Relaxed TTC Feb/March/April 2016

[stumblymonkey]

Hi,

We've just agreed to start TTC #1 in March so just starting to look at preparing for that - prenatal vitamins, losing some weight, etc.

I'm 33 and have only been with my OH for just over a year but we're both sure this is the relationship for us...we'll be getting married but want TTC as a priority and fit any wedding around Mother Nature.

Not planning any temp checking or charting or such like....maybe I'll change my mind if I'm not preggers after six months or so!

Anyone planning TTC about the same time and want to keep in touch on this thread for relaxed catch ups about preparing and then TTC?

Sarah X

Alice....I'm a bit concerned about the meds to be honest. Hoping that crazy pregnancy hormones won't send me into a depression but who knows?! I'm on a FB group for bipolar so I'm going to ask for experiences on there...

I'm trying to stay positive...i.e. any woman can have mental health issues with pregnancy hormones and at least I know what I'm dealing with whereas it must be very scary getting PND if you've had no experience of mental health problems before

Make sure you pop in on your support group each day stumbly, I'm sure it will be a great support. X

Stumblymonkey, I'm in similar position. I have only been with DP for 13 months. Been living together for about 9/10 months as we both owned our own house so he moved in with me and we rent his out.
I came out of a 5 year relationship and met DP in less than a month. I know he is the one for me.

I think people expect me to want to be married first but for reasons you said also I'm just not fussed. Having a baby and having our parents around to see their grandchild grow up is far more important to me at the moment.

Radders I'm engaged but it isn't important. For me, some kind of commitment was needed before TTC, although that didn't have to be marriage. I just want to know I won't be doing this on my own! We thought about waiting a year or two to save for a wedding, then just decided to have the wedding we could afford ASAP. I realised I wanted to start a family more than I wanted caterers and a silk dress.

I don't get this waiting around for someone to propose thing, though. I mean, it's a question that both of you already know the answer to, right? If both of you know that you intend on marrying each other, why do you need to wait for him to voice it?

Hi everyone, hope you're all well. I've done a full week after today of my healthy eating and I'm feeling pretty good. Weigh day isn't until Wednesday but I'm feeling confident I'll lose as long as I stick at it x

I'm married and we've been together for 9 years this year. We have been putting children off for a while but now we've both been in our jobs for quite a while and have a nice home (plus we're 30 now) so decided to TTC.

I know plenty of people who aren't married and have children. It really makes no difference.

Isthatpoisontoo, I definitely see where you're coming from on that. I guess it's a sign of more commitment but just because you have a ring on your finger doesn't mean the commitment is any more or less. I don't know what it is really... You have definitely got me questioning it!

I don't know if it's partly thinking he's asking me to marry him because he wants to rather than because he feels he has to as we have a child together... Although saying that out loud that's bizarre too. And a child is more commitment than a marriage as its for life.

I have a friend who is engaged, when finding out she is pregnant booked the wedding for one year after the due date.
I have another friend who wants to be married before getting pregnant and that's that. She's not engaged yet.
And another who doesn't really want to get married.
So all very different!
Thanks for all your opinions etc X

Hope everyone is doing well.

Been eating pretty well, but did have wine last night as FIL was over so it would have been rude not to

Sticking to my one coffee per day, its not as difficult to do as before, luckily the free coffee at work is crap.

Been googling how to increase fertility and it seems the main way are good diet, no alcohol, little caffeine, healthy weight and exercise.

Does anyone have any other pointers, though? I know you are supposed to avoid soy and Vitamin A.

I'm really trying to prime my body for conception, cut out the processed rubbish.

Made beef stock last night so will make a huge pot of lentil soup with that tonight.

I got married before having my dd for one reason. Looking back, it was daft and totally selfish, but, at the time, I wanted a honeymoon not a family holiday. Getting married was lovely, but less of a commitment than a mortgage together and way less than having a child together! Having my dd was life changing in the best possible way. so much better than a wedding or honeymoon. Waiting until after i got married now seems daft to me.Those of you who are not married - do not even question it. Having a baby is ten bazillion times better. Children enrich and enhance your lives in every way. My SIL had DN first and got married second, her dd was her bridesmaid and it was brilliant.

So I made my appointment with a private psychiatrist to talk about meds and mental health care while TTC / pregnant.

£280......

Crazily expensive but the NHS are so crap at mental health care I'll pay it anyway. At least it's next Tuesday rather than the only very slightly cheaper option which would mean waiting six weeks!

Loki...it's lovely to hear someone being so thrilled and positive about children. Reading through the threads on here is usually full of horror stories about how horrible and difficult it all is which makes me start wondering why any of us sign up to pushing a watermelon sized thing out of our lady bits TTC!

thanks loki17
I have been discussing the responses with DP And we have had a really good chat about it all tonight. We have both agreed that we are a little silly waiting to be engaged. He said that it will definitely come and probably before having a baby in any case but there isn't really a reason to wait but he is happy to do what I want to do.
I do want a baby more than being married definitely. One person's preference in the order of doing things is not necessarily another persons.
I'm going to finish this pill packet and then take it from there. So exciting!

I agree with stumbly, it is really nice to hear such lovely words about it all. You do hear a lot about how difficult it all is which no doubt it is.
That's great you have booked the appointment and you got it earlier than on the NHS. I'm sure it'll be worth paying for.

What kind of exercise are people doing? I'm thinking I need to start something that will strengthen my core. I have done 30 minute shred before which I think I will do again as it really works on all the muscles.

I am a very career driven, quite successful, thoroughly modern woman, travelled the world and all that blah. However, I can say that the best thing about my life is having my dd. She has given my life meaning and value and I'm a better person because I've got her. As for labour - I bloody loved giving birth! Felt like superwoman! Ignore the negatively. There will always be tough times in everything you do, but overall, if you want kids, you will never regret having them.

I've been really poorly this week and the thought of having a child has worried me a little as I've felt like I can't even look after myself! I've hardly managed to move out of bed (hence why I've suddenly taken to mumsnet)
It's a little daunting to think someone will be totally dependant on you and even when you're feeling poorly you got to keep going...

If you're career driven do you work full time? How old is your DD?
I have the ability to work my way up and I will be getting a promotion in February. I have no intention on going back full time though. I just wish the company would take me back part time but chances are very slim

I do work full time but I'm a teacher and head of year and head of department. (hence the reason I didn't list 'wealthy' as well as career driven!) After the next baby I want to make the leap to assistant head. However, I have all of the school holidays to spend with my dd. I can be home for 4pm and do my pkanning when she goes to bed which is a real help. She is 4. I went back 4 days when she was 10 months and full time when she was 3.Its a juggling act but a rewarding one.

That's great Loki. Sounds like you've got the right mix of career and spending time with your dd there.
We all have to have some sort of ambition whether we have kids or not.
I don't know if I will go back full time eventually but we shall see. I know I do want to work though.

I think some people get some kind of thrill from telling others the horror stories of child birth. Yes, son women have a really bad time of it but some women also have fantastic Labour and birth. I've had one ok birth and one really positive birth. Am not gonna lie it hurts but it's also a very rewarding moment in your life. I would recommend water birth, had it with my second and found it really good.

I worked as a chef before having my children. As much as I loved my job and enjoy cooking I don't think going back to chef work would work with young children, the hours are crazy and its often late finishes. Tbh a job in a school kitchen would probably work best for me when the children are older. I'm planning to go to work part time but not until the children are all over 3/4. My husband works hard to support us and gets a good wage but we have to budget, I don't mind though. We don't go without and have a happy home x

Raddersmrs: I shoot weddings and about 50 per cent of them involve the couple's various kiddos, and it's always really lovely. It's a really exciting thing for little kids to see their mother all dressed up!

Started my pre-natal vits today.

My exercise is two boot camps a week and one 'strong(wo)man' session at the weekend. My DP owns a strength training gym so I do it there for free. Would like to add a bit of jogging in a couple of times a week but I can't get the motivation going at the moment as it's always raining!

Because DP has set up his own business which isn't breaking even yet I earn about 13x more than he does 'cause I work in the City so I'll definitely be back full time.

The one good thing is that I work from home 3 days per week so the LO would still need to go to childcare but at least I can drop off at 9am and pick up at 4-5pm....whereas the days I'm in the City I leave the house at 7.30am and don't get home until 6.30-7pm

I'll probably have to go back after about 7-8 months too as we need my salary after that....that being said we're very unusual in the UK having 12 months off...doesn't happen in most countries...

I'm not going to be able to afford 12 months this time either. I am lucky that I work in the public sector so get 6 months off on full pay. We can probably just about manage 3 months on stat pay after that but the 3 months on nothing was a killer and took all our savings last time so the plan is for 9 months. I work 3 days a week since ds and will carry on with that, fortunately ds qualifies for his free hours in a year so we won't have full costs of two at nursery.

I only get 3 months full, 3 months half and then stat. Am saving this year so I can use those savings to top up and then will tag on six months of accrued leave plus can take 10 paid 'keep in touch' days so that strings it out to 7 months or so. No way we can manage on stat as DP only takes £600 a month from the business at the mo, most of which pays his petrol to/from work and his credit card.

Stumblymonkey sorry if you are repeating yourself but what vits are you taking?
I have folic acid which I've started. Not sure if should take anything else?

Hopefully it will kick off for your DP soon... It takes time doesn't it.

My maternity package is the minimum required so that's a bit pants. I haven't decided how much time I will have off. If my company offer me part time to go back earlier then I may consider it. Will have to see nearer the time.

Maternity leave is tricky, I work for the NHS, so I know its not too bad, but its not made clear what it actually is on my contract so I need to ask HR.

I've exercised twice this week...not very good. My BMI is now 17.8...which puts me off exercising because I know a low BMI isn't good for conception.

Just bought 120 folic acid in the Holland and Barrett penny sale, bargin. Got my preseed through off ebay today and Ovia is telling me my CM means I'm coming up to my fertile window, eeek. I'm not going to tell DH to hopefully reduce his performance anxiety.

Alicescarlett - how exciting!
I don't mean this in in disrespectful way but are you quite thin or would you say healthy weight?
Reason I am asking is because my BMI is in the healthy range at 22 but I do feel like I'm not healthy, could lose some weight and need to exercise more. So although it says that about BMI I do think it is down to the individual and lifestyle too.

I can't quite remember mine either, I did read the handbook but can't remember now but I know they don't give us any perks.

Radders, I am married but it was just a natural step for us as we had been together since we were teenagers and wanted to wait until we were late 20s before having children, getting married for us in our mid 20s was just what we wanted but I don't think it makes a difference with regard to having children. If you have a strong relationship and can work together in raising children, it makes it a lot easier, I think your marital status is irrelevant in that.

Re. Maternity leave, I expected to be back at work this month after having DD (13 months) but for a number of family reasons, I haven't gone back and will be staying at home for a bit longer with her. If I am not pregnant by Sept, I will go back part time but if I am, I am just planning to stay off until the next one is 12-18 months. DH is in the military and spends a lot of time away so me staying at home at the moment just makes it easier on us as a family. I am running a business from home 2 afternoons a week when DD is in nursery, and I tutor privately one evening a week (primary teacher) which is enough to give me a bit of variety.