There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Welcome stumbly hope your not here too long, but the vidroids will take good care of you.

Just sounds like a good day all round

Kwick sounds like your mum was maybe trying to help, but completely off the mark??

NFMV: now in the fertile period, doning the cape as much as possible

So good to hear about your positive fc appointment just!!!!! Hopefully you just need a little tweak in there (or nothing at all as you'll be up duffed next month anyway)

kick I'm a dog person too

sock thank you that's so helpful. Stupid question but is GA done with a cannula in hand?

black deal! Get shagging, I'm hoping for a miracle for us both! angel cape on too madam!

kwick that sounds horrendous!

Hi 5hell, waves. How are you? Little tweak! Let's hope so!

Stumbly your cats are BEAUTIFUL!

Just you called? I have had two laps. You will get four cuts. One in your belly button, two either side (towards your hips) and one on your bikini line. They stick a camera in one, a gas tube in another (to inflate your abdomen with CO2 so they have more room and then tools in the others. Slowly they explore your abdomen, and remove anything that is where it shouldn't be and clear things out.

You'll come round from GA and be wheeled to a ward, where hopefully you can mobilise and go home that day. You will be catheterised but they'll put it in and take it out whilst you're under, so you just get the ghostly feeling of needing a wee for a while.

Healing wise, you're looking at 1-2 weeks off work depending on how active your job is. (Office = 1 week, teacher, doctor, labourer =2 weeks)

I had to get antiseptic cream to help my belly button cut heal the first time but otherwise all cuts healed fine. Very faint scars, about 1cm long each.

I had two as it was for endometriosis, 2010 and 2014. Will prob have another at some point or a hysterectomy A lot of endo patients save them up until they want to concieve, as the success rate is pretty high in that regard. (If your endo is preventing conception that is.)

DFriend had one as a "fertility investigation" after 3+ years with no luck. She had hoped they would find sonething like endo to aid their case for IVF and was gutted when they said there was nothing wrong. And then fell pregnant the next cycle.

Any specific questions, let me know!

Welcome stumbly!
just that sounds very positive whoohoo!
Am pissed as a fart (friends round for dinner and we have hit the port). Worrying though as have a left sided ?ice pain and now worrying about my thyroid levels not being right. Also I should have been 12 weeks by now without mc so feeling a bit sad :(

honey you're amazing! That's really helpful. I'll have loads of questions nearer time I'm sure! Teacher here so thinking I might not be straight back. I'm going to hold onto the hope of magical post lap conception

corgi hugs for you. Enjoy the evening. Love a bit of port. Have you had white port before? Here if you need to chat

Welcome stumbly love your fur baby pics!
dp is out with the lads (can't complain first time in like 3years!) But can't sleep as he's not in bed it's weird!

I am back in the country and awake with jet lag! Wahoooooooooo. Dh is sound asleep. Typical.

Just that sounds really positive, thank God you're moving forward, heres to a 2016 baby!!

Oh corgi I'm sorry. Its really shit, no two ways around it. But also yay for port, I bloody love port, and dessert wine, and wine in general.

Gut feeling is I'm out this month. Wondering how to imporve chances for next month. Pre seed?

Welcome home canters, why do you think you are out?

black just and angel what a lot of enthusiasm for cape donning, I hope much jizz is received!

corgi enjoy the port and let yourself feel sad if you need to

Hello stumbly! Stay filled with naive optimism, its a lovely way to be

Nfmv: the spotting has pretty much stopped now, although I'm not getting excited yet. I do want to know what my body is up to though so I am going to test before the witch is due on Thursday. Does anyone know how early I van test with a free? Will it be tomorrow or Monday? There is a vaguely scientific reason for this, in that if I get a BFP then bleed again I want to know that was the case to let my gp know (and nothing to do with the fact I am super impatient at all).

*can test with a frer (damn you autocorrect)

You're welcome Just. Ditto on the teacher front. My first i ended up having in the penultimate week of term so didn't go back. Would prob be ok with going back sooner than two weeks, but consultant said two and signed me off, so I wasn't going to volunteer Same rules re driving as any surgery... Don't until you can do an emergency stop. Test this by jumping up and down. If its pain free or almost pain free, you're good. If you can't even consider jumping, thank you very much, don't drive.

Well I can honestly say I've never received so many compliments about my pussy pussies

I'm in the TWOT now but we only DTD once during icing season so I'm not expecting anything other than AF.

We normally have low-ish sex drives however I hear there's a competition for SOTM? Might be in the running for that next month since I'm ridiculously competitive trying to get upduffed

BTW....check me out with all the lingo as a newbie

I can't find the paperwork just but what I had didn't involve cuts like described and I am definitely not a hard ass. Doctors often seem quite reluctant to anaesthetise me as I have permanent tachycardia but I have had several operations under GAs in recent years, so it can't be that bad! Can it be picked up in an ERPC as I had one at the same sort of time and am wondering now how and why I was diagnosed without a laparoscopy.

Nice lingo Stumbly.

I won't win SOTM but am looking to be a contender for the week. DTD on Sunday, Wednesay, Thursday, Friday and, if this cold eases enough, tonight as well. Not sure of a definite ice date but I think it was Thursday or yesterday.

Cats, it was just a v strong gut feeling but caved and did an ic with fmu today and bfn. Must be at least 11dpo, probably more, but suppose it could still be too early. Meh. I'm a bit pissed off because since coming off the pill in august my skin has got worse and worse- I had spots on my wedding day- and am starting to worry about getting more scarring if TTC takes a long while. I needed lymecycline in my mid 20s which hit it like a boss but is contraindicated if TTC. Sigh.

Anyway cats I think you can use frer 4 days before AF.

Excellent use of lingo stumbly!

Thanks for the kind words you lovely viroids. I now have a head like a badger's are but it was a great evening! just I have had white port before but ages ago, will have to get some to replace the other port which is all gone.
canters gah spots are so annoying. Can you try topical antibiotics? I used to have Zineryt which is erythromycin and zinc. Worked like a dream! Or maybe just benzoyl peroxide? Though am sure you know all the options too!

Wow fuzzy, SOTW for definite! Double points for persisting whilst being poorly.

Canters that's a bummer, can you wait a couple of days and do a frer? Or will you just wait to see if the witch arrives?

I bought a 2 pack of frers and it says up to 6 days before the first day of missed period so I can test now but will wait for tomorrow's fmu.

stumbly you've picked it up very quickly! Me and DH have low sex drives too, its all a bit odd DTD every 2-3 days.

Thanks Cats although that will be it until my fertile time next month.

I understand a FRER to work from around 7dpo but only if the egg has already implanted and some don't until about 10dpo, so you might well be pregnant but still testing too early.

Just yes, you will need a cannula, but you can ask for the EMLA cream beforehand, like you did for your blood tests. You will see the anaesthetist before you go down for surgery, so explain your fears and ask them for the cream then!

Fuzzy endometritis is different from endometriosis. Endometritis is an infection/inflammation of the womb, which does sometimes happen after ERPC, and could be seen on hysteroscopy. Endometriosis is where endometrial cells (the ones which normally line your womb) are found elsewhere in the body, most commonly around the pelvis, where they can cause scarring which can affect fertility. That can only be diagnosed with laparoscopy, which is keyhole surgery as described above - though you don't always need 4 cuts!

I think I had so many cuts because I had a shit tonne of adhesions too. I had part if my bowels removed as a baby in rather crude 80s (lifesaving!) surgery so they had to spend some time cutting adhesions apart first. Fun and games.

My boobage is not sore anymore... Methinks this may be a bad sign..and I may have done another test this morning with secondmu and got another bfn

Sock my diagnoses is definitely endometriosis (although I didn't know about endometritis existing until you posted that). I had horrific pains and heavy periods from as soon as they began and went on the pill early in my teens to help it. Being on the pill really did help hugely and I went to the doctor when ttc in the first place, followed by various scans and a referral but my pregnancy, mmc and erpc came in between the referral and being seen by the gynaecologist. The only time the stomach pains have really gone have been when on the pill or pregnant although for me they are at their worst around ovulation time.

Cats if you read the box you'll see that testing that earlier produces a lot of false negatives. I think only 60% of pregnancy can be detected that early. It only gets into the 90 percents two days before period so I'd advise you to wait as it can be a real waste of money to test that early.

Just congrats on the great FC results. Doesn't seem like you should be worried about your ability to have a baby. One way or another you seem very likely to have a baby soon!

Welcome stumbly

Impressive shagging Fuzzy. DH and I haven't been shagging like crazy this time. About 3 times this week. I've been too poorly to really through my back into it. Ah well.

Welcome Stumbly!

Think all the other medical peeps have covered laps and endo - hope you get a date soon Just