You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Canters I empathise re your SIL. Of all the couples I know who have recently had babies (which is a lot), the ones I know well enough to discuss conception with got pregnant in the first month, apart from one couple who took a few months (!). I know they're not representative of the general population but I am dreading feeling like a failure if it takes me and DH longer. Having said that, my friend with PCOS has been trying for a LONG time and I know she'll have mixed feelings if I get pregnant first

I appear to be nesting- I started making this today as a displacement activity to avoid revision...

Pretty pleased with my first quilting effort - made this for a friend who is expecting a boy in April.

DH came through while I was working on it and said "Hopefully before too long you'll be making one for our baby" - Heart. Melted.

That's gorgeous Scottish, really lovely. Is it difficult to do?

Name I think something like a third of couples struggle with infertility. Unfortunately it's a variation of the norm, please don't think you'd be a failure to end up on that road.

Found out at the weekend my cousin and his DF are struggling TTC. Just want to go hug them!

Thanks name, although to be fair I did put on about half a stone over Christmas, so that's really only taking me back to my pre-December weight

We're in the same boat - all of our close family & friends have got pg within first few months, some even without trying. But I guess our turn will come very soon I hope

Scottish that's amazing

I'm v impressed Scottish, that's fantastic! Lucky friend!

Yes that's exactly it name. I was saying to DH the other day that I wish we knew some people who had taken 6/7/8 months to get upduffed- with each passing month I feel like our chances of natural conception diminish. He thinks that's ridiculous and it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Whatever that means. I wish I could feel a bit more optimistic and relax and enjoy the ride!

name he was being sweet until he insisted he does not want a sister lol. My sister is pregnant due in a couple of weeks and my ds said her little boy could have the sister but he definitely wanted the brother!

scotish well done you have a lot more patience than I do!

Scottish...love the quilt, very lucky friend!

I want to make a quilt too...but haven't got to starting it yet. Have you made quilts before? Are they difficult?

I really want to make something like this...

Thanks guys! Proud of myself

stumbly and alice it was really easy to do- I have a lovely and talented friend who gave me some guidance over the phone to start with and then I used YouTube videos to give the advice later on!
I can post the link if you like?

Not many of my friends or family have had babies at all. The only other two couples I know that are actively trying have been doing so for months unsuccessfully.

The friend who I'm making the quilt for conceived in her first cycle and managed to convince me I would too. I have of course realised now that's not the case!!!

Scottish....yes to the link please!

I've had a mixed bag in my friends...a couple were able to conceive in the first couple of months of trying.

I've seen the other side though as one of my closest friends conceived quite quickly but then had a MC. It then took her months to conceive again (my adorable God-daughter now 5yrs old).

However she wanted a second child, by this time she'd split with DGD's father and was with someone else. Tried for months, nothing happened. Turned out he had very low sperm count. They couldn't get NHS funding because she already had a child (even though he doesn't) and they only had the money for three tries at IUI with donor sperm. She conceived on one of the three but sadly had another MC. They've decided not to try again due to a combination of money, age (mid 40s) and not wanting to go through another MC. She was very sad about the whole thing as you can imagine.

Also my half-sister started TTC at 33 and didn't have her DC1 until 37 via IVF (she now has two lovely DCs via IVF).

Here you go, stumbly

m.youtube.com/watch?v=XRWdiPWItu4

This is part one which I didn't use - I used part two which was good and will use part three for tinishing it off.

The music is super-80s-porntastic! Might help for getting in the mood to DTD?

Ahhh...it's Monday! Sorry all you folks who work normally, but today is my first day off in a while. Celebrated by POAIC, seeing as it's CD31 - promptly realised it's actually CD1.

Obviously it was a BFN. In my defence, they were Christmas presents ()

Sorry Chat. Hopefully this is the cycle for all of us though.

Lovely quilt Scottish.

Happy (?) Monday everyone. Really windy outside and I need to go out in a bit.

Love the quilt Scottish ! I want to try and make one.

I'm feeling a bit mixed today. Getting pg is playing on my mind a lot. Come on now body. It's been 19 months now.. my colleague who is in the early stage of pregnancy keeps reminding me (not purposely, just by being around. She is suffering quite badly from morning sickness, poor thing, and although she's not flaunting it about I feel really guilty as I just want to shout out that I'd love to have morning sickness... )

Sorry that af arrived chat

Ain

Great quilt scottish, I made one for my sister and friend when they had babies, very satisfying!

chat Wankbadgers to that I'll be joining you tomorrow.

ain keep your chin up love, your body is doing the right things now so hopefully won't be long for you

Ain & Chat

chat and ain

Fertility clinic appointment was a fucking waste of time told yet again that there is no reason why we can't conceive and with every passing month our chances increase blah blah blah. Go away and keep trying for another four months and if no success they will refer us on for further treatment. So basically the exact same thing they told us back in October, fuckers

Fucking bastards black wtf?! That's really shocking actually.

Poas got myself another mind bending evap I mean I'm hoping it's not but let's face it it will be

Post a PIC just! Is this with the ic tests? Maybe you need to get a frer.....

Also black, wtf? Seriously? How are your chances supposed to increase every passing month? Sorry it was such a waste of time.

Did you take a pic just ? I have my gx it's not an evap! Eek. Could be exciting!

black sorry to hear the fc are being a bit shit. Did they not give any explanation as to why they said that?

I'm still feeling very mixed today. Thank you for the positive vibes though. It seems my light af has disappeared. Last night of taking soy tonight too, so gx it helps to shorten my cycles. Let's see what happens...

Yes, but I'm fairly sure it's an evap. I've had a fair few of them after all. Look at it in all its head fuckery glory....

Can you ask or pay to go to a different clinic Black as that sounds awful?

I have everything crossed just. Do you have a picture?

Really hope the soy does help Ain.

For those of you who are medics or have already been through this, if I go to my GP and say I have been trying for six months (I am late 30s) without success will they tell me to wait longer because I had a baby last year and it might just be taking my body a while to settle down or do you think they will do something?