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Conception

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TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided - all welcome!

999 replies

Kwick709 · 07/03/2016 17:17

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

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Cloudburn · 16/04/2016 09:29

Wowsers! I wake up in the morning and what a busy thread!!

Taydex beautiful little piccie! But my gosh that's a lot bigger than the seven week one! Kinda scary the growth rate from here to there! But that's wonderful, must be a relief to get to that magical 12 weeks stage - well done you! Seriously have fun this weekend telling everyone (finally)!! Grin

And Shoes YAY!!!!!!!! Heartbeat!!! Woohoo!!!! Isn't it incredible?? You must be so relieved too! Is it starting to feel more real now? I'm so pleased the scan went well, I've been thinking about you these last few days and hoping everything was okay.

Stork do you have your initial consult booked in yet? I totally agree with you RE having some support around you especially nose first weeks. I know I couldn't do this on my own (well I could if I had to, but it would be harder than it needed be). That's why I've decided to move back home to have the baby so my family can help. I'm very fortunate that I adore my parents, and they've been wanting me to move back for years, so I'm moving in with them, at least to start with. They recently bought a new house and even made sure it had two extra spare rooms - one for me and one for the nursery. Bless.

I will say though Stork that I was a complete newbe when I started and didn't know any of this stuff about milk and pineapples and warm feet! (I was a late joiner to this thread) I didn't really do any of that stuff, aside from the folic acid supplement my doctor recommended, and so far things have worked out. Though I'm very fortunate to currently be a one-hit-wonder, as it were. I don't doubt if I need to do this all again I will be trying to do everything on this list!!

StorkAhoy · 16/04/2016 09:47

Ok, that all makes sense. I will re-jig what I'm eating to include more calcium... Bye bye chocolate treats, hello full fat hot chocolate?!

Seems silly not to try anything and everything if paying for the privilege, no?!

Kwick, here's a donor question, did you have a long list of what you wanted? Or was it more medical? (If private tell me to shush!) I was having a conversation with my sister the other day and she was talking hair colour, build, eyes etc and honestly the only two things I'm kind of keen on, is height and ethnicity. Perhaps I'm not thinking about it enough though?

Did you go abroad for treatment? Is there much price difference? I've been researching it and for IUI doesn't seem so different, but for ivf there could be a saving...

caution May 3rd. Any idea what the parking is like over there?!

StorkAhoy · 16/04/2016 09:54

cloud yes I do, may3rd. My parents are 70, and even though they had 5kids, they have not been overly supportive. They are so proud of my professional life, they just don't see why I would want a child. My mother is trying to put me off the whole thing, as she's petrified of me doing this alone. She's all doom and gloom, but then will offer to move in with me for the last month as can't bear to think of me being on my own when I go into labour. They haven't looked after or babysat any of their grandchildren, though they are great grandparents, something of a paradox my parents but I love them dearly. My whole family lives within 10minutes which is great.

My younger brother has a 7yr old, and thinks I'm being selfish doing this. My older sister, 47, thinks it's a great idea and very supportive, but has two adult children, and my older brother and his wife don't like children as a rule (would never have their own) but are very supportive. My sister in law and sister have both offered to be birth partners for me. So while it's a tad complicated, I'm not without support, and of course I have friends who think it's all amazing.

We'll see what happens, but I wish my mother would stop being herself for just 5minutes....

CautionHormone · 16/04/2016 11:11

Ah I'm sorry your mum & dad don't seem all that supportive of you Stork. I bet their minds will change completely once they see the first scans and when baby is here... It's just the idea that's scaring them.
Ooh May 3rd isn't too far away! I have no idea what parking is like over there, no - when I went to the open evening thing mum dropped me & a cousin off because I didn't have my car at the time, and didn't take much notice of the parking!

taydex · 16/04/2016 12:32

Kwick - Thank you.

Cloud - Yes, scary the amount of growth in just 5 weeks. Looks like a proper little baby now rather than just an oval shape - arms, legs, face, everything! Lovely news about you moving home and getting some support. I have to say I think I'd do the same if I were going it alone.

Stork - I agree with Cloud. I mean, plenty of people get up duffed while maintaining an alcoholic and smokey lifestyle and they go on to have healthy babies. Lots of people don't even know so continue life as usual. But it does seem silly to not give it your best shot the amount we're having to pay for this. I think that came out wrong but I'm sure you ladies know what I mean. I'd say try the above recommendations but don't get too caught up on it or you'll get stressed out like I did one cycle. I'm sure the stress negated the good I did eating all that stuff. Oh, and I'm not even a hot chocolate fan but I have totally discovered hot chocolate made with hot milk and chocolate buttons (with squirty cream and marshmallows on top) since I got up duffed. I have mostly avoided full fat and gone semi skimmed but occasionally I sneak in some full fat (mostly when I won't taste it!).

I can dig out the info we got on our donor. We filled out a form at our clinic (where we got the donation from) which asked our hair, eye, skin colour, height, weight etc. It then asked if we had a preference for match, or if there was anything we wouldn't like. They then found us a couple of donors who matched closest (I have the CMV thing so it reduced our options). If we hadn't liked either of those they would have offered us others but they would have offered us others, but they would have probably watched less closely. I imagine the bank of donors at our clinic is not massive but we could have looked elsewhere if we'd had any specific requests they couldn't meet.

Parents (and family in general) can be a nightmare. I know mine both mean well but sometimes they say silly things. My mum keeps asking questions about if things go wrong or the kids getting bullied for having 2 mums. I know she's just concerned but she has a funny way of showing it (she doesn't appear to have the filter which stops most of us saying the first thing that pops into or heads!), but I've known her for 36 years so I'm kinda used to it. Dad asked if they were not entitled to know we were trying. I know he didn't mean it as nasty and meant more that we should have shared if we'd liked as they'd have been supportive. People say and do funny things. Try not to take it to heart.

StorkAhoy · 17/04/2016 02:48

Greeting s from NYC y'all!

Absolutely knackered and waiting for room service which shall include a hot choclate. And I'm half way through 'it starts with the egg.' Need to get home and rid the house of BPA!

Thanks for the words and lovely thoughts all. Mummy dearest had more wise words on the horrors of children before I left for the airport... Today's words of warmth were about how I had best make the most of my time in NYC as I will never get to go again when I'm stuck at home with a squeaking child, and I won't even have time to make dinner....
But while I was in the town car I think I had an epiphany. I'm just going to stop engaging with that nonsense, focus on the positive and prove to her that I will be bloody fantastic at this motherhood malarkey. If she doesn't want to help, then I shall not ask for it. I need positive calming thoughts now, not defeatist nonsense that's trying to scare me. (God knows I love her to death, but she gets me madder than a box of frogs quicker than anyone else!) she doesn't have a problem with how I'm doing it, not really, just the fact that the desired result is a baby has her rattled.

Taydex I know what you mean, but just because you've known your parents for years and know how they are, doesn't make me any less disappointed in her behaviour and at times I think that once I'm pregnant if this carries on it may spiral into a rift I can't easily forgive. I'm hoping that by just not engaging that it will take the wind out of her sails....

pickle162 · 17/04/2016 07:06

Stork you mum sounds suspiciously like mine with her opinions that are always right Hmm
I haven't told my mum at all, my sister and my auntie know and some of my friends but haven't and won't tell my mum until I am pregnant. This journey is way tooooooo hard anyway without negativity too, she would make me feel ridiculously crap.its hard enough to come to the realisation that the perfect 2.4children thing isn't going to happen without people telling you your selfish or stupid for still wanting to be a parent. Never feel bad for following your heart there will always be someone that doesn't understand,unfortunately that person is our mothers Confused

taydex · 17/04/2016 09:44

Pickle - I agree. I didn't tell my parents we were trying because I couldn't be bothered with dealing with their silly (and sometimes negative) questions and constantly asking how things were going. My sister and 2 close friends knew we were trying. Those were the ones I knew would be supportive. Once you've got up duffed there's not as much they can say (well, I think). Or at least I think I'd care less.

StorkAhoy · 17/04/2016 14:56

Yes exactly! Out with the negative, in with the positive! Have a great day ladies, I'm off out to enjoy the sunshine and shops! And I'm not going to go into buy

StorkAhoy · 17/04/2016 14:57

... Was going to say, I'm deffo not, NOT going into buybuybaby, or any of the other amazing baby boutiques that are here.....

Kwick709 · 17/04/2016 14:59

I am way behind but new phone is now working!!!!!
I will try and catch up soon!

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taydex · 17/04/2016 19:04

Yay! Finally able to start buying baby and maternity stuff. Definitely didn't go shopping with Mum this afternoon. She was worse than I was! Smile x

Kwick709 · 17/04/2016 19:51

Sorry for unsupportive mums. What a bugger! My mum was a bit quiet at the offset - she was worried I would have twins, she was worried I wanted her to take care of baby full-time and so on. Then whilst having treatment she was like a deer in headlights - in that she did not know how to deal with me... But now I am preggers she is being lovely and seems genuinely excited.
No dad to be worried about. He is probably somewhere out there but I definitely do not want him in my life.

Right I am going to try and do some more ebay items - I have cleared out my shoes and have 5 pairs to try and sell.

But first the dreaded injection.....

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Kwick709 · 18/04/2016 20:27

Where is everyone? Did I do something to offend? Confused

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pickle162 · 18/04/2016 20:28

Look at these little cute jeans that I got for my sisters baby today - 50p bargain

TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided - all welcome!
pickle162 · 18/04/2016 20:35

Of course not chick pea. How was ur day? How much longer do you have to have that dreaded injection for?any more blood tests coming up?
This time next week I'll have had my first surgery eek! Then 3more then baby making wahoo

INeedNewShoes · 18/04/2016 21:29

I'm away on holiday with only my slow old phone and rubbish Internet signal for mumsnetting so I'm probably not going to be a good thread buddy this week. I'll catch up when I have my laptop back at the weekend.

I hope everyone's doing ok.

pickle162 · 18/04/2016 21:47

Have a lovely holiday shoes Smile

StorkAhoy · 18/04/2016 22:07

Ahoy! I crashed last night after shopping and time zones aren't being friendly!

kwick, of course you didn't offend! May I ask what the injection is for?

This waiting malarkey for my first meeting with Care is long and I know that they aren't even assessing my fertility at that point, so today I'm a little glum. I just want to get on with it. A girl doesn't require counselling or discussion before getting pregnant the usual way, so why I'm required to have it after having made this rather big decision I have no idea, if anything I've considered it more carefully than the relationships I used to fall into....

It's possible that jet lag makes me a tad snarky...

Wishing you all a lovely evening and morning!

Kwick709 · 19/04/2016 05:29

Glad I did not offend :)

OMG my fricking smoke alarm is "chirping" every 30 seconds or so - at night... Noise even enters my dream. I just googled why and I think it is the battery but it is one of those ones where you cannot change battery. I am going to have to book a Task Rabbit to come and remove/change... It is driving me insane!

Stork I felt the same about counselling but then I had my session and believe me if you are using donor sperm you need it. It is about discussing and understanding the implications - so for example have you thought about half siblings? What if your child wants to know their father? And so on. They are nit deciding if yiu would make a suitable mother just that you are aware of things to consider. I had a lovely counsellor and I am so glad that was part fo the process.

I am taking two injections: Clexane - very painful sometime to administer but over very quickly and leaves mahoosive bruises on tummy - blood thinner; Prontogest - an in oil progesterone boost which has to be injected intramuscularly - so upper bum quadrant or upper thigh. Very long needle. The injecting is not bad but afterwards I get bruises and bumps and the stabbing site is very sore. I have to move around because areas get too sensitive to inject anymore. I think they start to wean me off this at week 10.

Fricking smoke alarm... Have 30 minutes before I have to get up.... Maybe if I put some TV on I can drown out the noise Envy

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Kwick709 · 19/04/2016 17:08

It is not good news I am afraid. They could not find the heartbeat today at the scan and there has not been the right growth, so I am facing a miscarriage. I am very sad and I do apologise if my PMA is somewhat missing.

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StorkAhoy · 19/04/2016 17:14

Oh God, Kwick, Im so sorry. Virtual hugs for you, there are no words to make it better, i can't even try, just know I and everyone else are thinking of you. xoxox

pickle162 · 19/04/2016 19:32

Did you manage to get your smoke alarm sorted kwick. I had similar at my own flat-I was going out of my mind with the annoying beep....beep....beep....arghhhhhhhhh

pickle162 · 19/04/2016 21:35

Oh my darling kwick I am so sorry. I am truly heartbroken for you. Do you have to go back to the clinic for more tests or is it NHS time now?
I'm so sorry this stupid thing didn't update so the last message was about fire alarms so you must have read my message thinking wtf!!
Sending lots of love and hugs, we are here for you poppet if you need us Flowersxxx

StorkAhoy · 20/04/2016 16:24

How are you feeling today Kwick? Im just checking in and sending soothing vibes. xoxo