You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Morning viroids!

stumbly your post made me LOL! The same thought has occurred to me when the jizz leaks out! I'm assuming/hoping there is plenty inside too! But it has been putting me off going for a wee after sex in case more jizz falls out

Thanks all for the good luck last night, it paid off! DH is convinced I will get pregnant this month, bless him... I have tried to explain that it's unlikely to happen straight away!

Oh and I totally agree that BMI is bullshit. I suppose they have to measure it somehow. But I've read articles that say the calculation is off. It doesn't take women's body shapes into account. That's my line and I'm sticking to it! (Last time I got weighed my BMI was 30.4, just in the obese category, but I'm only a size 14/16. I'm not in denial - I know I'm overweight, just not obese FFS!)

Lol! I've scooped! (Well attempted too, it really doesn't work), I got annoyed with dh yesterday because he made me laugh and that caused... Spillage. So I just "hung on" to my foof with the legs up probably completely pointless.

Alice

Haha Alice! that made me laugh.

What's also an issue is if you ever happen to need to cough just after...

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/9816596/Interactive-calculator-do-you-win-or-lose-with-the-new-BMI.html

As far as I can see the 'new one' is more accurate in terms of the calculation and taking into account height. But it fucks me over because my BMI comes out at 17.6 I need fat to make the baby :(

Alice Maybe you could see a dietitian for advice on putting on weight? And do you exercise? Muscle is heavier than fat!

In my head it's a nice problem to have but I don't suppose it feels that way to you!

Never exercise, I'm beyond lazy. Yeah I always thought it would be a nice problem to have, "excellent, bring on the cake!" But I've spent nearly all my life trying to lose and now I'm so scared of putting it all back on I'm struggling to put any on cant win.

Saw a dietician but they didn't tell me anything I didn't really know. I eat Paleo with loads of seeds/nuts/avocados etc, but I won't eat more than 1800 a day, so, what do I expect? I can't moan about something and not take any more steps to change it either. It's better than it was, I'll live.

Maybe if you exercise (muscle building not just cardio) AND eat loads, you will be heavier but not bigger, if that makes sense?

Yeah does, but I need fat to produce hormones and I am SO lazy. I think slow and steady wins the race, if I put on half a stone over a year maybe I won't notice it so much. Good point though.

Wow you guys go fast... On page 7

Alice I only ever get pasteis de nata from nandos - i have a massive addiction. Funny as before I was diagnosed with pcos I did not have such sugar cravings... I do not even like chocolate that much

I have not been to TGIs for about 20 years... Damn really showing my age!

Alice do you weigh yourself regularly? Do you find you're a little scared of the numbers going up? Why won't you go over 1800 calories a day if you're trying to put on weight? Do you feel like you're trying to convince yourself that it's okay to put on half a stone slowly slowly? I'm not expecting you to actually answer these questions, just things for you to think about... There are aspects of what your saying that resonate with me somewhat. Something I've not admitted on here before is that I've had issues with eating disorders in the past, and still have some issues surrounding food/weight/body image.

Worries have said too much

I only got 16% on that IVF predictor... sticking with consultant on over 38% chance.

Illiria so sorry to hear about mc. Not sure why they wait 26 hours for IUI - when I was doing I triggered with Ovitrelle and then next day had IUI - but then I have had 5 failed attempts - only last one did I take Menopur to stimulate follicle growth.

Viroids there was some discussion a few pages back about the 35 year old cliff - take a look at this - very interesting where the stats come from: www.claudiaspahr.com/fertility-support

Just what you said about chickens reminded me... very sad :(

I prefer old system - which gives me a 40.9 BMI, the new one gives me a 42.3... why do I get the feeling today is going to be a shit day...

Not said too much Ain... I had an eating disorder when younger....bulimia and then anorexic eating behaviours.

Then I've swung the other way and have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder which was so bad last year I got to the point of spending £800 a month on food and put on four stone in about six months.

Now I've had some treatment which has helped. Bingeing has slowed to only infrequently...maybe a few times a month which is nothing compared to what it was.

Now just feel in a limbo as worried that any changes will trigger an eating issue but maintaining my current weight isn't a good option either with a BMI of 36/37.

NFMS (scales): Make that BMI of 38.8

Food issues suck. Sorry so many of you guys have been through that.

Stumbly, I actually laughed out loud at jizz back draft! I'm sure I read most of the good stuff is in the first pump so as long as that was nice and deep the rest shouldn't matter. Dh has been known to yell 'scoop it in!! Scoop it in!!' When similar has happened in past.

Anyone know much about soy? I'm considering it if we end up in cycle 5...

Hang on, somewhere there is a good post on soy from someone when I was ttc in 2014. Let me try to find it and link it.

My bmi is higher on new scale than old but not much in it. And for those worrying about weight and high bmi's mine is 21 and I can't get upduffed

alice I do one body pump class a week which has really helped me tone up, that maybe a way of increasing weight through muscle, you get aerobic benefits too as weights are low, I really enjoy it.

I got 33% on the IVF success scale, lady at fc pretty much guaranteed us IVF would be successful which she shouldn't have and I'm not taking for granted.

lil how do they determine which down reg protocol you follow, is it a combination of factors or based on bloods etc. I really should do more research on this shouldn't I?

Canters I know when I got my last BFP various ladies on the bus successfully used soy and there is some useful information on page 19 of this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2197060-The-Pregtober-Bus-where-will-are-all-going-to-get-BFPs?pg=19&order=

I am going to give soy a try next cycle if I am still trying.

Nfmk (kitchen): major fail, boiled some rice to have with the left over chilli in the fridge, only to discover the chilli was bolognaise. Pasta would have been a better choice

Stumbly your ED story sounds similar to mine...

Regarding soy - I'm giving it a go this cycle, so I'll keep you posted.

Ha ha black! I did that the other day, was very odd!

Sorry to all the viroids struggling with weight/food. As black says it's no indicator, mine is 22 and I'm demonstrably not upduffed!

Love the new jizzident, jissnami?

What days and amounts are you using soy Ain? I don't think I have enough time now as I am on cd10 although I have another 10+ days to go until I ovulate.