Secretly stopped taking Pill 2 weeks ago

[NameChangeForNow]

i want another child and have done for 2 years, dp wont discuss another one
so ive been naughty

Xenia,Just for the record, being the OP on the other thread re 'accidentally or accidentally on purpose pregnant' I am not NameChangefor Now,

I didn't think so anyway.
I suppose the women who think it's fine to engineer the "accident" are also fine about their husband having the secrety vasectomy then?

That's exactly my point - what a terrible breach of trust - either way.
If your ex was a good Catholic presumably he shouldn't have been going for the snip, anyway?

He's C of E. I think it's too radical a thing to do. What if all your children died? What if (like happened with us) you divorce and fall in love with a gorgeous 30 year old who wants your babies?

That's very understanding of you. I've had a similar conversation with dh - I can be certain that I don't want any more babies but if anything ever happened to me he might find that he would want more if another partner did. Maybe I shouldn't think that way? I suppose it's unlikely - I'm pretty fit & healthy. I know several families where the Dad has died and one childless female friend of 42, so perhaps I'm reflecting too much on that.
I'm supposed to be having a minor op that would make it extremely unlikely that I could conceive but dangerous if I did - so he's considering the snip.

I'm not going to throw stones because I'm not in your shoes and I know when you want a baby, you want it. Just make sure that he loves you enough to stay no matter what and if he does, then he would love it just the same and accept it. I have a friend who's husband was dead set against another, absolutely under no circumstances and she did the same thing and they are divorced now, so what I'm saying is...make sure that he wouldn't leave you if you had another because you wouldn't want to raise it alone. He may come around. My dh wanted one really bad 2 years ago and I didn't and now he is neutral and I'm crazy about having one, we just can't get it together at the same time, but I know that if I do become pg, he would put his fears aside and be very happy, this is something you need to ask yourself.

Well, I don't know about your individual case, and what your dh is like.

But, on general principle, I would not do that to someone. I have however, been in your situation TWICE. I wanted children and he didn't. What I did was I decided where my priorities lay, and set it clearly to him. The choice was his - to split up or have children. We did both. First split up, then he came around and we got back together. Same thing happened when I wanted number2. SPlit up, then he agreed and we got back together again. I guess he decided his priority was to keep us together. It is a risk, but at least everyone knew what they were doing. Another techique I adopted for number2 (when he was still on the fence) was to say that I was not going to take the pill since I wanted to have children, so it was up to him to sort out contraception. I then had to move to the next stage of saying I would only have sex without contraception. So, he could only have sex if he was prepared to take a chance. He managed abstinence for 2 months, then just caved in. He is now happier than he has ever been, and we have two beautiful children. He also does not blame me for anything, since I was always completely honest with him. I am not sure our relationship would have survived if I had done this behind his back.

Havign said that, I can understand how being so desperate to have kids can make you feel like you don't care whether you have to raise them on your own. Hard to advise, but that is the call you have to make. Do you value havign another child more than your relationship and honesty? It's up to you.

As a man i would like to say that secretly stopping the pill with the intention of tricking him into getting you pregnant is a little short of...

R A P E

I think it should be a criminal offense for a man or woman to do this.

Stop now, before you violate another person.

Think about it. You are bring into someone else's life something that will exist for ever that they did not agree to. This is bad for you, him and the baby.

let me add to that,

you are also committing the man to child support payments for years of his life.

Sorry to be so blunt, but really need to think this through as you are totally screwing another person's life. As i said, this should be a criminal offence.

simao

deciding not to use contraception is little short of rape?

What a deeply offensive statement

i cant believe any one would think it was ok!how old are you ?12?grow up

Message withdrawn

at Simao.

As someone who has been raped, let me tell you that secretly stopping the pill is nothing like it.

Think of a better anaolgy next time will you?

Message withdrawn

who me?

There's some fecking odd individuals on here at the mo

You took the words right out of my mouth, Intergalactic.

And there was me thinking the school hols were over

Sorry to here that anyone has been raped, people can be such jerks. I hope you are doing well and happy now in life.

The whole issue with secretly stopping the pill is one of consent, and my understanding of rape is that is about consent also? I think we all agree on that.

So the analogy is very valid and indeed actually a very good one. In either case consent has not been given. That is the basic fact of here. And yes that applies to men fertilising women intentionally when it is not wanted and vice versa.

This area is however not protected by any kind of law, and it should be.

Message withdrawn

I think deception would be a better word to use tbh.

Believe me, I'd rather have a child I didn;t give ,y consent to

This is a weird thread....and the OP'er is no where to be seen...... just wanted to give my opinion (theres a shock)
Totally out of order and pretty fucked up.........

How would you feel if knowing you wanted more children you're dp went out and got a vasectomy behind your back without discussing it?

You are doing the same thing in reverse to him, totally out of order imo!

Stopping the Pill is about deceiving someone to get what you want.

Rape is about exerting power and violence over someone to get what you want.

Not even remotely in the same league, IMO, and deeply offensive to even begin to compare the two.