There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

canters I forgot to say that mc, whilst shit, has made me realise how many people go through it and what it feels like. Even did a reflection on it for my sodding eportfolio! haha

on page 30...

London I am so sorry to hear you are spotting... I hope it is not the witch.

Viroids: I am sorry that I have been very remiss in not updating you on my magic potion status. I have indeed bought 2 vials of unwashed magic potion. I used a US bank - there was a lot of information available but at additional cost... I really am in for a penny, in for a pound but with the previous site I used there was not so much and I did not want my criteria to be too wide... sorry this is hard to explain. But anyway have opted for a Italian/French/Puerto Rican donor. I liked the idea of it coming from USA - maybe less chance of half-siblings living next door and the latino piece is very important for me (I am half Spanish, and have Puerto Rican and Peruvian family). It should be with my clinic tomorrow!

Okay off to read some more...

I am now all caught up :)

Apologies if this has come up already on this fred but I just bought a book which I wish I had read months ago - really interesting and full of advice. It is called "It starts with the Egg" and it is by Rebecca Fett.

Tomorrow I have the Dummy Embryo Transfer 3D scan... been told to take painkillers before scan... my fanjo is not looking forward to it at all. Anyway they are checking uterus cavity quality. Then next week I start down-regging (so taking shed loads of hormones)... I am still trying to get familiar with IVF protocol - IUI was so much easier.

Anyway warm wishes to you all & gx!

Thanks Corgi.

Sounds like a gorgeous baby Kwick in the making!

Really do hope we have a bumper bfp January!

London I hope that it manages to stick! Enjoy your Vietnam trip (how exciting!) and enjoy shagging for shaggings sake.

Alice you need to get a roc (receptacle of choice) to pee in and dip the ic's in that. we haven't had a good roc chat for a while... but of course we don't use contraband!

I need ALL the raspberries in my life! totally not a craving or symptom right? I'm on my third punnet from tesco in 2 days. Good job they are free (and actually a speed food) on my sw plan. Though I'm also wanting cheese and onion crisp sandwiches. Most definitely NOT on the sw plan!

Thursdays are active days for me. I'm achey now. Am sitting on my bed with my raspberries chilling out. Turning out to be a nice evening. (though part of the reason I'm upstairs is because I'm annoyed with DH for insignificant things).

What are my roc options?? Ramekin springs to mind but I eat my nuts and raisins out of those... Maybe some sort of dedicated decanter.

I have a dedicated little Tupperware pot in the bathroom. DH doesn't know what it's for, but he's so unobservant he's probably not even noticed it (even though it's been there for 16 months)

I used to have a plastic Costa cup but now use a wide bottle lid. I could do with some good inspiration for a better roc though. Any known lucky ones?

Haha sock !!! I have a little plastic cup thing (think it was actually supposed to live life as a toothbrush holder, poor thing!) It was 50p in Wilkos. Completely different colour to all of our 'real' bathroom stuff. Don't think DH has a clue why it's there. Hope he doesn't use it for anything, haha! though it never appears to move apart from when I use it.

Wine bottle lid?! I would piss all over myself if I attempted such a feat. Fair play to you.

You must have been on obstetrics during your mc then corgi? Bloody hell that must have been hard. Glad you got an eportoflio log out of it I did the same when faced with a 2ww breast ref for myself in the midst of a spate of new dx breast ca patients and I reckon all this will make us much more emphathetic gps, which can only be a good thing.

My roc is a sputum pot from work. I have two. Dh hasn't noticed. Men!

What's the egg book about kwick? Well eggs obv, but you know what I mean. I read quite a good one on positive mental attitude which helped at the time but now I kinda want to kick it in the fanjo.

The magic potion sounds good, I have a good feeling about this and the ivf cycle!

I am also chuckling to myself at the appropriateness of using a wine bottle lid. Brilliant!

I buy the economy packs of disposable shot glasses. Pour it out in the toilet, rinse in the flush and then throw it away!

I keep forgetting to empty them though... On more than a few occasions I have come home from work to find a shot glass full of wee in the sink. Is that disgusting? I think it's pretty disgusting. DH hasn't noticed yet though...

I think he even brushed his teeth with a shot of wee in the sink the other day...

How are we grown up enough to think we're ready to bring a baby into the world?!

Oh dear... Radio silence... I've said too much!!

Sorry viroids

A wide, not wine, bottle lid. It is actually the lid from premade formula milk for my DC. I wouldn't risk a wine bottle lid. I know my limitations!!

Haha Scottish! that made me laugh!!! It's fine. I think men are blind apart from what they need to see... may also explain why my DH rarely sees mess, our kitchen is currently a bomb site!

I want more raspberries, but I'm comfy and have only just managed to get warm...

Scottish dh has Definately found a pot of my wee in the bathroom before. You'd have to do a lot more than that to induce shame here!!

Haven't read back but agree, dp has found many a pot o wee!
More worryingly the other day I nearly drank mine.....I didn't!

i can highly recommend a gu ramekin as ROC, because...

1. those gu deserts are delicious, so it's a good excuse to buy them
2. they are nice and wide so easy to catch wee in
3. they are clear glass so match any bathroom colour scheme

pretty sure there is no such thing as saying too much on here scottish

I used a stripy mug that doesn't match my other ones. DH calls it my "pissy mug". It's important that any ROC is good for pouring too, as you will continue to need it to provide endless urine samples to midwife in those ridiculously tiny sample bottles.

That's what I use 5hell, I keep it in a cupboard though!

Phew, thanks 5hell that's what I thought, glad I didn't scare everyone off!!

Cd1 here again on to cycle 3073 slight exaggeration but if feels like that

My roc of choice is a plastic cup that DH threw out the window last week cos he was fed up of seeing it in the bathroom he is a cock

I'm away for the weekend with friends - wine will be drank

Also waiting for the phone call to tell me whether I'm unemployed or not, staring at phones does not make them ring

Black sorry the witch has got you, I hope you enjoy all the at the weekend.

All this talk of rocs is a new revelation to me - I have always poased or peed directly into that stupid little tube the Dr gives you making a huge mess I thought if you used anything else it might get contaminated (I may be a very naive here). I shall have to find a recepticle to use :)

Corgi thank you for the explanation, I didn't get my full results but I don't think there is anything to suggest a thyroid problem, no other symptoms and I have been tested in the past too with the all clear

5hell I literally just lol'ed in the staff room and got some weird looks!

Sorry to hear you're having a shitty day black ! Glad you have what sounds like a fun weekend to look forward to.

I'm currently debating chocolate after (yet another) punnet of raspberries!