Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

[JessieMcJessie]

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI .

I'm on period watch, it should come tomorrow. Nervous if it doesn't!!
I've paid extra for embryoscope so they can watch the embryos 24 hours so they can choose the best ones. I'm slightly scared of the money I'm spending but I hope it means success! I hav heard some
Clinics in the UK use it for free
My clinic have also started using Blastgen and have had great success with it, so hoping that makes a difference.
Will keep you posted!
Still really happy about your news, Jessie! Please keep us posted.. Xxx

Congrats Jessie - so happy to hear of your baby's heartbeat. Also gives me hope, hearing of your good news.

I seem to have dropped off here but wishing everyone well. Had my EC yesterday (they had to go through my bladder as my right ovary was hiding!) & news today that 6 eggs have fertilised. ET on Monday fingers crossed.

Youdothatvoodoo that sounds very exciting - well done!!!

Love your scan picture Jessie I am so excited and pleased for you! Also fantastic insight/advice into egg transfer.

My consultant said the 3D scan was to ensure uterus all fine and dandy to ensure maximum success. They put dye up there too.... I may actually have a shot of vodka in advance... consultant said to have some nurofen before hand... gulp!

My meds arrived this morning... OMG some of the needles look very scary... Card I have to carry for a year afterwards very scary too - I will be taking steroids/growth hormone. Consultant wants to give me best possible chance.

I think I have chosen new sperm donor - from Xytex - which is a US site. It actually works out about the same to get from US than London Sperm Bank due to exchange rate...

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Daisy, we were offered the embryoscope too, but we decided not to do it. It sounds great, but we felt it was an expensive add-on that they only told us about on the day - we would have had to make a decision about it yesterday. Seeing as we knew we'd be looking at low numbers, we decided to leave it this time. Will be really interested to hear about your experience with that!

Youdothat - so you're in for transfer on Monday! It's interesting how different clinics have their own way of doing it, isn't it! We have fewer embies than you, but the embryologist said we'd probably wait for a 5 day transfer - if any survive that long of course (fingers and toes crossed!)

Jessie, thanks so much for the explanation - better than the doc's! And much better than me trawling through google for myself. I think they're going to call me on Monday lunchtime to give me the next update. You're right when you say a bfn now is the same as a bfn in 2 weeks, but I know I'll still be disappointed if we don't have anything to transfer. Our doctor said that's fairly rare with about 1 or 2 cases a month at their clinic, but as I'm such an oldie and our embryo numbers were at the minimum for going to day 5, I'm still nervous about that ...

But of course it's all out of our hands, so just have to be patient.

Oh, and yes, they will only be putting a maximum of 2 back in. That's the clinic policy :-)

I am keeping everything crossed for you Loueeza - hang in there!

Fingers crossed here too. All sounding good loueesa lots of positive vibes sent your way.

Any news Loueeza?

Period arrived on time, first injection done and the big red painful welts are back!! Forgotten how horrible it feels

I know, Daisy ... when you talk about it it feels like nothing, but actually going through it stinks.

Kwik, I am booked in for a 5-day transfer tomorrow. Just got everything crossed that I have at least one left by then!! I know that there's a possibility there won't be...

All was looking good yesterday, though, apparently, so we'll see.

Hi everyone. I posted on the last thread last year and everyone was lovely and welcoming. For one reason and another we stopped TTC for a few months but back on to it now.

Just wanted to say congrats to Jessie - very exciting news and am really happy for you.

Best wishes to everyone else too. Loueeza good luck with your transfer today and Daisy hope everything goes well for you too.

My stats are: I am 41, DH 42, TTC #1 for about 18 months. Actually got a BFP on Saturday but then 2 hours later started spotting and then proper AF yesterday (Monday). On Sat we were visiting a relative who is 7 months pregnant and that was really hard. I am of course very happy for her but no-one knows we are TTC so we couldn't say anything.

Anyway, am trying to be positive now and get on with it again for next month. I am taking folic acid and not drinking but I wondered if there was anything else I should do (apart from DTD at the right time!) that might help. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi Loueeza, I'm sure you'll have two good ones by tomorrow and best of luck for the transfer. It's very exciting knowing that there are actual embryos in there for once, since you never have any idea when you are ttc naturally if you've even got that far.

Have they given you detailed instructions about the full bladder? First time I was just told that I had to have a full bladder and I drank water to bursting and was really uncomfortable. Clearly this was happening a lot as by the second time they had changed the written instruction leaflet to say " empty your bladder at x time before the appointment then drink Y mls of water and no more, as you don't want to be uncomfortable. "

Can't remember the precise details but if you haven't been given similarly specific instructions let me know and I'll dig them out.

City nice to hear from you again and thanks for the congrats but sorry to hear about your BFP that didn't last. That's pretty much exactly what happened to me in November. It is utterly soul-destroying.

I have mentioned DHEA a few times on this and the other thread and maybe that's worth a try. I recommend you download "It starts with the Egg" by Rebecca Fett as it has lots of good analysis of things (including DHEA), that might help or adversely affect egg quality, and that is probably the biggest issue with women our age. Also your partner should get a sperm analysis if he hasn't already.

Really sorry you have such a tough time with the needles Daisy, I wonder if, rather than it being technique, you have a reaction to one of the inert ingredients in the Menopur? Thinking of mosquito bites - same mosquito bites me and DH, he gets a barley-visible little spot and I get a huge swollen welt. I genuinely never had any welt at all with any IVF injections. So you'll be off to Cyprus in about 10 days then, over Chinese NY? (and did you get the day off yesterday due to the cold ?)

Nothing much from me, am now referred by GP to midwife team and awaiting scan appointment for 12 week scan and Down's testing. Very conscious of high Down's risk at my age and currently weighing up all testing options including a private test that is not yet available on the NHS but is low risk and high accuracy.

Jessie - just popped on to see if you'd posted an update. What wonderful news, many congratulations on such a positive scan! As you say, because your clinic waited until 8 weeks (rather than doing it super-early), you can be very re-assured by the outcome. Lovely to read how excited your DP is too

Are you referring to the Harmony test? I had it here:
www.fetalmedicine.com/harmony-test because following the 12 week scan, NHS recommended amnio and I didn't want it. Maybe I wouldv'e done if Harmony test had indicated high risk, but thankfully I never had to consider that.

Perhaps in the interests of balance I should say that you'll find (if you haven't already) loads of different places who offer the Harmony test, like this one for example: www.theportlandhospital.com/maternity/ultrasound-fetal-medicine/harmony-and-panorama-tests/

Wishing you all the very best with your pregnancy x

And Loueeza - good luck for your transfer - exciting!

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. Right now I'm sitting here desperately trying to resist googling stats. I'm on tenterhooks. I know that tomorrow could yield a couple to transfer or nothing at all. I'd definitely rather transfer and then get a bfn than not get to transfer at all.

City, really happy to see you back here, too! So sorry about the brief BFP - that must have been awful for you, especially with the visit to the pregnant relative. Life seems to deal out double doses of cruelty sometimes, doesn't it? Do you mind me asking if you've had any more BFPs in the 18 months you've been trying? I haven't had any in over a year, but suspect I might have if I'd tested before af arrived. I'm tempted to start doing that, just to see if we're getting anywhere at all.

Daisy, I got the red welt from the injections too. It didn't last for too long - it was just itchy more than anything. I think it's quite common.

Jessie, thanks for the advice re. the full bladder! They told me to have a full bladder when I had the scratch and I 'cheated' a bit by letting a bit out before, because I was busting! This time they gave me a sheet of instructions that said something like 'have a full bladder, but don't be uncomfortable' so I guess that's along the lines of what you were told.

Jessie, I think you are right and that it is an allergy of sorts, perhaps cos I am on maximum dose. Someone suggested askin my clinic if I could dilute it further.
Loueeza, the read welts last about 2 days, being worse after 24 hours. The main problem, beyond sitting, walking and moving, is finding a new spot to inject.
Sorry, these pictures aren't pretty, I'm trying to get the size and the swollen aspect of them. 8 to go!!!

Daisy - I did get something a bit like that, but not quite as big! It also didn't last as long. Yes, definitely call your clinic and ask them about it! Just a few more to go, honey ...

Loueeza all the best for tomorrow - I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed from me too.

Am in the TWW at the moment and can feel signs of AF, regular as clock work. Been trying a year and like you Loueesa nothing at all. Am feeling down today and near to giving up, 43 in a few weeks, but all the positive stories are keeping me going. Keep em coming girls.

Thanks Jessie for the advice about "It starts with the egg" - I'll definitely read that. I also think it's probably time for both DH and me to go to the doctors. Am scared but if want to have a baby then think we'll have to go!

Thinking of you Loueeza and keeping fingers crossed! This is the first BFP I have had but I think it might have happened about a year ago. AF is really regular, in fact I usually have short cycles so she often appears a day or so earlier than expected so don't end up testing much. However last Christmas (2014) AF was about a week late. I didn't test because I had really bad flu and thought it was just that. However I wonder whether if I had tested I would have got a BFP. In a way I'm glad I didn't test as it sort of feels worse having seen the positive and then AF coming. I am almost tempted if this happens again to wait for longer to test but I don't know if I'd have the patience!!

Wotsit - I know what you mean about feeling down about everything but I agree that these positive stories are really inspiring. Fingers crossed for more positive stories from us all.

Well, after one of the most nail-biting early mornings of my life (just willing the phone NOT to ring!) I made it to my transfer appointment at the clinic without giving myself a heart attack.

I am now the proud 'carrier' (??) of two lovely blastocysts.

For pretty much the first time on this journey, I actually feel a bit of hope. I know the odds are still massively against us, but ... right now I have 2 little embryos inside me, which could be further than we've ever got before :-)

Something for a bit of a giggle ... DH dropped a clanger when the embryologist was going through our results. Would it matter if the bus was a bit bumpy on the way home?

Hahahahaha ... got to love that!

How's everyone else?

Hooray Loueeza! Laughing a lot at the bus question, bless him. I read somewhere that it was a bit like putting a grain of sugar into a peanut butter sandwich- no worries about them accidentally becoming dislodged :-)

It is a weird feeling, as you say, to know that there are actual embryos in there, but also tricky knowing that you can't do a thing from now on other than take it easy and wait. Test date about the 12th then? My fingers will be very tightly crossed for you for the next 2 weeks.

As for me I am starting to disbelieve that there is a baby in there, now that it's almost a week since the scan. No increase in symptoms and the little twinges I have been getting have tailed off, but the nurse told me they were my ovary and not the baby burrowing into the uterus. Seems that you get a cyst on the ovary that secretes progesterone but it reduces in size about now as the placenta takes over. I have a bloody PLACENTA inside me- mental.

PS Daisy the welts look terrible, but I am totally confused as to what part of your body we are seeing ! Can you put in a ruler for scale next time?

Chewy yes, it's the Harmony we're looking at. Will probably have it if the NHS screen turns out high risk. Glad it worked to reassure you.

Jessie how exciting!!! a placenta eh? good on you!

Loueeza so glad it went well - 2!!! please take it easy and remember to keep your feet and kidneys warm :)

I hope you do not mind me asking - why did you choose 2? My cousin did this too and then she found out that we have a recessive gene in the family for non identical twins and then she found she was carrying twins. They are lovely sweetie pies. I am going to go with 1... I know the chances are less but I have to consider that I will be a single mummy going it alone.

Haha! Jessie, it was difficult to get a photo!! It's the left of under my belly button. About 2 inches long.
The second one I tried doing at more of an angle as someone recommended and I iced it afterwards and the next day. It came up quarter of the size as the first one, so I will keep doing this and see if it helps.

A placenta?!?wow! It must be crazy to imagine. I can't even imagine that I would ever get that far!