There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hi viroids!

I'm knackered, interview went ok I think ad just on way back from fc app.

Consultant declared me "perfect", said my prolactin was slightly high probably because of hating blood tests as tink said. He also said my lh and fsh were in perfect ratio so I expect it was 8.1 rather than 81 as the receptionist read to me! He said my fsh was slightly high but still well within normal for my age. He also said my progesterone was great as was the ultrasound.

So he gave me a choice of either waiting list for laparoscopy to see if there is something wrong that's fixable or going straight to ivf.
He said as I'm under 35 he thought laparoscopy made more sense as then I could have as many babies as I want whereas if I have ivf now and there was a problem that could have been fixed I wouldn't know and then would have to pay for ivf for any more babies.

He also said that the success rate for ivf is really high until 35.

So I'm going to wait for laparoscopy and he said I can go straight onto ivf waiting list after that if I want.

Feeling relieved there is nothing wrong so far.

Also got a MASSIVE unexpected tax rebate through the post today

Sending to everyone.

cats hoping that's a positive sign for you

just what a lovely update - glad to hear your day is going well :)

london when my Dr thought I had ovulation bleed she said to ring if it happened again, but that may just have been her humoring me as she knows I am paranoid and need reassurance! If you have released two, that could be fun.

NFMC (chickens) one of them has actually laid an egg today - they haven't done this for months! I thin they are happy that it hasn't been raining for 24 hours.

I think it is normal to have spotting during ovulation. Try not to worry.

Good going chickens!

Hi everyone...I'm joining if that's okay?

Stats....

Name: Stumbly
Age: 33
TTC #1, first cycle so full of naive optimism
No DCs but two fur babies...

Fur baby pics...

That sounds great news just - think we are at same stage. Is laparoscopy same as HSG? I have appointment at beginning of next month for HSG results and assuming all ok we will be referred for IVF, obviously I'm still hoping we can do it ourselves before then but..... We were also told that success rates were really good, I've got 11 months before I'm 35 gx

Welcome stumbly hope your not here too long. I love your pussy pics

Hi stumbly hope you're not here long. Lovely pussies!

black it's not quite the same, similar result though as that checks for blockages in tubes? They go in through your belly button and fill you up with gas to look at everything, then flush tubes and can treat anything like endometriosis if they find it there and then. He even said they can unblock tubes then too. It's all done under GA obviously.

Exciting to be at same stage black, we can fly the flag for science (with some shagging thrown in for good measure!)

Tell you what black let's proper go for it and try and beat the doctors

I'm going for SOTM this time

Thanks Cats and I hope the spotting stops and isn't anything sinister. I have also heard that ovulation bleeding can be normal.

GX for you too MyBlackCat. I have given up testing as a new year's resolution, so am just going to wait and see if AF arrives or not. I have a fairly short LP, so should know in ten days.

A great day for you just. Any idea of the length of waiting time? My laparoscopy wasn't done under a general so have they definitely said to you that yours will be?

Hello and welcome Stumbly. Lovely cats. 😻😻

just great news! Hoping some will rub off on me... Especially as only a few days left if 2ww I may have done a sneeky test this morning

Am in need if good news - very stressful week, have yucky cold and my mum and I are still not on best terms...

Really fuzzy? He definitely said mine would be, wonder why? Assume waiting time same with or without? I have googled and GA seems to be pretty standard. How did you feel after? Did you need time off?

Sure you didn't have a hysteroscopy?

Oh no, what's happened with your mum? My sis had quite humdinger of a row with ours the other day
I've got a good feeling for you. Keeping everything crossed except legs

Thanks just - your support means a lot :)

I rowed with my mum on New Years Eve - she drives me insane sometimes in that she really does not get the process and therefore does not say the right things... she has a scientific background so it is more a matter of taking an interest than capability. Just now she said in a way that got right up my arse "you are testing tomorrow" - I said "no, the test is not until Monday"... I know she has been told this already!!!! Anyway I love my mum but it is just she sometimes finds it hard to support me as I would like to be supported and my hormones are all over the place so who knows if I am in my right mind anyway???

stumblymonkey I am very afraid to admit I am more of a doggy than pussy person but your pussies are very cute

Sounds like she's excited about it but struggling to say the right thing? My mum pissed me off earlier, when I told her about my appointment she said "well what are you doing wrong then?". In a jokey way but still.

She's dropped some clangers that I've ranted to the viroids about before. Some highlights to make you laugh include:
"You know you need to be having lots of sex don't you?"
"Well me and your sister got pregnant straight away so it doesn't make any sense!"

Cheers mum, ah sex, that's where we are going wrong

Excellent news just - hope you don't have to wait too long for the laparoscopy. And yes, it does have to be a GA, it's not technically feasible without one really. I think Fuzzy must be thinking of a hysteroscopy or similar.

We are doing this just 2016 is the year

Oh Kwick I hope things sort themselves out soon with your mum.

Hmmm... Maybe it was a hysteroscopy then just. I went to see a gynaecologist and it was all done during the same day that I had my appointment, and it was how I was diagnosed with endometritis. Let me see if I can dig out the paperwork that was sent to my GP following it all.

Thought so sock, dig it out though fuzzy as I'm curious as to whether you were just a total hard ass! I don't think I could be cut without a GA

black we so are. It's totally our year. I'll do you a deal, if I end up with ivf multiples I'll share with you
When is your appointment?

Has anyone had a laparoscopy? Any of the grads maybe? Want to know what to expect after/if I'll feel horrendous etc. Suppose I could google but I trust the viroids more!

I've never had one, but I've anaesthetised for loads! It can be painful afterwards, but for most people it's manageable with normal painkillers. If they find endometriosis and burn it then that'll obviously be more sore than if they just have a look around. Often the pain isn't necessarily around the cuts themselves, but can be caused by any remaining trapped gas, which can cause pain radiating to your shoulder.

You may also feel sick afterwards, though they'll be able to give you anti-sickness drugs if you're feeling sick while you're still in hospital. Even though the cuts on the outside are only small, it's still an operation, so don't expect to feel completely normal right away. Definitely take a few days off afterwards until you know you're feeling better. Good luck!

Ha just I'll have one of your multiples if it's going spare and vice versa! Next appointment is 8th Feb but still clutching at straws that by some miracle we won't need it. I'm highly fertile right now so need to done the cape

OMG sock DO NOT REMIND ME OF SHOULDER PAIN!!! I had an op when I was 19 where they removed cyst and right ovary and pumped loads of gas in. I found the shoulder pain excrutiating.... I think peppermint helped.
Must say though that after 5 days of not being able to have a bath due to massive wound (like caesarian) the nurse bathed me and washed my hair with old formula pantene (far superior to current versions) - best bath EVER!!
Not so great when they tried to remove the wire stitch and it snapped...