You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Black So sorry, I've forgotten your stats, how long have you been TTC so far? Is this an NHS clinic?

Just Pic definitely required....how many dpo are you?

Scottish lovely quilt and I was most impressed by your dh :)

Ain and Chat really sorry

myblackcat I am incredulous!!! Is this the nhs? I hope you have not paid for this wank stain advice? sorry have real anger management issues at the moment which is influencing my word choice

Just lets see a pic please!

Pic above, don't get excited, those who have been here a while know I get one of these every now and again and it's never anything!

fuzzy I may be wrong but they might not do anything at all if you already have dc? They will investigate period problems though.....got any you can present?

Fuzzy def go to gp. The guidelines are that once past 35 you should be referred on after 6 months of trying regardless. It's very unlikely you'd qualify for ivf anywhere on the NHS but you would be entitled to have fertility investigations, as far as I know.

Just. That is a head fuck!

Black I'm so angry on your behalf, what a blooming joke

Just absolutely everything is crossed for you right now!!!

Just back home from yoga, feeling very smug cos it was hip opening tonight & I was relatively good amazing at all the poses - must be all that shagging

Thanks just and Canters and I will wait out this cycle and then make an appointment. We could cover a few IVF cycles if we had to, so I would rather know sooner than later if that is what we will have to do. I have demonstrated that I can get pregnant and it hasn't really been that long that we have been trying but as it might take a while for tests and treatment, I don't want to delay things.

Thanks viroids for sharing the anger. Its nhs, ttc since dec13, it's the fact that I got pregnant then miscarried that's the issue I think, that was June 14 so it's been almost 20 months since then. Told that it has to be two years yet when being referred by GP we had choice of two areas and we went with the one we did cos they were 18 months not two years. I'm far to polite and non confrontational so didn't argue too much. I did say that we were told the same four months ago but the guy just said two years is the rules but then admitted that it would take 2-3 months from referral. Wish I'd argued more.

In all honesty though I don't really want to do IVF unless I have too so this probably gives us at least 6 more months before then. What's another six months when you've been trying 2 years hey?

just step away from the Internet cheapies - they cause heartache and are not worth the stress I do really really hope this one is right though gx

Just not sure why I asked for a picture as I am no good at making these tests out... will keep my fingers crossed for you!

Angelazul your yoga class sounds right up my street... did you do my fav pose: pigeon? I am totally crap at it but it really helps with my hip pain. I really should get back into it... last year (or may have been year before) instead of giving something up for lent I decided to do a sun salutation each day - I may do that again this year... lent starts on Wednesday right?

to Chat and Ain stupid AF.

Ain its not odd to have riding lessons as an adult, in fact there's a school near me that do ladies hours so specifically for grown ups so you don't gave to worry about learning with being shown up by little kids.

Black that sounds so hard to deal with, unmumsnetty hugs.

Just your body is mental too. I totally understand you not getting excited.

Nfmv: I had a little bit of ewcm today, more than I've had for months and I am having pains so perhaps I am about to ice in my wtf cycle! I will be donning my very best cape tonight

I'm getting more confused about whether I'm actually icing. Had no CM at all this cycle and have just found out that my periods (light and brown blood) could be a sign of PCOS.

If I'm not upduffed this cycle I will definitely be getting some contraband OPKs just to check if anything is actually happening down there consider my next step.

I may also start looking into privately having some initial tests to see if everything is 'okay'...I know it's very early but given in already 33 and we want two DCs I'd rather pay to know whether everything is working as it should be earlier rather than later.

Cats...good luck with the donning of the cape. Gx your WTF cycle brings extra luck and fertility as I know others have mentioned it did for them..

Kwick no pigeon thankfully, I'm rubbish at it & the smugness would have been wiped off my face pronto. We did do dancer though, which is my favourite, I always feel very graceful doing it. Probably don't look too graceful though Yeah lent starts Wednesday, I think it's a fab idea to take up something rather than giving something up. I did consider doing sun salutations every morning before, but tbh I love my bed too much, & those extra 10 minutes are precious

Cats glad to hear the cape is coming out

angela I love yoga! Is it weird that I'm looking forward to pregnancy yoga already?!

Cats Good luck and have fun tonight

Stumbly I know I am taking the risk of having my honorary fred membership reneged but I would definitely advocate the use of contraband - it can only help any Doc you see if you have an idea of when you get lh surge and so on.

As I am finding out sooooooooooooooo many things can impact fertility including a higher than usual thyroid (check), age (check), one ovary (check), and so on (check) so the more you can find out the better!

Angelazul look at you doing the dancer!!! I find all standing poses really hard due to issues with feet... but when I can get into it I find great joy in a half moon crescent (which is like saying half moon half moon ).

Just to make you all feel better - see the size if the needle I have to use for some of my injections!!!!

That's a whopper kwick

Ouch Kwick!

stumbly you need check your bbt to see if you are icing as OPKs won't confirm that for it; they just show when you have a lh surge.

I am really hoping that it is a drawing up needle... but I do recall the nurse saying that one of the injections has a massive needle and hurts less if done in bum - but hard to do that myself!!!

kwick u are NOT supposed to inject with that needle. The pink ones (sometimes green) are for mixing the drugs, then you swap to the smaller yellow needle to inject. Please do NOT inject with the pink needle!

Oooh, totally got distracted and forgot half of what I was going to say.

Scottish that quilt is just lovely, you are very talented.

Canters I can sympathise with the situation with your SIL. My SIL is also a baby making machine and amazing mother with lovely little ones, I always feel totally substandard. I do love her dearly though, I just have no idea how she manages to be so brilliant!

I am trying to resist the urge to start using contraband. Usually my cycle is fairly predictable so I don't want to add in another thing to stress about!

Kwick I love the pigeon! That is a rather large needle, hopefully your yoga practice will help you at least cope with staying calm when you use it.

will try not to lildottie ... I am going to book into to see nurse for an hour long medication teach after I start next cycle... a rather horrid and stern nurse already went through it but I clearly pushed back against her attitude and did not retain much...

stumbly if you do have pcos you will be in good company I would try and find out sooner rather than later if you can.

I'm 28, and apparently still 'young' as they put it last time (doesn't feel it though!) They basically implied that if I were older they would possibly explore different options faster, but because I was younger, and weight is one of my issues, they wanted me to try and lose weight first to see if my body would kick start itself if I lost a few pounds.

just I can see the line you're talking about, but no clue to if it's an evap.. is af due tomorrow? Can you do a frer in the morning? Or leave it a couple days, see if af shows her ugly face (gx she doesn't!), and if she doesn't do a test then?

cats I may look into riding again. I don't really have any stuff any more though. I used to have a hat, jodhpurs, jodhpur boots... actually might still have the boots somewhere... I used to love riding. I was never really good, but got up to simple jumping courses. I also used to love all the stable yard stuff though. Grooming... even mucking out weirdly... when I was a teenager my mum couldn't afford for me to ride as much as I wanted to so she used to pay for some of my lessons but I also used to do loads of stable jobs in return for lessons/rides.

Yep af due tomorrow, it's definitely there and pink but I can't get excited. I'm going to wait and see, I expect af will come tomorrow anyway

kwick do you know what your drugs/doses are yet? If you're still unsure after you've seen nurse you know where I am!

just I think I can see the line and I think it looks pink but I'm not going to get over excited for you just yet. I assume it wasn't fmu? Frer on Wednesday if no AF?