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Conception

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Original poster

I am unsure who the father of my unborn child is! Please help!!

120 replies

soph1995 · 12/03/2016 21:42

I have been on and off with my ex boyfriend for 2 years, and recently he came down for his birthday on the 31st Jan 2016, he stayed until the night of the 5th of Feb. Through the week we was having sex until he left on the night of the 5th of Feb... My last period began I believe between the 20th-25th of Jan and lasted 5 days (as it usually does, and I am usually around the same time every month)
For some reason, I felt automatically I was pregnant! so I took a test on the 8th and it was negative...
Me and my ex have had a very complicated relationship and long story short I began seeing someone else, sooner than I expected me and this new guy had sex for the first time on the 19th of Feb (I believe he didnt ejaculate), and again multiple times on the 22nd of Feb. On the night of the 19th of Feb I couldnt sleep properly and felt very sick, I thought this was because I felt guilty because I was with someone else and not my ex who I dont believe I was completely over. I then felt sick on the Saturday night and then the Sunday 21st I felt sick all day, unable to eat properly and even the smell of things was making me feel sick - however, I thought this was due to a mussel I ate on friday night because I couldnt even swallow it because it tasted funny - so I thought I possibly had mild food poisoning. That week between the 22nd and the 29th I was feeling sick all week, not able to eat many things, and when I did eat I was starving and then felt unbelievably sick! I took a test probably on the 23rd and it was negative again, but i was under the impression it could because it was still kind of before my missed period. On the Saturday the 27th I took two pregnancy tests and it was positive.
Now on the 7th of March I have had a scan and they've told me I was 3 weeks pregnant; and on the scan they said all they could see was the yolk sac. There was a black section and then a tiny spec within that when I saw the scan, and there was no heartbeat or anything yet.

Basically, I really do not know who the father would be?!
Can anyone help please? And can no one judge me, I didnt plan for things to be this way! Please HELP!

OP posts:
yearofthehorse · 14/03/2016 14:15

Please accept my apologies, was unaware of the guidelines but would be very interested to hear when, where and by whom these scans took place. I'm just so surprised because as far as I'm aware this isn't possible.

Threesquids · 14/03/2016 14:27

OP the only way of knowing (as you have been told many times) is via a DNA test.

You can guess through dates, but that's all it will ever be - a guess.

A woman can ovulate at any time, there is no exact rule, so there is potentially two fathers and that will remain the case until a DNA test is performed.

As for the other parts about STI's etc, you are a grown adult, you know the risks, I don't really think it forms a relevant part of what you were asking, but I see why some have found it relevant to mention.

For the record, I also find it rather weird that you had an external scan at 5 weeks pregnant, the earliest I have ever seen anything on an external scan was 7 weeks, but alas, everyone has their own opinions on that too.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/03/2016 14:28

She has already said she was considering an abortion. She was scanned at the clinic but does not wish to proceed with an abortion! Congratulations op you come across as a nice girl. Good luck with everything. Thanks

fairgroundsnack · 14/03/2016 14:36

For those who are doubting an abdominal scan would be useful that early - I had an external scan which dated my pregnancy at 5+5. If the embryo hadn't been visible then they would have done an internal scan but it wasn't necessary as the gestational sac, embryo and heartbeat were visible. The sonographer said that if you are slim then you can get a good view on an abdominal scan even that early.

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/03/2016 14:39

I didn't assume you weren't Catholic. I said unless you are.

You jumped down bobo's throat and told her she could not post on your thread or anyone else's that there are risks to unprotected sex. You say you know all of that but how on earth was anyone supposed to guess you knew when you had been practising so much unsafe sex? There was no judgement, just advice. I even tried to answer your question but you ignored that and had a go at me for attempting to defend another innocent poster. Hardly endearing.

As you know there's no way to tell paternity without a test. I think there is a non invasive blood test that you can do at this stage which will tell you - Google it. You will need to talk to both potential fathers but it would set your mind at rest and stop the worry which isn't good for you or baby. Best of luck.

MsMommie · 14/03/2016 14:40

I've had a gestational sac with foetal pole visible on an external scan at 5 weeks and a few days (can't remember the days exactly)
It's possible x

flanjabelle · 14/03/2016 14:45

I think you need to tell the ex the truth. It's not fair that he doesn't know it might not even be his baby. From the dates I think it is more likely that it's his, but still, he deserves to know the truth.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 14/03/2016 14:47

Yes I've had one. Thank you very much and it was all clear.

The medical care you are describing is not consistent with the experience of people on this thread.

Not only is the early pregnancy care inconsistent, but an STD test for the situation you describe is not a one-off, in my experience; I had to return to the clinic for monthly blood tests for 3 months after the time I had last had sex with my cheating exH.

It's hard for people to give you advice when your experience is so different from convention.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 15:01

Thank you everyone for the advice and comments!

Not long now until my doctors appointment and I think I will just not have to worry too much!
There isn't much I can do now but wait!

unimaginative13 · 14/03/2016 15:35

Sorry I may have missed this by why are you going to a doctors apt?

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 15:41

Because I was and still am confused as to how far along I am and conception date etc.
But also I just thought it would be good to go to the doctors and see if they could give me more information...

JanetOfTheApes · 14/03/2016 15:43

I don't understand why would I be making up a fake story about a pregnancy and be able to have so much detail about everything? It wouldn't add up surely..

It doesn't add up. None of it.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 15:48

Ok that's your opinion, by now I've had lots of people help me in my situation and if you don't want to believe it then, not to be rude, but get off the post....

unimaginative13 · 14/03/2016 15:49

I really wouldn't waste a doctors appt with that!!!

If you have already had an NHS scan because you wanted a termination then surely you have already been to the doctors??

Doctors appointments are hard to come by as it is and your taking up an appointment to discuss conception, even though you already know the answer!!

In the real world most pregnant women don't even see the doctor they have a 12 week dating scan and off they go (clue is in bold)

JanetOfTheApes · 14/03/2016 15:59

Why didn't you ask the GP the first time you saw them, or the dr who did the scan, if you didn't understand any of it?

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 14/03/2016 16:07

You need to find out your Estimated Date of Conception. This may be on the scan report (EDC), if not look up the Estimated Date of Delivery (EDD) on the scan report and plug the date into an online calculator, e.g. the one on pregnology.com, to find your EDC.

This is the most likely date you conceived. Sperm can live inside you for up to a week though, and your egg will wait 2-3 days, so this date might not help narrow things down.

The EDC date can be wrong though- scans can mistake a baby's age- when you go for your 12 week scan ask the sonographer which scan has the most reliable dating (the 12#week or the early one) and the chance of the dates being wrong.

The only way to know for certain is to have a DNA test. This will be a private test. I have heard of people having this during pregnancy via amniocentesis at private clinics, but this carries a risk of miscarriage and is expensive, so only consider this if the identity of the father would influence your decision about wanting to continue your pregnancy. It sounds like you have decided to keep your baby, so in that case you will need to wait till after baby is born for a DNA test.

Your ex will need to give a saliva swab from his cheek for the test, so you will need to talk to him about this.

Some blood born stis can take 6-12 weeks to show up on tests (depending which tests are done) so you would benefit from having a later STI check up too.

Unfortunately you can't say for sure who the father is until you have a DNA test, so as hard as it is I would try to put this worry aside and concentrate on your pregnancy, as otherwise you will spend your whole pregnancy worrying.

Threesquids · 14/03/2016 16:20

How is the doctor going to be able to tell you how far along you are?
You've had the scan and they have had an estimate.

Next thing is to book in with the midwife.

Tell both guys the situation, then forget about the paternity issues until you have the baby. Good luck OP.

MsMommie · 14/03/2016 16:35

Maybe, just maybe, the OP is going to see her GP to confirm the pregnancy and get a booking appointment with the midwife? Standard procedure when you're continuing with a pregnancy.
Oh, and when you go for abortion counselling, they don't tend to give you a copy of the scan report. Their job is to end pregnancies. That is all.

JanetOfTheApes · 14/03/2016 16:38

Maybe, just maybe, the OP is going to see her GP to confirm the pregnancy and get a booking appointment with the midwife?

You mean AFTER she got sent (by who, if not GP?) to a clinic where they do abdominal scans at 5 weeks, don't give EDD's, and no other info? Why exactly would the GP need to confirm a pregnancy after all that, not that GP's confirm pregnancy anyway.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 14/03/2016 16:49

Yes. Please don't make an appointment about this. NHS resources are scarce enough without people wasting appointments when there is no need.

Make an appointment with the midwife and take it from there. The 12 week scan might give you a bit more info, but there really isn't anything you can do until you have given birth.

It's no longer standard procedure in most places, MsMommie and hasn't been for a while. You contact the midwife services directly.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 16:49

Just had the doctors appointment and she said usually they send the scan report to them but they haven't done that of yet, so it might be sent to them soon.
But now I've had to ring up for my 1st midwife appointment

And just to say this is my first pregnancy and this is all new, I really didn't see anything wrong with going to the doctors when I was unsure about this. Sorry to anyone on here who is more experienced and would handle things differently, i was just doing what I thought best. Also I have a vitamin d deficiency and also wanted to ask the doctors if I had to take additional tablets whilst pregnant because of that, just trying to get all the information I need

Also the reason I didn't ask why the dates didn't add up when I went for the scan at the clinic was because truly I wasn't thinking about that, a lot of things were going through my mind and it wasn't until I properly looked into the fact see said it was conceived 3 weeks prior would of been a date where I hadn't had sex which then made me confused.
I am only human! I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I'm not doing everything the way anyone else would do things! Just trying my best

Side note - the doctors also said it was strange for it to of been conceived 3 weeks prior and to of seen anything on the scan. But she said without the scan report she can't say much on it.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 16:51

I would of had to go to the doctors anyway for them to give me the number to ring the midwife, so either way an appointment would of had to of been made.

And just to say I rang this morning and had a cancellation appointment that someone else couldn't make, so hopefully I wasn't wasting too much time of the doctors or anyone else

Threesoundslikealot · 14/03/2016 17:10

I'm rather horrified by the nastiness on this thread. Plenty of people find EDDs and conception dates confusing, and external scans can be tried before internals in the early stages.

And as for the hectoring on contraception from some posters (and I don't include the original advice in this particularly), why not stop oncrvue

Threesoundslikealot · 14/03/2016 17:12

Sorry, why not stop once the OP has acknowledged you? We know nothing of the circumstances of the conception and for all we know there contraceptive failure involved or coercion.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/03/2016 17:49

Oh dear God read the thread!!!! Read the thread!!!!! Reeeeeead the threeeeeead!!! It. Was. Not. An. NHS. Scan. Ffs!

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