Pom Poms, Placards and Picket Lines. The Berries are putting up the barricades and will not be crossed! A delightful bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1.

[happylass]

The Berries have strict entrance criteria: TTC #1 for 12 months+, over 30, NO instadiffers, must have a special pimping pot and absolutely no mention of baby dust/dancing. Not that we're fussy!

Current Ladybros:

Smidge 39, TTC since Jan '13. Unexplained. Some high NK cell immune treatment. IVF#1 Short protocol Jul'14 BFN; IVF#2 Nov'14 and IVF#3 Feb'15 both Long protocol BFNs; Natural FET Jun'15 - Another BFN. Trying to work out what to do next.



Happylass, 37, TTC since Aug 2012. 3 failed ICSI cycles, 1 failed FET and 1 abandoned cycle due to poor response. Awaiting next and final cycle with own eggs hopefully Feb/March time. HATE THIS SHIT!!



Beaky 35, ttc 3 yrs, 2x failed iui 1 long protocol ivf cancelled, 2 short protocol IVF both BFN, very low amh/poor responder etc. 3rd IVF in January.



Tigerdog, 35, ttc since Jan 2013. Unexplained. IVF #1 chemical pregnancy. Currently redoing tests in preparation for IVF #2.



barkingtreefrog 36, ttc since Dec 2011. clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @7 weeks, iui bfp summer 2014 then mc @6 weeks. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at the repeat mc clinic. IUI bfn Jan 2015, IVF bfn April/May 2015. FET bfn August 2015, remaining frozen embryo perished. Private tests showed high nk cells activity and th1/th2 as well as mthrfr gene. Started downregging for long protocol ivf in Oct 15 plus two intralipid drips, and got pg. Third mc @ 6.4 weeks despite heparin, intralipids, metafolin and prednisolone. Last Ivf attempt starting February 2016 then on to adoption. 



Kuma - 40. TTC 2.9 years. Low AMH high FSH - DH antisperm ABs. Failed IVF June 14 and March 15, cancelled cycle June 15. Last try Jan 16. 



Lucieloos, 36, Low AMH & sperm motility. ICSI#1, April 2015, Czech Republic, BFN. Icsi#2, cancelled before EC. Icsi#3 & 4, Embryo Banking. 3 blasts in freezer. Icsi#5 in Czech in Jan. NHS cycle in Feb / March.




Sesame, 40, ttc 2 years with no dp, multiple failed IVFs, 4 ETs, 1 bfp followed by mc, poor responder with v low AMH, but still looking for the golden egg.

Nolly, 33, TTC 3 years, 1 confirmed MC, 2 more suspected. still in limbo. 



Funkymonk 33. Ttc since October 2012. Mc June 2013, Mmc dec 2013, mc June 2014. Factor v Leiden thrombophilia. Abandoned IVF Jan 2015 due to thin lining. Abandoned FET Aug 2015 due to thin lining. 4 embies on ice. Currently experimenting with different cycles in an attempt to thicken lining.

Clem, 39, ttc since 2013. diagnosed with anovulation by nhs so on a course of clomid. no male factor issues. all other test results have come back okay inc. ovarian test reserves. currently being referred back to nhs for single funded cycle.

Nolly, 33, TTC 3 years, 1 confirmed MC, 2 more suspected. Starting IVF in January.



Antonia79 36, ttc #1 since 2009, adhesions made for sticky insides & one tube removed, confirmed NHS IVF route Sept 15, TTC naturally again as recommended by doctor until IVF cycle starts (early - mid 2016) if not conceived by then.



Grin - 35, TTC 3 years, NFI why I can't get pregnant,, 3 X failed clomid attemots, 2 X ICSI failed fertilisations, 1 x IVF BFN. Doing another cycle in Mar 2016 and thinking of embryo donation.



The Roll of honour:

Pip - Quite simply the Best In Show.
Lumen - The Legend that is....

Hoping no news is good news clem. Either way, we're here when you're ready.

sesame hope you're doing ok and I'm so sorry to hear your egg didn't fertilise. So frustrating. I'm also very curious about the back story of my colleague. Around the time she got pregnant she went to America, so I wonder if it was donor embryos there . There just isn't a scenario where it's acceptable to ask such questions, so it will remain a mystery!

barking hope you're enjoying the weekend. Good on you for being so strong around your friend's baby. I love seeing babies, it's funny but that's not the bit hurts me. What hurts is when people minimise what infertility is like - I will avoid those people more readily than the children themselves. Or people that talk endlessly about their children, even when they know how hard that might be. Everything crossed for you -when will you test?

wild! Hello, hope you and the lovely twins are doing well. I will PM you as I would like to pick your brains about immune tests/treatment. After this transfer I developed a rash and my white blood cell count was elevated, and I want to look into imnune testing and treatment. I know you were at the same clinic that I had part of my cycle at too so might be able to give some insight!

beaky hope you're having a good long weekend away!

happy hope the hangover wasn't too bad. I felt a bit grotty yesterday after two glasses of wine! Out of practice!

Fairly productive weekend in the tiger household - lots of wedding stuff sorted, long walks, pub lunch, cinema, house cleaned from top to bottom, and some long awaited wine drunk! Less than two weeks until the wedding now!! Seeing as I'm not pregnant, I'm treating myself to every beauty treatment there is. I've also booked myself a stylist appointment at a department store to sort myself out with a new work wardrobe before my new job starts. I might be barren but at least I'll look ok!

We seem to be doing ok. Mr T is finding it harder than me because he was so convinced it would work. He says he's been fighting back the tears on his morning dog walks this week. Breaks my heart to think of him getting upset - he never cries.

No news?

tiger 2 weeks!!!!! So exciting!!!

I am going slowly insane. Weekend plans changed due to weather so we're back at the house but everything I want to do I daren't - ie lugging boxes around the house, stretching up to put up curtain rails, balancing on step ladders to drill holes in the wall for shelves etc. The clinic told me no heavy housework and I'm not taking any chances.

So instead I'm painting test patches of colour on the walls and deciding I don't like any of them so need to go back to B&Q, and naming my two embryos (a girl and a boy, in case anyone was wondering) and getting rather too attached to the idea that it might actually work this time, whilst at the same time planning my training schedule and all the races I will book if it's a bfn.

merk only if you've got one going spare! I keep telling myself I'll pimp on 1st April (there's a certain weird appeal to pimping on April Fool's Day) which will be 10dp4dt, but I'm already thinking I got my bfp two days earlier with the iui so could test on Wednesday, and then in the same breathe immediately terrified that the nice little illusion will be destroyed and I'd rather live in denial for another couple of days .

hi everyone, sorry its taken me so long to update...

so we tested early this morning, and got a resounding bfn...not even a sniff of the faintest of lines on the test. just the control line, that was it. climbed straight back into bed, and only woke up a little while ago.

I tried to be realistic that there was a high chance this wouldn't work, but of course there was still the optimistic part of me hoping that it would.

am gutted...and its hit me much more than I thought it would...thought I was going to handle it okay, but seems not.

So sorry clem. It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself for the worst, it doesn't make it any easier. I wish it were different. Look after yourselves and get stuck into the chocolate and wine. Big hug.

barking it's hard to distract yourself when you can't go and leave your body behind. 14 days post EC sounds like a good day to pimp. I found myself going crazy much earlier than that!

clem I'm so sorry . #hatethisshit.
I really can't believe the run of bad luck on here in recent months, it's not only damn unfair, it's statistically ridiculous.
Even when you convince yourself it won't work there's still always a tiny glimmer of hope buried down somewhere, and to lose that when faced with the blank test hits hard every time .
Hope you've got some good distractions planned xx.

Tiger I meant to say earlier, it really hits me too when it's dh getting upset. He really thought the last ivf would work, and since the last miscarriage as well he seems to have been handling things worse than me, which breaks my heart.

Sorry clem. Where has the berry luck gone? Hugs and wine x

Pm me your address barking

Oh Clem I'm so very sorry. Go easy on yourself, you've been through a huge ordeal. My first IVF BFN hit me a lot harder than I'd anticipated too. I assumed it'd be just like getting a BFN from a natural cycle but it really isn't, as you've invested so much more in it. Do whatever you need to do - cry, scream, shout - anything it takes and we are all here for you. Be kind to yourself and indulge in lots of treats. It won't feel like it at the moment but you really will start to feel better about things. Sending big hugs .

Happy you're so right. My first BFN from IVF was awful. The absolute pits. I was in a complete state for days. I think I just assumed IVF was the back up plan and therefore hadn't had that realisation that it might not actually work, and then all those godawful realisations that lead from it.

Clem I'm so sorry it didn't work for you (this time). Spend as much time as necessary under the duvet of despair. It will get better - once you have time to formulate a new plan.

Poor MrT.

Barking I think I did the opposite on this round. I always used to worry about doing anything physical, whereas this round was in the midst of all the moving and I didnt have chance to think about whether breathing in all the oven cleaner fumes, or reaching over on step ladders scrubbing the top of the wardrobes etc plus carrying suitcases and boxes would be an issue. I think obviously I was doing it on purpose to tempt fate and sneakily make sure it meant I was pregnant.

Clearly double bluffs don't work either though!

I'm still v pleased to be back home in England. Though every day seems to bring more DIY to the list. Fence panels need replacing. Dodgy shower tiles have fallen off the wall and the 100 year old plaster
underneath is like disintegrating oasis (that green stuff for flower decorations). Curtain rail has fallen out in the dining room and again, the wall is like dust (my brother, a non-bodging DIY expert) has given in and suggested no more nails squirted into what is left of the wall, and then screwing the fixings into the half dried glue is probably our only chance without major work!)

All jobs proving triply hard on Easter Sunday and without the Internet or a car. Hey ho! Test drove a BMW yesterday which was fun. Maybe we will throw caution to the wind and use the no children/no further IVF costs as an excuse to blow their non-existent inheritance

Aargh, I missed Sesame. Sorry lovely. how utterly, utterly crap. I don't know what to say, except we're all here for you. How rubbish. This is indeed a statistically crappy time. Fingers crossed there'll be a gold rush soon.

I'm sorry, Clem and Tiger. Big hugs, alcohol and a shit load of chocolate from me.

Barking sounds like the move is going well although must be a tad annoying when you want to do a load of things but you have to take it easy. Paint testing is one of the more fun jobs though, picking colours and if you get bored, start painting a picture on the wall. In my last house there is a rather large duck egg blue smiling spider on the living room wall... which is covered up in wallpaper. A nice surprise to whoever decorates it next!

Smidge glad you're settling in alright! I moved to the UK in the late 80's. I was in Java prior to that and quite young but I remember moving half way across the planet with all our things in shipping containers was a pain in the arse to sort when we got here.

Waves at everyone else, hope you're enjoying the Easter break!

No updates from me really, I'm stimming and will be starting on the Cetrocide tomorrow morning while still doing Menopur at night. I almost forgot to factor in the bloody clocks going coward one hour but remembered to adjust. First scan at FC on 29th March.

I fucked up the first injection by being shaky and nervous but second attempt went fine. I can proudly say that my fear of injecting myself has disappeared

A weird thing I read to help with the initial piercing of the skin was to do a cough as the needle is going in. I didn't feel it and was surprised when I looked and it was in! Does anyone else have any tips to make injecting as easy as possible?

clem so so sorry to hear your news. That first ivf failure hurts. It hurts a great deal. No matter what anyone says in the build up about your chances - that more people fail than succeed - there's always a little voice inside that says this is going to work for me this time. Take plenty of time to grieve for your loss, stay in bed, cry, whatever it takes. I recommend taking time off work if you can, call in sick if really necessary. So so sorry. [hugs]

Will be back later with more personals.

Clem I'm so sorry, it's just devastating and I don't think anyone could get through a negative without being devastated. Like the others say, take your time to deal with it and it does get a bit easier eventually.

Barking I am crossing everything for you, we need some berry luck soon. Paint swatches sounds like a good and productive use of your time, I really need to crack on with decorating ours.

Tiger yes, it's so awful to see the mr go through it. I talked to the counsellor about that last time as it really affected him (in a really obvious way, unlike previous times) which I was gutted about. I've been thinking of you lots and hope you are ok. The wedding planning sounds great, not long to go too which is exciting! I like the idea of the shopper to get a new work wardrobe, may steal that idea!

Happy glad you got to put them off lunch with your scratch story! Hope you get sorted for your fet before going away, but you must be so looking forward to your holiday!

Smidge Pleased to hear you guys are settling in, DIY is a massive pain in the arse. I vote yes to splashing out on a lovely new car, why not! Did MrS love your fave pub that you were taking him to the other night?

Sesame so gutted for you lovely. What a shower of shite for the berries. Are you going to do another round? Massive hug.

Ant good luck for this round, no tips for injections really, I think you have to just find what works for you. For example some find standing up better, some prefer to sit, I definitely think it depends on which injection you're doing too.

We have seen so many babies and bumps this weekend, it's been fine for the most part but exhausting. Some people are really ignorant about ttc etc and make awful comments. I hate how long term ttc becomes a source of gossip too, we were told about someone who had been ttc for 5yrs in such a gossipy way and it made me want to keep it quiet. Anyway, home soon which I am looking forward to, although I wish I could take some time off soon.

Yes Beak he loves it now too! And there was a sign in the window saying they need bar staff for evenings and weekends.... We were both tempted!! Bit of a change from accounting

hi everyone, thanks for all your supportive messages, they really have helped. feeling a bit better today, now its had time to sink in a bit.

we've managed to get our wtf app booked in for this week too, so I think that will help me get my head clear on how soon we can start this all over again.

question, in the meantime...af is yet to show up. I've been having very slight colour discolouration (I'd barely call it spotting) for a few days now, but no sign of af yet. I have done another test today (still very negative I know I am kidding myself, thinking it will just show a positive bizarrely late )

af in one form or another, should be showing up...right? if so, is it possible to say when this is likely to happen?

Have you stopped taking meds Clem? Mine usually shows up properly about 3 days after taking the last progesterone. Glad you could get an early wtf appointment, hope you can get some decent info from it and a plan for next time.

I hope the quiet thread means everyone is having a nice bank hol! I'm gutted to have to go back to work tomorrow will smuggle in and

Clem my AF came today after a couple of days of spotting. I took my last progesterone on Wednesday pm last week, so that's 4/5 days after stopping the meds. Normally I think I'm with Beaky around 3 or 4 days after a fresh transfer.

hi beaky yes have stopped the meds now...so I guess af will show up later this week. thanks for that.

thanks smidge

happy what's your next step now?

smidge my trouble is that we were decluttering and sorting the old house when I miscarried the last one in November, so I'm now absolutely paranoid about doing anything.
Glad dh approved of the pub! Very important!
Hearing you on the diy...

antonia good luck for your scan. I totally forgot about the clouds thing until I'd done my injection yesterday, but I'm only on clexane now so the timing doesn't really matter. I tried your cough tip but it didn't work for me, need to try again tomorrow!

Beaky I'm going to try and nip to b&Q in my lunch hour tomorrow for some more paint samples...
I am also gutted to be going back to work. Not been in the office for almost a week due to the conference for two days before Easter, so should have a fair mountain of emails to keep me busy. Having Dh at home on holiday doesn't help either .

Clem thinking of you. I didn't start bleeding until after stopping the meds either, although how long afterwards has varied.

I'm really struggling now. It's so fucking scary to think that by the end of this week I'll know, and then I've got to deal with the result .

This bit is so hard barking. Hang in there. Am thinking of you. Hope you manage to keep the right amount of busy to provide some sort of distraction!

Hope you're managing the injections OK ant and good luck with the scan! I found that depressing the syringe slowly was the least painful way, but with some injections, like fragmin, they were just painful buggers and there wasn't anything I could do about it!

sesame how are you? Have been thinking of you and I hope you managed to have a nice weekend.

smidge glad the pub was a hit! I wish I could ditch my corporate job and run a little cafe or pub, except for the long hours and the crap pay.

beaky your weekend does sound exhausting. Hope you enjoyed it and the babies/bumps didn't prove too stressful. John Lewis do a free 1 or 2 hour consultation to help you pick clothes, I figured it would be worth a try. I am going to have a massive clothes clear out and go back to basics a bit. My new job is much more corporate, so I want to make sure I look decent!

I really don't fancy work today either but still, it's my last week away. Then I'm off for two weeks and getting married in the middle of it! Crazy! Mostly sorted, a few last minute jobs to do.

clem hope you're doing ok and glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. It's a funny sort of limbo waiting for AF to arrive. Great that you've got your follow up scheduled. I've been told I have to wait 2-3 months for mine.

Well, I ate far too much chocolate and drank too much wine at the weekend. Now I'm on a short burst of a heath kick until the wedding, well of sorts anyway as I have leaving drinks at work and then afternoon tea with my mates at the weekend! I've also made a big batch of Easter nests and have a load of chocolate for the office, so we'll see how that goes!

Going to call my GP today and see if I can get them to do me level one immunes. I just keep thinking about the rash after transfer, and the fact that my family have autoimmune issues....I feel like no one listens to me whenever I bring it up - both FCs were very dismissive.

tiger I’m not sure if this even makes a difference, but do you think you might have had another chemical pg this time? You mentioned on an earlier post that one of your tests looked like it had a faint line by the time you went back to put it in the bucket. I don’t know anything about immunes testing, but I wonder if this is connected?

barking you’re almost there, just hang on a little bit longer. I’ve got everything crossed for you.

clem what the other berries said about af, last time it arrived for me 2-3 days after stopping the meds. How are you feeling today?

beaky sorry about the baby and bump filled weekend, hope you managed to enjoy your holiday anyway. Hope the return to work wasn’t too painful and the and helped. How much longer have you got in your current job? Going back to work was tough for me today, after lots of lie ins over the past week I had to leave the house at 8 to drive to meeting in an out of town office, and I’ve not yet recovered. Back in my own office now and there is a stupid amount of left over easter eggs here, trying to put paid to any post treatment healthy living plans.

ant How did your scan go? When stabbing try to look for the point of the needle, to check that that bit goes in first. Also if you’re finding it hard to push the needle in for one particular spot, or if that spot hurts, you could try moving the needle slightly to find somewhere better to inject. You will be an expert soon enough!

smidge glad you’re enjoying being back home. Sorry about the mountain of DIY, but sounds like you’re getting to grips with it. Love the sound of the possible new car, yes to definitely spending the inheritance!

happy hope you are having a well-deserved rest and putting your feet up? Did you manage to get your scan rearranged? When are you back in the fc?

I’m not sure about my next move. I’m so gutted to end up with another failed fertilisation round. It’s just so bloody hard to get eggs out of me and my chance of success is stupidly low. I previously decided I would have 3 goes at natural cycle, so I’ll go with that and I’m planning to go back to the same fc. I’m not sure about timing though, whether I start up again as soon as af arrives, or if I should wait for the following month (and I don’t know which would fit best with work). Also, as I paid for a single cycle I’m entitled to a wtf appointment, but I haven’t booked it yet. I’m not sure when to do it and which doc to go to – I don't necessarily want to do the exact same protocol all over, and I’m wondering if I spoke to a different doc, whether I could convince the fc to do anything different.

Tiger I hope you manage to get them to do the checks on L1 immune. I imagine it is frustrating when they seem to be dismissive about your concerns.

First scan went well I think. I've currently got six follies over 10mm (three each ovary), biggest one currently at 14mm. Lining was okay too. Had a call from FC to confirm no change to stims and next scan is this Thursday AM, so will see what happens next

I inject standing up because for some bizarre reason I feel a lot more "I can do this!" when I'm standing. When I've sat down I dither too much

Glad your scan went well ant I don't think I could inject standing up - usually do mine seated!

It's such a blow sesame, it seems a lot to go through without an egg to show for it. Big hug. If it is a natural cycle, does that mean it is ok to go again after your next AF? I can see why you would want to crack on.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was a chemical, just much earlier. As my blasts were hatching, they could have implanted the next day, and my body rejecting it all just a week later.

Have had my follow up appointment through - for the 14th July! I phoned up to ask about cancellations, but I just have to keep trying as they don't have a system for allocating cancellations. I got quite cross on the phone when the administrator said 'I'm sorry, it must be tedious to wait that long'. I said that it wasn't tedious, it was heartbreaking and made me feel like my whole life was on hold, whilst I worried constantly about whether I will ever have a family. Grrrr. No clue. Still, I'm going to get my level 1 immunes done, probably privately, and I'll go for the NK cell biopsy after 2 cycles, which also acts a scratch. More bloody waiting though.

I'm so tired I could go to bed now!

tiger at 14 July, heartbreaking indeed! Is there any way you can book in for your fet without needing the wtf first? Maybe you could request a ‘brief’ call back from one of the docs about it? I did this with my current fc, I arranged for a call back as I wanted to start treatment on my post treatment bleed. Then when I got the doc on the phone I pounced and ended up asking loads of my wtf questions. Thanks for your support. Yes, I’m sure I can go again on my next af if I wanted. If I had had transfer after all and was on the progesterone I would have waited an extra month, because it may have suppressed my ovaries last time round unless it was caused by all the extra stress of dealing with fuckwit staff at my fc. But other than potential work issues, there’s no reason to wait this time. However I may still decide to take a break for a month.

ant, scan sounded good. I’ve stabbed sitting and standing before, it just depends on how I feel. Sitting down there is plenty of belly to stab the needle into, no need to pinch an inch, and I can lay everything out on the table in front of me. Standing can be easier to push the needle in, if I sort of lean into it. I found it works great for the meds with the blunter needles like clexane. Also if I stand in front of the mirror it’s easier to target ‘virgin’ areas of unbruised skin.

barking I hope your tests arrived, I wanted to add good luck if you decide to test tomorrow . I may be refreshing like a loon, just in case. I so want this to work out for you.

barking I'm wishing you loads of luck if you test tomorrow and/or the strength to avoid the piss sticks! Thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

sesame the letter also mentions the waiting list and that I should expect the next cycle of my treatment in September. I am tempted to see if I can do the FET privately, as it is currently part of my NHS treatment. I wanted to use my NHS entitlement first but I don't think I can wait that long. Mr T seems happy with the idea of the summer off and doing loads of trip. I suppose there is something to be said for taking a break.

There's a fertility programme on R4 at the moment - talking about there only being a weak link between numbers of eggs collected / ovarian reserve and pregnancy either naturally or IVF. Also talked about women delaying starting a family. I started planning it at 31 (changing jobs, buying house) and trying at 32. I'll be 36 this year. So bloody shite.