You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Jizznami... Truly excellent!!!!

Oops reread a previous post - i think 36 hours after trigger is a long period for iui...

Chatty viroids!!
chat I would be such an annoying newbie you would probably want to kill me by now! I am so scared of paeds and sick children! And kiddy cannulas. Eeeeeek. But I bring cake to make up for my inadequacies.
I have had waffles this morning

No such thing as over-sharing

"Alice do you weigh yourself regularly? Do you find you're a little scared of the numbers going up? Why won't you go over 1800 calories a day if you're trying to put on weight? Do you feel like you're trying to convince yourself that it's okay to put on half a stone slowly slowly? "

I used to weigh myself like 6 times a day (borderline- anorexia), so don't allow myself more than once a week now. I'm not fully committed that's the problem, I want to be a healthy weight to have the best chance of having a baby, but I don't actually want to put on weight, fucking love being skinny and hoping I can be skinny and preg....surely that's not too much too ask
I just can't go back to feeling uncomfortable, being overweight, constantly having in my mind that I need to diet, etc, can't go back that.

In other news it's CD9 and I've actually got the tiniest bit if EWCM, 1st time ever! (That I've noticed).

Just off to wagamamas in Guildford, its the place to be!

fuzzy my plan was cd 4-8. Only I'm a bit worried I've started them too early now. I know cd 1 should in theory be your first day of full flow, but I counted from spotting and said that it was a light period. Spotting seemed to stop on what I thought was morning of cd 4, but now I'm experiencing a light bleed (heavier than spotting, but light for a period). So turns out I may have been taking it from cd4 or from the day before cd1...

I should of just said I'm not entirely sure what cycle day I'm on instead of making you read all that! Haha.

Alice I'm glad you didn't think I was being too nosey! I just wanted to let you know that food was an issue for me too (and other viroids too it seems!)

Also, poa opk and track get shagging eod!

I'm in Guildford tomorrow....so it is indeed the place to be seen right now!

Argh...even thinking about eating just resulted in a binge. Goddamn.

Two books I've found help Ain....brain over binge and intuitive eating. Will re-read them I think!

I suppose all you can do is assume you did start on cd4 and base it on that. Do you know what day you usually ice, as I am not sure whether to start later in the cycle because I have a later ice date or not.

Firstly, Jizz - when your dp/dh ejaculates it goes in at about 28mph. The cervix is designed to get it to where it needs to go and the ewcm of which we all pray for looks after those swimmers. What falls out is not jizz, it's seminal fluid - and possibly some shit jizz that wouldn't make it anyway. Do not fear viroids, the goods are on their way before he's even pulled out :)

black long protocol is used where there is good ovarian reserve i believe as its better to give longer to turn everything off. If reserve is less good then they do shorter protocol as it can be turned off more easily. I know my clinic were keen to keep me on a fairly mild dose of stimms drugs on cycle 1 (they did up slightly for cycle 2) due to my AMH being very good (40) and they were concerned about OHSS.

Also 36 hours does seem too long for IUI. They do ec 36 hours after trigger for IVF as that's max before you could spontaneous ovulate and lose all the eggs, but for IUI you want the spunk to have time to get to the folly.

Thanks for the reassurance about the jizz lil.

I am finding slimming world is helping me stumbly. Although it doesn't magically fix things, I'm finding tracking what I'm eating and then having tons of 'free' food in the house to snack binge on is helping. I have been trying extra hard since the new year to take control, and most days I feel like I've been in control so I'm taking that as a good sign.

Fuzzy I'm going to just pretend I did start taking them on CD4. We'll see what happens. I don't normally ice, apart from last cycle I had signs of icing so I'm hoping I did. If I did it was around CD42. I am literally playing some sort of guessing game.

Alice
" I want to be a healthy weight to have the best chance of having a baby, but I don't actually want to put on weight, fucking love being skinny and hoping I can be skinny and preg...."
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I'm a bit worried about you You've probably already had support for your issues (?) but it sounds to me like you still need it. You need to nourish yourself and (when the time comes) your baby!

lil Thanks so much for the jizz info! (28mph?! Amazing!) Very reassuring

I can also say that lying with your legs in the air for 20 mins after is completely pointless. I did it every cycle for 3 years, and nada! ;)

The month I conceived my DC I stayed in bed, without moving (apart from putting a towel underneath), for the rest of the night after DTD. The jizz might have gone in at 28mph but I wasn't risking gravity assisting any of it out!!

Last question Ain, but what dose are you taking?

lil is right, there is no point lying down afterwards still do it though

fuzzy sounds like a sure fire way to get a uti! You must wee after sex!

Surely not if I don't need to though just? I clean my teeth, wee, don the cape, get into bed, shag and stay there for the night until my alarm also known as a large purring cat jumping on my chest goes off in the morning.

I appear to be suffering from some sort of ovulation rage today...I am seething and emotional for no reason.

I'm starting to think that maybe I was a black widow spider in a previous life and am having throwbacks to wanting to kill my mate after DTD?

I usually have ovulation rage/melt down as well and really have to work hard as it must be the least attractive quality to my DH when ttc!

No I suppose not! I think utis only occur if you have a full bladder after sex. I always need to wee after sex!

Is ovulation rage a thing?! Thank God. I'm a moody bitch today. I thought it was just tiredness from all the shagging but if it's down to ovulation that's an even better excuse.

Not very conducive to sex, though, is it?! Unless DH and I have a blazing row followed by hot make-up sex

I was told by a gp a longtime ago to pee before AND after sex to avoid it is, thrush and other bacterial infections.

Utis not it is!

Just found this interesting article....apparently the day after ovulation your estrogen levels plummet which causes the irritability

Also they mention an ovulation microscope that uses saliva...never heard of it before...

hormonehoroscope.com/your-hormone-road-map-how-to-figure-out-where-you-are-in-your-cycle/

I only pee a couple of times a day so definitely no before and after sex pee for me...I always amaze people when I say I've never been to the loo on an aeroplane.

I've been to Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, US a few times, Canada several times and South America. Still never peed on a plane.