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Original poster

I am unsure who the father of my unborn child is! Please help!!

120 replies

soph1995 · 12/03/2016 21:42

I have been on and off with my ex boyfriend for 2 years, and recently he came down for his birthday on the 31st Jan 2016, he stayed until the night of the 5th of Feb. Through the week we was having sex until he left on the night of the 5th of Feb... My last period began I believe between the 20th-25th of Jan and lasted 5 days (as it usually does, and I am usually around the same time every month)
For some reason, I felt automatically I was pregnant! so I took a test on the 8th and it was negative...
Me and my ex have had a very complicated relationship and long story short I began seeing someone else, sooner than I expected me and this new guy had sex for the first time on the 19th of Feb (I believe he didnt ejaculate), and again multiple times on the 22nd of Feb. On the night of the 19th of Feb I couldnt sleep properly and felt very sick, I thought this was because I felt guilty because I was with someone else and not my ex who I dont believe I was completely over. I then felt sick on the Saturday night and then the Sunday 21st I felt sick all day, unable to eat properly and even the smell of things was making me feel sick - however, I thought this was due to a mussel I ate on friday night because I couldnt even swallow it because it tasted funny - so I thought I possibly had mild food poisoning. That week between the 22nd and the 29th I was feeling sick all week, not able to eat many things, and when I did eat I was starving and then felt unbelievably sick! I took a test probably on the 23rd and it was negative again, but i was under the impression it could because it was still kind of before my missed period. On the Saturday the 27th I took two pregnancy tests and it was positive.
Now on the 7th of March I have had a scan and they've told me I was 3 weeks pregnant; and on the scan they said all they could see was the yolk sac. There was a black section and then a tiny spec within that when I saw the scan, and there was no heartbeat or anything yet.

Basically, I really do not know who the father would be?!
Can anyone help please? And can no one judge me, I didnt plan for things to be this way! Please HELP!

OP posts:
sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 11:37

Is there a need to be aggressive?!

All I'm asking for is advice on the matter at hand not if I should use condoms or not! I am perfectly aware of how to protect myself and have done for many year and it just so happened to be on this occasion I didn't and this happened.

I am entitled to my opinion if I believe they are judging me or not and so anyone should respect my feelings if I am offended and feel judged. You can not tell me if I do or do not feel judged.

Telling me now I am pregnant that I should use condoms is also something which isn't relevant to the post I am writing.

Never have I been pregnant before or had an std... So yes actually background does have a lot to do with it because by even suggesting that is assuming I am unaware of what unprotected sex can do and therefore judging me on what I do and do not know, but also on what I do every other time I've had sex.

Thank you.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 11:40

Also FYI I did not say they shouldn't say people shouldn't have protected sex, also you shouldn't assume I'm not catholic...

I was merely saying, I don't see why people feel the need to put their 2 pence in unless they actually want to be helpful to the post I've put. And so I don't think people should just write comments on anyone's post stating general facts, when clearly someone would write a post to get advice on what try have asked....

I really appreciate everyone who has given me advice on the matter and is concerned about my situation and wellbeing. It's really great to know some people actually just want to help me out! Thank you!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 14/03/2016 11:57

It was a fairly relevant point to your post. Presumably you have also made an appointment for a full STI check. Because you do need one.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:01

Yes I've had one. Thank you very much and it was all clear.

ok, if you all want to go against what I think that's fine.
But still now it's going completely off the topic of what I posted in the first place. Despite whether I think I was judged or not, my issue still stands at what I originally posted.

Owllady · 14/03/2016 12:04

People are suggesting condoms because you are having unprotected casual sex. Even though you are pregnant now, you still need to use a barrier contraceptive such as condoms so that you don't catch std's. It's good advice to look after your sexual health.

SummerMonths · 14/03/2016 12:12

SBZ - you cannot post on an open Internet forum and control how people answer. The contraception point is relevant as you had unprotected sex with two men in one month when not trying to conceive. Those who have made this point are hardly going off topic.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:16

I'm not regularly having unprotected "casual" sex

Look can we get back to the issue at hand, if you feel the need to write about condoms or unprotected sex please don't because I know about that, I was educated well. What I want to know is if anyone has any advice to whether they could help me with knowing possibly who the father is.

But as I can see no one can completely help me and all anyone wants to do is bombard me with information about unprotected sex and condoms as if I do not know.

So I'm going to leave this post now, as it seems to just gone to a conversation which I don't want or need despite what everyone thinks they know about what I should know.

As I've said thank you for everyone that tried to help regarding the issue but I think I've got all the information I could possibly have.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:17

It's nice to see how everyone believes they are entitled to their own opinion, yet I am not entitled to mine.

Thank you for the responses.

Owllady · 14/03/2016 12:18

The baby and two men will need to have a DNA test when it is born. That's the only answer there is

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:21

I gathered that.
Just wondered if anyone could kind of help me.
That's all.

DropYourSword · 14/03/2016 12:22

I'm very confused that you say they told you at scan that they 'believe you conceived 3 weeks ago'. It just doesn't make sense to me...early pregnancy scans will usually give you an EDD and you will throw be able to work out how many weeks into the pregnancy you are. They never concentrate on when you might have conceived. Have you misunderstood this? Also, if you really really had only conceived 3 weeks previously there wouldn't be anything detectable on scan. I think you need clarification with your GP maybe.

Also, I don't think Bobo was judging you. It was pretty reasonable advice.

PonderLand · 14/03/2016 12:23

First of all, congratulations! I'm 27 weeks pregnant now (unplanned) and know how scary it can be, have you got anyone in RL to confide in or speak to?

I don't think you can keep going back to the doctors and requesting scans, you'll have to wait till your dating scan (12 weeks normally) and then you'll have a clearer idea of the dates. No one can say dates yet as its still so early, and paternity should really only be established when you can be 100% sure, IMO.

You'll need to arrange a booking in appointment with a midwife which I think are normally done via your doctors if you ring them. It's all a waiting game unfortunately! Good luck op

mouldycheesefan · 14/03/2016 12:24

You aren't regularly having unprotected sex
Except the ten times you mention.
Have you had an std check?

The only person who can help you, is you. Are you definitely having the baby?

mouldycheesefan · 14/03/2016 12:26

Bobo is correct, listen to the advice

CauliflowerBalti · 14/03/2016 12:29

It's more likely to be your ex from the information you've given. How do you think he will react to the news?

And stop being so prickly over the advice about condoms and STDs. There are a lot of people here that could help you if you let them. I say this with love...

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:30

I think I'll just get mumsnet to delete the whole post, as many of you think it might be helpful to keep pointing out to me I had unprotected sex with 2 different people in a short space of time.
But I'm going through a lot already, and there's more to what I've even written. So I really don't wish to keep seeing more comments about using a condom.

I know. But I didn't throughout this space of time. I made mistakes and now I'm dealing with them, I already feel bad enough that I've put myself in this situation.

DropYourSword · 14/03/2016 12:31

People will be happy to support you if you don't flounce and get angry about very reasonable advice.

Valentine2 · 14/03/2016 12:33

While you are trying to figure this all out with your GP etc, please keep taking your vitamins and try eating healthy in case you decide to keep the baby.

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:35

Yes ok is reasonable advice to use a condom.
I've said many times and not being angry about it, but I know! I really do know. So please can that be the end of using a condom... I know. I knew before anyone wrote it. That's all I'm saying is that I know to use a condom. I know about STDs. I know.

I don't mean to come across angry, just all I'm saying is I know this information. But that's not what I made the discussion for. That's it

I apologise if people thought anything negative or angry about my posts.

mouldycheesefan · 14/03/2016 12:35

Are you in a position where you can be an adequate parent? If not are you considering other options e.g termination, adoption

HeyNonnyMaybe · 14/03/2016 12:36

If you think your period started nearer to the 20th, I'd say from your dates alone it's your ex boyfriend.

Can you ask to go to an Early Pregnancy Unit in a hospital and be scanned again? It's likely to be an internal one, but they will give you a better idea of the 'age' of the foetus.

Good luck OP, it sounds like a stressful situation.

Owllady · 14/03/2016 12:37

People can only post on the information they've been given. People (myself included) posted about condoms because we are concerned you are putting your health at risk, not because we are judging you. I had a baby when I was your age and it was really hard and I don't envy you having the worry of not knowing who the dad is on top, but no one can answer your question :(

sbz1995 · 14/03/2016 12:37

I am taking my vitamins and I decided I was keeping the baby a couple days after I had the scan.
I just wrote the post to see if anyone else could give me an insight.

I have a doctors appointment later today.

DropYourSword · 14/03/2016 12:38

Did they give you a copy of the scan report?

Arfarfanarf · 14/03/2016 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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