quite a lot of youtube (you know blackhead removal, 1D videos, you know the usual grown up stuff) anyway a few weeks ago I found a "period hack" video and one on the tips to avoid leakages (which I always get even though I have been having my period for 20 years) was to use a sensitive bladder pant. Yesterday I developed a hack-out-a-lung cough and had a few "accidents" (pelvic floor in terrible state) so decided to use one of these pads/nappies. Wow it worked but felt almost baby like...

Anyhoo still no sign of AF... Off to Madrid this pm, back tomorrow.

lil Congratulations!

angel Gx for your test results x

kwick Have you heard of Thinx? Period-proof knickers. I'm a menstrual cup fan but the knickers do seem like a good idea if you have pelvic floor issues as well.
Anyway have a good trip to Madrid! It must be for work if you're only going for a day?

NFMSL (sex life): Today is CD16 and my app tells me I'm due to ovulate tomorrow. Annoyingly DH is going away today (dammit) so we have agreed to a last minute shag before he goes! I'm hoping the app is right and I won't ovulate too much later than predicted

namechange I have looked at Thinx but have not got further than checking out reviews...I am rather large so sizing maybe an issue plus my pre-MC flow was full on. But I may still try them out. Thanks for reminding me.
Hope you get DTD in before dh leaves.

Yep Madrid is for work - just boarded plan and found half of my company on the same flight... All men... Bet I am the only one to check bag... Feel completely naked as I do not have laptop (I am taling advantage of trip for IT to move me to a new one) - I have already had to do 2 very complicated manouvers on my phone.. Not ideal!

Did a pg test last night and it still says pregnant, but the line was pretty faint and it's only been a week so hopefully after another week it'll say negative, then I can get shagging again. I need to be pg again really soon. And I never thought I'd be wanting a test to say negative!

Enjoy Madrid, Kwick - LOS would suggest AF is on the plane too...

My tests took a fucking AGE to go negative this time, it was about 5 weeks. I used up all of my ICs expecting them to be negative each week

Thanks chat what does LOS mean? In my world it is length of service but think you may mean something different

BTW only Madrid experience is seeing it in the distance - I am in the middle of nowhere in a hotel... Story of my life...

Thanks kwick, yes we DTD but I'm not feeling hopeful for some reason. The "shag and hope" strategy hasn't worked so far and if I don't get pregnant this month I think I'm going to have to put more effort into monitoring signs of ovulation. I've been too lazy to do any rummaging or temping so far. We shall see... TWOT to get through first!

Hope you're all doing ok x

Kwick LOS = law of sod, like AF will show up when wearing new undies, or when you've just changed the bed sheets (that's what usually happens with me).

Not much to report here, twot dragging by as usual. Trying really hard & failing miserably not to get my hopes up.

Thank you again to my lovely viroids. I'm feeling slightly better mood wise, the acne is still there, but eased a little, and have still got sore nips. Also have had some sort of spotting the last few days. The first day was barely anything when wiping. It's still very light, but there's definitely spotting there..

I'm taking hormonal stuff to be a good sign as I still have no idea if I'm actually ov'ing.

I need some strength for losing weight. I've got two months til my next fc appointment. Two months to lose enough weight for them to be happy to give me clomid. Only my weight is refusing to drop. Something is working, clothes are looser, and new clothes are being bought in smaller sizes but the scales (and therfore my bmi) refuses to budge!

Congrats on the clothes, I always think that's more important than what the scales say, although not when you need to hit a stupid BMI target of course! My advice is to hang on in there - you're clearly doing the right things and I'm sure the scales will catch up.